Awake.

During some nights when you just can't seem to fall asleep, you lie down and realize how beautiful the night is. =) But at some other times... you just can't feel that serenity. Because you're waiting for something to happen, but it just doesn't. And then you think of other people, how they have things that you don't. How they always seem to get what you always yearn. And then you feel that you are missing something. 

But then you realize. And remember. That you don't necessarily have to be like the others to be complete. Just believe. Believe. Believe. That the thing that you are waiting, will emerge at its best during the most perfect time. But if it's not meant to be yours... there'll be a stronger you insyaAllah. =)

A lot has happened, many things have changed, so I have to change too. =) Saya terima, saya percaya dengan aturan Allah. Saya percaya.....

Yang tidak disedari.

Akal sedang sibuk berfikir tentang masa depan. Tentang dunia. Tentang hidup. Tiba-tiba secara spontan, hati itu merintih.

"Tuhan, aku mohon derita di dunia!"

Akal tersentak.

"Jangan! Hati, apa kau tahu akibat permintaan?"

"Biar... asalkan aku bahagia di akhirat..."

"Apa kau yakin kau mampu kuat?"

"Akan aku mohon juga untuk kuat..."

"Apa kau fikir semua itu mudah?"

"Akan aku minta agar dipermudahkan..."

Terdiam. Membisu. Lesu. Juga pilu. Tak ada yang mampu terlahir selain doa.

"Hati, aku mohon pada Allah agar kau kuat. Agar apa mata-mata lain lihat sebagai derita, kau akan melihatnya sebagai nikmat. Aku tahu dunia terlalu sementara. Aku tahu yang kekal itu yang di sana. Semoga yang kau cari itu yang hakiki... dan semoga tangisanmu juga ada ganjarannya..."

Making, and taking leaps.

"You don’t need to be at the pinnacle of your career or be a household figure before you start writing." - Ismail Kassim, former Straits Times Senior Correspondent in Kuala Lumpur

Those words really struck a chord in me. It's true. Everyone has the right to write. Ever since I entered university I've always wanted to write a book. It's a dream. It's a vision. But for a vision to turn into reality, I know I've to figure out a plan for it. I already have something in mind, and the idea is slowly progressing. =)

If only I could vocally reach out to people, I would. But because I don't really have the capabilities, and because I feel closer to writing, the desire to weave words into something people can relate to is definitely burning. Time and again, I've always said this: Egypt is such a magical and blessed land. Although I feel that what I've gained from it so far is so little compared to others, there are many that I've managed to see and learn. And I'm thankful for that. I've gotten to know so many inspiring people. So many. They are special. These are people whose words at times make you look down in humiliation. These are people who make you feel you stand way behind them. It's not a matter of low confidence... It's a matter of realization. 

There are many things within myself that I wish to change to the better. And I hope He permits me to do so. I hope He will always guide me through. I hope every day it will always be sunny and clear. =)

P/s: I find 24:32 very intriguing... 

Hidup baru.

Semoga kuat. Semoga semakin dekat. Semoga tenang. Semoga menyenangi. Juga disenangi. Dan tak pernah menyakitkan. Semoga bijak. Semoga mencari cuma yang hakiki. Semoga tak lalai. Semoga sentiasa difahami. Dan sentiasa memahamkan dengan hikmah. Semoga tak pernah berubah. Kecuali kepada yang lebih baik. =)

Kehidupan tak pernah berubah. Masalah yang berlaku hari ni, cuma ulangan dan tayangan masalah zaman silam dengan nama watak yang berbeza. Dan tempat ia berlaku juga berlainan. 

Tertulis di hikayat para raja yang terdahulu yang hidup tidak akan selalu gembira. Awan hitam pasti akan menjelang. Yang diharapkan itu hujan yang mendamaikan jiwa. Malangnya terlalu lebat hingga meresahkan. Tetapi bila ia berlalu, langit pasti akan cerah. =)

Semoga selalu ada.

Keeping the flame alive.

Am feeling very very down. Pray that it'll be something momentary. Just Like Always. I'll be fine. Really I will. Because He promised I will be. =)

Failure, is a necessity.

Bismillah

Now that I realize that it's been slightly more than a month since I last wrote an entry, I've finally pulled myself together to sit, and compose. I left my blog and went on an unannounced hiatus; secretly hoping that when I return I'd have good news to share about my results. 

Unfortunately, I have no wonderful results. I failed two subjects. 

