1 more day !!

didnt sleep well AGAIN last night..
seems like lala land doesnt really like me..
1 night of good rest,
then the next night dont welcome me..
it's been in this cycle for days..

poly gathering today..
had post christmas gift exchange..

i got a shirt and 1 GV movie ticket voucher..

heex.. =)

went from raffles city to marina square,

and then to suntec city,
just to get 1 topshop voucher card..
grr, must be due to christmas,
thus many outlets out of stock..

went to ktv with them after lunch..
it feels so weird entering such a place without bei..
it just keeps reminding me about you..
reminded me of you holding the mike..
reminded me of your voice..
reminded me of the songs that you sing..
so miss hearing you sing.. =(

just a few more hours and you'll be back !!
and we'll be able to meet tmr !!
YIPEE !!
these few days really seem like decades to me..
glad that it'll soon be over..

cant wait to see you tmr !!

and not forgetting all the things that you got for me.. =)

heex, so excitied !!

but i want you more than anything..

2 more days!!

received my very belated birthday present tody..
wasn't really free to meet up with tw and jy then..
and yes, until now then we met to catch up..
heex, paiseh..
was really quite busy for months..
lucky we managed to meet up before i get real busy again..
anyway thanks for the present!

they got me a portable, travel pack mahjong..
yes, it's MAHJONG !!
was guessing and guessing..
ting, if you see this,
you sure happy de lo..
cos we can play mahjong whenever we go le..
it's really small and portable..

dunno what's wrong with my ankle lately..
it's been hurting on and off..
but i didnt sprain or injured it..
maybe cos of weather..?
i really dunno..

bei will be back tmr night!!
just 2 more days and then can see you le!
jiayou, hang on there..

dunno what's wrong with the phone,
always give attitude..
naughty phone, must guai guai ting hua k..
let me have my drug properly pls..

wondering what you're doing now..
wondering if you ate your dinner alr not..
wondering if you enjoy yourself today not..
wondering all about you..

it's night again..
waiting for my drug to arrive..

missing you~

3 more days!!

had a bad night last night again..
was semi-conscious throughout..
just couldnt seems to enter lala land..
wonder what's wrong with me these days..
am just so freaking tired today..

nothing much for prison interview..
just some character and personality test..
had to be in office smart wear..
bei couldnt imagine that!
last time poly presentation i always got wear lo..
only you never see before nia..
aww, too bad..

time just seems to pass very slow..
it seems like ages to me when it's only a few days..
counting down to the day you're back..
counting down to the day i'll see you..

absence makes a loving heart fonder..

msg-ing you the same time as i'm blogging..
at times, your msg just feels like my drug..
it's the only thing that makes me feel alive..
guess that's the only thing i'm really looking forward to everyday..

trying my best to hang on there..
really hope time will seems to pass faster..
let's bare with it for just a few more days..
jiayou orh!

zhen de hao xiang ni orh~

4 more days!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL !!

it's a lazy christmas for me..
lazy to move, lazy to think..
maybe cos the special one isnt here..
awww...

out to get my documents photocopied..
photocopy shops at batok all closed..
had to go to jurong to get it done instead..
still went ahead to photocopy despite being $0.20 per copy..
now at the thought of it, it's actually quite ex..
am just too lazy and tired to search for cheaper ones..

went home and thought could slack throughout..
only to realise that printer got no ink..
argh, went off to buy again..

had to fill in the few forms later for interview tomorrow..
just so lazy to get my hands and mind started..

wondering what should i buy for christmas exchange..
it really kills my brain cells,
esp when i dunno who's gonna get it..

made bei a christmas card few days ago..
surprise !!
hope you really liked it..
thought will be more sincere if i do sth myself..
wait till you're back then we go get your present yea..

hao hao hao xiang ni orh.. =(
but time just seems to pass so slow without you..
how i wish it will be monday when i open my eyes..
3 more days to you're back..
4 more days to see you !!

bei, i miss you~

5 more days!

it's christmas eve..
other countries have snow,
but not singapore..
maybe that explains why it's been raining the whole day today..

am still so not used to my bed..
everything seems so uncomfy..
think next time i can save money dont need buy bed le..
sleeping on the floor still suits me best..

prison emailed me the details for interview..
it's another few pages of filling up particulars and info..
look at it just simply turns me off..
so many things to fill in..
lucky this time round can print and fill in..

bei's gone for bangkok..

counting down to monday to see you again..

wont forget what you asked me to do de..

see, i'm doing one of my task now.. =)

aww..
am missing you now..
hope you're enjoying yourself..
waiting patiently for night to fall and your sms..
may these few days seem to pass much faster..

i miss you~

your wish is my command!
and so here i am..

signed up for prison interview..
hopefully this can help shut their mouth..
thought if prison does not work,
then maybe can try CNB..
sometimes i wonder how come i choose the weird weird jobs..
well, maybe i'm also weird weird too..

kinda surprised me when i saw their pay increased,
as all the other jobs start to decrease their pay,
especially now during recession..

am not really ready for a change in working environment..
at least let me finish this coming peak season..
will really chiong camps once jan starts,
and start to save for my overseas trip..

likely will change to hong kong instead of taiwan,
since it's so much cheaper..
it doesnt make much difference to me,
as hong kong is one country would like to visit as well..
but what's most important is who i'm going with!

purple monster is out again ytd!
what a nice name given by chloe..
my friend just keep looking at purple monster,
not noticing me when i'm just right beside! -_-!!
but i'm so proud to have purple monster walking beside me..

