Tears of Joy

Something just strike my mind and played on my heart string today and I just need to blog about it.

Happiness, is simple. Not complicated. It is often direct, not confusing.

I finally get to watch Les Miserables. The movie itself was beautiful, but to have an awesome company to watch it with me just made it perfect. =]

I'm happy now, and I intend to bring this over to the new year that's coming... =]

Pen down your thoughts

There will be times when what you write doesn't make any sense to you now, you try so hard to make the pieces fit but you end up breaking the pieces. Where do you go from there?

Singularity point

There's no use denying it. Might as well just live the single life for the rest of my life. Period.

Acceptance

We all want to be accepted. But what we often forget is to accept who we are and accept fate. Understanding is key. We need to accept that some people are just temporarily there in your life. Sometimes there will be someone who wants to stick around genuinely, sincerely... But in our distractions by something or someone else, we tend to overlook their feelings as we take it that they will always be there. But this usually leads to emptiness. A promise made by a true heart will stay true cause they care.

Ok I digress. Point is, we need to learn to accept things more openly. And I need to accept things will be hard to accept, but only thru time.

Strength

Dear heart,

Please be strong. It will be fine. Things will get better. You will smile again. Be strong, heart. <3

Her soft touch

Oh what a dream I had, it felt so real I never wanna wake up from. She held my hand so tightly, never wanting to let go. But just like how the sun needs to set to let the moon reign over the skies, I woke up with tears. Tears not of despair, but of happiness. That at least I know there's a magical land where someone loves me truly, madly, deeply. I will never forget those gentle hands, those soft touch of her fingers. If only it wasn't a dream. I dreamed a dreamed which I know will never come true, a dream that existed to remind me of how harsh reality is. A dream that tells me there's always hope. Love. Oh the sweet sweet nectar of euphoria. But no. It cannot be. I'll never expect to be loved the same way I love. It will never be fair, LIFE is never fair. But Lord I've got needs of a lover, why do you burden me with such a wonderful gift that's empty? Why do you allow me to love yet not loved? What have I done to receive such a cruel blessing? I've been wronged five times of which you put me under the illusion of love when it was just merely the act of self pity and empathy. Why do you curse me with the power of compassion when it brings me pain and suffering? Don't. Don't even begin to answer that. You have no right. This is nothing but one of your tests. And I might question your ability as a teacher but DO NOT underestimate me as a learner! You may have won the battle but I shall promise you I WILL WIN THE WAR! I am but my own worst enemy and I am my own best friend. I will love again. Whether you like it or not. This is not the end. No. This is but a mere pit stop for me. For me to recuperate and gain back my strength. I will fight in the name of love and when I do, you will see that love will win. Cause the difference between try and triumph, is the UMPH!

I won't give up. No I won't.

Hope

I guess as long as I'm happy and the people around me are happy, I can forget about love.... I just wanna be happy...

Zupz Zupz!

All smiles :)

I wish to be happy, as happy as I can make you be.... =]

You gave me life

You gave me a reason to smile, and for that I'll do whatever I can to make you happy too.... =]

Passion Reignited

Dear Bloggie...

I know what I want and this time, I'm not letting go...

Such an interesting day I had yesterday...

For band, to be honest everytime my conductor tells me I'll be conducting alone, I do feel nervous on what I should do...

But yesterday was the day I sealed my insecurities and felt at home...

I came up with the four steps of warm up... 8 counts, 16 counts, Taufiq method and scales...

By the looks on the kids faces, they were really tired...

But can really tell that they are willing to get better

So after the warm up, touched abit on ode to joy... then moved to gavotte.... Played gavotte a lot yesterday and the kids managed to play till bar 18! Which is awesome cause last week they played till bar 10 only... Slowly but surely! So after that had lunch with them... got to know more about them and they got to know more about me... =] They said I'm the first instructor that they are nice to... I'm flattered... Maybe I'm seriously too nice to them, uh oh....... =p Anyways lunch was great! Then went home to rush proposals.. I've got More proposals to do Tmr so better get to sleep! =]

 I know you're probably not gonna read this, but just in case you do, life is filled with ups and downs, I wanna be there when it's up and I wanna be there when it goes down... I'm your friend for life... =]] Zupz Zupz!

Hooded green

Dear Bloggie...

The pain, the suffering, the angst... Feel it, embrace it, submerge yourself in it...

People come, people go...

They leave memories just like a snow...

Once they make you cold...

Your warmth makes them fold...

Into the night, the darkness will take hold...

I'm just a humble person...

Trying to find meaning in life and its lesson...

But all I've tasted are sours from life's lemons...

When will I feel alive? I will never know...

But now my darkest hour, is about to unfold...

Silence shall fall...

Be wary of those around you...

Zupz Zupz!

Expect nothing, love nothing

Dear Bloggie...

Patch me up cause I'm breaking apart...

Today chionged proposals for Tmr cause I'll be having 2d1n camp till Tuesday.

