Staring into the Abyss

Don't look back.

How can I, when everything I see reminds me of you?

Accomplishment

I would post a picture here but, there ain't a picture that I would love to use, so this would be picture-less post.

About 5 months back, I embarked on this crazy adventure.
Actually being able to do what I love as work.
The place? Balestier Hill Secondary School.
Oh I remember the first time I set foot in the school. Had to walk one whole round and find where the band room was.
And finally finding the band room, I felt lost, outcasted.
Having known and taught one band my whole life, this was actually happening.

I stood there in one corner, conscious of every move I made, every breath I take.
The only familiar face I had there was my conductor, Ms Dorean Tan.
Somehow I felt this stench of negativity from the band.
I just felt something must have been horribly wrong.

My first job that I had to do with the band, was actually with the percussion section.
I had to make them watch this DVD which was in Japanese on how to play percussion instruments.
Honestly I had no idea what kind of impression I was making.
So the first person I actually held an actual conversation with was Bryan.
Throughout the lesson I noticed some people got bored, and since I was new, I didn't want to push anyone's buttons.

I guess what I felt was that for the first few weeks I was there, I kinda felt this separation between students and instructors.
Just felt this chilly cold feeling.
And sorry to say, I'm just not used to a zero-social-zone-feeling.
So I slowly but surely made small talk with some of the students.

And slowly, more and more students got to know who I am and how I work.
Things weren't always smooth I would say, but it wasn't that bad too.

Neways, skipping to the SYF part of things.
I really got to see my students grow and learn to inculcate music into their lives.
They learn to appreciate the lessons taught to them.
And no matter how much they get lectured by their conductor, they never gave up.

Now after 5 months, 5 grueling months of hardwork, sweat and tears.
All of it, is paid off by getting that Certificate of Accomplishment.
To those who don't know, Certificate of Accomplishment is roughly equivalent to a Silver in SYF.
I'm proud of my students...
But more than anything, I'm proud of the improvement they have made over these 5 months...
No matter the results, they will always be an awesome band filled with awesome players to me...

Thank you for this opportunity to be apart of a family of interesting people.
Each and every single one of you contributed to it.
BHSS Band, lets rock the house for Splendours 2013.
This time I will be conducting you guys, so, let's make beautiful music k guys? =]

Pictures and paintings can be tainted and torn,
But music will never die, it will always live on...

Unforgiven...

So well I tried reaching out, hoping for a second chance...
And I guess all that I got was being ignored again and again...
I know that all hope seems to be lost...
But I wouldn't want to think of it that way...

Hope is like energy, it cannot be created nor destroyed...
It can be shifted and it takes on many forms...
So yes, I still do believe we will be friends again one day...
I just hope that day comes before I cough out my last breath...

I'm sure she would know how fragile life could be...
The last few moments with her, I remembered she was feeling very ill...
And all I could do was hope that she was alright, my continuous prayers for her...
But somehow I messed it up, yes I know I messed it up real bad...

Somehow I just feel this is just the universe spitting back in my face for something I did in the past...
I admit, I did ignore a certain someone for a year or two...
That was due to my lack of compassion, I was lost...
But my heart gave in and I forgave that person and at least we're still on talking terms...

A rock, no matter how hard it is, when a stream of water runs through it, it will break...
Persistence and resilience...
I tried all the means I could to at least be acknowledged by her in some way...
But she completely shut me off, blocked me out, and pretend I never existed...
Yea I'm probably just one of those friends she would just push away...
Sucks to be me...
But well that's life...
The people you trust the most, push you down the hardest...
The people you wish would be there for you, just aren't...
Sometimes you just gotta depend on yourself...

Fact is, I tried to make things right again...
Maybe I just don't deserve the chance...
I have failed you, failed the friendship we had, and the promises we made...
And all I can say, is that I am Sorry...

Evenin' April...

Untouched, unharmed, unmodified, untainted...
In all it's innocence, this leaf didn't deserve it's fate...
But yet nature states, that for things to come down, they must first go up...
Just like the laws of socialism, out with the old, in with the new...

Now, it seems clear at first...
Straightforward, staring straight at you...
But to a thinker, one like mine, well, we think...
And I would agree, occasionally, that this might be a bad thing...
But give it a thought, everybody thinks...

Just that some of us prefer to scrutinize thinking things on a microscopic level...
The "What ifs..?" or the "I should've..."...
Just like the picture hovering above these meaningless strings of texts that you're reading, right, at, this, instant.
Has it ever occurred to you, why I would take a picture with two contrasting textures?
Or even, how hydrophobic that leaf actually is?

One might say, "BLASPHEMY! You're over-thinking something simple!"
Or am I?
What, or Who has the authority to judge ones way of thinking?
I say, you be your own Judge, Jury and Prosecutor...

For all you know, I'm simply just filling this empty time just before  2nd April comes, which in the matter of fact will happen in 5 mins from now.

And no I shall not indulge in filling in that 5 mins with sheer utter nonsense, though however...
I would like to make a mental note that tomorrow will be Balestier Hill Band's SYF...
Not that any of them would be reading this, but all I can say is...
You've come this far, you have been praised, insulted, dumbfounded, and even lectured for hours on end...
And it all comes down to those measly 10 minutes on stage infront of 7 Adjudicators who will "JUDGE" biasly  and you will be given a grade for your performance near the end of two weeks.
I would talk about my SYF experience, but I'll save that for when I can talk to you guys in person.

Till then, my 5 mins are up.
Let's make music.