you'll be off to thailand in ard 2 days time..
it's another 5 days of love sick..
yes will definitely miss you alot..
but u must really enjoy yourself k!

and i really hope u wont get sent to taiwan next year..
cos i cant imagine 1 month without you....

i love my purple monster!
at times it's just so blissful to hear you sing~

emo virus attacked..
had hard time falling asleep last night..
plus i'm so not used to my own bed..
guess this is what happens when you're always sleeping elsewhere..

chinese new year is coming soon..
besides getting extra income,
i'm so not looking forward to it this time..
it's the time when you need to entertain ppl..
entertaining the irritating ppl who keeps askin about your job,
not going to study anymore, blar blar blar..

first, it's not that i dont want to study..
i want to go back to study,
but i dont know what to study..
sometimes life as a student is indeed much easier..

second, it's not that i dont want to explain my job,
but ppl can hardly understand us in this line..
guess it's what we need to face being in this line..
they will be like hur, this kind of job got future meh..?
no CPF how can..?
blar blar blar..

it starts to get super irritating..
most of the time it ended up me turnin a deaf ear,
and not answering them at all..

you think i dunno how to think meh..
you think that i got no brains ar..
at least i'm happy with what i'm doing..
and it's not like i'm stealing, taking drugs or what..
look at another point of view, i'm an educator as well..

it's a very fun and meaningful job!
at least now when i'm young and energetic,
i still got strength and energy to do all this..
i'm glad there're still some who understands..

ever thought of changing job?
yes i did, am always thinking about it too..
but i'm really happy with my job and what i'm doing..
am really contented with what i have now..

yes i know the first step is always the hardest..
but i just wanna stay in my comfort zone,
at least for now..
it makes me know who i really am,
and am being myself..

different ppl has got different directions and focus..
i'm drifted away from the crowd..
drifting further and further into the deeper sea..
isolating myself in the big big sea,
picking up souls like me along the way..

someone once told me this:
"always remember in whatever things you do,
make sure your conscience is clear..
you dont have to worry about what ppl say.."
for many many years,
guess this is what helps keeps me going on in whatever i do..

would you choose a job that you like with low pay,
or a job u dislike with high pay?
i've made my choice, have you..?

emo virus killed me..

bei's back from taiwan for quite some time..
bought many many things for me..
ear piece, mp3, salomon shoe, keychain..
it really cost a big bomb..
thx bei bei, very very much appreciated..

few more weeks before you'll be flyin off again..
another 5 days again..
this time round i really hope you'll be back soon..
i cant help but am bit worried..
cos it's thailand at this point of time..
i only want you to be back here safe and sound..

so much wanted to be at your side today..
didnt know what happen to you today..
but i could greatly sense your sadness..
it's been long since i last felt you being so demoralised..
am quite worried but u insisted me not to go down..
hope you're really really feeling ok now..
i'll be supporting you no matter what decision you make,
as long as you feel that it's right and will be happy..
anything i'm always here k!

it's going 8th month with bei..
time seems to pass really quite fast..
still treasure every moment spent with you..
am really glad that you wrote an important chapter in my life..
*love love..

am so going to really start saving up now..
might be going to taiwan next year during our birthday..
so i better start to save and save!!
guess recession didnt seems to affect me much thou..
lols..

i want to stay as a happy girl..

day 4

it isnt a very good day for me..
could not really fall asleep last night..
thou feeling very tired,
just could not go into lala land..

my back is so stiff today..
and it really quite hurts..
could not bend down..
and even slight movements will cause it to hurts..
sitting or lying down just doesnt help..
the feeling really sucks..

it reminded me of the time when i sprained my back..
but i did not do anything vigorous today..
all i did was sitting infront of the com,
then the next moment when i got up,
it starts to hurt..
it's been hurting from morning till night..
and it killed all my appetite,
didnt eat much today..
hope it goes away tomorrow..

argh.. stupid back!!
shoo shoo shoo!!

bei will be back in 1 more day!!
cant wait to see you tomorrow..
how i wish you're by my side now.. =(
guess at least i'll feel better with your presence..
but nvm, it's ok..

just 1 more day..
hang on there..

may time seems to pass faster..

day 3

when the impossible has become possible,
what is impossible..
yes that's right!

bei came online last night..
was really happy and surprised..
didnt quite expect that..
chat for close to an hour..
it didnt seems that long in reality,
to me it only seems like 30mins..
guess maybe cos i really missed you so much..

bei bei thanks so much!!
you still came online thou you're very tired..
i really appreciate that..
i really really do..
xie xie bao bei.. =)

glad to know that you really enjoyed yourself there..

feeling much better today..
body dont feel as weak anymore..
only feel giddy at times..
still having cough thou..
and food still tasted so bland..

i've got a new phone!!
wanted G900 initially,
but it's out of stock..
so i got LG viewty for only $88..
sort of upgraded my plan..
since it's so cheap then why not,
it's really so worth it..
and i can sell it off if i really dont like it..
shall see how ba..
hopefully such a nerd like me can get used to it soon..

waiting for your msg now again..
2 more days to go!!
yippie!!

i miss you~

day 2

woke up late this morning..
almost didnt sms you before your conference starts,
till you msg me..
sensed little disappointment in your msg..
but i'll make sure i'll msg you first tmr early morning yea..

had fever last night..
however your msg helped brighten up my night..
fever had subsided today..
but still feeling giddy and so weak all over..

bei, hao xiang ni orh..
waiting for you msg now..

wonder what you're doing now..
wonder how's your day today..
wonder if you did take care of yourself..
wonder if the weather there is very cold today..
did you keep yourself warm not..
did you sleep well and had your meals..
so many questions in my head..
and it all revolves around you..
cos i miss you..
real badly..