Watched ah boys to men. Amazing.

Nights world.

Zupz Zupz!

Wasted

Dear Bloggie...

Recovery.

Today was spent just doing mindless activities...

I shall just sleep now...

Good nights...

Zupz Zupz!

The recency Paradigm

Dear Bloggie...

One last time for the world to see, just for you...

As much as possible I'll try to make this a daily thing...

So that one fine day I'll get to look back at those days where things just never seems to fall in place...

They just fall all over the place and nothing just works anymore...

People stop trying...

More people crying...

I might just stop.

Breathing.

But that will come later (hopefully)...

It's kinda fun, no one ever comes here but me...

Freedom of thought, spoken words, of expression in poetry...

-Got scolded during band
-Gained popularity with band members
-Didn't get to practice flute
-TMNT,  Glee, survivor
-Early night
-Alumni meeting Tmr morning

Nights y'all!

Zupz Zupz!

Future plans, future pains...

Dear Bloggie...

He could have had the future he has been wishing for, but we all know wishes don't come true...

When I've reached the right age and saved enough, I'll get my own apartment and live on my own...

I'll probably visit the animal shelter frequently, even the SPCA to adopt a cat to shower my love and affection to...

Cause it is just heart wrenching to go through break ups and if that's not an option, rejections are just as bad...

I'm sure cats won't be too harsh on me...

Probably get a mundane office job with no prospects...

Just living in a totally unipolar world...

Life would be so much easier...

When the things you need to worry about would be having fed Dorothy(the cat) or do the laundry or what new recipe will I indulge myself with...

Just away from human civilisation...

I'll have all the love and affection I need from a cat and I'll just live aimlessly...

Sounds like a plan...

It may or may not come true but if life happens to take a turn for the worst, at least this will be a reminder that I am ready to taste the harsh realities of life, love and living.... =]

First time blogging from my phone...

Fiqz owt!

Zupz Zupz!

On my own

And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to
without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to 
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever 
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us 

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world would go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

The Origin

Dear Bloggie...

This is just random, just something I thought of and I just needed to blog about...

EUPHORIA - Once Upon an Apple Series IV
~Junnieer

Like I said, random. Heh. =]

Zupz Zupz!

Questions?

Dear Bloggie...

And so a notion was passed, did the chicken come first, or the egg?

Welcome.

It has been awhile.

The only reason for this update is preservation.

There are times in life where you gotta make bold moves.

Life changing decisions. To follow your heart, mind, thought or your plain brain.

I was built on terms of understanding, logic, perception and intelligence.

But subconsciously I was made with passion, emotions, feelings and sensitivity.

How does one weigh and tip the importance between Intelligence and Emotions?

When do we, follow our hearts rather than follow our brains?

We all feel, feeling is a subset of the brain's ability to react to certain scenarios.

In fact our heart is simply a program set by the brain to keep beating continuously until we die.

But love...

Love is absolute.

It has no laws, it abides by no rules.

Love is the epiphany of feelings. It is the créme de lá créme of feelings.

It makes you feel good, it makes the person you love feel good. It's a win-win situation.... No?

But what happens when love doesn't reciprocate?

What then?

Does that mean love is flawed?

Does that turn a win-win situation into a lose-lose situation?

What renders love useless?

Is it the fact that you're always giving your best only to be getting little, or even none back?

Then comes the question of sincerity. Does expecting something back void thoughts of sincerity?

Disclaimer: This is just a thought process and is to be observed as such.

Cause I've been thinking and feeling and... The equation is always lopsided...

Make me understand what true love is...

Make me feel like I've got something to fight for...

Let's make it a win-win situation everytime...


"Those who oppose the reality of constant change will find themselves in a whole poop of conundrum" -Fengz Er Shi San

Zupz Zupz!

Miss me too, please?

Dear Bloggie!

Over the speakers, it was the last call, he dashed to the gate hoping to find the girl of his dreams before she disappears forever...

HELLO WORLD! =]

How's everyone feeling? Good? Awesome.

This week has been zero band progress for me.

Cause Monday and Tuesday I was at RI for the race which ended late.

Adding to that I had Gebiz to do so I had to rush home to do it.

Today there was no band, no gebiz, but tidying up some attendance for the Forum on 2nd November.

And tomorrow is Hari Raya Haji.


Goodness, time flies so fast! Too fast! Slow down! I can't catch up! *Gasp*

And my bestest of the best friend, my dearest Chingu Junzhu is on a plane towards Korea now.

I must admit, I do miss her, alot... Okok, just enough so she won't feel bad... =]

Which somehow got me down reflecting the past two months of knowing her...

Yes I know, it's such a short span of time...

And honestly even I'm dumbfounded to explain how we just somehow became close...

I mean, she's just, perfect...

Somehow she reflects who I was, and what I was going through in my past...

I can relate very well...

And just like her, I can be stubborn and get easily distracted too...

But somehow within a year or two, I taught myself to focus on the important and stick to it...