... but alhamdulillah, with His grace, that means I still get to proceed to Year 2. That - as it is - is a blessing. Alhamdulillah. I am definitely not proud of my results, but I believe that keeping it as a secret doesn't bring me anything beneficial too. You can take a look at my results.....

The second image, as you probably have realized, is a translation of my results which was written in Arabic. 

People have different reactions once they get to know my results. Some were fast to pacify. A few were speechless. And most of them - well - were shocked (which actually leaves me shocked at their, um, shockness. Is there even such a term?). 

It's either "What? You? Fail?", or "Hah, biar betul..??", or "Fairuz, it's so unlike you to fail!"

The list goes on. But alhamdulillah, after a moment of comments, they actually allow me to fail, and accept the fact that I've actually failed. Because I yearn for chances to learn from Life. And I have faith that failing, is that chance.

For those who have been following my blog, you might know that I had been facing a whole lot of ups and downs during the whole academic year. Though I didn't depict exact situations through words, I guess the message was clear enough: the whole journey had been difficult. I realized that failure could be in my hands. But because I believe in Allah, I believe in miracles too. I held on hopes that something beyond what the mind foresees will happen. But it didn't. But I know He has His reasons.

When I first got to know the final product of my efforts, I couldn't think. To say that the faculty itself was difficult cannot justify the fact that I failed two subjects, and didn't really do well in the rest. There have been seniors who were in my place, and a number of them had managed to move on to Year 2 without failing any subjects. So if they could do it, means that I can do it too. 

But 'ala kulli haal, qaddarallah. With whatever strength I had, I did my best. And if this is the outcome, I hope to still be able to hold my head up and keep on trying. At the very least, I have been given the chance to proceed to Year 2. Alhamdulillah. 

My results made me a little upset. It made me question my abilities and capabilities. Really, until now I don't really know what I'm good at. But that doesn't matter at the moment. Just like the other necessities in life, I realize that failure too, is a necessity. I respect and admire those who have failed so much, as much as I look up to those who score mumtaz or jayyid jiddan. Because these people have had to overcome a very big hurdle in their life. A conflict within themselves. A sudden drop of confidence. To accept failure, then get up and continue on fighting while smiling isn't easy. It takes a whole lot of strength, courage and determination. Allah could have made me fail in many more subjects, but I believe He knows I will not be able to take it. So insyaAllah, this little test that He has given me will be something I can handle, and something that will benefit me in the near future. I thank Him, for giving me a little chance to walk in the shoes of people I admire.

I believe that Egypt is a magical land. 

And I believe that Allah gives us results not only based on our efforts and intellectual ability, but also based on what He wants us to learn from it. At this moment, He probably wants me to learn to be patient while not giving up. That... understanding the essence of failure is a necessity; something which I need to know before I can see success and gain achievement. 

In the current world we're living at, success needs to be redefined. Because at the moment, one can only shine with academic excellence. I'm now thinking of new strategies, but if it still doesn't work... I know He will still guide me through. 

You might think that perhaps I'm saying all this just to make myself feel better after I've failed my two subjects. But it's really okay because everyone is entitled to have their own thoughts and views. I just hope that my post today has been beneficial somehow, and I only would like to ask for your prayers. Rabbuna ma'akum. =)

P.s.: A million thanks goes to my all-time favourite flower - the Sunflower - for always smiling and facing the sun, and giving me never-ending inspiration. Thank you. =)

... Di sebalik itu.

Biarlah mata cuma melihat kekuatan. Biarlah hati merasai kesempurnaan. Walaupun bukan itu hakikatnya. Biarlah telinga cuma mendengar yang baik. Dan seterusnya... Biarlah fikiran hanya ada pada Tuhan. Lalu semuanya menjadi satu peringatan tentang wujudnya Dia. Di setiap waktu, setiap masa. Hinggakan saat hati pedih terluka. 

Biarlah kekurangan itu pudar, lalu lenyap. Biarlah diri merasai dingin hujan walaupun sebenarnya terik mentari itu menyakiti. Biarlah diri kenal erti syukur. Juga redha. 

Saya letih sikit..... doakan. =)

Post-exam period.

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah my exams are over. =) An exam period which took one and a half month was extremely tiring. Exhausting, really... especially for someone with a short attention span like me. I was really losing interest in having the same schedule day by day. Sleep, eat, pray, revise. Sleep, eat, pray, revise. That was all I did. Now I'm beginning to think that I really can't do a 9-5 job in the office... well unless they allow me to spray the whole office with air refresher with absolute drama every time I'm sleepy. (Refer to 30th June's post on the things I do when I'm tired).