3 more days to go..
endure together yea..

i miss you~

day 1

you're off to taiwan early this morning..
initially wanted to send you off to airport,
but it wasnt very convenient for me to do so..

managed to have some time with you last night..
thou nothing special, but it was fruitful to me..
so much wanted to stay in your arms and not go home..
but it was definitely impossible..
hao she bu de ni orh..

will keep telling myself that these 5 days will pass in blinking moments..

i thought i acted like an idiot..
thou knowing you're in overseas,
i still constantly check my msn to see if you're online not..
think i really feel like a bai chi..

not feeling very well today..
flu, cough, and my legs were super jelly..
think i'm going to have a fever soon as well..
boohoo.. =(

but whatever it is, i'm still missing you~

good morning!!
at bedok mac now waiting for time to pass..
i just got to admit that i'm a lappy nerd..
i took around 30mins before i managed to get online..

wei stop it arh.. dont laugh..
i'm just such a lappy retard..

and the best thing is i cant find any power plug in the mac here..
hohoho merry christmas to me..
got to shift else where later on again..
hopefully there's internet access and i know how to get connected!!
argh..

it's pay day today!!
but after calculating and deducting, i'm still broke..
nvm, it's ok..
since bei will not be around, i will not be going out as often too..

bei will be leaving for taiwan this fri..
will definitely miss you very much de..
guess the 5 days without you will be very boring,
and it'll be like 5 years to me..
hopefully it will pass by fast..

argh i'm so careless lately..
first i lost the sony ericson connector..
then now 1 ear piece de cotton drop out, dunno go where..
argh.. can bang wall liao le..
somemore the things all not mine..
all bei's de..
woops.. =x
i better not lose anything else again..

or maybe even one day, i will even lose myself..

not handling my emotions well recently..
for the past few days, could get pissed off or emo easily..
plus the flash backs in my mind, so not my usual self..

the changes in our life, guess time is what i need..
but still, crap and excuses..
haiz, i've got poor adaptability..

wanted to be the pillar of support,
but guess i failed badly..
i failed cos of myself..

but that will be the past..
from now, it'll be a brand new start for me again..
will not and do not want to add on to your pressure and stress..

will become a better cake again..
and i will, definitely will !!

~i miss you..

been quite a while since i last blogged..
i'm just too lazy la..

anyway just took up sailing recently..
as the organisation is offering some outdoor trainers job..
somewhat quite related to the field i'm in now..
so ya, but have to learn how to sail first..

initially was in a big big dilemma whether to take up not..
with much objection and support, i still took it ultimately..
if now you ever asked me if i regret this decision not..
i would say no, no regrets..
but if given another chance, likely i will not take up..
unlike other water sports i'm involved in,
sailing is just not really my cup of tea..
perhapes cos i've never really master it yet..

level 1 test for sailing was horrible..
due to not turning up for a lesson, i missed quite alot of things..
lucky my buddy was great..
she taught and guide me along the test..
ultimately guess the examiner passed us with one and a half eyes closed..
hahax..

6th month anni just passed..
due to lack of funds and energy,
it was not as what i thought it initially would be..
we were quite tired after break camp that day..
but still, we managed to drag our feet out for dinner and movie..
thou very simple, i really treasured the time spent with you..

bao bei went full time in camelot le..
jess, swan n kat studying, jenna full time..
aww, so sad la..
left me almost alone facing the oreo cookies..
no more sai kang warriors with me anymore.. =(
but i will continue to endure and fight them alone now..
wish me luck..

every weekends now will be the days i super look forward to..
it's when then i can see you..
your first day of work, fetched you home and then dinner..
watched you fall asleep and leave your place..
guess it's one of the rare times i can do this now..
it'll be super hard for me to this as often in future..

guess it's quite a blissful moment for me to watch you sleep..
how nice it is when you know you're the last person your loved ones saw before they dozed off..
or even better, you're the first person they saw when they wake up..

shopping with you for the past few days..
hope you really like the phone i bought..
w/o me in camp with you, those things shall represent me..

and sorry for makin you super angry that one day..
i've really learnt my lesson..
wo zhen de zhi cuo le....

anyway, plans for me now..
i strived to work really hard..
to earn more and lots lots more during the upcoming peak period..
camps and more camps pls..
anyone wants to join me in this industry..?