Ok, more of people who are important...

She's important to me, and my focus is on her... =]


At the same time I need to keep pushing hard at what I do...

I'm fighting my battles too, and I'm gonna win...

Secret is, to take it one step at a time...

Patience, Focus, Determination and Strength...

Let's do this together... =]]

*I'm never ever ever gonna leave ya, chingu.*

Zupz Zupz!

the show must go on

Dear Bloggie...

As the curtain rise, the Emcees introduce the band, my time to shine draws nearer...

Hi ya'll! =]

Honestly sometimes I don't know where life takes me...

Just afew weeks back, I was a full time camp facilitator...

And now, I'm embarking on a new journey...

But my dad wants me to go down another road, a road that's more stable...

I mean I want that for me as well, but again I find myself touching my heart...

I've been raping my heart quite often recently...

Asking about love and all that...

Anyhoo, Balestier Hill Secondary Band is quite similar to Ngee Ann Band...

Their size and skills are quite similar...

I haven't heard them play as a combined band yet, but the sec 1s sound very promising...

Tomorrow I'll be  going down again to hear the whole band play...

I'm really really glad to be given this opportunity to work with youths...

Especially doing the thing I love most, BAND! =]


But lets just, take a step back shall we...

And truly understand the meaning behind all this...

As you look through a new piece of music, what do you see?

Yea sure, you see, tempo markings, dynamic chances, key signatures...

But do you literally see the music flying off from the pages...

The notes, singing their melody to you...

Do you, hear, what the composer is saying when he writes, Allegro...

Yea you can be technical and say that Allegro is 120 beats per crotchet...

But do you feel it?

Does it make you aware, make you wanna dance?

I do...

It just excites me to know I will be making music...

And eventually touch the hearts of the audience through the band I'll be conducting...

This is the beginning of my journey, and I hope I will go far...

I really need to work hard now...

FIGHTING!!!!

*Music has the ability to alter your emotions, be there for you when times are bad, and make you happy when times get mad*

Zupz Zupz!

Homeostasis

Dear Bloggie...

Touch your heart, think deep, do you know who you are?

Hi World!

We are humans.

To err is human.

We are bound to make mistakes.

Some with much more dire consequences than others.

But in all, it's part of being, human.

Even our human parts, gets exposed to lots of crap.

Sound pollution, Air pollution, Water pollution.

Does that mean our human parts give up? Stop, being, human? O.o

Nope! =]

It regulates, replenish and reconciles.

Through the process of homeostatis.

If it drops too cold, our heart pumps more blood, we start to shiver to create heat.

If it becomes hot, we perspire, cooling our skin.

If there's one thing we can learn from this, is that we should behave like human beings.

If we get our hearts broken, we find ways to reconcile.

If people hurt our feelings, we hurt them back, NO, that's wrong! We help show them the way.

We try and we try, cause that's what we can do. Being Human.

Sure, you can be sad, you can rant, you can be angry or whatever.

Just know that at the end of the day, you're not so hard on yourself.

Live life the way YOU want, as humanly possible.

This is but a reminder for myself and anyone who BOTHERS reading. =]

Take care!

Zupz Zupz!

Music is Love

Dear Bloggie...

Tapping his gentle fingers in tempo, vivace allegro molto con brio. Accelerando!

Life has been quite smooth so far...

Went for Mus'Art Wind Orchestra Concert on Sunday...

Mrs Chua invited me to come cause she wanted to meet me to talk about something...

It's amazing to see her again...

Surprised that she actually remembers me...

Interesting...

Anyhoo, I'm offered a job...

As a conductor!

It's for a junior band...

And I'll probably start on my own only next year...

So from now till then, I'll be going through training with another amazing conductor...

Ms Tan who plays the French Horn...

This has been what I've always wanted since I joined band in sec school...

I'll never let go of this opportunity...

Gotta thank Hansel for asking Mrs Chua and hooking me up...

So yup, hopefully I'll go on the musical journey and be a successful conductor one day... =]

SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE SMILE! =]

Zupz Zupz!

Stand for what you believe in, even if you stand alone

Dear Bloggie...

Chains filled with rust and dirt, the machine looks old and broken, but unknown to the wary eye, the machine braved a thousand storms and suffered countless of battle scars.

Grandpa.

Yea that's the name of the van now...

A blue Grandpa.


Gosh he's grumpy as ever today...

He even took some time to wake up this afternoon...

I'm just thankful he actually DID wake up...

God knows what I'll do if he didn't...


So today, I brought grumpy ol' Grandpa to the carwash...

The weather hot, and besides he needed the wash. (trust me, he was filthy)


Oh and Grandpa had another passenger today too!

His name is Jazli, a good friend of mine.

I drove Grandpa and Jazli to Vivocity today.

That's where I parked him, so that he could rest, and Jazli and me could go walk around...


For the first time in our lives, we tried Boost low fat yoghurt...

