So um that was supposed to be my last post of the year, for the sake of it, but I can't not post this soooo


:)

2012.

Just thought that I'd start off the last day of the year by looking at the resolutions I made exactly a year ago!
Yknow, for sentimentality and all haha.
Woke up feeling all pensive so yeah HAHA

MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 2012
1. Lead a life of thanksgiving, to praise God in every situation, good or bad.
2. Lead a God-centered life, putting God first no matter what
3. Thrive on God's strength
4. GPA >3.78
5. Love the people around me
6. Focus on the eternal

 AH crap I didn't realise how vague all my resolutions were LOL.
2011's list was so specific in comparison.
But to sum up the year, I guess 2012 was a pretty good one for me.
Then again, I guess I'm the kind of person to forget the bad easy enough so I end up saying that every year haha.

But schoolwise, I think 4J really did bond quite a bit this year, and I'm really thankful for the friendships forged there. It took time, but gah I'm gonna miss it so :(
Also, Guides -- leadership year was a rollercoaster, but I love the girls so much :') Excited to be a YA hahaha.
Grades were some good some bad I guess, but in the end God really did help me. I can do all things through Christ :) Faith.
Also, UK trip! Definitely 10 of the best days this year. It was an absolutely amazing time, an incredible opportunity I wouldn't trade for the world. Also, it really did fuel my wanderlust, these days the idea of travelling to the other side of the world is pretty darn consuming haha.
Also, kept in contact with 2L, which looking back, was really the most special and unique class I could ask for. No idea how the teachers survived, but I know I sure as hell had loads of fun back then. Yay chalet this week!

And family was okay I guess, not as much drama this year for obvious reasons I guess.
I am, however, thankful that I got past the 'dark days' even though this is like, 2 years overdue.
Honestly, when I think about those days, it just strikes me how God's love and grace just carried me through, because I can't imagine having to go through all of that again on my own. Of course, so many times I find myself wallowing in 'if only's and 'why me', but things could be a lot worse so yep, thanksgiving.

Wow, look at me writing in full paragraphs!!

And hmmmm my spiritual life. I guess in all honesty, it leaves much to be desired, I really do think I've slid back in the past few months.
But I know for sure without a doubt that I need God's strength more than anything else to face year 5, so I'm going to start climbing up the metaphorical hill again.
Also,  the jump I'm planning to make is gonna be scary as hell but I just pray it pays off.

Moving on to the frivolous, I met wongfu and saw The Wanted this year!!!!! :D
Sucks how all the celebrities I like are on the other side of the world haha.

That's all  I can think of rn, guess I'm just  gonna wile away my last day of the year :)

I HAVE NOTHING TO WATCH BECAUSE EVERYTHING RESUMES ITS RUN IN JANUARY

(american dates, ie +1 day for singapore)
Bones - 14 Jan
HIMYM - 14 Jan
Suits - 17 Jan
White Collar - 22 Jan (Whooooooo)
Glee - 24 Jan

:(

Oh Night Divine

(Love this song so much)

It's Christmas :D
And as un-christmassy as compared to how Christmas used to feel today is,
I'm still feeling incredibly blessed by everything :)
Had a really amazing day at www ytd with the Guides, then dinner at zeph's with the usual kids, really the most fun I've had in forever.
Anyway, just taking today to appreciate the blessings I tend to overlook, and to celebrate God's unconditional love.

Gah this is so darn cheesy.

Nightfall

This week was well, camp, camp, ugc, shopping+zephanias church.

Camp was pretty good, better than I expected anyway.

Was really meaningful too, guess you could say that I learned a lot, gained new insights.

Not sure if I like those insights, but well.

A new book, maybe.

Also, 21st Dec came and went, and it was pretty anticlimactic sooooo yup.

Which means that school will start in what, 15 days.

It's a pretty even mix of excitement and dread.

But God will be my strength through every storm, so that's good to know :)

But gaaaaaaah my holidays :(

Waves crashing quickly down

Feeling pretty pmssy, so hello I'm here to vent.

-

Just asfghhjkl I'm so on the verge of giving up
And everything else is working out so well, seems so full of hope and blessed, but this dark patch remains.
And I can't move on simply because I'm too afraid to
Scars.
I JUST DON'T SEE A POINT IN IT BECAUSE PASSION FOR THIS IS LIKE -1000
But not passion for God, I hope that's one fire that won't ever burn out.
Though I must say, the flame seems to be waning these days.
Shit.
Draw me back, Father. Please.

-

Right so that aside, had an ace couple of days!
Yup, moving onto the bright part of life.
Slept over at Zephania's last night with Tessa and Xiaoqi, which was a blast as always :)
49 Days marathon failed at like 3.5 episodes, which was a relief because reading fantizi subtitles gets pretty darn frustrating LOL
Ended up getting ice cream, walking around her neighbourhood; basically just chilling and being us.
Watched youtube, stoned aroud, blah blah i don't rly remember tbh.
And todayyy, went to teoheng for like 6 hours straight HAHAH.
Most international (chinese/kpop) music I've heard in, well, my entire life.
Yapqi joined us afterwards.
Yup it was fun hahaha.
Being carefree is such a privilege, the thought of this state of being expiring is depressing.
Sigh.

Galaxy

Questioning things and I'm not sure if I like the answers

-

Just returned from a really impromptu trip to KL with Mummy, had loads of fun and did so much shopping hahahah.

Also very appreciative how how blessed i am to be living in Singapore.

It's really the little things that we overlook that truly matter the most.

Gosh, how corny does that sound.

Read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green on the coach to KL -- it was an incredible read, lit class worthy.

Speaking of which, I'm really gonna miss Lit next year. 

Sigh.

Also, I think I'm starting to read books of more 'substance' and 'depth', which I'm sure will please mummy to no end.

Somehow the usual bimbotic books with pretty covers I read are starting to seem really shallow

Soooo I guess this is progress of some sort LOL.

Gotta wake up at like 8 for Christmas service tmr, then probably staying over at Zeph's tmr night, so I guess I should sleep soon haha.

Oh right, I've been watching Hank and John Green's videos the past couple of days.

Such a talented, brilliant pair of siblings, really.

I'm a nomad.