Every single examination paper I sat for was really challenging, and I'm really hoping for the best. It just dawned to me that now I'm in university... things are just going to get harder. Well... or maybe I just didn't study really really hard. Doakan k...

Of beautiful thoughts. (II)

Today's post will relate a lot to what I wrote some time ago, on 22nd November 2010.

You know... it's getting clearer. Every time I look at children, I wish to become a mother. I wonder how it feels to be one. I really do. =) One day, I hope to understand, how pure a mother's love can be. How she can actually love her child no matter what the circumstances are. 

Around a week ago, I sat in Gami' Musa, a mosque in Hayyu Sabie' - the 7th District in Cairo. I was supposed to be studying for a paper the very next day, but everything that I saw... it was calming. I couldn't bring myself to stop and continue memorizing.

I was in the middle of the musolla. At one end, a woman had just came in with three of her toddlers, two girls and one boy. The girls seemed to be close to 4 years old, and the boy... probably two years old. The mother came in; with a smile and greetings of salaam. The toddlers were all pulled to one side. The mother taught her children the duaa' upon entering a mosque.

"Yallah ma'ayaa..." (Follow me)

"Allaahummaghfirlii zunuubii."

"Allaaaaahoommmaaaghfirliii zunooobiiiii..."

I realize that the voices of children are so innocent. Voices of the children of Paradise. Voices of children, who have not sinned. 

"Waftah lii..."

"Waftah lii!" 

"Abwaaba rahmatik..."

"Ameen!" 

The children were distracted, I guess, and just said Ameen. Naughty children. =) But the mother was patient.

"Yallah uliihaa... Abwaaba rahmatik!" (Come, say it... abwaaba rahmatik!)

"Abwaaba rahmatik..." 

"Ameen..."

I smiled. I wish I was the mother.

Then in front of me were a group of around nine children, all sitting in a circle. Their age were perhaps between four to six years old. Their ustaazah was sitting among them. I recognized that kind of halaqah. It was a tahfiiz class. And they were trying to memorize Surah Al-Baiyyinah.

"Lam yakunillazhiina kafaruuuuu...." 

Their voices were robotic; their recitation wasn't with a certain melody whatsoever... but it still was beautiful to hear. Oh, the voices of children...

Everyone was in their own world; one scrunched her nose which memorizing, while another pulled her headscarf in frustration. One girl, I realized, looked happy while reciting. Their antics; these childrens' antics... filled my heart with serenity. 

Again, I wished I was a mother. 

This religion is beautiful. One so beautiful, I wish and hope that Allah would grant me my wish, to bring my children towards His light... the Light that will forever illuminate this world.

Ps: I really like the name Ahmad Furqaan... that, in hope that the child will grow up to be a walking Quraan one day, insyaAllah.  

Kejujuran seorang abang.

Sewaktu berada di tanah air pada bulan Februari dan Mac yang lepas... mama risau sangat yang saya perlu pulang ke Mesir nanti. Biasalah, hati seorang ibu. Selalu merisaukan anak. Jadinya... dia cuba cuba lah bercakap tentang sambung pelajaran di tempat lain. Lagipun, pada waktu tu saya memang perlukan satu back-up, manalah tahu keadaan di Mesir tak mengizinkan kita untuk sambung belajar. Fikir punya fikir... saya dapat beberapa pilihan.

1) UM/UIA (dua buah universiti yang saya kira adalah yang terbaik di Malaysia)

2) Pulang ke madrasah untuk A levels.

3) JC untuk A levels. (kecenderungan 0.0001%) 

Pada satu hari... saya asyik terfikir tentang JC. Umur saya baru 20 tahun, masih boleh diterima di JC. Bila terpandang abang... saya pun bertanya.

Saya: Abang, abang!

Abang: Yesssssssss.....?

Saya: Kalau adik masuk JC.... ok tak?

Abang: Habis dik - 

Saya: (memotong cakap abang) Hmmm alah tapi... tapi...

Abang: Habis dik. Gone. Jadi hanyut. (muka tak memandang saya pun! Sibuk pandang computer! Geram!)

Bagi mereka yang tak ada abang, ya itu dia........ kejujuran seorang abang. -_-

Being 20.

I don't really like being 20. =(

Being 20 means that I have responsibilities. It means that I have to act as an adult sooner or later. It means.... it means a lot of things. I've seen many things, I've a lot more to learn... but the learning process sometimes isn't that nice. At times, you have to fall and hit hard on the ground just in order to to learn how to get back up. To understand, what the world is made up of. To understand, what is Life. 