And boy was it costly...

Jaz bought the Mango drink, and I bought the All Berries drink...

I'm just glad I didn't buy his drink, cause if I did, confirm won't finish...

My berries drink was awesome. =]


We walked towards Sentosa...

He suggested to go into Sentosa, I told him no...

My fear Grandpa might get angry if we leave it too long...

So we walked back, took some pics along the way...

Ok, so we took lots of pics, which I posted in instagram already...


So from Vivocity, I drove grandpa to Plaza Singapura...

Had our dinner at Mac...

I'm always with my Fillet O Fish and Green Tea...

Then my friend who was working in some shop there ended work...

I fetched her, then sent her home...

She's going Shenzhen tomorrow, so I hope she got enough time to finish packing her stuff just now...


So from her house, I went to pump diesel and a petrol kiosk...

Then send Jazli home...

Then I parked grandpa at the multi story carpark for the night...

And here I am...


So that's it.

I guess no one's gonna read this but me anyways...

So Jiayou Fiq!

Only you can unlock your own true potential...

*And so the cycle of friends becoming strangers has started*

Smile always people!

Zupz Zupz!

Awakening

Dear Bloggie...

As he woke up from his dream, he soon realised what he has to do...

Acceptance.

Life is a cycle.

No matter what your beliefs are, science is able to prove this.

We get introduced into this world knowing nothing.

We learn, gain knowledge, make friends, touch listen feel.

We get older.

We fall in love.

We get married.

We have kids.

We get older.

We forget the things we learn.

We lose our senses.

We return to knowing nothing.

We die.

And as we die, our children's children, starts their journey through life.

And so on and so forth.


Life is an experience.

There's no short cuts, no cheat code, no time machine(ok maybe not YET).

Sometimes life gets pleasant. It just seems everything just falls into the right order.

Sometimes life gets difficult. And you just can't explain it.

Be it pleasant or difficult, you are never on your own.

There will be people around you to share your laughter, your joy.

There will be people around you to share your sadness and your sorrows.

People tend to be unpredictable too.

One minute they might be happy, next minute they might be sad.

But does this make them mad? No... That's just who they are.

It takes a lot to understand someone, it takes whole lot more to earn their trust.

But it takes a moment, to destroy whatever trust there is.

No matter how hard you try, things will never stay the same.

Change is constant.

We need to constantly adapt.

Adapt to the needs of others.

Sometimes it's easy, cause you can relate very well.

Sometimes, you just feel like giving up.

But don't ever give up on yourself.

A lesson I've learned for myself.

If you can't carry yourself, don't expect others to carry you.

You need to believe in yourself, your capabilities, your skills, your knowledge.

There will always be dark clouds to come.

It's either you run from it, or you face it.

Don't be afraid.

Root yourself down. Brace it. Embrace it. Face it.

Cause when the clouds clear, you're still standing strong.

You survived! And you're rewarded with a beautiful sight of a rainbow.

You're stronger than before.

Smile.. Don't you forget to smile...

Cause no other make up makes you look better, than a smile. =]


So this is me, smiling, cause life's too short to be miserable. =D

"No one can go back and make a brand new start, however anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard

Zupz Zupz!

Just WTF Fiq...

Dear Bloggie...

Yes I'm angry...

Very very angry...

At myself...

For going so low...

ARGH...

If I could strangle myself, I would, seriously, no joke...

Why do I always do this to myself...

Must be from all the family pressure...

Looking at my sister...

3 kids... All still very young...

With a husband that had stroke a year ago and had his left leg amputated, and now he's having trouble speaking cause that part of the brain is dead...

Then I look at my mom...

Crying every day... Her vision keeps getting worse... And my dad's patience with her is getting thinner by the day cause my mom is going into depression...

Then there's my grandmother... Who's in hospital now... Everyday she wish she was at home with her family...

And there's me... ME....

Haiz... me...

To be honest, I'm perfectly pathetic...

Just filled with disappointments...

Disappointing others...

I'm working from home...

My income is well, pathetic...

I don't even know who I am anymore...

*sigh*

why does this happen to me... why now...

This is not how I imagined my life would be...

I'm serious...

Where did I go wrong...

Which part in my life did I screw up so badly?

Even if I did know, not like there's any way to correct it...

But I gotta take small steps...

Recovery's gonna be a bitch...

But it's necessary....

I need to step up... I need to fight...

Cause in the end I can only count on myself now...

I seriously feel like screaming, but I shall contain it till I'm at the beach or something, if not people think I siao...

Gah.

Zupz Zupz

Read only if you're ready to leave

Dear Bloggie...

He held on to her, she wanted to leave, goodbye she said, I'm sorry he said.

I was wrong...

So bloody wrong...

I tried to keep it together, but in the end I lost it...

I wish I was stronger than this...

I wish I didn't need anybody...

I wish I stopped disturbing those around me...

I wish... I wish... I wish...

But this ain't no fairy tale...