And with that, she threw herself into a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions until she couldn't stand it any longer

Then she cut the the strings still attached, leaving just one, and walked off into the horizon, where she knew she wouldn't have to endure the bitter loneliness anymore

And no one came running after


-

(Lol that wasn't meant to be poetic or anything, forgive the poor writing.)

whynot

Gotten a new piercing.

Dyed my hair.

Ended a relationship.

Started a new relationship.

Been on a long car journey (assuming bus rides in uk count)

Passed an exam.

Met someone who’s now an important part of my life. 

Cried on someone’s shoulder.

Had a massive fight with a boyfriend.

Received flowers. 

Had a Valentine.

Written a letter using pen and paper.

Gone to see a therapist.

Been prescribed medication by a doctor.

Read a really good book.

Gone to the zoo.

Spent too much money on unnecessary things.

Traveled by train.

Spent a day out in the sun getting a tan. (the fact that this isn't bolded is screwed up)

Slammed a door out of frustration.

Had an anxiety attack. 

Babysat for a friend’s child. 

Had a BBQ.

Gone to the fair.

Gone bowling.

Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.

Gone on a date. 

Been the only sober one on a night out.

Helped someone home after they’d had too much to drink.

Stayed up all night. (I think)

Talked on the phone for over 2 hours

Supported someone who’d received bad news.

Watched some kind of live sporting event.

Read an entire book in one day.

Bought a DVD the day it was released.

Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.

Cried as a result of exam stress.

Met some incredible new people. 

Fallen backwards off a chair. 

Broken my glasses.

Cried over someone in my past.

Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.

Thrown up. 

Cried over a film.

Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boyfriend.

Fought with someone in public.

Been in a relationship for a year or longer.

HAHAHA #FALONECLUB

Direction

I'm in one of those philosophical, where-am-I-going-to-end-up-in-10-years-time moods.

Went for a court hearing today, which though the issue at hand was rather trivial, I found incredibly interesting.

Not so much what they were discussing, but rather how each lawyer put forth his argument so cogently and with such eloquence.

And how they carried themselves with, for lack of a better word, swag.

It's how I'd like myself to be in the future.

Not necessarily a lawyer, but with that aura of confidence and charisma.

Loooong way to go.

Then on the way home, I dropped by Red Mango with Zeph, and so began our conversation about everything, really -- our futures, society, grades, our personalities, beliefs, etc etc etc.

It was nice letting everything out/ discussing everything nagging in the back of my mind haha.

Just that now I'm having a bit of a headache processing -_-

Jesus take the wheel

What do I stand for, what do I stand for,Most nights, I don't know anymore.

WEP today was pretty disappointing tbh.
Really didn't do anything, so it wasn't nearly as enriching as I had hoped.
4 more days, hopefully my mentor will keep in mind my existence so I can make the most of opportunity lol.
Had coffee with a couple of the lawyers in the morning though, and daaaaamn they've got swag.
Hahahaha the prospect of studying law is getting more and more enticing actually.
Somehow I find the most mundane jobs endlessly fascinating.
I must be the only 16 y o who has no qualms whatsoever towards working in an office cubicle.

Aaaand I've been getting all wanderlust-ey of late.
I guess it's about it being the holidays and all, and everyone else is going on vacation.
I would really, really love to explore Europe sigh.
Switzerland, France, UK, Ireland, Prague, Sweden, Holland, Germany, Italy etc etc etc.
All brimming with such rich culture and beautiful sights.
DREAM HONEYMOON OR STH OKAY.
Gahhhhhhhh seriously I need to travel okay thanks bye,

Ohhello.

Got a new laptop yesterday :D
It's pretty and champagne coloured and windows 8 and basically I'm just really pleased with it hahaha.
Coincidentally, my old laptop died after I got it and transferred everything important over, so no love lost there.

Anyway it occurred to me that if this blog is for me to look back and reflect (I actually do that), then  a year from now something I should remember about this period of my life is that I've been spending excessive amounts of time stalking The Wanted HAHHAHA.
It's sort of how I was with the jonas brothers, just that I'm yknow, 16 now.
But seriously, I'm pretty obsessed.
Ahhhhhhhh.
But really - they have the voice, the personality, the looks etc etc etc and I'm just like *_*
This is not good

I should really stop forgetting how blessed I am.


London <3

--
Okay random string of pictures LOL.
This week has been guitar x4 days, I'm really tired now haha.
But it has been fun, the people are really nice and all, and time really flies when I'm practicing.
I've been playing bass since ytd, which is pretty darn scary cos I'm the only (noob) y4 and everyone else is damn zai lolol.
But I think I'm making progress, which is encouraging.
Really, really gotta put in loadz of effort, but I'm willing to :)

Went to Timbre after guitar with tessazephaniaxiaoqiyapqi to celebrate Bird's birthday :)
Food was hella expensive and not all that worth it, and the service was quite crappy, but the ambience was really nice and good company, so overall it was a good night :D

Oh I forgot to mention that we attended 4A's grad party last week.
Awkwardness aside, I'm totally gonna miss the people in there, esp. Yap :(
Thank God for whatsapp and social media, really.

Okay gonna spend tonight on tumblr/youtube and practicing guitar.
._. Sectionals on saturday, hope I don't disappoint.
--
On a less tense note,
WEP at A&G next week, I'm excited!

Might as well be playing with lightning.

Okay I haven't posted in forevz LOL.
Hmmm.
What in my life is worth recording down?
I can't think of anything hurhur.
Not that I haven't been busy - I've been activity hopping nonstop for the past couple of weeks.
After chinese O's, went straight to Camp Christine to help with ATC.
Okay we didn't do much tbh but it felt nice being back in Guides together with the best batchmates a girl could ask for :)
After ATC, went to class (4J) chalet for bbq, which was really fun as well.
Played with the fire, which I did on my own accord because 起火ing is just so fun LOL.
Worked banquet the next day, and that was pretty hellish.
Was totally lost and my partner was less than helpful.
Stupid manager was kind of BS too.
Good thing Guides has trained my BS threshold hahaha.
Reached home at like 1am, was completely exhausted, of course.
Volunteered for GE Women's run the next day, which was an overnight event.
Had dinner at sushi express (omg nomz) with zeph then went for the event.
For the most part, we were hoboing (literally) in a park overnight.
It was a... unique experience I guess.
Did quite a fair bit of shopping the following week, mainly for WEP clothes.
And had Guitar audition, but more about that later.
Found myself going out every day, but thinking back, I'm not quite sure what I did ._.
Worked another DBS banquet last saturday, and my gosh, calling it 'extravagant' is the understatement of understatements.
And finally, yesterday was the 2L outing :D
Okay so the turn up was pretty horrible and it was kind of awkz initially, but I ended up having so much fun :)
I've missed 2L's retarded sense of humour so much haha.
Also, I learned how to play bridge YAY
We went to sentosa, which is ofc my happy place so whoooooopzxc.
Played frisbee and cards there, then more or less self-entertained ourselves by the beach.
Hella fun :)
Then I walked back to vivo with Maranda from Siloso HAHA.
Everyone else took the monorail but we're cool like that.
The boardwalk was really pretty cos it was sunset :)
Ended up hoboing at vivo having dinner + playing cards the rest of the time, which was like 3+ hours?
LOL.
But yeah, it was lovely, I'm just maaaaad eggcitez for the 2L chalet in jan :) <3