I realize that many feelings are not nice.

Jealousy. Pain. Disappointment. Being ignored. But I have to learn to accept, since these are the things that I've probably done before myself to others - what scares me is that I'm probably still doing it. 

Let's keep smiling. =)

Ujian.

Suatu ketika bintang bintang itu cuma dapat dilihat dari jauh di langit tinggi. Kini satu satu ia jatuh berguguran ke bumi........

Exam Period.

Sometimes during preparations for exams, you feel extremely tired. Studying is fun, but the information overload can be overwhelming. Plus, the sudden sleepiness....... I know you'd understand better if you're a student just like me. Okay, so I'm going to share a few activities for you to do if you're experiencing that but you really, desperately need to study! =)

1. Spray every corner of your whole room with air freshener although it's not smelly. Do it with extra drama while wrinkling your nose and saying things like: "Eee busuknyaaa....."  

2. Make funny faces in the mirror. Or take talcum powder and use it to draw lines on your face as if you're a red Indian. (favourite)

3. Pretend that you're a panelist for a forum where you have to explain that particular subject that you're studying. (Berangan berangan aje. =D) Talk while holding something (to be your imaginary microphone) and make references by pointing to an imaginary whiteboard/screen to show an imaginary diagram/examples. 

4. Take in deep breaths! Inhale and exhale. Sometimes you become sleepy because of the lack of oxygen. =)

5. Stand on your chair while memorizing loudly. (Be extra extra careful ok?) 

6. Brush your teeth! If you stimulate the gums below your lower front teeth, it's supposed to make you feel more awake. 

7. Drink lots and lots of water! (So later you'd have to walk to the washroom.)

8. Memorize while walking! Or take a walk outside your home for awhile. Maybe the fresh air will help. =)

These are the few things that I've been doing since my Pre-U days actually. There are many others but they're usually really really random things. Well... if everything doesn't work, I guess your body's really tired and you should take 5 or take a 15 minutes power nap. If you try to hold on and just force your body, there's a big big possibility that you'd have headaches and feel unnecessary lethargy. I'm not sure if it only works for kinesthetic learner like me, but anyway I'm sure you have your own ways! =)

Happy Studying! Ma'an Najah! =)

Untuk adik adik kecik saya.

Adik-adik kecik saya yang tersayang, Amalina & Shafiqah Alawiah... kalau ikutkan, kerana awak dua... saya macam nak terbang pulang sekarang juga ok? Macam nak peluk cium, biar sampai awak dua lemas! ;p

Saje saje nak tulis kat sini yang awak dua adik kecik saya. Saya baaaru nampak email awak dua, tapi saya tak dapat reply sekarang sebab internet saya kat mesir selalu tak bagus bila dah akhir akhir bulan. Kalau dapat pun, sebab saya cuba berkali kali. =) Shafiqah! Rupanya email awak termasuk dalam deleted folder/junk mail tu! Sebab email awak kira unknown sender. ;( Saya cari cari awak kat facebook, tak jumpa... ni mesti tukar nama lagi. Gigit nak? ;( Amalina dengan Shafiqah sayang, tunggu saya ok... Saya akan cuba reply secepat saya boleh dalam fatrah imtihan sekarang ni. Sayang awak dua ok. Rindu. Kesat airmata tu k kalau ada. Allah sayang awak dua lebih daripada saya sayang. =)

Semua orang yang kat luar sana, jangan jemu doakan saya ok? 

Para malaikat selalu tunggu nak sambut doa awak sebelum sampai pada Allah kemudian balas doa awak untuk orang lain dengan doa yang paling baik untuk awak! Yay! Allah Maha Baik!

=)

Awak menyesal?

Pada suatu hari.......... telefon bimbit saya berbunyi.

Telefon: Kring kring, kring kring!
Saya: *letak telefon di telinga* Salam 'alaikum, hello?
Orang di talian: .........
Saya: Hello? Helloooo.... HELLO?
Orang di talian: .........
Saya: (cakap dgn diri sendiri) Kenapa orang ni diam...

5 saat kemudian...


Baru terperasan. Earpiece saya terpasang dengan telefon rupanya. Patutlah tak dengar -_-


*telefon semula kawan*


(lepas ceritakan dia semua)
"Awaaaak, awak kesal tak jadi kawan kita?"
"Kesaaaaal sangat wak. Kesaaaaaal......."
"Alah........." ;(

It's exams...