Wishes don't come true...

Unicorns and rainbows don't exist...

Love...is a made up myth...

How did I become this way...

Was I just too naive?

The one person who finally understands me, is walking the other direction...

What did I do?

What have I become?

Apologising doesn't actually work anymore...

The damage I caused has already been done...

Somehow there's a little voice in me telling me to just stop...

There's no point anymore...

Love is impossible, a dream, a mere illusion...

What's the use in believing?

Trust? What's that?

Who am I to tell someone the definition of trust and love?

Who the hell do I think I am?

I'm no one now...

No one again...

No one special ever again...

What's the point of trying over and over and over again...

When the result is always the same...

Might as well I be cold, heartless and don't bother anyone...

No one needs me anyway...

I could literally live in my room the whole year, and no one would notice...

Stop trying to be somebody Fiq...

This is who you are, sad, lonely, depressed and stupid...

Stuck in a vicious cycle and there's no way of coming out...

This is life.

How it was intended for me, and how I should follow it...

Dreams are for those with hope...

I lost hope...

I don't even know what it means, hope.

Expectations and reality...

Patience and Virtue...

Fuck  that shit...

Everytime I rise back up, I fall deeper and harder...

I wish to stay down here...

Where there's nothing expected of me...

Let me be happy in my own twisted ways...

Maybe I simply thrive in depression...

I've lost every ounce of happiness...

I don't expect anyone around me to stay...

I'll only hurt them anyway...

So it's best if I kept everything to myself...

And so, the Depression begins...


*The darkness lingers behind the light, whispering, twisting reality, falsifying truth, bending facts... Until he finally gave in... He lost the ability to find the light, as he was bathed in darkness...*

Let it burn, let it all burn...

smile fiq, just smile

Dear Bloggie...

Looking through his foggy glasses, he wipes his tears...

Well then, there's not much to say...

Imagine a 100 story building collapsing but multiplied by a million...

This is life...

Shit happens...

But what can you say...

You gave love another shot, it didn't work out...

Where do I go from here, I dunno...

I'll let the tides of time determine my fate...

I feel lost suddenly...

Well I kinda felt it coming, didn't know it would though...

But yea...

All I gotta do now is smile and be strong, cause that's what she would've wanted anyways...

With Despair,

Taufiq

Who Am I?

Dear Bloggie...

He remembers his past, memories filled with what why where and when, but still he couldn't answer this one question, who was he?

This has been bothering me quite alot especially recently...

And I mean, character and emotion wise I have a grasp of who I am...

But what am I?

I guess this is what happens when you do so much stuff till you just get confused in one ball...

This phenomenon of accumulative skills I've got over the past decade, literally...

It all started in Sec 2, I was just so curious to join a CCA, and I chosed band...

Why band? No idea at all...

So then after all the paperwork, I arrived at my first band practice...

Was introduced to the conductor, and all she said was, "Euphonium"...

Was I amazed? no. I was just confused, WHAT'S A EUPHONIUM?! CAN I EAT IT?!

Then my senior showed me the instrument, and my face....still reek of confusion...

I wasn't able to play it on the first practice, so all I could do was to hold it like a fish our of water...

Then came next practice, I was all geared up, mentally prepared to learn...

Of which I was given a mouthpiece, and I was supposed to BUZZ into the mouthpiece...

Now, what's BUZZ?

Basically it's the vibration of both your lips together creating a sound...

My senior told me that I buzzed well...

Then I was given the instrument...

So technically, Me + Mouthpiece + Instrument = Sweet sound

Well in theory yes, but as a young musician, what came out sounded like a guy who just finished eating Doritos and started farting...

Yes it was bad, but I didn't know good from bad so I continued till my senior screamed at me to stop...heh...

And that was my first encounter with the instrument that I've been very faithful to...

Ever since those days, I've performed countless of times, went for SYF and band exchanges...

Till one fine day after SYF, somehow all the Tuba players quit, there wasn't anyone in the tuba section...

My conductor talked to me, and transferred me to the Tuba section...

Obviously my heart broke, shattered into a million pieces...

Was this a joke? sadly, no.

With a heavy heart I started to learn the Tuba...

Complaining all the way about how heavy it was, how the score was epicly boring with all the big fat notes...

Slowly but surely, one day, I came round...

I didn't realise, during those practices, I actually improved my playing alot...

Till the day came and we were just afew days before our concert, my conductor told me to play the Bb...

With one heave of breath, I blew...

Magically, the tone filled with richness and emotions came out, I felt it deep inside me...

My conductor was moved...and so did I...

I actually enjoyed playing the Tuba...

Pumping out bass, filling up the air with foundation...

It was Uh-Ma-Zing...

I played for another SYF with the Tuba...

The sense of satisfaction after getting the second gold medal of my life...

Everything was perfect...

And that was my start in the music world...

Which was quite short lived after I graduated from Sec School...

I got into SP, wanted to try something new...

Joined Archery for about a year...

