No Deborah, this is so not the time to spend hours spazzing over a bloody boyband.

No matter how british they are and how cute Nathan Sykes is and how well they can sing.

two more days,
GET YOUR GAME TOGETHER.

Lose My Mind

Ohkay so eoys have started I guess.

I really still don't feel much, i guess the onslaught of common tests have somewhat desensitized me.

But yeah, LA P1 was on wed, the rest start this tuesday.

Gosh this is scary, it's like I'm taking the equivalent of my Os but I'm still chillin' around watching youtube and reading wattpad.

Nicely done.

Just, everything is in God's hands,

I believe that his power is more than enough, if the common tests have been any indicator at all.

I've just got to give my best, then have faith that God will pull me through :)

And that everything in His will is perfect.

Amen :)

-

The more I think about it, the more I want to, the more I believe I'm meant to based on my past.

But looking at my present, it just seems a million miles away, maybe I'm just chasing an unrealistic fantasy of what could have been but will not be.

Deep.

I don't know the words to describe the apprehension I'm feeling.
2 more days to LA paper 1, I'm rly scared tbh.
Dear God please help me please grant me peace please be my strength.
I want to trust God, I really do.

-

I guess when the wound heals and scar fades, but you can't get over the cut, that just makes you whiny and idiotic.

You can get addicted to a certain type of pain

I've been holding on to the hurt for so long, I guess I don't know how to let go of it.

Everything has more or less blown over, yet I can't wrap my head around the fact that it's a thing of the past, something I need not grapple with anymore.

I have issues, only because I don't know where to begin to let them melt away.

Issues.

Till now, I always got by on my own.

These days, it feels like I'm retreating into my little shell bit by bit.
Somehow, solitude seems to suit me best.
When I can just float away with the words in my head.
Maybe it's exam stress, I don't know.
Sure I laugh along with others, I don't fake smiles -- it's not like I'm hiding from the world or anything.

I'm just happier in my own world I guess.

I just hope this doesn't mean I'm building more walls up around myself, 'cause I've got more than enough of those to deal with already.

Okay reflection time is over, hello physics.


wow that was abrupt. 

Pressure.

eeeeeek eoys in less than 2 weeks.
That actually scares the crap out of me.
I'm terrified for the writing papers -- my writing is always so erratic.
Depending on God for everything.
Not even halfway done through revision, I sincerely hope that my memory is less leaky than I think it is.
And I'm truly dreading all the memory work for bio ://///////

This weekend was pretty wasted, as most of my weekends are.
Spending far too much time watching The Wanted videos on yt.
If there ever were a good time to start fangirling over a band, THIS IS SO NOT IT.
But they're English and all... :(
Went down to Bugis+ to see them today though!!! :D
I saw them from the second floor, coz the main floor was super super super crowded omg.
But yeah I saw them :))))))))
They're all incredibly good looking, my gosh.
Totally gna go for their next concert here!
But I'm not nearly half as hardcore as some of the fans there though.
Saw girls CRYING, tears streaming down their faces like crazy.
I don't think I'll ever be that obsessed over anything/anyone.

In any case, I have to can this asap, focus on God/studies.

Prioritize, refocus.

My dream.

I'm getting pretty darn tired of floating around, mugging for the next test without any tangible goal to work towards.
Good grades doesn't seem to cut it anymore.
I'm pretty bored of all this.

So. Before I get back to studying for eoys, I thought I'd lay out my ideal course of life.
Chances that everything would go as I'd like are slim to none, no doubt, but what's the harm, right?
Yes, everything's gonna be incredibly far fetched, but pft don't judge me

Soooooo let's start from end of this year.

Deborah's not so realistic life plan.
2012 - Good enough GPA, A2 for O lvls hcl (yeah what insanity right)
2014 - >6As for A lvls? Idk lol preddy darn crazy
2015 - Get a scholarship (preferably sph) to study in London/melbourne, international relations/journalism/chem (totally diverse I know)
After uni - Get a reasonable paying job, hopefully in the city.
That lets me travel.
The whole travel things matters a lot.
Currently I'd like to go into media/publicity things.
And maybe, somewhere along the way, find the right guy and fall in love yadayada.
So many emotional barriers I'm gonna have to get past before that, though.

I don't know lol.

It's in God's hands.

Rest in peace, Uncle Edwin.
Thank you for the joy you brought while you were still with us.

Head held high

Shake it off.

Life has been pretty good :)

becuase I'm just going to look beyond what isn't.

I guess eoy stress hasn't rly set in haha.

WHOOOOOOO HOLIDAYZ

Hah sure.

Well I've filed my science stuff I have to study, all 65 topics, so that's progress I guess.

It's scary gosh.

But I believe that God will take me through :)

Maybe that's why I'm still sane hahaha.

Oh yeah, my granddad's in the hospital, which is scary as heck.

Also, he's not saved yet so it's scary x2.

Went to visit him with the sister on thursday night, and I actually spoke to him for a bit (!!),

which was pretty amazing considering I don't exactly remember ever having a conversation with him.

A man of few words, you might say.

Praying he'll be alright :(