AND THAT WAS MY LAST 2 WEEKS SUMMARIZED INTO A CHUNK OF WORDS.
I've been so occupied I've hardly had the time to catch my breath and chill.
Have CCA every day other than friday this week too, so ohmygoodnesslemmedai
-

Oh yeah, I got into guitar :D
Swapped my WEP so I could attend the 4 practices this week, one of which was today
It's not gonna be easy, I'm 101% sure of that.
But okay I'm still gna put my best foot forward I guess.
God will help me :)
So yup Guitar+YAs next year!
This should be fun.

Pitch dark

Dear God,
I'm blogging this because my mind is all over the place right now, and I can't even seem to be able to calm my heart down and focus on saying a proper prayer.
O level HCL is in less than 20 hours, and Lord, I'm pretty terrified.
Chinese has always been my personal giant, ever since Nursery when that teacher wanted to kick me out of her class because she deemed my a 3 year old gone case. Or in P2, when in every chinese lesson Tan KB tried to glare my head off.
But somehow, You brought me through the past 10+ years, even through the past 4 years of HCL.
And no, it hasn't been easy at all.
But Lord, You brought me to this bridge, and in faith I believe that You will lead me across it.
Because You're the God of miracles who works through my fear and insecurity to display Your strength.
Achievement after achievement, I know that Your hand is far greater than I can ever comprehend.
So Lord God, as I push on for the last few hours, please be my strength, please help me.
If it is Your will, Father, then please use me as a vessel for Your almighty power to shine.
And if it is not, then I will grasp on to You anyway, because grades are temporary and You are eternal.
I commit this into Your hands.
Let Your ability be made perfect in my weakness, and all glory to You.
Amen.

Feeling so much better now.
God is good :)

Life's too short for this.

Not quite sure what I've been doing lately.
Feels like I've been wandering about, but I feel pretty lost.

Mummy has been pretty crazy lately, I'm not gonna elaborate because I'd much rather numb myself and just forget, but I'm just pretty tired of all of this.
Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe this mess of a family.
I don't know which other 16 year old has to worry so much about her parents.

--

Also, I have no idea what you want of me anymore.
Other than an unattainable perfection, maybe.
You wanted me to do well in school, I got the grades.
But it's never enough is it.

"Why can't you be like ____?" "Why are you so rude?" "Why can't you make me happy?"
And even if I were her, you wouldn't be satisfied because her results aren't fantastic.
Because you live in a little bubble, where everyone should work towards fulfilling what you want of them.

But I'll always love you, still.
Because I'm not so immature as to discount everything you've done for me over the past 16 years.
Because mistakes, flaws and all, I'm still unspeakably appreciative. 
And I know that as warped as your perspective is atm, it comes from a good place.

I guess you can go on and demand the world from me, and I know I'm not going to be able to deliver, so too bad for you I guess -- I give up. 



Maybe that's why I go around as if I have something to prove.
Because I do. 

Introspective 

I think this really describes me quite aptly. 

I thought I did well, then I realised that my 'well' is still pretty mediocre

That somehow killed my joy.

I should really stop basing my perception of success on everyone else's standards.

-

Anyway, it's the holidays :D

And as always, there are 289279871 things I want to do.

Just thought it'd be good to list them before my last free vacation flies past without me realising.

DEBORAH'S HOLIDAY TO DO LIST.

1. Learn French, or pick up the basics at least. I've been wanting to do so for years.

2. (re)Learn how to play the guitar, same applies.

3. Work!!! I've got WEP with Allen and Gledhill in Nov, looking forward to it :) Plus I want to earn da $$$

4. Bake and bake and bake

5. Do GP package, preferably before December rolls around. Staring SH on a good note and all.

6. Read and read and read

7. Learn a bit about econs so I won't find myself lagging behind from the start

I should probably stop concealing everything I feel with layers of cynicism and sarcasm.

Dazed

This week was basically GO!SH, papers, papers, GO!SH, PEA, YEP.
Lol @ all the acronyms haha.

GO!SH was pretty interesting, I'm quite excited for SH tbh.
Of course, it's going to be an endless onslaught of stress and whatnot, but I'd like to think that I'll be okay because God will bring me through :)
Also, the teachers all seem really really cool, like the whoaaaaaaa I want to be like her kind of effect.
And then I have to pick CCAs, which is honestly a struggle because I'm really not exceptionally talented at anything, and I can't run to save my life so that totally rules out sports.
Sigh. At least I have YAs :)
But really, I grappled with this so badly in Y1, sucks that 4 years down, I'm in the exact same position of self-doubt and worry.
Mehmeh.
Also, subject combi.
I guess I'll be a PCME student come next year haha.
Econs sounds incredibly daunting, but I'm going to put in extra effort to hopefully grasp all the concepts so it won't be a 2 year struggle ending in disaster.
Okay that applies to SH in general.
(But then again, when do these resolutions ever take root?)
Couldn't be happier to drop bio, but dropping Lit is really bittersweet for me :(
I knew from Y1 that I wanted to take E.Lit, because well... it's reading, what not to like?
But I guess this year, as I had to actually put in substantial effort because the substandard crapping didn't cut it anymore, challenged my love for the subject.
Somehow being graded just ruins the fun.
So yeahhhhh PCME.
I would trade E for history or ELL, actually, but it's really uncharted territory for me, which is too risky for me to take the jump.
Besides, Econs will be useful to me in the future I guess haha.
It's scary knowing I'm making all these decisions that will define my life for the next couple of years.
Maybe my future/ career, even.
And to think that had I taken another path after PSLE, I'd be mugging my ass off for my O's next week.
Or maybe I'd have mixed with different company and I wouldn't be giving a damn about my results.
And thinking back to PSLE, I'm still amazed that I got into DHS.
God's hand is amazing, really.
And DHS -- how I had entered with this screwed up, judgmental perception, and how much I didn't want to get into a UG yada yada,
I just never thought I'd be here, at the end of Y4 like this.