It was nice to try something new...

But I knew I was missing out on alot...

So I joined the band in Year 2...

I was led by amazing seniors and got exposed to a conductor who could literally cry after a piece of music...

This moved me alot...

Oh point to take note, I went back to playing the Euphonium...

Cause I simply couldn't let go of the Euphonium...

Again, I performed quite alot but this time with a better band, performing songs that I never thought I would ever perform...

It was just a nice experience...

Then I graduated from SP...

And got thrown into SCDF...

Honestly, I was kinda hoping I could get army or police since they both had bands...

But I got thrown into SCDF....

No band...

So now what?

How do I make my time in NS worthwhile...

For this we move on to the second chapter...

So at this stage, band was not an option...

I searched for something I might like in NS...

By the law of elimination, I found being a Medic the most suitable...

So I went for the interview, and I went for the medic course...

And boy, I didn't know what I got myself into...

Lots of medical terms, skills and protocols to learn...

If bio was meant to be studied for a year, mine was cramped up into 6 weeks...

Everyday we were fed with new knowledge and tested over and over...

It was tough, but interesting in some ways...

And I Passed Out as a Medic, got deployed as an Ambulance Medic...

Won't go into much detail cause that, will take forever...

Being a medic really sparked my interest in helping others...

I mean I've always helped others emotionally and listening to problems...

But this opportunity allowed me to physically help and feel a sense of satisfaction...

So I took a Specialist Diploma in Biomedical Engineering in SP...

It was super interesting to me, opened up my eyes alot...

Then after NS, I suddenly felt lost...

First time, out in the open, with nothing to do...

Did afew part time jobs here and there...

Was a full time admin officer/student relation officer for about 6 months...

And now I am a training manager...

So basically my foot has never been on stable grounds ever since I ORDed...

What makes me, me...

Been struggling with that question...

And I guess I need some time to reflect on that...

I hope I find who I truly am...

*When the tides turn, the winds of change will brush upon us, be ready*

With Love,

Taufiq.

Sometimes

Dear Bloggie...

As the buffeting winds started to pick up, among the debris he felt life pulsating through the air like a signal, what was he to do?

I'm gonna try make this a daily thing

Mainly because, I can, and I do have a bad memory

So this is the bread crumbs I'm leaving for myself

For those days that has no sense whatsoever...

I've been using whatsoever quite often have I...

Gosh...

Sounds sleek though.........whatsoever....

Anyways, during random days I'll just whip up a poem or two...

Just to see if I still have it in me...

So here's, Sometimes.

I hear the laughter of a child,

The weeping of a parent,

Always knew emotions could never be so mild,

Even though you gotta turn up the current,

How would you have known,

If the right one for you has shown?

Will you know it in your bone?

Or is there a magic lamp that need not be rubbed, but blown?

As we explore the endless possibilities,

Be it the stars, lands or even seas,

Where do our emotional compass leads us to,

And how do we determine if the path is true?

There need not be any sorrows,

Or even any pain,

But I'm a crab that loves to burrows,

Afraid that my attempts to love, just might be in vain,

But sometimes not all is lost,

You might find someone who you can truly trust,

Memories formed and feelings flourished without being forced,

Just keep it clean, you wouldn't want it to rust.

Stay strong and fight hard, they say,

So that we can always love, another day...

There's only one person who knows this blog,

I dedicate this poem, to you Junzhu... =]

With Love,

Taufiq

Of Past, Present, Future

Dear Bloggie...

As she gazes upon the blazing trail of fire behind her, a single tear rolls down her cheek, she snatched a quick grin and continues her pursuit.

Well today wasn't so bad

I got myself back together, and just before you know it, I'm me again

I guess this is just something I've been battling my whole life

My strength comes in other people

I admit, I do rely on people, I'm a people's person

So when situation becomes bleak, I turn to people, and when there's no one there, I panic

But I guess recently I've learned alot of things from a very special lady

I learned it the hard way

I guess somehow I realise I was holding on too tightly, just so afraid of losing

When all I gotta do is just be myself

If it's meant to be, then it will

If not then, the things that's meant to happen will happen

I guess that's the circle of life

I'm somewhat happier now, stronger now, more determined and focused

Doesn't mean the dark days are over, no no no

Those days will knock again on my door

But at least now I know what to do =]

Junzhu, Thank you.

<3

Short Write Up

Dear Bloggie...

Is this who I am?

Mr. Mohammad Taufiq – A graduate from Singapore Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electrical & Electronic Engineering as well as a Specialist Diploma in Biomedical Engineering. Taufiq has a strong passion in helping people. In his Secondary School days, he was part of the Student Council and helped to plan, execute and run camps such as orientation camps as well as leadership camps. During his time in National Service, he served as a Medic with the Singapore Civil Defence Force. He gained experience in first aid as well as basic cardiac life support. He was also volunteered at the Spastic Children’s Association in assisting the physically disabled children with physical therapy. Taufiq was given a chance to make a difference in their lives which sparked his interest in being a trainer. During his free time, he helps his juniors in his secondary school concert band from the day he graduated. Imparting his knowledge and experience as an alumni as well as facilitating the learning of his juniors.