Mama, I'm trying my best. To do the best. To achieve the best. So that one day, I can make you happy. One day I hope you can just rest at home and sleep all you want ok. =)

Gelap malam.

Tuhan, gelap malam terlalu penuh dengan kejahatan. Juga kezaliman. Saat dunia diselimuti gelita, manusia sangka Sang Pencipta sudah tiada. Namun Kau tetap ada, melihat segalanya...

Tuhan, terkadang aku juga begitu. Terkadang... yang aku utamakan adalah manusia. Apa yang manusia fikir tentang diri aku. Aku bimbang menzahirkan kelemahan. Terlalu takut manusia akan menjauhi aku andai aku memperlihatkan kekurangan. Tuhan, kenapa aku tak berusaha dengan cukup kuat untuk lenyapkan terus kelemahan itu, sedangkan aku tahu Kau dapat melihat segala apa yang ada dalam hati manusia.

Sungguh, malam penuh dengan kejahatan...

Namun... pesona malam juga mengasyikkan. Kau ciptakan waktu malam itu detik-detik yang paling indah untuk hambaMu yang merindu. Kau turunkan para malaikat ke bumi untuk   mengaminkan doa hambaMu.Tuhan... langit yang gelap, Kau hiasi dengan bulan dan bintang. Dan bintang-bintang itu... semuanya berkelipan. Tetapi akan ada satu yang paling bersinar...

Tuhan, dalam semua itu pasti ada ertinya sendiri.....  

Keluarga Mesir saya. =)

Antara yang terbaik yang Allah temukan saya dengan di bumi Mesir. =)

Ahli Beit rumah saya! =)

Akhawat PERKEMAS... =)

Lajnah Research 2010/2011. =) 

Doakan saya jadi orang yang disenangi di hati-hati mereka semua ok. Ini semua yang saya sayang, penghibur hati saya. =)

Rupa-rupanya...

... ada perasaan cemburu yang timbul dalam hati. =) 

Soal bicara.

Saya ada seribu satu kelemahan. Saya tahu... cuma saya nak berkongsi. Saya tak berapa suka akan kekata ni...

"Eh kenapa awak buat macam tu? Mak awak tak ajar ke?"

Kenapa perlu cakap gitu... terlalu belum dapat nak terima. Seorang mak terlalu mulia. Tidaklah semulia para Anbiya' dan Rasul... tapi awak faham kan maksud saya? Seorang ibu patut, wajar, harus, dan berhak dihormati. Walaupun dia bukan ibu awak...

Mungkin ibu tu kurang beri pendidikan kepada anak dia, tapi ibu tak patut dipersalahkan. Tak patut. Salahkan pelaku... jangan salahkan pendidik yang niat dia tersangat murni. Seorang ibu selalu mengharapkan yang terbaik. Liqa' Pencipta kita, ru'yatullah, syurga... itu semua terlalu dekat dan mudah untuk kita capai kalau kita muliakan ibu. Tapi terkadang susah kan? Saya faham. Tapi cuba k. Oh - nanti... jangan cuma cuba. Tapi usaha k. Usaha untuk jadi yang terbaik. =)

Di belakang awak, belakang saya... ada satu generasi yang akan kita bentuk. Anak-anak kita yang akan kita didik untuk menjadi Muslim yang baik agar dapat pertahankan agama ni. Jadi... kita mula dengan perubahan dalam diri kita sendiri k. Bismillah. =)

Timetable yay!

Here we go again... my timetable for exams. =)

Oral Exams (Syafawi)

Sunday, 5/6

Rhetoric ('Ilmul Balaghah)

Monday, 6/6

Syntax ('Ilmun Nahu)

Thursday, 9/6

Al-Quraan

Written exams (Tahriri)

Week 1
Sunday, 19/6
Al-Quraan


Wednesday, 22/6
Phonology and Phonetics ('Ilmul Aswat wat-Tajwiid)


Week 2 
Sunday, 26/6
Syntax ('Ilmun Nahu)

Wednesday, 29/6
Interpretation of the Quraan (Tafsir)

Week 3
Sunday, 3/7
Rhetoric ('Ilmul Balaghah)


Wednesday, 6/7
Islamic Jurisprudence (Fiqh)

Week 4
Sunday, 10/7
Morphology ('Ilmus Saraf)


Wednesday, 13/7
Arabic Literature (An-Nusus Al-Adabiyah)


When? 9.30 am - 12.30 pm (3.30 - 6.30 pm Singapore time) 
Where? Kulliyyah Banat, Al-Azhar University.