Okay anywayz. (Gosh this post is gonna be loooong)

Results!
Didn't do as well as I would have hoped for languages, but okay that's that.
Gotta work my ass off for HCL O lvls and GP next year oh gosh.
But for maths/sciences/lit, I'm honestly really very very very pleased with my results omg.
Still feeling quite stunned haha.
God is good, God is amazing, thank You Father for being my strength.
And as much as I would love to give myself all the credit for putting in the effort etc,
I'm just more than certain that this was all God at work, and not my own effort/skill.
Just... whoa, thank God.

And YEP was yesterday, I had so much fun :)
Went to Kathleens house w Maranda, Tessa, Yunning and Shuenhan to wash up/get dressed, then went back to school haha.
It was fun, went pretty high with all the Guides/classmates.
Ended up spending the movie marathon w xiaoqi and zeph though, after they were done w their comm stuff.
Hahaha it's just strange how I never in a miliion years pictured my prom to be as such,
but in true DHS spirit it was unique, amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world haha.
Slept like 1h+ on the hall floor lolololol.
Had breakfast w Sa Marnada and Yn, then 12ed home to bathe and sleeeeeeeep :D :D :D
Ended up oversleeping, so I missed church heh.

Well to sum up, I'm just feeling really content with life; blessed right now.

I would love to bottle this sense of calm.

Mesmerized.

I had the most amazing day out today :)
Life after eoys has been pretty darn fantastic, and today was really just the icing on the cake haha.
Tmr's gna be toppings and all :D

Soooo Wed after Math 2, I went out with Sa haha.
Basically went around town just wasting time because we could, and eating because we're pigs like that.
Tom's Palette first, gosh the caramel cheesecake ice cream I had was to die for *_*
Then we walked around Orchard, then headed to NLB being the geeky kids we are.
Fun day :)

Thursday, Anthia and Emilyn came over to bake.
Fun times :)
Played guitar hero and chilled around and stuff, I had a good time haha.
Then in the evening, I went to Zeph's house for a sleepover with XQ
Had an impromptu haircut, gayed/nolifed around as per usual, slept at like 2am.
Sleepovers can never go wrong hahaha.

Woke up at like 6+ today because the bitches had to go to school, so I went home haha.
Caught up on tv shows+guitar heroed with the sister+tumblred, basically lazed my morning away :)
Had lunch w mum, then went to Orchard (yes, again) to meet Zephania and Sa for our gay date out LOL.
Did more mindless walking around Orchard area, got frozen yogurt etc etc
Then having all the time in the world on our hands, we walked to Suntec LOL.
Wasn't all that far, but the humidity was killer. I think we walked for like half an hour ish?
Anw, the residences there are so pretty.
I would kill to live there, the view must be absolutely to die for at night.
"I live in the heart of the city" -> how cool does that sound???
Okay anywayz.
Chilled at Costa JUST BECAUSE.
It was nice being at a coffee joint without having to study :)
Started looking through y1 pictures of us rotting in my ipod, and my goodness, we look so different hahaha.
Funny how things can change so much without us realising.
And that threw us into this super nostalgic mood, pondering on all 16 years of our lives (okay mostly the last 4) and going all philosophical and all.
This more or less lasted us the whole night HAHA.
Had dinner at Sushi Express, we managed to beat the queue yay :D
Amazing amazing food for a reasonable price, we were damn lucky to have chanced upon it haha.

AND THEN THE PART I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR FOR LIKE 6 MONTHS.

We walked down the Marina area at night :D
Yes, more walking . #healthykids
Walked by the basin, down the helix bridge etc.
Kinda spent like 15 minutes (nope not exaggerating) taking in the stunning view and all.
It's utterly breathtaking, the lights and the water and the architecture and the atmosphere
Made me damn proud of my country's progress, just thinking about how much it has evolved since I was a child <3
Went to MBS then Gardens By the Bay, which were all equally stunning.
Kinda felt like I had stepped into another realm, some hidden utopia beneath the stress of society.
It was absolutely magical, I really can't put it into words.

I'm just awestruck and inspired now haha.

Gosh I suck at recounting things in posts, but I just had to get this down before it fades out of memory.
Probably one of the best nights of my life :)

Feeling really blessed now, my God is good :D

Wonder

OH RIGHT so I thought I should record this insane dream i had a couple of nights ago.
So that I won't forget it, cos it was rly quite incredible hahahaha.
Inceptiony and all LOL.
My memory's a little foggy now but here's the gist, far as I can remember.

It started with me being in the hall, ready for some exam (probably physics)
So I was checking twitter, and I saw sth about TW insulting LKY and everyone was superrrr enraged
Then Nathan randomly stood up and started giving this speech on how that's not what they meant and some other political thing, it was damn funny LOL.
Uhhhh then I was at the roadside downstairs waiting for some car to bring me to a funeral wake (ominous foreboding much), and I was fretting cos I was afraid my black dress wasn't black enough (..)
Aaaand I 'woke up'.
Then I was walking along the streets of London (!!), looking through twitter again, and I saw this joke that TW tweeted
I didn't rly get it, but being all fangirly and all I still laughed like mad for no reason
Then I was watching this video about them explaining the joke, which was actl very complicated and involved puns+surds (I had math and lit the day before), and it was... very well thought out
And I 'woke up' again, so I was at kfc w Xiaoqi and zeph telling them about how absurd my dream was, and how incredible my subconscious was for being able to come up with such an intellectual speech/dream
They called me geeky. :(
And then I woke up for real.

AND THIS ALL HAPPENED IN LIKE 2+ HOURS OF SLEEP LOL.

