Post-exam period.

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah my exams are over. =) An exam period which took one and a half month was extremely tiring. Exhausting, really... especially for someone with a short attention span like me. I was really losing interest in having the same schedule day by day. Sleep, eat, pray, revise. Sleep, eat, pray, revise. That was all I did. Now I'm beginning to think that I really can't do a 9-5 job in the office... well unless they allow me to spray the whole office with air refresher with absolute drama every time I'm sleepy. (Refer to 30th June's post on the things I do when I'm tired).

Every single examination paper I sat for was really challenging, and I'm really hoping for the best. It just dawned to me that now I'm in university... things are just going to get harder. Well... or maybe I just didn't study really really hard. Doakan k...

Of beautiful thoughts. (II)

Today's post will relate a lot to what I wrote some time ago, on 22nd November 2010.

You know... it's getting clearer. Every time I look at children, I wish to become a mother. I wonder how it feels to be one. I really do. =) One day, I hope to understand, how pure a mother's love can be. How she can actually love her child no matter what the circumstances are. 

Around a week ago, I sat in Gami' Musa, a mosque in Hayyu Sabie' - the 7th District in Cairo. I was supposed to be studying for a paper the very next day, but everything that I saw... it was calming. I couldn't bring myself to stop and continue memorizing.

I was in the middle of the musolla. At one end, a woman had just came in with three of her toddlers, two girls and one boy. The girls seemed to be close to 4 years old, and the boy... probably two years old. The mother came in; with a smile and greetings of salaam. The toddlers were all pulled to one side. The mother taught her children the duaa' upon entering a mosque.

"Yallah ma'ayaa..." (Follow me)

"Allaahummaghfirlii zunuubii."

"Allaaaaahoommmaaaghfirliii zunooobiiiii..."

I realize that the voices of children are so innocent. Voices of the children of Paradise. Voices of children, who have not sinned. 

"Waftah lii..."

"Waftah lii!" 

"Abwaaba rahmatik..."

"Ameen!" 

The children were distracted, I guess, and just said Ameen. Naughty children. =) But the mother was patient.

"Yallah uliihaa... Abwaaba rahmatik!" (Come, say it... abwaaba rahmatik!)

"Abwaaba rahmatik..." 

"Ameen..."

I smiled. I wish I was the mother.

Then in front of me were a group of around nine children, all sitting in a circle. Their age were perhaps between four to six years old. Their ustaazah was sitting among them. I recognized that kind of halaqah. It was a tahfiiz class. And they were trying to memorize Surah Al-Baiyyinah.

"Lam yakunillazhiina kafaruuuuu...." 

Their voices were robotic; their recitation wasn't with a certain melody whatsoever... but it still was beautiful to hear. Oh, the voices of children...

Everyone was in their own world; one scrunched her nose which memorizing, while another pulled her headscarf in frustration. One girl, I realized, looked happy while reciting. Their antics; these childrens' antics... filled my heart with serenity. 

Again, I wished I was a mother. 

This religion is beautiful. One so beautiful, I wish and hope that Allah would grant me my wish, to bring my children towards His light... the Light that will forever illuminate this world.

Ps: I really like the name Ahmad Furqaan... that, in hope that the child will grow up to be a walking Quraan one day, insyaAllah.  

Kejujuran seorang abang.

Sewaktu berada di tanah air pada bulan Februari dan Mac yang lepas... mama risau sangat yang saya perlu pulang ke Mesir nanti. Biasalah, hati seorang ibu. Selalu merisaukan anak. Jadinya... dia cuba cuba lah bercakap tentang sambung pelajaran di tempat lain. Lagipun, pada waktu tu saya memang perlukan satu back-up, manalah tahu keadaan di Mesir tak mengizinkan kita untuk sambung belajar. Fikir punya fikir... saya dapat beberapa pilihan.

1) UM/UIA (dua buah universiti yang saya kira adalah yang terbaik di Malaysia)

2) Pulang ke madrasah untuk A levels.

3) JC untuk A levels. (kecenderungan 0.0001%) 

Pada satu hari... saya asyik terfikir tentang JC. Umur saya baru 20 tahun, masih boleh diterima di JC. Bila terpandang abang... saya pun bertanya.

Saya: Abang, abang!

Abang: Yesssssssss.....?

Saya: Kalau adik masuk JC.... ok tak?

Abang: Habis dik - 

Saya: (memotong cakap abang) Hmmm alah tapi... tapi...

Abang: Habis dik. Gone. Jadi hanyut. (muka tak memandang saya pun! Sibuk pandang computer! Geram!)

Bagi mereka yang tak ada abang, ya itu dia........ kejujuran seorang abang. -_-

Being 20.

I don't really like being 20. =(

Being 20 means that I have responsibilities. It means that I have to act as an adult sooner or later. It means.... it means a lot of things. I've seen many things, I've a lot more to learn... but the learning process sometimes isn't that nice. At times, you have to fall and hit hard on the ground just in order to to learn how to get back up. To understand, what the world is made up of. To understand, what is Life. 

I realize that many feelings are not nice.

Jealousy. Pain. Disappointment. Being ignored. But I have to learn to accept, since these are the things that I've probably done before myself to others - what scares me is that I'm probably still doing it. 

Let's keep smiling. =)

Ujian.

Suatu ketika bintang bintang itu cuma dapat dilihat dari jauh di langit tinggi. Kini satu satu ia jatuh berguguran ke bumi........