~i miss you..

back from PLMGS camp..
okok it's a few days late..
i'm lazy la, cant blame..

back to back camp, both PLMGS..
first camp trainers are superb!
all trainers are CHINESE..
never in history before!!
and all are our own ppl, except for one..
poor him..

guess who's he's buddy??
yes me, so sway can..
but could not really be bothered..
cos i did most of the things myself..
and he really did most of the 'sai kang'..
maybe i'm a little mean to him, but who cares..
he disappeared and was sleeping most of the time..

was campfire IC again..
another sway.. =X...
they keep changin campfire IC, but never change my name..
in the end during campfire night,
me, wayne and jenna sabo bao bei and nigel to join us as well..
so we had 5 campfire ICs..
never see so many ICs in campfire before..

overall the first camp was great!!
my students were alright, and 3 cheers to trainers!!

second camp back to usual trainers style..
left with 4 chinese trainers..
but lucky, my class has 3 trainers!!
cos one class did not turn up due to 'hand, foot, mouth' disease..
overall second camp was quite slack..
it's really good to have 3 trainers per class..
can split the work and no shortage of manpower..
thou not as much interaction with the kids..

but this back to back camp was a killer..
due to the drastic change in weather, we fell sick after break camp..
bao bei had fever, flu and cough..
i had flu and cough..
really 'hard earned money'..
nevertheless, i really enjoy my JOB very much..

bao bei might be working full time for camelot..
if so, will be very happy for you de..

whereas for me, i have to start makin future plans..
this time round, i'm determined to send my prison application..
and i want to earn lots money workin freelance..
just so wanna prove someone wrong..!!

i dont need you to agree with what i'm doing,
but at least respect my job~

about weeks since i returned from pahang..

the trip was boring..

and the research i did bluff me..

say got beach, but dont have..

hmpf..

there's nothing we could do..

all facilities were closed for renovation..

how sway we can be..

the only place we can visit is their waterfall..

i seriously had car sick during the journey..

our trip begans at 4a.m..

and we only reached our chalet at 10p.m..

plus the road uphill is pitch dark with super sharp turns..

if you watch or play initial D, yeps, that's how the road uphill looks like..

and if we made too sharp a turn,

the next moment you will find yourselves falling off the cliff..

really chua sai at that moment can!!
told myself that i dont want to die here..

and trust cina who's driving..

thou it was super boring at pahang,

i enjoyed the company and the chalet..

not very worth it thou, but ok la, new experience to me..

at least i did manage to leave singapore again..

leaving for PAHANG in a few hours time..
setting off at 4am..!!
is like so omg can..
such a weird timing..

so freaking bored now..
waiting for 4am to reach..
then cina will be driving us over together with kat, swan and bao bei..

thought of it kind of excites me..
been longing to go overseas since graduation..
but didnt ever thought that i'll be going with the camelot clique..
esp with bao bei beside.. =)..

finally overseas again!!
weee..!!
wonder how is PAHANG like..
dont really have an idea of the place..
sadly, quite low on budget this time round..
this month dont really have any income..

money money come to me..!!
more events and programmes for coming month pls..
seriously need to earn more to top up my bank account..
if not sure POK GAI arh!!

ting went tioman..
hope she had fun there..
she come back s'pore, i leave s'pore..
(PS: see i got blog about you hor!! feel honoured ok!! hahax..)

ok, super bored..
update again when i'm back ba..

zao~

had poly gathering last night..
somehow, feelings were different..
some things had changed..
or maybe it was just me who had changed..
i started to realise i'm becoming more and more anti-social..
but it was still nice being able to meet up with them after quite a long period of time..

often, we ask students to do reflections..
but how many of us actually do reflections often..
guess it's time for me to reflect on what i've done or say..

said what i've thought..
yes you're affected by what i've said..
and no doubt i'm affected too..
simply had no mood when i was out..
and broke down one day on the train..
cos you mean more than a friend to me..

sorry, i do not know how to phrase my words..
but i've really tried my best..
i even feel like slapping myself after saying some things..
yes, maybe there are some things i do not know..
but at times it's really very hard for me to believe or understand when your actions just show otherwise..

sorry i just cant understand..
i really really cant understand..
even till now..
maybe i'm not that understanding enough after all..
but there's no way i can hide the disappointment in me..

maybe it was a wrong move from the start..
but it's not up to me to decide..

oh wells...
maybe it's just a big wrong for me to be in the same circle then..

whatever..
to forgive and forget..

what if one day your home doesnt feel like home anymore..?

a stranger starts to stay at your place..
occupy and sleep at your room..
who will be staying for a long period of time..

and was being told to sleep together with her..
like wth..
refused, slept in parents room..

who will want to sleep together with someone whom you dont know..

then it starts to become a worst nightmare!!
with your mum physco-ing her to continue to stay put at your place, since she will be working nearby in quite some time..
only to start finding for a place when everything has settled down..
and starts to give suggestions on which sch should her 2 kids go to..
and even volunteered to take care of her 2 kids..

tian arh......!!!!!!!

who will like to sleep on a mattress and pillow that you're not comfy at..
giving you backaches and neck problem..
and got woken up 5 plus, 7 plus early in the morning..
who will be able to sleep well..?

not as if i'm in camp..
hello, this is home..
H-O-M-E, HOME!!
where it used to be so comfy, but no longer now..

i rather stay in camp and not come back home..
argh..!!

just wanna drag my feet out of this place but am too lazy..
whatever..
just hope it will soon be over..
really hope so..

only know home now doesnt feel like home anymore..
an alien place........