And they did call me geeky when I recounted the dream.

Hahahah.

Chill

this.

Having an off night, 3 papers more! :D

River

Sooooo 4 papers down.
EOY feel still hasn't hit me yet.
Papers have been okay so far, thank God.
Really depending on God, because I know apart from Him there really isn't much I can do.
Physics tmr, commences the stream of sciences.
Hope I'll do fine :/
Okay le ipod is stocked with new songs, time to muggggggggg o-o

No Deborah, this is so not the time to spend hours spazzing over a bloody boyband.

No matter how british they are and how cute Nathan Sykes is and how well they can sing.

two more days,
GET YOUR GAME TOGETHER.

Lose My Mind

Ohkay so eoys have started I guess.

I really still don't feel much, i guess the onslaught of common tests have somewhat desensitized me.

But yeah, LA P1 was on wed, the rest start this tuesday.

Gosh this is scary, it's like I'm taking the equivalent of my Os but I'm still chillin' around watching youtube and reading wattpad.

Nicely done.

Just, everything is in God's hands,

I believe that his power is more than enough, if the common tests have been any indicator at all.

I've just got to give my best, then have faith that God will pull me through :)

And that everything in His will is perfect.

Amen :)

-

The more I think about it, the more I want to, the more I believe I'm meant to based on my past.

But looking at my present, it just seems a million miles away, maybe I'm just chasing an unrealistic fantasy of what could have been but will not be.

Deep.

I don't know the words to describe the apprehension I'm feeling.
2 more days to LA paper 1, I'm rly scared tbh.
Dear God please help me please grant me peace please be my strength.
I want to trust God, I really do.

-

I guess when the wound heals and scar fades, but you can't get over the cut, that just makes you whiny and idiotic.

You can get addicted to a certain type of pain

I've been holding on to the hurt for so long, I guess I don't know how to let go of it.

Everything has more or less blown over, yet I can't wrap my head around the fact that it's a thing of the past, something I need not grapple with anymore.

I have issues, only because I don't know where to begin to let them melt away.

Issues.

Till now, I always got by on my own.

These days, it feels like I'm retreating into my little shell bit by bit.
Somehow, solitude seems to suit me best.
When I can just float away with the words in my head.
Maybe it's exam stress, I don't know.
Sure I laugh along with others, I don't fake smiles -- it's not like I'm hiding from the world or anything.

I'm just happier in my own world I guess.

I just hope this doesn't mean I'm building more walls up around myself, 'cause I've got more than enough of those to deal with already.

Okay reflection time is over, hello physics.


wow that was abrupt. 

Pressure.

eeeeeek eoys in less than 2 weeks.
That actually scares the crap out of me.
I'm terrified for the writing papers -- my writing is always so erratic.
Depending on God for everything.
Not even halfway done through revision, I sincerely hope that my memory is less leaky than I think it is.
And I'm truly dreading all the memory work for bio ://///////

This weekend was pretty wasted, as most of my weekends are.
Spending far too much time watching The Wanted videos on yt.
If there ever were a good time to start fangirling over a band, THIS IS SO NOT IT.
But they're English and all... :(
Went down to Bugis+ to see them today though!!! :D
I saw them from the second floor, coz the main floor was super super super crowded omg.
But yeah I saw them :))))))))
They're all incredibly good looking, my gosh.
Totally gna go for their next concert here!
But I'm not nearly half as hardcore as some of the fans there though.
Saw girls CRYING, tears streaming down their faces like crazy.
I don't think I'll ever be that obsessed over anything/anyone.

In any case, I have to can this asap, focus on God/studies.

Prioritize, refocus.

My dream.

I'm getting pretty darn tired of floating around, mugging for the next test without any tangible goal to work towards.
Good grades doesn't seem to cut it anymore.
I'm pretty bored of all this.

So. Before I get back to studying for eoys, I thought I'd lay out my ideal course of life.
Chances that everything would go as I'd like are slim to none, no doubt, but what's the harm, right?
Yes, everything's gonna be incredibly far fetched, but pft don't judge me

Soooooo let's start from end of this year.

Deborah's not so realistic life plan.
2012 - Good enough GPA, A2 for O lvls hcl (yeah what insanity right)
2014 - >6As for A lvls? Idk lol preddy darn crazy
2015 - Get a scholarship (preferably sph) to study in London/melbourne, international relations/journalism/chem (totally diverse I know)
After uni - Get a reasonable paying job, hopefully in the city.
That lets me travel.
The whole travel things matters a lot.
Currently I'd like to go into media/publicity things.
And maybe, somewhere along the way, find the right guy and fall in love yadayada.
So many emotional barriers I'm gonna have to get past before that, though.

I don't know lol.

It's in God's hands.

Rest in peace, Uncle Edwin.
Thank you for the joy you brought while you were still with us.

Head held high

Shake it off.

Life has been pretty good :)

becuase I'm just going to look beyond what isn't.

I guess eoy stress hasn't rly set in haha.

WHOOOOOOO HOLIDAYZ

Hah sure.

Well I've filed my science stuff I have to study, all 65 topics, so that's progress I guess.

It's scary gosh.

But I believe that God will take me through :)

Maybe that's why I'm still sane hahaha.

Oh yeah, my granddad's in the hospital, which is scary as heck.

Also, he's not saved yet so it's scary x2.

Went to visit him with the sister on thursday night, and I actually spoke to him for a bit (!!),

which was pretty amazing considering I don't exactly remember ever having a conversation with him.

A man of few words, you might say.

Praying he'll be alright :(

Praise

Sooooooo I've been getting back the results for CTs the past week or so.

Did better than I expected for almost every subject, I'm actually really happy with my performance haha.

Of course, I know without a doubt that none of this was my own doing, and in every sense, all glory to my  Lord.

Thank You God for Your strength, for carrying me through this.

My God never fails :)

Andddddddd on to EOYs leggo

I have probably spent at least 20 hours in front of my laptop this weekend, supposedly doing work.
But I am not done with anything, because I'm getting distracted every 2 minutes and I am dissatisfied with every sentence i type.

This feeling sucks

How badly do you want it?

Time to get off my ass and find my way back to the track

Over

Pretty overdue, considering CTs ended on tuesday but
WHOOOOOOOO CTS ARE OVER.

