Stand for what you believe in, even if you stand alone

Dear Bloggie...

Chains filled with rust and dirt, the machine looks old and broken, but unknown to the wary eye, the machine braved a thousand storms and suffered countless of battle scars.

Grandpa.

Yea that's the name of the van now...

A blue Grandpa.


Gosh he's grumpy as ever today...

He even took some time to wake up this afternoon...

I'm just thankful he actually DID wake up...

God knows what I'll do if he didn't...


So today, I brought grumpy ol' Grandpa to the carwash...

The weather hot, and besides he needed the wash. (trust me, he was filthy)


Oh and Grandpa had another passenger today too!

His name is Jazli, a good friend of mine.

I drove Grandpa and Jazli to Vivocity today.

That's where I parked him, so that he could rest, and Jazli and me could go walk around...


For the first time in our lives, we tried Boost low fat yoghurt...

And boy was it costly...

Jaz bought the Mango drink, and I bought the All Berries drink...

I'm just glad I didn't buy his drink, cause if I did, confirm won't finish...

My berries drink was awesome. =]


We walked towards Sentosa...

He suggested to go into Sentosa, I told him no...

My fear Grandpa might get angry if we leave it too long...

So we walked back, took some pics along the way...

Ok, so we took lots of pics, which I posted in instagram already...


So from Vivocity, I drove grandpa to Plaza Singapura...

Had our dinner at Mac...

I'm always with my Fillet O Fish and Green Tea...

Then my friend who was working in some shop there ended work...

I fetched her, then sent her home...

She's going Shenzhen tomorrow, so I hope she got enough time to finish packing her stuff just now...


So from her house, I went to pump diesel and a petrol kiosk...

Then send Jazli home...

Then I parked grandpa at the multi story carpark for the night...

And here I am...


So that's it.

I guess no one's gonna read this but me anyways...

So Jiayou Fiq!

Only you can unlock your own true potential...

*And so the cycle of friends becoming strangers has started*

Smile always people!

Zupz Zupz!

Awakening

Dear Bloggie...

As he woke up from his dream, he soon realised what he has to do...

Acceptance.

Life is a cycle.

No matter what your beliefs are, science is able to prove this.

We get introduced into this world knowing nothing.

We learn, gain knowledge, make friends, touch listen feel.

We get older.

We fall in love.

We get married.

We have kids.

We get older.

We forget the things we learn.

We lose our senses.

We return to knowing nothing.

We die.

And as we die, our children's children, starts their journey through life.

And so on and so forth.


Life is an experience.

There's no short cuts, no cheat code, no time machine(ok maybe not YET).

Sometimes life gets pleasant. It just seems everything just falls into the right order.

Sometimes life gets difficult. And you just can't explain it.

Be it pleasant or difficult, you are never on your own.

There will be people around you to share your laughter, your joy.

There will be people around you to share your sadness and your sorrows.

People tend to be unpredictable too.

One minute they might be happy, next minute they might be sad.

But does this make them mad? No... That's just who they are.

It takes a lot to understand someone, it takes whole lot more to earn their trust.

But it takes a moment, to destroy whatever trust there is.

No matter how hard you try, things will never stay the same.

Change is constant.

We need to constantly adapt.

Adapt to the needs of others.

Sometimes it's easy, cause you can relate very well.

Sometimes, you just feel like giving up.

But don't ever give up on yourself.

A lesson I've learned for myself.

If you can't carry yourself, don't expect others to carry you.

You need to believe in yourself, your capabilities, your skills, your knowledge.

There will always be dark clouds to come.

It's either you run from it, or you face it.

Don't be afraid.

Root yourself down. Brace it. Embrace it. Face it.

Cause when the clouds clear, you're still standing strong.

You survived! And you're rewarded with a beautiful sight of a rainbow.

You're stronger than before.

Smile.. Don't you forget to smile...

Cause no other make up makes you look better, than a smile. =]


So this is me, smiling, cause life's too short to be miserable. =D

"No one can go back and make a brand new start, however anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard

Zupz Zupz!

Just WTF Fiq...