怎么办，怎么办，怎么办！！！
有人生气及失望了。
我开始慌了，真的慌了！！

该怎么办才好？！！
这次我真的又害怕又慌。
乱得我不知所措。

要不是我先开始，这一切就不会发生了。
没有任何人我可怨的，只有我自己。
一切的来源都来自我。
都怪我自己！！

真的好讨厌自己！！
干吗自卑感会那么的强！！
干吗对自己这么没信心！！
干吗好端端的胡思乱想！！
干吗思想这么的不成熟！！
原本那冷静的我到底到哪儿去了！！

有时人真不知道是欠打还是欠骂。
为何要为了过去的事那么的执着？！！
值得吗？！！
过去就是过去，谁何尝没有过去！！
又不是自己没过去这样！！
看开点吧！
做人就是要往前看，这样人才会开心点。

现在一切都回到原点，也许这对你我都比较好吧。

不要再那么的依赖。
不要再给那么多的麻烦。
不要再乱乱想有的、没的。
不要再老是的逃避。
现在要开始多独立点吧。

还真害怕当时你会要放弃。
你的回答真的冷得叫我害怕。
珍惜啊，珍惜！
不要忘记当初是谁给了这宝贵的机会！！
不要等到一切都太迟了才来后悔。
到时谁都救不了！！

同一句话听多了也会腻。
但除了这句话，我也不知道要说什么好。
不管你听腻了没，我还是要说：
对不起。真的很对不起。
我真的知错了。

请你相信我。
继续做我的 guardian angel...

july was indeed a packed month..
camps, camps and more camps..
but well, it was rather an enjoyable month..
great experiences with the kids..
maybe for now, pri sch kids arent such a headache to me anymore..

anyway, bao bei found me a pair of adidas sports shoe in camp..
it was left behind by the students..
cool manz..
it was super brand new la!
just nice replace my old and torn nike sports shoe..
save me the money to buy a new pair of shoes..
to whoever the student is, very much appreciated..

after hard work for a month, august seems too relaxing..
not much job opportunities on hand..
left with only 1 more half day program..
say haleluya to me and bao bei..
no job = no income..

plus, last 2 weeks of august we're having chalet and then overseas..
going over to pahang.. sighs...
really start to wonder if it's the right decision made..
but after all i've been wanting to travel overseas for quite a few months..
just that there wasnt any opportunities..

sorry bao bei..
yao bu shi wo yao qu.....
we wouldnt be so tight on hand anymore..
but well, our first and last overseas trip i guess..

come on manz..
save, save and save!!
just like the nike slogan: you can do it!

last night camelot gathering was quite great..
it's been real long since all of us gather together..
everyone was present..
miss those days where all of us spent our days in camp and outside..
will all be back at makan sutra one day again, with better service i hope..

as usual, past few days was spent at bao bei's place..
and omg!
bao bei's parents like me manz..
they ask bao bei to pack luggage, go back to bukit batok while i can continue to stay there..
still say go find lawyer, change my surname, become liang yu bing..
they're so funny and cute can..

afterall i guess it's good in a way such that they wont complain much since i spend my night there so frequently..
but poor bao bei, these few days always kena disturbed by parents..
nevermind, it's ok, you still have me.. =)

hmm..
few more days to 4th month anni..
wonder what should i get this time round..
*scratch head*..
roughly had an idea, but am not too sure about it..

was thinking back of the days when we just started..
was really glad that you gave me the chance to stay by your side then..
to allow me to shower you with much care and concern..
and to pamper you with all my love..
thanks bao bei..

if not we will not be standing here, hand in hand together le..
really treasured the days we spent together, even for now..
early single day spent with you just makes my day like never before..
and days without you are draggy and gloomy..

you are no longer a want, but a need..
for i love you not because i need you..
but i need you because i love you..

really dont know how long will our journey be..
but i hope it will be as long as it can and will be..
for days, months and years..

continue to stay by my side will ya..

loving you..

back and off again

two schools in a week..
east spring pri and bowen sec..
back to back camp..
good money but super tiring..

not much memories of east spring pri..
only remembered that we instructors had to keep pitching and fixing tents..

what you gonna be ya?
sai kang warrior!
what you gonna be ya?
sai kang warrior!
tell me tell me whose the best?
sai kang warrior is the best!
...............

what lousy and shitty tents camelot has..
had enough of tent pitching..
pls free me from it, but i guess there will definitely be more of it..
dorms are infested with stupid bed bugs !!
i better not bring them with me again !!

after many primary sch, finally a sec sch..
and wow, really enjoyed with my students but not the people i work with..
bowen sec, great bunch of students thru out the whole cohort..
even the NA and NT are execellent..

was buried in the sand by the students..
made me become a mermaid with huge boobs!!
and they added nipples on it.. hahax..
woops, sensored.. =P..
really quite enjoyed myself with them..

after all, i really still prefer sec sch..
like who doesnt right..
good luck to me for upcoming mayflower pri..

super shag after break camp..
long time since we last did back to back le..
went over to bao bei place..
we both drop dead, spend most of our time sleeping..

anyway, 3rd month anni wasnt what i expected..
pay wasnt out, there's nothing much we could do..
and there's no time for belated, but it's ok.. =)
it's more important than anything else as long as you are by my side..
your presence makes the day happen..

but still, just hope that the 4th will be more memorable..
even thou 4th doesnt seems that significant..

bao bei, thanks for anything and everything..
for you really made me happen..

emo

had been feeling quite emo and down lately..
maybe cos of PMS..?
i'm not sure, really dont know..

sighs, so hated myself..

sorry for being so selfish..
sorry for being not frank about it..
sorry for being insensitive to your feelings..
sorry for hurting you, even if it's only a little or it doesnt really matters..

thou i think you said it doesnt really matters so as to make me feel better..
but am really super guilty about it..
cos to me, it really does matters..
if we were to change shoes, it really will be a matter to me..
and i know i really did wrong this time round..
and i really not think about how you will feel..

i do not dare ask to be forgiven..
but i hope there's a second chance..
pls dont verdict me to death sentence..
i'll learn to be frank about it..
and yes i will.. is definitely a must !!
for i do not want to hurt you another time..