*feigns ignorance towards the fact that EOYS are in 6 weeks lol.*

Ugh, time is passing way faster than I'd like it to.
Way, way too fast.
I'm in year 4. 16.
where did all that time go to?
I should be taking my O levels this year, the climax to almost every 16 y o in Singapore.
Feels strange not being a part of it.
I can't help but wonder how I would do.

And Guides -- dropped by jihe for a bit with the rest today
Had so much fun talking, gossiping, reliving all the memories I hold so dear through watching the juniors.
I realise I never finished my PDP post.
Typed out over a thousand words, wasn't anywhere near done, so I left it as a draft.
I think I'm gna leave it there.

Sooooooo.
CTs are over.
Thank God the drama that was lit paper has all blown past, and in some twisted way I learnt something about grace, and doing the right thing through all of this.
Thank God that it's all over, now I'm just awaiting results with bated breath.
Asdfghjkl it's scary, because I've actually invested so much this time round.
I miss those days when results were a very ...eh. thing to me
To some extent, I really do envy people with that attitude.
They seem to be a lot more content.
But ah well, it's all in God's hands, and I know that.
I've tried my best, depended on God, so come whatever, all glory to Him :-)

On a side note, Tom Daley won a bronze a few days back.
Yay.
:)
I miss the olympics :(

Incoherence wins. Again.
Whooooooooooooooop.


P/s HELLO SIYUN YOU STALKER

Priorities set straight

So... CT week starts tmr.
I'm all jittery and stuff.
Especially terrified for LA.
I haven't got much confidence
And if confidence is directly proportional to faith
I'm in desperate need of faith.
Faith x info = confidence.
So I'm going to not study anymore, get myself a healthy 6+ hours of sleep.
QT + pray first, though, because I'm so far from adequately prepared, and God has all the answers I don't.

All for You, Lord.

Blessed

I am, even though half the time I'm too caught up in my situation to see it.
But looking beyond all of that, I realise that with God, there's always a silver lining.
Actually, it's more of a cloud with really bold silver marker outline such that the grey part is really not all that visible.
Unless you choose to zoom in on it, that is.

Silver clouds.

Breathe

Having an early night tonight, going to sleep soon but I thought I'd just blow off a bit of steam before going to sleep.

CT week is in like what, 4 days? 

Lololololol I don't think it has struck me yet.

I'm just praying for the best, depending on my Lord God, because in Christ all things are possible :)

But still , it's pretty darn scary because the next 2 weeks are really make or break.

Especially considering how my results haven't been stellar of late.

Mediocre, average.

I'd really like to change that. For the better.

Also, it's the 2nd last hurdle before the big one, which ups the level even further.

Asdfghjkl.

One good thing that will come out of all this?

I'm learning how much I depend on God on a day to day basis, and how dumb I am for having overlooked all this and crediting it to my own ability.

-

"(now that I'm grown) When I fall, I bleed." -> line taken from some Lit test. So true.

This really struck me.

When you fall, I bleed too.

Pull out the band aids.

-

Oh yeah, so, OLYMPICS :)

I've been following the Olympics pretty closely even with CTs round the corner.

My love for the Games hasn't died down since Athens :D

So many amazing athletes to watch.

Also, the mere fact that it's in LONDON is reason enough to catch every possible event hahahaha.

Mabbe one day I'll get to watch it live :)

Yeah the Olympics jut make me rly happy.

I even woke up at 4am last saturday to watch the opening LOL.

Spent the 4h texting cray w Yapqi hehe.

OH AND SINGAPORE GOT A BRONZE FOR TABLE TENNIS WHOOOOOP.

Feng Tianwei was awesomeballz seriously!

Also,

I'm still rooting for Tom Daley to get that medal.

10th August, mad excited!!!!

yeah, so not being obsessive.

Gosh he's so good looking and talented it's ridiculous.

And he's british.

I rest my case.

Hope he gets gold :))))))))))

-

These days, wanderlust has just been growing inside of me.

My handbook's spammed w travel-related doodles hahahaha.

If my future career doesn't entail frequent travel, I think I just might explode.

BOOM.

-

Well I suppose you could attribute the incoherence to the effects of not blogging properly for over a week.

I find myself thinking a lot lately, just random, abstract strings if words flowing in and our of my head.

It's pretty dazing/confusing, but it's nice being able to articulate my thoughts.

That's why this whole post is so jumbled up -- too many fragments of thoughts floating to the surface all at once.

Also, I'm sleep deprived.

晚安。

In Christ alone, my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song.

This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

Random post, but my gosh I love the olympics so darn much.

Also, addition to bucket list -- DIVE OFF A 10M PLATFORM.

That is all.

I just want to feel okay again

I'm sick and tired of doubting myself.
I'm sick and tired of trying to figure out what it is that has kept me in this place.
I used to think it was the people, but evidently it isn't, because everyone has settled but I'm still here.
The outside.
And from the looks of things, the wall's just getting higher, and I'm just sick of having to stand on my tippy toes to pretend that I'm part of what's within.
But we all know the truth, don't we.
And I want so badly to move on, but I'm afraid as hell to do so.
Afraid as hell.
Scared.
Scarred.
Becuase if I can't find my place in my comfort zone, what's to say that I'm gonna do any better outside of it?
I'm sick and tired of this, and I don't know how long more I'm going to bother trying.
It's just like another whip across the back every time.

Thoughts swimming in my mind

Don't remember the last time I finished a test feeling confident.

I need to stop fearing failure, I need to stop running away.

When am I going to stop forgetting that God's in control, and start trusting that He won't bring me where His grace won't save me?


I can't afford to screw up any further. This is the big one.


Idk if I should go. Idk if I'm being selfish or smart, or if I'm just being paranoid and over defensive because being hurt time and time again just sucks.


So yeah, there's some form of tornado making its way through my mind as I type.

I'm confused.

One thing

Soooooooo

CT week is in like what, 2+ weeks?

I'm afraid to find out the actual number of days left.

It's terrifying, because I want so badly to do well.

I need so badly to do well.

And I don't know if I can, even with all the effort I'm  willing to (but have not) put in.

What if I'm just not good enough to excel?

Inadequate. Incapable

My results have been pretty crappy of late, and it's not like I'm not trying.

Gosh. 

I've never thought of myself as a try and still screw up kind of person.