Dear Bloggie...

Yes I'm angry...

Very very angry...

At myself...

For going so low...

ARGH...

If I could strangle myself, I would, seriously, no joke...

Why do I always do this to myself...

Must be from all the family pressure...

Looking at my sister...

3 kids... All still very young...

With a husband that had stroke a year ago and had his left leg amputated, and now he's having trouble speaking cause that part of the brain is dead...

Then I look at my mom...

Crying every day... Her vision keeps getting worse... And my dad's patience with her is getting thinner by the day cause my mom is going into depression...

Then there's my grandmother... Who's in hospital now... Everyday she wish she was at home with her family...

And there's me... ME....

Haiz... me...

To be honest, I'm perfectly pathetic...

Just filled with disappointments...

Disappointing others...

I'm working from home...

My income is well, pathetic...

I don't even know who I am anymore...

*sigh*

why does this happen to me... why now...

This is not how I imagined my life would be...

I'm serious...

Where did I go wrong...

Which part in my life did I screw up so badly?

Even if I did know, not like there's any way to correct it...

But I gotta take small steps...

Recovery's gonna be a bitch...

But it's necessary....

I need to step up... I need to fight...

Cause in the end I can only count on myself now...

I seriously feel like screaming, but I shall contain it till I'm at the beach or something, if not people think I siao...

Gah.

Zupz Zupz

Read only if you're ready to leave

Dear Bloggie...

He held on to her, she wanted to leave, goodbye she said, I'm sorry he said.

I was wrong...

So bloody wrong...

I tried to keep it together, but in the end I lost it...

I wish I was stronger than this...

I wish I didn't need anybody...

I wish I stopped disturbing those around me...

I wish... I wish... I wish...

But this ain't no fairy tale...

Wishes don't come true...

Unicorns and rainbows don't exist...

Love...is a made up myth...

How did I become this way...

Was I just too naive?

The one person who finally understands me, is walking the other direction...

What did I do?

What have I become?

Apologising doesn't actually work anymore...

The damage I caused has already been done...

Somehow there's a little voice in me telling me to just stop...

There's no point anymore...

Love is impossible, a dream, a mere illusion...

What's the use in believing?

Trust? What's that?

Who am I to tell someone the definition of trust and love?

Who the hell do I think I am?

I'm no one now...

No one again...

No one special ever again...

What's the point of trying over and over and over again...

When the result is always the same...

Might as well I be cold, heartless and don't bother anyone...

No one needs me anyway...

I could literally live in my room the whole year, and no one would notice...

Stop trying to be somebody Fiq...

This is who you are, sad, lonely, depressed and stupid...

Stuck in a vicious cycle and there's no way of coming out...

This is life.

How it was intended for me, and how I should follow it...

Dreams are for those with hope...

I lost hope...

I don't even know what it means, hope.

Expectations and reality...

Patience and Virtue...

Fuck  that shit...

Everytime I rise back up, I fall deeper and harder...

I wish to stay down here...

Where there's nothing expected of me...

Let me be happy in my own twisted ways...

Maybe I simply thrive in depression...

I've lost every ounce of happiness...

I don't expect anyone around me to stay...

I'll only hurt them anyway...

So it's best if I kept everything to myself...

And so, the Depression begins...


*The darkness lingers behind the light, whispering, twisting reality, falsifying truth, bending facts... Until he finally gave in... He lost the ability to find the light, as he was bathed in darkness...*

Let it burn, let it all burn...

smile fiq, just smile

Dear Bloggie...

Looking through his foggy glasses, he wipes his tears...

Well then, there's not much to say...

Imagine a 100 story building collapsing but multiplied by a million...

This is life...

Shit happens...

But what can you say...

You gave love another shot, it didn't work out...

Where do I go from here, I dunno...

I'll let the tides of time determine my fate...

I feel lost suddenly...

Well I kinda felt it coming, didn't know it would though...

But yea...

All I gotta do now is smile and be strong, cause that's what she would've wanted anyways...

With Despair,

Taufiq

Who Am I?

Dear Bloggie...