smile, joy and laughter are what i hope to see in you..

anyway, departures seems like real agony to me lately..
really treasured and enjoyed our short meeting times..
it is really very wonderful..
however, time seems to pass extremely fast with you by my side..
at times i just wish that the clock would stop ticking..

was really damn reluctant to leave today..
fear in me arose once again..
really missed you alot thou you're right beside me..
i just dont want to leave..
i just want to cling onto you..
i just want to stay in your arms..
i just want to spend my night with you..
but i cant, we had to go home..

you had craved my life with full of wonderful images and memories..
felt so empty just now without you..
the need for you is getting stronger each day..
you had became a basic necessity in my life..

you're just like honey, i'm just like the bees..
with such great charm, i'm so attracted to you..
just like the bees and honey..

hate to say goodbye..
hate to turn around and walk off..
hate to see your back view getting smaller and smaller..
if only there is no goodbye.....
if only.......

if only, then we all should long ago become millionaire le lo..

feelings so being supressed inside..
feel like it's going to explode soon.. anytime..
and i so feel like crying out hard..

i miss bao bei..
a few more hours to go..

emo~

better luck !!

just came back from camp not long ago with camelot..
it still feels better working with my 'home' company..
felt more comfortable with the surroundings and people..
and time seems to pass super fast..

plus, i got 2 great buddies !!
at last, i dont have horrible buddy anymore!!
and i get to slp with bao bei every night..
aww..

but guess the kids didnt really enjoyed themselves pretty much like other primary schools i took..
so sorry to them, but dont know why, i'm much stricter to them compared to other pri sch..
they were really quite alright, neither that rowdy nor mischievous..
thou kids are kids, they were really just normal behaved kids..
but just some how, i'm really much stricter this time round..
sorry kids, thou you all cant see this.. hahax..

accompanied bao bei around during the night of briefing..
dont worry bao bei..
dont have to feel guilty about it or what..
it's what i should do, and guess it's the least that i can do for u ba..
seldom see u so expressionless and stone-ing around..
plus u didnt even pay attention to briefing at all just made me cant help but to worry for u..

seeing you sad makes me sad..
seeing you happy makes me happy..
how you feel greatly affects how i feel too..

at times i'm just wondering how amazing it is when others' mood can also greatly cause an impact on and affect our mood..
but well, guess it just shows how much the person means to you ba..

and it's you bao bei..
no one else anymore..
only you..

<3

unlucky me

just had a fall few days ago at kembangan mrt station..
was talking while walking down the stairs and the next moment i was sitting down on the floor..
i missed a step and 'ouch' i went, laughing my way..

bao bei so bad la..
asked me if i'm fine not, and then started laughing..
super sway can..!
i sprained my ankle and had to report to camp that afternoon..!

already so sway for the start of the week..
but who knows, some more sway-ness is waiting for me..

my first camp with saints adventure was equally as sway.. =(..
went to camp with a heavy heart due to my sprained ankle..
it was really swollen..

sway-ness waiting for me in camp..
my buddy sucks big time !! totally a big fat idiot !!
who looks just like the kung-fu panda..
when one becomes too experienced, sometimes he will tend to become cocky and act like he's some super big shot.. yes, that's my partner..
even the second camp chief cant stand him..
so how bad do you think he is..?

shooting back at the camp chief, over stepping his authority..
scolding the kids and trainers stupid..
making fun and giving the kids name..
had to tell him about our kid's medical condition, he say don't tell him..
asked him when i'm not sure, tell me dont worry, and the next thing is, i have to settle for him..
updated matrix also never bother to tell me..
totally no communication between both of us..
shit him big times !!!

was so relieved after break camp..
i no longer need to face my 'idiot buddy'..
i no longer need to attend super long briefing and debrief..
and their debrief really reminds me of what we had gone thru during NYP camps debrief sessions..
those long winded, childish and immature debriefs..
boos !!

overall, it didnt leave me with a very good first impression working with Saints Adventure..
it was so unorganised..
but well, the management pple are very good..
imagine the boss of the company volunteer to help you do your job..
the BOSS leh, where can you find this often..?
and it's instant cash..
guess it's only these 2 factors that attract me now..
but i will really think twice if there's further opportunities to work with them..

it only makes me think thru what bao bei told me..
why we had to put our pride down to work for a new company, where we had to start and learn from scratch..
while in camelot it's pple listening to us..
but guess it's the exposure to different working experience and cultures..
sighs, and yes, that's life..

shoo those unlucky moments in the week..
and here comes a brand new week..
i believe the new week will be better..
and hopefully i'm going back to camelot this week..
i miss the planes, the sea and the stars pretty much..
job job job, come to me ba !!

and yups, to all my cliques in sec sch, poly or camelot..
you guys have been wandering round my mind these few days..
really missed you peeps..
wonder how you pple have been..

sorry, i've got very irregular working days and time..
cant really confirm when i'm free or busy..

but for sure, you guys are in my mind..
hopefully one day we will bump into each other on the streets..

take care pple..

off to rest my still swollen ankle.. =(..
zao~

yes i can !!

haven been home for quite some time..
and yes, i finally blogged..
yaya i know it's been quite a long time ago..

had been quite jobless these few weeks..
but well, camp still carried on.. at bao bei's place..