Damn this is depressing.

-

Okay negativity aside,

I'm gna try so hard to hold on to one thing this period.

So that even if all the walls around me crumble, I'll find myself unscathed.

This time, I'm placing God first.

Because He's never failed me.

Somehow, I find that when I truly put Him first, things turn out okay.

And even if they don't, the knowledge that He sees the greater plan, that He writes the grand scheme of things always provides the comfort I need to get by.

So yeah, CT week, all glory to my King.

会没事的

For all the gripes I have,
Sometimes I wonder if you're even worth it.

Words to live by

2 Corinthians 12:9

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-

2 Corinthians 4

Present Weakness and Resurrection Life

4 Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.² Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. ³ And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. ⁴ The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ,who is the image of God. ⁵ For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord,and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”^[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

¹³ It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”Since we have that same spirit of^[c]faith, we also believe and therefore speak, ¹⁴ because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself.¹⁵ All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Tick tock tick tock

I hate how the countdown to ct week is decreasing so quickly

Paradise

(PDP post still in the making because there's so much to say and my attention span isn't very long)

Was watching White Collar just now, and somehow I started thinking about the concept of paradise.
What would the perfect place be like for me?
Actually, I don't really know lol.
I can think of so many elements that having around me would bring me so much joy, but I can't pinpoint one specific kind of place.
Let's see.

The beach -- something about the tropics that has always captivated me. I'd really love to visit South America, or Cape Verde (where Neal was hiding lol). The azure skies, swaying palm trees, sea breeze, sand, sun, water etc etc all blending into this dreamlike tropical haven. So yeah, a perfect white beach, complete with the vast, glistening ocean.

The city -- A contradiction already. But I don't think I could do without places like New York, London, Melbourne, even Orchard Road, bustling with activity. There's only so much time I can spend in a stagnant environment, as calm and relaxing it might be. I'm a Singaporean kid after all -- what's life if not ever in motion?

Also, beautiful architecture has its hold on me. From the old, like the Leaning Tower, to the modern like MBS, I just really adore these grand buildings.

Nature -- Like a lake, for example. Or where Dove Cottage is. Just surrounded by the beauty of God's creation left and right, all around. Calming for the soul.

Excitement -- Rollercoasters. Nuff said.


I guess that's like everywhere LOL.
The closest place I can think of that has all these elements?
Sentosa hahahaha.
Guess that's why it's my happy place.

But all of the above rly just show how much I want to travel.
My Utopia lies fragmented, all around the world.
All I need is my camera, a notebook, my phone, ipod and plane tickets to wherever my heart desires.

Best of times, worst of times

I thought we were over this, but here I find myself isolated again.
Deja vu.

Moving these mountains

"Too much at stake to screw up, too much at stake to not rely on God"

I wrote this in my handbook sometime last term, close to CT week.
Like all the other doodles in there, I completely forgot about it, until I came across it again today while flipping through.
And well, I haven't been doing to well.
What were my best subjects are becoming my worst, and nothing's filling up the spaces they've left.
But it's times like this where I come to realise how dumb and absolutely useless I am without God's strength.
I'm proud like that I guess -- a little achievement, even the tiniest bit, gets to my head and I forget how it's God's work and not mine.
So  reminders like these, as agonizing as they are, are for the better, I know it.

"I'm a mustard seed, but nobody expects me to move a mountain. Or even cover the slopes in yellow."

#Truestory, but it's okay because God's work > the voices pulling me down

Honestly?
You annoy the crap out of me
Honestly?
I don't know why
Might have something to do with that air you carry of being oh so high and mighty
Might have something to do with the fact that you want everything of the world, at the expense of whoever
But I don't know

Why, hello.
I've been thinking.
I don't like the person I'm becoming very much.
This is not a good place to be

Lights

So I guess you could say that the stress of sem 2 hasn't hit me yet, considering I've been wasting my time.
But I'm happy, satisfied, so I guess that's good.
I'll work hard when the time comes, I hope.
Well, there's a hardcore physics test this tuesday, so my long weekend's gonna be work work work.
Actually quite excited at the prospect of my brain being put to use again hahahaha.
I could start studying now, I suppose, but really, I'm not seeing the point because I'm so sure I won't retain a thing, because I need the pressure from time to really absorb info.
Excuses, excuses.

-

Dear God,
Help me find passion. For anything, really, because my life's becoming so... bland.
No, help me rediscover a passion for You, because I don't really know what I'm doing.
It feels like I'm walking aimlessly, wandering, not quite sure where to place my heart, not quite sure where I'm going.
"don't know" "not sure"
Indefinite.
But to You, it's all definite,
because You painted the skies and wrote a story for everyone, because You know.

Trust, trust in the Lord,

Lean not on your own understanding.In all of your ways acknowledge Him,And He will make your path straight.

Words to live by

Because you guys can't seem to see beyond yourselves.

Secret places

Gosh I'm so exhausted now, not to mention in a terribly foul mood.
I'm not even kidding, everything is pissing me off to the nth degree, and I don't even know why.
It's not like today was a bad day, because patrol outing was a blast (P10 <3) and Church really refueled me.
Really, today was a great day.
But I'm tired, and I want to sleep.
For the next 11839127 hours, preferably.
but i can't, because there are things that need to be done.
It's depressing thinking about how in 36 hours, I'm going to be sitting in my classroom, probably daydreaming about travelling around Europe.
Everything seems depressing rn, and yes I'm just being a whiny kid.
But Ms Yeo just sent an email about extension for article review, so I suppose I have time to clear my head for a bit.
Gosh I'm really using blogging as therapy lol.
So church today... was really impactful.
I guess I identified my strongholds, what has been pulling me back for so long now.
Or finally came to terms with them, rather.
But God willing, I'm going to put all that aside, and move on after what, 4 years?

Term 3.
It's terrifying, to say the least.
1 more sem left in JH.
I'm probably not gonna be able to catch a break until what, after As?
Insaaaaaaane.
But God's going to be my strength.
I'm going to do my bestestest, first and foremost because God wants me to.
And I'm going to guard my secret places, keep the devil out.
Because God's my rock, and to Him I'm going to cling onto.

Even if the world caved in around me,
To You I'll still hold on.