Doakan k? Bismillah! =)

He is, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Bismillah. As he opened the door, he said Bismillah. It was pleasant to hear. It gave so much calmness and serenity. The heart was captivated. Actually… it still is. Since then, the train of thoughts in my mind has never been silent. Never.

I continued to watch as he disappeared behind the door. Opening the door was such a simple task. There were no risks whatsoever. I mean… what were the odds that the door would fall down on him? Or that there'd be something dangerous behind? No... there are no risks. None at all. Rabb! 

Bismillah. Such a simple, three syllable phrase. Yet I've always forgotten to recite it during many instances. Allah has always been keeping me under His rahmah, yet I walk on Earth with oblivion. It's not difficult to recite Bismillah... it never was, and never will be. That man was someone He sent to heal me of my blindness...

!ربنا إنا نسألك أن تجعل أوقاتنا كلها بذكرك معمورة 

That one small action, reflected a lot in him. His remembrance for Allah. His reliance on his Creator. His belief that anything – even the simplest task – needs has to be started and done with His name. For nothing is certain. Only that fact, is the only certainty in this world.

Allah has given me realization when I least expected it...

He is, the Most Gracious. Most Merciful. 

Itukah Nadim?

Ku gapai bintang-bintang
Tinggi di langit tersimpan
Ku terduduk terdiam
Bintang belum di tapak tangan


Hajat di hati tak sampai
Ingin memeluk gunung 
Jika budiku disangkal 
Manakan ku cari pangkal

Understanding one heart, one soul.

You know, when you open both your eyes and your heart... there's a lot to see. =)

You see a lot of people around you. Your loved ones. People you are fond of. Newly found friends. The list goes on. You're living, breathing, loving, and forever discovering... there's always something new to learn with every second. And like me, you'd find it interesting that every single person have different, unique personalities. Personalities which complement another person. The best qualities in a few people - if combined - would make the Perfect man. But to have Perfect People is made impossible, because the Creator wants us to have compassion, and to be wise. Not everyone can be kept deep in your heart. You'd need guidance to know who should be kept safely there. =)

It's not difficult to understand and get to know a person better... you can just look at the person's body language, tone and way he speaks, past experience, books he reads, songs he listens to, his sentence structure in writing, handwriting, interests, and his idea of an ideal partner. To understand a person is quite a tiring process, but it's fun! (to me)

Want to give it a try? Especially to readers who don't know me at a personal level - if there are any - try to create an image of what kind of person i am! Ahhh... I like guessing games! =)

Ok... I'll just give the books I like to read and songs I like to listen to. Here are among my favourite reads: 

(I accidentally left my copy of BBC Knowledge which I brought from Singapore in the plane when I returned to Cairo!!! Am upset about it until now...... =( I love the magazine so much. Good for people who wants to be entertained by quick facts! =) Upset! Upset! =( )

For songs... I listen to nasyid. And English songs when I'd like to feel that I'm um, cool and awesome and groovy. (?) Among the singers and their songs that I like most are:

1. Zee Avi - Bitter Heart, Honey Bee, Just you and me, Somebody you used to know (Wonderful songs!)

2. Jack Johnson - Better Together

3. Kris Allen - No Boundaries, Live like You're Dying 

(intriguing... both has Islamic content), Heartless

4. Micheal Buble - Havent met you yet

5. Daniel Powter - Next Plane Home

6. Emily Bear (piano) - Journey to my Heart, Tomorrow's Wishes

Somehow I don't seem to remember what other songs I like... but I think that should be enough information. Go figure! =) 

I'll meet you sometime soon ok. InsyaAllah. Till later, Assalamu'alaikum. =)

نعمة بعد نعمة

Kalau ikut kata mama, derita itu terlalu sementara. Rasa sedih yang kita rasa, akan hilang. Rasa pedihnya hati sebab terluka, juga tak lama. Nanti semua Allah akan ambil balik semua tu... 

Mata itu terkadang terlalu buta... kalau kita tak dapat melihat dalam kegelapan malam, kita boleh cari cahaya. Saat dunia diterangi cahaya, tetapi kalau mata kita cuma melihat kegelapan... itu terlalu merisaukan. Terlalu. 

