18 Months and Counting

Does anybody watch 18 kids and counting? For some reason that show is one of my favorites. From what I can tell, the family is genuine in their love for each other and mankind. It is fascinating to watch a family with 18 kids do anything. 18 is a big number!

With the approach of October, we have an 18 month anniversary here at the Beard house. 18 months clicks by quickly if you are "in love" for the first time, or are pressing full speed ahead to finish a remodel job, or some other goal you've dreamed about. In some ways the past 18 months have passed quickly because I have been busier than I can ever remember. In some ways the past 18 months seems like a lifetime. Almost 18 months ago, my dear hubby found out his talents, loyalty, and presence were no longer needed at his place of employment. He'd been there 18 years BTW.

I'm taking a few moments here to reflect - not to whine and make folks feel sorry for us - that's not very becoming. It would be helpful to me just to share some of our struggles, and some lessons we've learned along the way. If you don't like raw honesty, you may want to out click now.

Loosing a job is just what it is, a loss. And just like any other loss, one needs time to get over the shock, go through all the emotions of fear, anger, WHY ME?, sadness, depression, grief, ect. And the series of emotions is a cyclical one. I still process through the same cycle over the loss of Mom, Dad, Josie Mae, and even health issues and Dad's been gone over 2 decades. I've found that people who have suffered great loss need to take ownership of all these emotions, even if society may not grant them same privilege. I am thankful Richard and I give each other permission to express the less desirable emotions through the rough times. If we couldn't - I think we'd both be wards of Bellview by now!

No matter how hard we try, we can never be fully prepared for the worst, weather the worst happens or not. Initially we viewed our situation as "temporary." For me, 18 months has crossed the line from "temporary" to "permanent." As usual Richard is the more optimistic partner in our marriage. I like to think I'm realistic, but I'm probably viewed as cynical pessimist.

So we were somewhat prepared, thankfully, for hard financial times. Richard has always made giving to the Lord a top priority. And the Lord promises to return back, "pressed down and overflowing." God has graciously kept a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food in our tummies and we are humbly thankful for all our blessings. I'm also married to a wise man, who made saving a financial priority. Although the savings was set aside for the "golden" years, it has kept us afloat through the storm so to speak. But accounts and funds do eventually run dry when they are no longer being "fed".

Now our family finds itself at a fork in the road. We know that very soon, something drastic must take place. Either the Lord will make clear His plan by blessing Richard with work to do, or we will become renters instead of home owners. To be honest - I'm exhausted from trying solve the financial puzzle each month. And there will be some relief and blessing in renting for a while -if we have to.

Like many Americans, we have learned some valuable and hard lessons these past months. A consumer report was issued last week indicating that over 60% of Americans vow they have changed their spending and savings habits both drastically and permanently. There has been a financial awakening and folks that have jobs are rethinking how to spend. And people who are still searching for jobs know they are forever changed when it comes to saving and spending.
I have a better understanding and appreciation for my sweet Grandmother, who still models the "Use it up, Wear it Out, Fix it Up, or Do Without" philosophy. I always tried to be a wise spender, but I have now learned to be "wiser."

Although our family has been "wandering in the desert" for a year and a half, we have hope that the Lord will deliver us into a physical promised land. Of course we'd prefer delivery sooner rather than later. But no matter when He delivers us, we know some things with deep certainty. As husband/wife, our bond is even stronger now because we of the battle wounds we share. I adore Richard so much, and would be first to come to his defense if anybody wished to cause him harm. He's my man, so don't mess with him! We have also learned that God is often on a different time table than we are. Sometimes I don't like that very much. God always answers us, but it may not be what we wanted to hear. It is much easier to accept a YES, than NO, or WAIT A WHILE. Sometimes the WAIT A WHILE answer FEELS as if God isn't listening, or He's given up on us and abandoned us. I know this isn't true, but knowing and feeling are two entirely different things. Finally I'd like to emphasize - especially to those who are facing similar struggles, one final point. When we examine what we value the most in our lives, often it's something or someone who could never be bought with money. What a blessing to know that often what makes me the happiest is not something attainable with $$$. It's been said that one is rich if they value most what can't be bought. I'd rather be rich in spirit. May the God of peace and joy grant us all a rich spirit.

Does Anyone Really Blog Anymore?

Does anyone actually check this blog anymore? I mean it's been over 3 months since I posted anything. This morning my daughter informed me that I really need to post something new here. She's tired of looking at The Barefoot Farmer. The rare times I've visted FIVEBEARDS lately was only to use my sidebar as a short cut to reach some of my favorite sites or people! Now that's really lame.

I hope to get back to blogging about our lives, thoughts, hopes, and happenings. To be honest, I've had little desire to create or communicate much over the past year and a half. Our family has been on a long journey through a spiritual and emotional desert -metaphorically speaking - for several months now. With work, housework, homeschooling, and all the other gremlins that have been hurled our way, the Beard fam has been operating in survival mode.

I'm threating myself to shut down this blog if I can't give it some much deserved attention. So I'm giving blogging one more chance. Hopefully I can find something worth saying that you will find worth reading. So for now....stay tuned! And don't mess with my man!