نعمة بعد نعمة

Kalau ikut kata mama, derita itu terlalu sementara. Rasa sedih yang kita rasa, akan hilang. Rasa pedihnya hati sebab terluka, juga tak lama. Nanti semua Allah akan ambil balik semua tu... 

Mata itu terkadang terlalu buta... kalau kita tak dapat melihat dalam kegelapan malam, kita boleh cari cahaya. Saat dunia diterangi cahaya, tetapi kalau mata kita cuma melihat kegelapan... itu terlalu merisaukan. Terlalu. 

Nikmat sewaktu ujian. Itu tersangat berharga. Kesabaran yang Allah beri kepada kita untuk menghadapi cabaran... itu nikmat. Perlu ke kita tunggu sesuatu yang menggembirakan kita untuk datang selepas ujian baru rasa syukur yang dalam diri kita akan bertambah? 

Hmm, bilalah hati ni nak jadi masyaAllah... =)

Bilalah kita akan selalu tersenyum bila dapat ujian? Hmm. Nanti..... bilalah masanya akan datang bila yang kita lihat semuanya nikmat dan bukan ujian? Ah. =) That takes a lot...

Hablum minallah wa hablum minannaas. 

Allah itu segalanya. Tapi fitrahnya manusia, mendapat ketenangan juga dengan kasih sayang sesama ciptaanNya yang lain. Saya tak terkecuali... 

Melihat siapa saya sekarang... mampukah saya menjadi seorang Sumayyah? Sumayyah yang sanggup mati demi Islam. Kuatnya iman Sumayyah, kepercayaan dia terhadap Allah... cuma menunjukkan hatinya tak dipenuhi apa-apa kecuali keinginan untuk bertemu Allah. Semua yang dia lakukan, didorong kehendaknya untuk liqaa' Pencipta dirinya.

Asiah. Asiah zaujah Firaun. Asiah yang beriman pada Allah sedangkan suaminya kufur. Suami yang diharapkan menjadi teman untuk bersama-sama mencari keredhaan Allah, tak ada secebis iman pun. Andai saya yang di tempat Asiah, mampukah saya jadi sekuat dia? Mampukan saya tetap sujud kepada Allah mohon agar diselamatkan? Atau saya akan menangis mempersoalkan Allah kenapa takdir saya begini...?

Saya betul-betul sedang usaha dengan tenaga yang saya ada, untuk jadi yang terbaik. Saya masih belum berjaya... Saya cuma harapkan peluang. Doakan Allah berikan saya peluang k. =)

How do they know?

"Hmmm."

"Hmmm...?"

"Fairuz awak mesti daripada Ma'arif."

"Macam mane awak tahu?"

"Sebab... muka awak macam budak Ma'arif."

"Haaaaaah." 

This must be among the most confusing things. I still don't understand how one guesses from which madrasah a person comes from just by looking at his/her physical appearance. How? Ok... yet again this has been among the 1001 things that has been at the back of my mind for years. Some people do not even attempt to justify...

The below are such examples:

"Well, I just know..."

"You just look like a Ma'arifian."

Some, however, back up their comments with fairly acceptable theories. If I were to combine all and make it as something to be written in Wikipedia, it would somewhat sound like this:

Ma'arif Students

"Ma'arif girls are generally fair-skinned. They love the colour pink, and are petite, very poised, lady-like, and soft-spoken. Students from this institution do not do well in sports, yet are very good in academics. These girls usually end up having a partner from Aljunied or Wak Tanjong."

We sound like girls from a British all-girls' school. The last sentence is especially amusing, actually. =) 

Wak Tanjong Students

"Wak Tanjong students are mostly independant students. Male students always dress smartly, and female students share a similar demeanor.  They are good team players, and make good programmers. They do well in sports, and are inclined to Malay culture such as pantun and bahas."

You get the picture? I think I shall stop after two madrasahs because I don't really know much about other madrasahs. (Madrasah Wak Tanjong is a close neighbour of Ma'arif, by the way. =) )

To me, generalization is acceptable. It reflects the majority of individuals in an institution. However, passing judgement that everyone is the same is unfair. A school is not synonymous to a factory which produces a product with the same properties. 

In my mind are these questions:

1. How and to what extend does a school's environment influence a person?

2. Is there a certain mechanism in man which reacts to the surroundings, and together with the person's life experiences, result in different levels of acceptance towards certain situations/circumstances that come forth?

Okay. That's all for now. =) 

"IQRA'. Inquire. Question. Read. Analyze." 

Something called Love.

"Uhibbuka fillah..." 
"Wa uhibbuki fillah..."

"I love you because of Allah..."

Words. Just something about it... it's so easy to utter, yet the meaning that even a few words bring... Allah! It's ever so heavy. What does it mean to love someone because of Allah? Does it mean that we love one because of his or her piety, righteousness, and the level of obedience to Allah and His prophet? What is piety...? Is it how often one worships Allah? His 'ibadah? 