Nikmat sewaktu ujian. Itu tersangat berharga. Kesabaran yang Allah beri kepada kita untuk menghadapi cabaran... itu nikmat. Perlu ke kita tunggu sesuatu yang menggembirakan kita untuk datang selepas ujian baru rasa syukur yang dalam diri kita akan bertambah? 

Hmm, bilalah hati ni nak jadi masyaAllah... =)

Bilalah kita akan selalu tersenyum bila dapat ujian? Hmm. Nanti..... bilalah masanya akan datang bila yang kita lihat semuanya nikmat dan bukan ujian? Ah. =) That takes a lot...

Hablum minallah wa hablum minannaas. 

Allah itu segalanya. Tapi fitrahnya manusia, mendapat ketenangan juga dengan kasih sayang sesama ciptaanNya yang lain. Saya tak terkecuali... 

Melihat siapa saya sekarang... mampukah saya menjadi seorang Sumayyah? Sumayyah yang sanggup mati demi Islam. Kuatnya iman Sumayyah, kepercayaan dia terhadap Allah... cuma menunjukkan hatinya tak dipenuhi apa-apa kecuali keinginan untuk bertemu Allah. Semua yang dia lakukan, didorong kehendaknya untuk liqaa' Pencipta dirinya.

Asiah. Asiah zaujah Firaun. Asiah yang beriman pada Allah sedangkan suaminya kufur. Suami yang diharapkan menjadi teman untuk bersama-sama mencari keredhaan Allah, tak ada secebis iman pun. Andai saya yang di tempat Asiah, mampukah saya jadi sekuat dia? Mampukan saya tetap sujud kepada Allah mohon agar diselamatkan? Atau saya akan menangis mempersoalkan Allah kenapa takdir saya begini...?

Saya betul-betul sedang usaha dengan tenaga yang saya ada, untuk jadi yang terbaik. Saya masih belum berjaya... Saya cuma harapkan peluang. Doakan Allah berikan saya peluang k. =)

How do they know?

"Hmmm."

"Hmmm...?"

"Fairuz awak mesti daripada Ma'arif."

"Macam mane awak tahu?"

"Sebab... muka awak macam budak Ma'arif."

"Haaaaaah." 

This must be among the most confusing things. I still don't understand how one guesses from which madrasah a person comes from just by looking at his/her physical appearance. How? Ok... yet again this has been among the 1001 things that has been at the back of my mind for years. Some people do not even attempt to justify...

The below are such examples:

"Well, I just know..."

"You just look like a Ma'arifian."

Some, however, back up their comments with fairly acceptable theories. If I were to combine all and make it as something to be written in Wikipedia, it would somewhat sound like this:

Ma'arif Students

"Ma'arif girls are generally fair-skinned. They love the colour pink, and are petite, very poised, lady-like, and soft-spoken. Students from this institution do not do well in sports, yet are very good in academics. These girls usually end up having a partner from Aljunied or Wak Tanjong."

We sound like girls from a British all-girls' school. The last sentence is especially amusing, actually. =) 

Wak Tanjong Students

"Wak Tanjong students are mostly independant students. Male students always dress smartly, and female students share a similar demeanor.  They are good team players, and make good programmers. They do well in sports, and are inclined to Malay culture such as pantun and bahas."

You get the picture? I think I shall stop after two madrasahs because I don't really know much about other madrasahs. (Madrasah Wak Tanjong is a close neighbour of Ma'arif, by the way. =) )

To me, generalization is acceptable. It reflects the majority of individuals in an institution. However, passing judgement that everyone is the same is unfair. A school is not synonymous to a factory which produces a product with the same properties. 

In my mind are these questions:

1. How and to what extend does a school's environment influence a person?

2. Is there a certain mechanism in man which reacts to the surroundings, and together with the person's life experiences, result in different levels of acceptance towards certain situations/circumstances that come forth?

Okay. That's all for now. =) 

"IQRA'. Inquire. Question. Read. Analyze." 

Something called Love.

"Uhibbuka fillah..." 
"Wa uhibbuki fillah..."

"I love you because of Allah..."

Words. Just something about it... it's so easy to utter, yet the meaning that even a few words bring... Allah! It's ever so heavy. What does it mean to love someone because of Allah? Does it mean that we love one because of his or her piety, righteousness, and the level of obedience to Allah and His prophet? What is piety...? Is it how often one worships Allah? His 'ibadah? 

What if I marry someone... and one day, he forgets to keep his duty to Allah? Shall I leave him? What if, during the marriage, comes another person who is more 'pious'? Shall I shift my love? 