He remembers his past, memories filled with what why where and when, but still he couldn't answer this one question, who was he?

This has been bothering me quite alot especially recently...

And I mean, character and emotion wise I have a grasp of who I am...

But what am I?

I guess this is what happens when you do so much stuff till you just get confused in one ball...

This phenomenon of accumulative skills I've got over the past decade, literally...

It all started in Sec 2, I was just so curious to join a CCA, and I chosed band...

Why band? No idea at all...

So then after all the paperwork, I arrived at my first band practice...

Was introduced to the conductor, and all she said was, "Euphonium"...

Was I amazed? no. I was just confused, WHAT'S A EUPHONIUM?! CAN I EAT IT?!

Then my senior showed me the instrument, and my face....still reek of confusion...

I wasn't able to play it on the first practice, so all I could do was to hold it like a fish our of water...

Then came next practice, I was all geared up, mentally prepared to learn...

Of which I was given a mouthpiece, and I was supposed to BUZZ into the mouthpiece...

Now, what's BUZZ?

Basically it's the vibration of both your lips together creating a sound...

My senior told me that I buzzed well...

Then I was given the instrument...

So technically, Me + Mouthpiece + Instrument = Sweet sound

Well in theory yes, but as a young musician, what came out sounded like a guy who just finished eating Doritos and started farting...

Yes it was bad, but I didn't know good from bad so I continued till my senior screamed at me to stop...heh...

And that was my first encounter with the instrument that I've been very faithful to...

Ever since those days, I've performed countless of times, went for SYF and band exchanges...

Till one fine day after SYF, somehow all the Tuba players quit, there wasn't anyone in the tuba section...

My conductor talked to me, and transferred me to the Tuba section...

Obviously my heart broke, shattered into a million pieces...

Was this a joke? sadly, no.

With a heavy heart I started to learn the Tuba...

Complaining all the way about how heavy it was, how the score was epicly boring with all the big fat notes...

Slowly but surely, one day, I came round...

I didn't realise, during those practices, I actually improved my playing alot...

Till the day came and we were just afew days before our concert, my conductor told me to play the Bb...

With one heave of breath, I blew...

Magically, the tone filled with richness and emotions came out, I felt it deep inside me...

My conductor was moved...and so did I...

I actually enjoyed playing the Tuba...

Pumping out bass, filling up the air with foundation...

It was Uh-Ma-Zing...

I played for another SYF with the Tuba...

The sense of satisfaction after getting the second gold medal of my life...

Everything was perfect...

And that was my start in the music world...

Which was quite short lived after I graduated from Sec School...

I got into SP, wanted to try something new...

Joined Archery for about a year...

It was nice to try something new...

But I knew I was missing out on alot...

So I joined the band in Year 2...

I was led by amazing seniors and got exposed to a conductor who could literally cry after a piece of music...

This moved me alot...

Oh point to take note, I went back to playing the Euphonium...

Cause I simply couldn't let go of the Euphonium...

Again, I performed quite alot but this time with a better band, performing songs that I never thought I would ever perform...

It was just a nice experience...

Then I graduated from SP...

And got thrown into SCDF...

Honestly, I was kinda hoping I could get army or police since they both had bands...

But I got thrown into SCDF....

No band...

So now what?

How do I make my time in NS worthwhile...

For this we move on to the second chapter...

So at this stage, band was not an option...

I searched for something I might like in NS...

By the law of elimination, I found being a Medic the most suitable...

So I went for the interview, and I went for the medic course...

And boy, I didn't know what I got myself into...

Lots of medical terms, skills and protocols to learn...

If bio was meant to be studied for a year, mine was cramped up into 6 weeks...

Everyday we were fed with new knowledge and tested over and over...

It was tough, but interesting in some ways...

And I Passed Out as a Medic, got deployed as an Ambulance Medic...

Won't go into much detail cause that, will take forever...

Being a medic really sparked my interest in helping others...

I mean I've always helped others emotionally and listening to problems...

But this opportunity allowed me to physically help and feel a sense of satisfaction...

So I took a Specialist Diploma in Biomedical Engineering in SP...