Seems so familiar, yet so distant.

Byez

Screeching Halt

Dear Bloggie...

I've gotta find that inner strength...

No more weaknesses, no more emotions...

This is it. We fight and we fight strong.

Let's do this.

Byez.

Love

Dear Bloggie...

I got nothing much to say, just this...

On 11th September 2012, a promise was made between two people that's gonna make their lives from today on out, much more amazing.

Zupz Zupz!

<3

Rebirth

Dear Bloggie,

As she rose up from the deep, spreading her wings shaking off those ash, she darts towards the sun.

Sup people!

As you can see, my blog is receiving some changes in terms of style and format.

This is all thanks to one special person who deserves it, Guo Junzhu aka Junnieer.

She squeezed her creative brain power to come up with what you see now.

I'm honestly in amazement.

The picture you see up there, is a picture of a sunset she photographed from her house.

This holds some significance.

This blog holds a huge part of history of my life.

The ups, the downs, the upside-downs and the inside outs.

This blog has been with me for literally 10 years already, and I've been sticking on to the same thing.

Fiqz was an idea, an inspiration.

When I was younger, I always knew there was this part of me called Fiqz.

This idea was later used to represent many aspects of who I am.

For example, just pronouncing it would sound FIX, which I love so much to fix things.

Be it listening to other people's problems, fixing a leaking tap, get friends to work things out.

This is a part of me.

The interesting part of Fiqz, was that it was accidental.

During my primary and secondary days, I used to be quite sporty(what has happened since them I have no idea =p).

But there was this particular thing I did quite well, and that was sprinting.

I challenged myself each time, every time.

Improving my timing everytime.

And at that time, my inspiration was a cartoon character, which I still adore up till now.

He's none other than, The Flash.

Witty, quick, thinking on his feet, occasionally make mistakes from being stubborn, but makes the best out of it.

These attributes, I quickly got accustomed to.

So I was thinking, how do I portray that attribute in my name.

As I was thinking, I was watching an episode of The Flash, and when he sprints off, there would be a trail of Zs...

So I just thought, well, let's just add a Z behind my name then.

And it began, Taufiqz.

No.

Something just didn't sound right there.

Tauz? O.o?

Hell no.

Fiqz.

Fiqz...

Ah. That sounds much better.

And so it began, this journey of Fiqz.

From this humble beginnings, I went out helping others.

Getting hurt along the way too.

But that was just a small rock that I stumbled upon.

It made me stronger.

I fell, I bruised, I scarred, I broke down, I obliterated myself...

My limbs were sore, my heart cracked, my spirit broken...

I dug deep...

I believed in those around me...

Those who betrayed me, I pitied them...

Cause I'm getting stronger without them.

My limbs got stronger, my heart got a major upgrade, my spirit unbreakable...

But..

My oh my....

Love came along knocking on the door...

Infused with my caring nature and the reflex of helping people...

That door was more of a doorway, there wasn't any door there...

I learnt to trust, to felt wanted, sense of security, sense of belonging...

I too learnt, the gnawing pain behind being too trusting...

It enters you like a hot knife through butter straight through your heart...

That gave me a wake up call...

What is this? What is Love?

So this has been the question I've been seeking since then.

True Love.

This magical idea.

Does it exist? Touch your heart.

Cause I believe it does.

Anyways, I'm digressing.

Yesterday, It was time Fiqz evolved into something more inquisitive.

FIQuisitive.

*JUN!!!! FIQuisitive can mah? sounds good leh... or Finquisitive...hmmm...*

So yea, Fiqz is/will be evolving.

Haven't officially decided yet.

Like I said, Evolving, not put to rest.

I do not condone the death of my own character.

A part of me still lives, breathes Fiqz...

But there's a need for more forward momentum instead of feeding off from the past.

Let us walk towards this future we have and make the best we can along the way...

For those who don't know who Jun is, well, she's basically, me. =]

The resemblance in our character and attitude is simply uncanny.

Just that she's more creative oriented than me, and I'm more language based.

But even that, is quite debatable.

Alright so this is my first update after a long hiatus...

Will try my best to make this blog more interesting...

With poems.. Life's lessons... And some other shit...

Pictures, yes, definitely...

With that I am thankful to know someone like you Jun.

Thank you.

*Love needs to be tried, tested, failed, broken, destroyed...After going through all that, if it still survives, then that, is True Love*

With Love,

Taufiq

Beneath everyday tragedy lies opportunity

Dear Bloggie...

Give me a reason to stay...

Hello people..

Yup it's me again...

So basically the past few weeks I haven't been doing much...

Just looking after my nephews and looking for jobs...

I am determined to find something really related to what I wanna do in the future...

Diagnostic Radiography...