Rabb! It's been months since this has been at the back of my head..... and alhamdulillah, I have come to a conclusion. It may not satisfy others, but I am fairly satisfied. Though if I am wrong, I hope I will be corrected...

Bismillah. I do not know where to start, but I will try my best...

To love, wholly means acceptance. To accept, and embrace everything and anything about the other person. His strengths, his weaknesses... and also, the possibility that one day he won't exactly be the person who captivated your heart in the first place. You may ask me what does that mean. Before I explain, I want you to remember, to always remember, that you can never own a person's heart. The person that you know, may be the most patient person you have ever met, but at the blink of an eye, Allah can take that away. He may turn to be the most irrational person. What will you do... 

The person that you know, is the most good-looking person you have met. You thank Allah for blessing you to be with such a person. But what if one day he or she is met with an accident? What if, a person with a twisted face is laid in front of you, and you are being told that that person if your partner...? What will you do... 

Love, to me, must come with the most sincerity one can give... the willingness to sacrifice for the other person. The willingness to be with that person no matter what happens. Somewhere in the middle of the path, what happens may bring you sadness, it may break your heart. But whatever it is, whatever Allah presents to you, is somehow another stepping stone towards His paradise. 

Everything can be seen as something that can show you the way to Jannah. Everything. Trials. Challenges. Even love. 

I keep reminding myself... that before I love a man, I must be prepared to see a reflection of myself. Because I am His creation. He too, is His creation. Whatever weakness that is in him, may be the very thing that is residing in me. I must learn to accept. 

One thing though, is that sometimes I wonder... why, of all the many good people that we know in our lives, we will only feel a strong inclination to one after asking guidance from Him? Why? Terkadang kita lihat seseorang tu cukup sempurna, ada kerja tetap, peribadi baik... tapi kita tak ada kecenderungan pada dia. Sebaliknya, kita cenderung pada yang dilihat sebagai seseorang yang 'lebih kekurangan'. Kenapa?

I take it that Allah gives inspiration. He inspires, because He knows where we fall back and from where we can increase our chances to enter Jannah. It may be that from the weaknesses within our partner, we learn how to be a better person and realize our mistakes...

I do not think I can ever say "I love you because of Allah"... because I imagine that kind of love to be so perfect - loving someone while entirely holding on to what Allah has laid, and not stepping over the line that Islam has beautifully drawn. I feel that I can only say: "I will try my very best to love you for His sake", or... "I love you because you love Allah too".

=)

For all those who is reading, I pray that whoever Allah destines to be with you will insyaAllah be able to hold your hand and bring you towards mardhatillah... yes, that... despite the weaknesses within him or her. 

To love... is to put your trust in Him. 

That the person with you, is the person He chose so wisely for you.

Walk the given path with that person, and together, make Paradise your destination...

Praying harder.

"Take chances, break barriers, and do what hasn't been done before!"

Being strong, and holding on. Energy is draining, but still capable enough to take steps forward insyaAllah. And I beg Him that may these steps be those steps that would bring me to His paradise...... 

Doakan saya k? Doakan saya, doakan semua juga

Here again.

Alhamdulillah, here I am again in Egypt... =)

As much as the heart longs to be close to family, friends, and other loved ones, not all is lost when distance separates us. I've learnt, and am still learning what it means to appreciate. What it means to be thankful. What it means to love. What it means to be patient..... 

2 months in Singapore had given me enough time to think and discover. It's been a struggle for us in the Research Unit, but I thank Him because behind this struggle He strengthened this ukhuwwah. I still remember the tears, times when our energy is drained after a day of fighting for what we dream of. Yet the heart is calmed at the mention of this verse...

"... and whoever keeps His duty to Allah, He will appoint a way out for Him, and provide him wherefrom He does not expect. And those who puts his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. And verily Allah will surely accomplish His purpose; He has made a proportion for all things..."

If it wasn't for Allah who sent the Research Unit to be with me, I probably wouldn't have remembered of this verse. Alhamdulillah, for the wonderful people He brought in my life. =)

I'll end this post with what I think is the most amusing conversation I had in Singapore....

A: Fairuz, what do your parents work as? 

Me: Oh, my father is a machinist and my mother is a screening assistant.

A: What do they do?

Me: My dad makes and cuts the metal parts in gadgets and my mum gives passes to the visitors in the hospital... nothing to do with medicine at all.

A: Oh...?

Me: If I told you to guess what my parents work as, what would you say...?

A: A lecturer, or a lawyer.....

I laughed. The funny funny things people can say...... =)