It was super interesting to me, opened up my eyes alot...

Then after NS, I suddenly felt lost...

First time, out in the open, with nothing to do...

Did afew part time jobs here and there...

Was a full time admin officer/student relation officer for about 6 months...

And now I am a training manager...

So basically my foot has never been on stable grounds ever since I ORDed...

What makes me, me...

Been struggling with that question...

And I guess I need some time to reflect on that...

I hope I find who I truly am...

*When the tides turn, the winds of change will brush upon us, be ready*

With Love,

Taufiq.

Sometimes

Dear Bloggie...

As the buffeting winds started to pick up, among the debris he felt life pulsating through the air like a signal, what was he to do?

I'm gonna try make this a daily thing

Mainly because, I can, and I do have a bad memory

So this is the bread crumbs I'm leaving for myself

For those days that has no sense whatsoever...

I've been using whatsoever quite often have I...

Gosh...

Sounds sleek though.........whatsoever....

Anyways, during random days I'll just whip up a poem or two...

Just to see if I still have it in me...

So here's, Sometimes.

I hear the laughter of a child,

The weeping of a parent,

Always knew emotions could never be so mild,

Even though you gotta turn up the current,

How would you have known,

If the right one for you has shown?

Will you know it in your bone?

Or is there a magic lamp that need not be rubbed, but blown?

As we explore the endless possibilities,

Be it the stars, lands or even seas,

Where do our emotional compass leads us to,

And how do we determine if the path is true?

There need not be any sorrows,

Or even any pain,

But I'm a crab that loves to burrows,

Afraid that my attempts to love, just might be in vain,

But sometimes not all is lost,

You might find someone who you can truly trust,

Memories formed and feelings flourished without being forced,

Just keep it clean, you wouldn't want it to rust.

Stay strong and fight hard, they say,

So that we can always love, another day...

There's only one person who knows this blog,

I dedicate this poem, to you Junzhu... =]

With Love,

Taufiq

Of Past, Present, Future

Dear Bloggie...

As she gazes upon the blazing trail of fire behind her, a single tear rolls down her cheek, she snatched a quick grin and continues her pursuit.

Well today wasn't so bad

I got myself back together, and just before you know it, I'm me again

I guess this is just something I've been battling my whole life

My strength comes in other people

I admit, I do rely on people, I'm a people's person

So when situation becomes bleak, I turn to people, and when there's no one there, I panic

But I guess recently I've learned alot of things from a very special lady

I learned it the hard way

I guess somehow I realise I was holding on too tightly, just so afraid of losing

When all I gotta do is just be myself

If it's meant to be, then it will

If not then, the things that's meant to happen will happen

I guess that's the circle of life

I'm somewhat happier now, stronger now, more determined and focused

Doesn't mean the dark days are over, no no no

Those days will knock again on my door

But at least now I know what to do =]

Junzhu, Thank you.

<3

Short Write Up

Dear Bloggie...

Is this who I am?

Mr. Mohammad Taufiq – A graduate from Singapore Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electrical & Electronic Engineering as well as a Specialist Diploma in Biomedical Engineering. Taufiq has a strong passion in helping people. In his Secondary School days, he was part of the Student Council and helped to plan, execute and run camps such as orientation camps as well as leadership camps. During his time in National Service, he served as a Medic with the Singapore Civil Defence Force. He gained experience in first aid as well as basic cardiac life support. He was also volunteered at the Spastic Children’s Association in assisting the physically disabled children with physical therapy. Taufiq was given a chance to make a difference in their lives which sparked his interest in being a trainer. During his free time, he helps his juniors in his secondary school concert band from the day he graduated. Imparting his knowledge and experience as an alumni as well as facilitating the learning of his juniors.

Seems so familiar, yet so distant.

Byez

Screeching Halt

Dear Bloggie...

I've gotta find that inner strength...

No more weaknesses, no more emotions...

This is it. We fight and we fight strong.

Let's do this.

Byez.

Love

Dear Bloggie...

I got nothing much to say, just this...