got bit sick a week ago..
but bao bei took great care of me, thus recovered fast !!
you boiled water for me knowing that i dont like to shower in cold water..
was still asking why need to boil water..
and you never really give me an answer..
and the next moment, you came back with the 'surprise'..
aww.. super sweet can~..
my heart really melted at that moment..

recently went to sport 1 course..
and i concluded that i really, seriously sucks at climbing !!
that's when i realised even with whole lots of determination, sometimes one just cannot achieve it..
i keeping telling myself, yes i can reach the top, i can..
reach higher and step higher..
but still, always cant find my grip and fall..
maybe the wall is too difficult..?
but i dont see why others can do it while i cant..
never mind, i will be back there one day and try again..
i just needed more practice..
like always..

and i still haven master dragonboat coxing..
i want to become an official DI one day..
grr.. had been stuck in it for quite some time le..
practice more practice..
never say never !!

bought bao bei a new bag that day..
woohoo, not very cheap wor..
but since you really liked it so much, so....
seeing you carrying the bag happily with such a wide smile, it just proves me that it's more worthwhile than anything else..

i only want to see you happy..
and how i wish i could diminished the fear in you..
but i know, it's impossible..
for once bitten, twice shy..

to be frank, i dislike her..
i hated her for what she had done and how she had treated you..

but bao bei..
she is she, me is me..
we are completely two different people..
dont put me together with her..
i am fishcake arh..!!
believe in me..

just how and what should i do to build the kind of trust in you again..?
pls teach me how.. bao bei...

'once bitten twice shy'..
what a well invented phrase..

help !!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh !! what's happening these few days !!

parents keep nagging about my job..!! what's wrong with it?!! am happily enjoying my work.. thou tiring, but i enjoyed myself.. and i really learnt lots of skills and 人生道理 that cannot be learnt from classrooms.. plus the sense of satisfaction is beyond description.. but all you do is to nag and nag and nag..

first say let me do what i want.. then later complain always never see me.. then say no CPF, ask me convert to full time.. siao !! and keep asking me change job arh, if not go study or what la !! etc etc.. what the hell manz !! for the N times i keep repeating i really like my job now.. no intention of changing my job, at least give me a few more months..

yes thou i know it's a job that dont have any CPF and it's unstable.. but so...?? i didnt say i want to do this as a lifelong career right?!! i did say ultimately one day i will switch jobs right?!! i did say give me a few more months right?!!

sometimes i just wanted to have a peaceful and quiet place to rest and relax.. but it just turns out vice versa.. not that i dont want to come home, but when home is like that, i wont feel like coming home anymore.. it kills my peaceful and comfy environment, and it always ended up in a heated argument..

i do not have much patience to explain more, again and again.. it's always the same issue everyday !!

and pls, stop asking about him.. yes we've broken up.. told you so many times as well le, still keep asking!! i dont see a need to explain why and never wished to.. never say means alr dont feel like saying but you just cant understand even after i've told you my stand.. ask and ask and ask.. what the hell.. it's all history, and now i've alr moved on.. so can you pls get back to present and stop stopping at the past...

i'm so sick and tired of it... so pissed off!! thou i know i'm definitely much more fortunate than a lot of families out there, but still, sorry.. home is still not a place where i want to be at if given a choice.. not at the moment..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

enough of the frustrations..
well basically my life is still as enjoyable..
1 month was simple but enjoyable.. *blissed*...
简单就是美 !
thanks bao bei!!

had been catching few movies lately..
'over her dead body' was superb..
cant remember when was the last time i laughed so hard and so long le..
tears even swell up cos of the laughing..
plus watching it with the person beside me makes it even better.. =)..

bao bei.. all i wanna say is that..
thanks for everything..
for you showed me my way to sunrise..
bringing me joy and laughters once again..
happy and blissed are the only words to describe..
having you, there's nothing much more i can ask for..

for i love you for who you are..
to treasure and cherish.......

happy cakey

whee~
super enjoy my life now..
choosing when i want to work and when i dont want to..
plus i enjoyed myself very much during work..

days not working are mostly spent with bao bei..
what's more can i ask for..?

hmm time passed real fast..
going to be 1 month le..

it's not as easy as it seems..
but still, no regrets.. and am really happy..
hope there's more to come.. =)..

east coast tonight again...
wheeee...!!!

never say never

treasure every second, minute, hour, and day spent with you..
every moment with you is like precious gem to me..
there's nothing more i can ask for to have you by my side..

the impossible had already become possible..
so what's impossible..? hmmm...
but the journey really isn't easy thou..

the days spent tgt with you was indeed one of my happiest days in life..
and it's my honour to be able to have you.. lucky me..

you made me feel so comfortable, and you made me let my guard down..
never ever once did i take being able to see you for granted..
for there's still fear in me..
fear of you giving up..

as days go by, my feelings for you become stronger and stronger..
you're just like the honey, and i'm like the bee..

i love the way you look into my eyes..
i love the way you sing aloud..
i love the way you laugh loudly non-stop..
i love the way you are so serious..
i love the way you show your cool attitude..
i love the way you potray yourself..
i love your anything and everything..

for what you do, all seem like an electric shock to me..

there's no unfair..
aren't you loving me now..?
aren't things for you and me going quite well..?

i just cant seem to convince you..
for i hope soon one day either me or someone else might convince you..
but it's really not easy.. i won't give up either..

bao bei.. pls don't ever give up..
pls don't ever leave me alone..
pls don't throw me back into the room of darkness..
you are the light of my life..
bringing and showing me the positive sides of life..
for all i need is you to be by my side..

if so, at least give me some warning..
just like the typhoon warning.. =P
for nothing else except you, means so much to me anymore..

but bao bei, pls remember.. don't forget..
'never say never'...

you're all i needed........ my sunrise.....................

happy cakey

人本来就是很奇怪的动物。有时明知是错或对自己不好的事还要去做。他们傻? 他们笨? 或许吧? 但总之他们要为自己的行为负责任，不可埋怨任何人。

请你们不要太惊讶，我也跟他们一样。明知山有虎，还往山上行。不怕吗? 不后悔?