Seems like I have a master plan, but honestly I can just hope it works out well...

Going back to study ain't something easy...

But I've come across a student who's age is around 40+ who just did her 3 years diploma in OT...

In the end it's really up to your interest...

Ok I don't really wanna talk about that...

A plan is just a plan until an action has been carried out...

So far the only action I've tried is applying for assistant radiographer jobs everywhere...

Somehow I feel so alone...

There are people who I wish I could talk to, but they feel so distant...

I'm sure they know I miss them alot...

But I'm told to wait...

Am I too trusting?

Does my weakness of being Gullible make me blind?

How long more do I have to wait?

I wish I wasn't being kept in the dark like this...

But I guess that's what I gotta do now...

Well I guess that's all for today...

Take care everyone...

*It takes two hands to clap, two chopsticks to eat noodles and two genuine hearts to make a couple*

Zupz Zupz!

Love

Dear Bloggie...

In the end, it's just me by myself...

Hello people!

I bet this is my longest time being away from my blog.

But honestly with all the social media around, I find blogging redundant.

And the reason why I'm updating it now is cause someone actually realized I haven't been updating.

So I guess here I am..

I'm not gonna update on the 2+ years I went MIA from here, cause that would take forever...

Maybe I'll just touch upon some key points that happened in my life...

So the last time I left off, I was just being transferred to medical centre and still serving my NS...

At that point of time I just got attached to my gf for about 6 months...

I won't touch much about NS cause honestly, boring as shit...

So I'll talk about my relationship...

A disclaimer, this is my blog, and this is my side of the story, for those who do not agree or think I'm being ridiculous or whatever can seriously count the number of fucks I give.

Alright then, so just like how every beginning to all relationships are sweet, this one was...

Though there was this nagging pain about the relationship, I guess with time it will just pass over...

Needless to say I was happy, but the amount of happiness was limited..

As days and months passed by, and the initial rush had died down, I felt love was missing..

There were times where I had to fake being happy so she could be happy...

I said things which I had to just to please her...

In the end I felt like I was just this slave and my only purpose was to make her happy...

Which in turn made me feel miserable...

There were times she genuinely tried to make me happy...

But her jokes, I guess that's what she would call it, were shallow...

There wasn't much intellectual conversations, correction, there wasn't any at all...

Everytime I tried making her laugh, she used it against me and insulted me...

The first few times she her excuse was that she wanted to know how i reacted so next time she knew how to react...

What pisses me off the most was that, that's her excuse everytime she did that and it turned me off greatly...

Near the beginning we didn't fight much, we didn't argue...

Cause I was still tolerating and I actually thought there was something to this relationship...

But after some time, I exploded...

The worse part was that I was being accused for not being patient enough...

Talk about adding salt to injury, that was like being thrown into the dead sea with papercuts all over my body...

But time and time again I gave in eventually...

I desperately wanted things to work out...

No matter how bad it was, I held on...

Then we move forward approximately 2 years...

The day before our 2nd anniversary...

Despite everything I've told her and the commitment I was willing to give her...

She left me...

I was enraged... There wasn't any time to be sad at that point...

I was genuinely pissed...

Two freaking years I literally devoted my life for her...

Honestly I told myself there's no way I was ever going to be with her again...

From that day onwards I never contacted her in any way...

Cut to the future about 6 months, she came back...

My feelings were numb so I gave in to her...

She explained why she left me...

Though there's a nagging voice telling me not to fall for it, I eventually did...

But she didn't want to be together just yet...

She told me to wait...

I was ready to give her a second chance despite numerous advice telling me not to...

I thought I was a forgiving person...And everyone deserves a second chance...

So I waited and waited...

She talked about how she would treat me better...

She talked about how she has realised how she treated me before...

I wanted to believe her, I did... But taking precaution was also in my mind...

Then months passed, everything felt the same...

Like a jigsaw puzzle that just wouldn't fit...

Recently we had this huge argument...

I won't splurge the details cause honestly, it was ridiculous...

So ultimately I just told her we should just let it go...

And she agreed...

My initial reaction was relief...

There was no way I was able to let her see the priorities in life...

It was a burden on me...

I am writing all this down to remind myself not to go back to her...

I tried, and I even tried again, it didn't work, move on...

I'd rather she be with a guy who's blind enough to listen to her and not have his own stand...

I just wish I didn't take this long to realize my mistake when I could have been with someone who truly made me happy...

Yes I do regret...

In life you make mistakes that you'll eventually hate yourself for...

But don't forget the underlying lessons of your mistakes...

I am not giving up on love...

These bumps on the road are but minor setbacks...

Love is truly beautiful, magical...

If your heart is not happy, if it has doubts, don't continue to love, it doesn't get any better...

Love is honest and true...

Ok so that's it...

I'm not sure when will be the next time I'll update, but thanks for reading anyway...

Take care all!

Bybyez!

*The strongest magic there is, is true love*

Zupz Zupz!