Dear Bloggie...
In the end, it's just me by myself...
Hello people!
I bet this is my longest time being away from my blog.
But honestly with all the social media around, I find blogging redundant.
And the reason why I'm updating it now is cause someone actually realized I haven't been updating.
So I guess here I am..
I'm not gonna update on the 2+ years I went MIA from here, cause that would take forever...
Maybe I'll just touch upon some key points that happened in my life...
So the last time I left off, I was just being transferred to medical centre and still serving my NS...
At that point of time I just got attached to my gf for about 6 months...
I won't touch much about NS cause honestly, boring as shit...
So I'll talk about my relationship...
A disclaimer, this is my blog, and this is my side of the story, for those who do not agree or think I'm being ridiculous or whatever can seriously count the number of fucks I give.
Alright then, so just like how every beginning to all relationships are sweet, this one was...
Though there was this nagging pain about the relationship, I guess with time it will just pass over...
Needless to say I was happy, but the amount of happiness was limited..
As days and months passed by, and the initial rush had died down, I felt love was missing..
There were times where I had to fake being happy so she could be happy...
I said things which I had to just to please her...
In the end I felt like I was just this slave and my only purpose was to make her happy...
Which in turn made me feel miserable...
There were times she genuinely tried to make me happy...
But her jokes, I guess that's what she would call it, were shallow...
There wasn't much intellectual conversations, correction, there wasn't any at all...
Everytime I tried making her laugh, she used it against me and insulted me...
The first few times she her excuse was that she wanted to know how i reacted so next time she knew how to react...
What pisses me off the most was that, that's her excuse everytime she did that and it turned me off greatly...
Near the beginning we didn't fight much, we didn't argue...
Cause I was still tolerating and I actually thought there was something to this relationship...
But after some time, I exploded...
The worse part was that I was being accused for not being patient enough...
Talk about adding salt to injury, that was like being thrown into the dead sea with papercuts all over my body...
But time and time again I gave in eventually...
I desperately wanted things to work out...
No matter how bad it was, I held on...
Then we move forward approximately 2 years...
The day before our 2nd anniversary...
Despite everything I've told her and the commitment I was willing to give her...
She left me...
I was enraged... There wasn't any time to be sad at that point...
I was genuinely pissed...
Two freaking years I literally devoted my life for her...
Honestly I told myself there's no way I was ever going to be with her again...
From that day onwards I never contacted her in any way...
Cut to the future about 6 months, she came back...
My feelings were numb so I gave in to her...
She explained why she left me...
Though there's a nagging voice telling me not to fall for it, I eventually did...
But she didn't want to be together just yet...
She told me to wait...
I was ready to give her a second chance despite numerous advice telling me not to...
I thought I was a forgiving person...And everyone deserves a second chance...
So I waited and waited...
She talked about how she would treat me better...
She talked about how she has realised how she treated me before...
I wanted to believe her, I did... But taking precaution was also in my mind...
Then months passed, everything felt the same...
Like a jigsaw puzzle that just wouldn't fit...
Recently we had this huge argument...
I won't splurge the details cause honestly, it was ridiculous...
So ultimately I just told her we should just let it go...
And she agreed...
My initial reaction was relief...
There was no way I was able to let her see the priorities in life...
It was a burden on me...
I am writing all this down to remind myself not to go back to her...
I tried, and I even tried again, it didn't work, move on...
I'd rather she be with a guy who's blind enough to listen to her and not have his own stand...
I just wish I didn't take this long to realize my mistake when I could have been with someone who truly made me happy...
Yes I do regret...
In life you make mistakes that you'll eventually hate yourself for...
But don't forget the underlying lessons of your mistakes...
I am not giving up on love...
These bumps on the road are but minor setbacks...
Love is truly beautiful, magical...
If your heart is not happy, if it has doubts, don't continue to love, it doesn't get any better...
Love is honest and true...
Ok so that's it...
I'm not sure when will be the next time I'll update, but thanks for reading anyway...
Take care all!
Bybyez!
*The strongest magic there is, is true love*
Zupz Zupz!