On 11th September 2012, a promise was made between two people that's gonna make their lives from today on out, much more amazing.

Zupz Zupz!

<3

Rebirth

Dear Bloggie,

As she rose up from the deep, spreading her wings shaking off those ash, she darts towards the sun.

Sup people!

As you can see, my blog is receiving some changes in terms of style and format.

This is all thanks to one special person who deserves it, Guo Junzhu aka Junnieer.

She squeezed her creative brain power to come up with what you see now.

I'm honestly in amazement.

The picture you see up there, is a picture of a sunset she photographed from her house.

This holds some significance.

This blog holds a huge part of history of my life.

The ups, the downs, the upside-downs and the inside outs.

This blog has been with me for literally 10 years already, and I've been sticking on to the same thing.

Fiqz was an idea, an inspiration.

When I was younger, I always knew there was this part of me called Fiqz.

This idea was later used to represent many aspects of who I am.

For example, just pronouncing it would sound FIX, which I love so much to fix things.

Be it listening to other people's problems, fixing a leaking tap, get friends to work things out.

This is a part of me.

The interesting part of Fiqz, was that it was accidental.

During my primary and secondary days, I used to be quite sporty(what has happened since them I have no idea =p).

But there was this particular thing I did quite well, and that was sprinting.

I challenged myself each time, every time.

Improving my timing everytime.

And at that time, my inspiration was a cartoon character, which I still adore up till now.

He's none other than, The Flash.

Witty, quick, thinking on his feet, occasionally make mistakes from being stubborn, but makes the best out of it.

These attributes, I quickly got accustomed to.

So I was thinking, how do I portray that attribute in my name.

As I was thinking, I was watching an episode of The Flash, and when he sprints off, there would be a trail of Zs...

So I just thought, well, let's just add a Z behind my name then.

And it began, Taufiqz.

No.

Something just didn't sound right there.

Tauz? O.o?

Hell no.

Fiqz.

Fiqz...

Ah. That sounds much better.

And so it began, this journey of Fiqz.

From this humble beginnings, I went out helping others.

Getting hurt along the way too.

But that was just a small rock that I stumbled upon.

It made me stronger.

I fell, I bruised, I scarred, I broke down, I obliterated myself...

My limbs were sore, my heart cracked, my spirit broken...

I dug deep...

I believed in those around me...

Those who betrayed me, I pitied them...

Cause I'm getting stronger without them.

My limbs got stronger, my heart got a major upgrade, my spirit unbreakable...

But..

My oh my....

Love came along knocking on the door...

Infused with my caring nature and the reflex of helping people...

That door was more of a doorway, there wasn't any door there...

I learnt to trust, to felt wanted, sense of security, sense of belonging...

I too learnt, the gnawing pain behind being too trusting...

It enters you like a hot knife through butter straight through your heart...

That gave me a wake up call...

What is this? What is Love?

So this has been the question I've been seeking since then.

True Love.

This magical idea.

Does it exist? Touch your heart.

Cause I believe it does.

Anyways, I'm digressing.

Yesterday, It was time Fiqz evolved into something more inquisitive.

FIQuisitive.

*JUN!!!! FIQuisitive can mah? sounds good leh... or Finquisitive...hmmm...*

So yea, Fiqz is/will be evolving.

Haven't officially decided yet.

Like I said, Evolving, not put to rest.

I do not condone the death of my own character.

A part of me still lives, breathes Fiqz...

But there's a need for more forward momentum instead of feeding off from the past.

Let us walk towards this future we have and make the best we can along the way...

For those who don't know who Jun is, well, she's basically, me. =]

The resemblance in our character and attitude is simply uncanny.

Just that she's more creative oriented than me, and I'm more language based.

But even that, is quite debatable.

Alright so this is my first update after a long hiatus...

Will try my best to make this blog more interesting...

With poems.. Life's lessons... And some other shit...

Pictures, yes, definitely...

With that I am thankful to know someone like you Jun.

Thank you.

*Love needs to be tried, tested, failed, broken, destroyed...After going through all that, if it still survives, then that, is True Love*

With Love,

Taufiq