What if I marry someone... and one day, he forgets to keep his duty to Allah? Shall I leave him? What if, during the marriage, comes another person who is more 'pious'? Shall I shift my love? 

Rabb! It's been months since this has been at the back of my head..... and alhamdulillah, I have come to a conclusion. It may not satisfy others, but I am fairly satisfied. Though if I am wrong, I hope I will be corrected...

Bismillah. I do not know where to start, but I will try my best...

To love, wholly means acceptance. To accept, and embrace everything and anything about the other person. His strengths, his weaknesses... and also, the possibility that one day he won't exactly be the person who captivated your heart in the first place. You may ask me what does that mean. Before I explain, I want you to remember, to always remember, that you can never own a person's heart. The person that you know, may be the most patient person you have ever met, but at the blink of an eye, Allah can take that away. He may turn to be the most irrational person. What will you do... 

The person that you know, is the most good-looking person you have met. You thank Allah for blessing you to be with such a person. But what if one day he or she is met with an accident? What if, a person with a twisted face is laid in front of you, and you are being told that that person if your partner...? What will you do... 

Love, to me, must come with the most sincerity one can give... the willingness to sacrifice for the other person. The willingness to be with that person no matter what happens. Somewhere in the middle of the path, what happens may bring you sadness, it may break your heart. But whatever it is, whatever Allah presents to you, is somehow another stepping stone towards His paradise. 

Everything can be seen as something that can show you the way to Jannah. Everything. Trials. Challenges. Even love. 

I keep reminding myself... that before I love a man, I must be prepared to see a reflection of myself. Because I am His creation. He too, is His creation. Whatever weakness that is in him, may be the very thing that is residing in me. I must learn to accept. 

One thing though, is that sometimes I wonder... why, of all the many good people that we know in our lives, we will only feel a strong inclination to one after asking guidance from Him? Why? Terkadang kita lihat seseorang tu cukup sempurna, ada kerja tetap, peribadi baik... tapi kita tak ada kecenderungan pada dia. Sebaliknya, kita cenderung pada yang dilihat sebagai seseorang yang 'lebih kekurangan'. Kenapa?

I take it that Allah gives inspiration. He inspires, because He knows where we fall back and from where we can increase our chances to enter Jannah. It may be that from the weaknesses within our partner, we learn how to be a better person and realize our mistakes...

I do not think I can ever say "I love you because of Allah"... because I imagine that kind of love to be so perfect - loving someone while entirely holding on to what Allah has laid, and not stepping over the line that Islam has beautifully drawn. I feel that I can only say: "I will try my very best to love you for His sake", or... "I love you because you love Allah too".

=)

For all those who is reading, I pray that whoever Allah destines to be with you will insyaAllah be able to hold your hand and bring you towards mardhatillah... yes, that... despite the weaknesses within him or her. 

To love... is to put your trust in Him. 

That the person with you, is the person He chose so wisely for you.

Walk the given path with that person, and together, make Paradise your destination...

Praying harder.

"Take chances, break barriers, and do what hasn't been done before!"

Being strong, and holding on. Energy is draining, but still capable enough to take steps forward insyaAllah. And I beg Him that may these steps be those steps that would bring me to His paradise...... 

Doakan saya k? Doakan saya, doakan semua juga

Here again.

Alhamdulillah, here I am again in Egypt... =)

As much as the heart longs to be close to family, friends, and other loved ones, not all is lost when distance separates us. I've learnt, and am still learning what it means to appreciate. What it means to be thankful. What it means to love. What it means to be patient..... 

2 months in Singapore had given me enough time to think and discover. It's been a struggle for us in the Research Unit, but I thank Him because behind this struggle He strengthened this ukhuwwah. I still remember the tears, times when our energy is drained after a day of fighting for what we dream of. Yet the heart is calmed at the mention of this verse...

"... and whoever keeps His duty to Allah, He will appoint a way out for Him, and provide him wherefrom He does not expect. And those who puts his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. And verily Allah will surely accomplish His purpose; He has made a proportion for all things..."

If it wasn't for Allah who sent the Research Unit to be with me, I probably wouldn't have remembered of this verse. Alhamdulillah, for the wonderful people He brought in my life. =)

I'll end this post with what I think is the most amusing conversation I had in Singapore....

A: Fairuz, what do your parents work as? 

Me: Oh, my father is a machinist and my mother is a screening assistant.

A: What do they do?

Me: My dad makes and cuts the metal parts in gadgets and my mum gives passes to the visitors in the hospital... nothing to do with medicine at all.

A: Oh...?

Me: If I told you to guess what my parents work as, what would you say...?

A: A lecturer, or a lawyer.....

I laughed. The funny funny things people can say...... =)