My God is greater, my God is stronger

These little things I tend to forget

Wanderlust

I've been thinking so much about travelling lately.
Ever since UK, especially.
And well, the mere thought of being in Singapore for the next 6 months at least is making me feel sick.
So in no particular order, the places I would visit if given an unlimited plane pass:

UK - London, Bath, York, Scotland (again, yes)
US - New York, Hawaii (even though the heat... :( ), Colorado (they have some awesome new rollercoaster), LA, Orlando
(the rest of) Europe - France, Italy,
Australia - Brisbane, Melbourne
Asia (quite low on the list, though) - Taiwan, HK, Bangkok, Phuket, Japan, Genting (lolwut), Penang

Anywhere but here.

I love writing, I really do.
It frees my mind, loosens up the knots that block my thinking.
But I can never, ever get myself to write knowing there's someone going to be grading it.
Then, writing feels forced, everything I type sounds like crap.
Then I get some form of anxiety and it kills me.
In my mind, the ideas flow, they make sense. 
But on paper, I have utterly no clue what I'm doing.
It doesn't matter whether it's creative writing or some boring article review piece (yes that's what I'm supposed to be doing) -- it's always the same.
Which really sucks, because I would actually like to pursue writing.
i guess that's why I  blog so much. 
Because it's a blank canvas, without any restrictions as to what I type.
Also, no one reads it, meaning I'm free to type what I want, to pour out as much as I desire.
No one to judge, meaning I don't have to judge myself too critically.




Absolutely no idea what the heck.


The INFP will often procrastinate as a result of their perfectionism and high standards. They tend to gather a wealth of 
information and become overwhelmed with knowing where to begin or when to end their research. This can lead the 
INFP to become critical of themselves and further delay the project’s progress. The INFP also has a tendency to become 
consumed in one project which can then lead to the procrastination of other necessary tasks. 


Story of my life

Flip a page
That story's long gone.

Why, hello

I have a ton of homework to do.
I'm not even exaggerating, which is tremendously sad.
And so, I spent my afternoon reading Harry Potter and watching Charlie.
Oh and now I'm here!
Yup, perfect logic :)
Speaking of, my new youtube obsession is charlieissocoollike hahahah.
He's so cute and British eeeeeeep
And speaking of British,
I don't think that one liner post was enough to summarise how incredible the UK trip was.
Then again, I'm doing my 1000000000000000 word journal on UK so I guess blogging about it would be redundant.
In any case, I would do most anything to relive those 10 days.
And now, I will start on hw.
After, yknow, like 2 more videos?
I'm so amazingly talented at procrastination, really.

UK was magic.

Nuff said.

WOOOOOOT UK IN 12 HOURS I AM TOO EXCITED

Ouch.

2 Bs.
B for Blemish.
How am I ever going to pursue that with this?

Guess that's what chasing things of the world gets you nowhere means.

But I'll return stronger, better.
I will.

7

UK

That's about the only thing keeping me going rn.

It's electives week, last week of school, yet there's still so much to do.

Really feels like I'm on a treadmill running, but so tired that I'm this close to falling off.

A burned out candle.

I'm tired, basically.

Bzbd and Physics poster.

Possibly character sheets, if I bother.

Then, it's all over.

Just a little more.

But in 1 week, exactly 7 days right down to the hour, I'll be at the airport.

Then, 12 beautiful days on the other side of the world.

It's like this light at the end of a long, long, dark tunnel.

But it's drawing nearer.

Seven days. 

One week. 

-

Anyway, electives are actl quite boring zzz.

Cosmetics science -- it's interesting in theory, but for all his effort trying to be interesting/nice, the instructor kinda ruins it.

One more day tmr, making perfume.

Hopefully it'll be better than it was today, which was basically 5 hours of titration -_-

Speaking of which, I have to draw the stupid graph zz

And do bzbd.

Yup I should go.

SEVEN DAYS.

?!?!

I need to stop using blogging as an excuse to procrastinate lol.

My self esteem has been such a yoyo lately.

I don't know when I became so self conscious, so judgmental towards myself.
Evaluating my every move, setting expectations so high it's difficult to even be proud of myself.

When?

ACE reflection is bugging me.

Not because it's all that difficult, but because it's 1111pm and I'm not even halfway through.
And because every word I type seems to seal my fate to not do well for this.

I'm annoyed with myself, really.
All the talk about how I'm gonna push myself to achieve, for God and for my future, yet I spent my day watching countless episodes of White Collar and hours on youtube.
Typical weekend, yknow.
But really, what drive? What motivation?

It's like I'm chasing down a dead end, trying to convince myself I'll be happy when I finally find that wall.
But deep down, I know that's all there's going to be  -- a wall.
How is that even worth all of this?

Unforgettable

Got back from OBS today, mixed feelings ttm.
Gonna type out everything so I can clear my head and hopefully capture every emotion I'm experiencing rn
(In addition to giddiness from the wavy feeling)

WATCH 18 RAFFLES  ♥

So unbelievably blessed with awesome watchmates & instructors :)
Actually, classmates in general I guess.
All really easygoing and nice, idk why it has taken me so long to truly appreciate being in 4J.
It was so fun seeing different sides of people, and I guess I opened up too (?)
But yeah I had such a fun time with everyone!
Tired as hell right now, mentally and physically.
But still super nostalgic :'
Somehow time passed so fast on Ubin.
Funny how we took a break away from this crazy fast paced life, only to find that time flies by on the other side of civilisation.
I wonder what it would be like to be born on the countryside, away from the city,
Live life in slow mo, peaceful and stuff.
Like I used to read about in books.
Huh. Never thought I'd be considering how nice that would be.
Perspective changing lol.

And the stars.
There's something about astrology that has always fascinated me.
Just gazing into the boundless night sky and looking at the stars that God created and placed millions of light years away from me always humbles me and reminds me that God is massive and powerful and there's really nothing to worry about.
Same for the ocean. Nature in general, I suppose.
And other than the horrible sanitation and exhausting activities, I kinda miss the place.

Truly once in a lifetime.

Slowly sinking back to reality, feeling the weight of stress and the workload pressing down and I'm like... meh.
Guess we all really did need those 5 days to step away from life and find ourselves again.
I certainly did.
But it was really an amazing experience, and I broke limits i thought I never would.
And I learned to appreciate life.

-

Starships were meant to fly
Hands up, and touch the sky.