老实说，我还满怕的。我怕老虎把我吃了，但我不会后悔，也没有什么好后悔的。因为这是我自己所选择的一条路。有些东西比自己更来得重要。我只知道如果我没上山，或现在就决定下山，我就一定会后悔，因为山上有一件非常重要的东西。我宁愿背着会被吃掉的心态一步步往上走，也不掉头就走。

我知道未来的路不好走，所以请你们相信我，支持我，鼓励我，这就够了。

至少现在的我是真的从心里的开心，而不再是表面的开心。

这不是最重要的吗?

back n off again

have you enjoyed your april's fool day this year?? yes i know i'm bit slow, ok can, very slow..

i enjoyed mine.. but i'm the one being sabo-ed.. it's so OMG!! all thanks to the camelot gang leh.. what a memorable one.. they emptied my bag, laid out my clothes, my pants, my SPORTS BRA, PANTIES!! we were in the campsite, with others in the dorm..

woops.. *shy.. hahahx..

and i was running like mad can.. not to save me bag, but to save someone... but.... sobs... hahahx...

lazy to type the story la.. read from sharon's blog.. it was fun la thou... you will never know how much we enjoyed ourselves unless you are with us.. a bunch of super crazy pple...

these few days were spent with my qin ai de... she was at my place to accompany me.. aww.. so sweet of her.. just because i dont want to go home, she accompanied me outside... love her deep deep.. hahax... muacks...

going out again.. i'll be back soon.. i guess.. hahahx..

i'm really enjoying my life now.. work and outside... esp with the bunch of lovely people...

=(

what an exciting one week.. full of ups and downs.. no doubt there are disappointments.. big big....

but even so, it really made me more to appreciate the people around me.. a very big big thanks to all of them, my camelot gang.. love all of you deep deep, esp my qin ai de..

thanks for listening and being stuck in the center.. dont need to feel guilty about anything de ok?? even if what you said is true, it's not your fault.. i nv blame you for anything.. love my qin ai de..

got to go.. rushing for time.. blog another day.. off to camp.. like again...

misses

back back back.. so sorry for being MIA..

anyway, i've been staying in the campsite almost everyday since the day i last updated.. coming home only once a week to take some stuff and off i go again.. didnt had much time to update.. that's why.. so sorry peeps...

well actually not that busy la, just that sometimes i do not feel like staying at home.. and in the campsite there is a whole bunch of crazy pple.. =).. i will be bored at home you see..

as a whole, this is a happening month, with much ups and down, happy , sad and terrifying experiences.. big thanks to all who helped celebrate my birthday and wish me.. and also my pei hwa students who made a birthday card and mailed it to my house.. it really touched me, or maybe it was just me who's being emo today..

guess you would nv know the sense of satisfaction unless you are a trainer yourselves.. its beyond description.. esp with the experiences we had with peihwa sec..

someone just made me ponder hard again and again.. dont be surprised if one day you see me at the street acting as an ah lian.. it's not easy being a nice and good girl, but is it wrong to be a nice and good girl?? too good?!! i dont think i am at all...

i just dont understand...

goodbye

say goodbye to poly, say goodbye to exams, say goodbye to everything...

off to camp for the whole week, dont miss me..
well, guess no one will miss me too.. hahax...

confused

school's ending, to the working world.. with less than 3 weeks time and i'm free from projects and test.. not a very good thing thou, on the brighter side, i can take a break.. and i so much wanted to travel overseas.. anyone ??

my only wish before i leave NYP is that i can spend it happily.. yet, you made me feeling confused.. what's wrong ?? can you tell me what you want exactly?

anyway, happy new year to everyone.. hope it's not too late..

this is taken during the camp trainers reunion.. together with my two lovely babes i had in camp.. who lent me their shoulders.. *winks..

note to self

nobody said it was easy, but nobody said it was difficult either..

but it's really not easy.. and it's so damn tiring.. maybe that's why i kept falling asleep during lessons.. perhaps staying unconscious is the only way out.. come on, just face it !!

sometimes i thought i have already let it go, but sometimes i thought i did not.. contradicting? yes, no doubt i am.. i thought i dont even know who i am now.. hello it's time you should wake up !!

acting isnt a sign of being strong , it's a sign of weakness.. you act to run away, you act to cover your weakness.. aren't i right? yes, i am..

so much wanted to tell the truth, but it just cant come out of my mouth.. dont want pple to worry? dont know how to say? it's all excuses.. just admit it, you are running away from reality.. yes you're right..

we often say, why must it happen to me? why? but this is life.. life isnt fair, but that's how life is right.. yes, you're right..

truth is, i think i'm still very much affected by it.. at times ignorance is a bless.. no excuses, look ahead in life !! there are much more people who are worst than you !! count yourself a lucky one !!

you did not lost to anyone, instead, you lost to yourself.. you did not only let others down, you let yourself down too.. loser, weakling...

i just hated myself.........