One thing after another. And now it's just, getting a bit too depressing. I don't understand what has been going on. What have I done wrong? Why is this suddenly happening? Why dont you confide in me anymore? I thought we were the closest friends could ever get.. I would tell you everything that happened to me that day, good or bad. But somehow, you never really thought that was important. I know you dont rely on me as much as I rely on you. You're my everything. But I'm not sure who I am to you anymore. Am I a burden? Am I just someone you get tired of after being too long around me? I trust you as my best friend, as someone who can calm me down when Im angry, cheer me up when Im sad, encourange me when I've given up. Someone who's always been there for me. And suddenly, something new comes by and you're just, washed away by the waves. Tell me, did I do something wrong? Night after night, cry myself to sleep. Already the weather is so damn hot, I think Im deyhdrated. Oh God, please help me! I dont know what to do. Already I have so little people I trust. And this has to happen. Im so confused. I dont understand. I just really dont understand. Please make him see some sense?..

Adam Lambert
Better than I know myself


"Cold as ice
And more bitter than a December
Winter night
That's how I treated you
And I know that I
I sometimes tend to loose my temper
And I cross the line
Yeah that's the truth

I know it gets hard sometimes
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say
Coz if I wanted to go
I woulda gone by now but
I really need you near me
To keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave
I woulda left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself

All along
I tried to pretend it didn't matter
If I was alone
Deep down I know
If you were gone
For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn
Coz I'm lost without you

I know it gets hard sometimes
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say

Coz if I wanted to go
I woulda gone by now
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/adam-lambert-lyrics/better-than-i-know-myself-lyrics.html ]
But I really need you near me
To keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave
I woulda left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself

I get kind of dark
Let it go to far
I can be obnoxious at times
But try and see my heart
Cause I need you now
So don't let me down
You are the only thing in this world
I would die without

Coz if I wanted to go
I woulda gone by now but
I really need you near me
To keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave
I woulda left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself

Coz if I wanted to go
I woulda gone by now but
I really need you near me
To keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave
I woulda left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know my self."


I hate it when this happens..
































I feel like I've lost all of this..



















"Coz if I wanted to go, I would have gone by now but..
I really need you near me
To keep my mind off the edge..
If I wanted to leave, I would have left by now coz..
You're only one that knows me, better than I know myself.."


All the while, I've been asking myself, why am I still here?
when something goes wrong, I ask myself, are you unhappy? for that moment,yes.
Everything else blacks out. All the wonderful memories we ever shared is overshadowed by anger, sadness, hate, disappointment..
This song right here, may be the reason why I stay.
I never could quite get a grip on why I stay for so long..
but now I know.
You make me happy every morning when you wish me "good morning" even when I'm still asleep..
You keep me company when I need you most..
You take good care of me, sorry I can't do the same quite as well..

But to every joy, tears will find its way in..
and I guess this is one of those moments.
I dont know when this will end. I dont know how you're feeling.
But to me, it seems like, you want to be always right. and I'm tired of trying to explain myself.
I give up.

You know that feeling when everything is going on so perfectly? When you feel like you've got the whole world in your hands? Well, thats the opposite of what is going on in this shithole. One thing falls apart and soon, everything is a mess. One thing fucks up your mind and then you start thinking why and how and who and what and you just dont focus on other shit around you. Every little thing becomes a problem, a neatral nothing when you're expecting something, just SOMETHING to make you happy again. But no. Nothing. By the end of the day, you gain nothing. No-thing. You lose everything you ever had a grip on.

I dont get it. Why did u have to repeat yourself? I heard it once, twice maybe. And now, thrice. Are you trying to rub in how fucking pathetic my social life is compared to yours??? Is that it? Coz if thats what you're trying to say, I dont need it. Coz I know its pathetic. I know there are few people I can trust, few people who understand me, few people who can withstand my difficult personality. Im sorry if I am naturally stubborn and difficult and I dont show my feelings as well as I want to. But thats just me. So if you think that you cant live with the silence that comes with my anger, confusion and sadness, then so be it. Coz Im tired of having to answer all the 'why's and in the end, my answers dont mean anything coz they arent good enough for you. Ignoring the problem doesnt help. But trying to talk it out with you doesnt work either. I give up.