Yang terakhir dari Singapura

It's 2.18 am.

But I haven't slept yet. (And I'm not even done packing) In 24 hours I'd be in the plane, making my way to Egypt. I initially intended to write a long post... but it seems that I have lost the ability to construct the sentences and express the feelings. Hopefully this is temporary. =)

I won't be able to get my hands on my laptop during the first 2 weeks, so I'll be on hiatus for awhile k. Do wait for my updates, though. =) 

Lots and lots of love,

Fairuz

ps: Please make du'a for me k... I'll be missing Singapore a lot. 

Akan kembali nanti

Assalamu'alaikum. 

Dalam beberapa jam lagi ana perlu menghadiri kem yang akan berlangsung hingga hari Rabu. Doakan yang ana akan meraih banyak manfaat, untuk dunia dan akhirat insyaAllah.

Kalau Allah izinkan, kita bertemu di sini lagi k. 

Untuk pengisian yang terakhir ana akan tulis dari Singapura, sebelum berangkat ke Mesir tahun ini. =)

Apa yang dirasai kini: 

Sedikit tertekan kerana masa semakin suntuk sedangkan masih banyak juga yang perlu dilakukan. Terselit juga Cemburu. Rindu. Gementar. Haru. 

ps: Ana nak tulis 'excited' tetapi ana tak jumpa perkataannya dalam Bahasa Melayu. Dia sedang bersembunyi lah. Mohon sejuta maaf k! =)

Fikiran yang terganggu

1. (Merujuk pada pengisian sebelum ini tentang ikan) Diri agak terganggu bila membaca hasil tulisan sendiri yang mencerminkan fikiran yang tidak matang. Bimbang ia satu pengisian yang tidak mempunyai manfaat.

2. My post on the 13th of July had a number of grammatical errors. Mama pointed it out. After re-reading it, it indeed is true. =(

Oh ikan...

Rasanya... setiap haiwan ada perasaan tak?

Bila terlihat ikan dalam lauk, terfikir...

Pada suatu hari ikan tu berenang dengan gembira dalam lautan. Mungkin bersiar-siar dengan keluarga dia sambil bergurau senda... atau ramai-ramai berzikir mengingat Allah. Tetapi tiba-tiba ikan tu ditangkap. Ahli keluarga ikan yang lain mesti cemas kan? Bila ikan tu ditarik keluar dari lautan, apa perasaan ibu ikan dengan anak-anak ikan? Sedih... 

Bila ikan sampai di darat dia relakan diri menjadi santapan untuk makhluk bernama manusia. Mungkin permintaan terakhir ikan agar ia dimakan oleh insan soleh yang makan dengan niat untuk beribadah. 

Lalu ikan pun menghembus nafas terakhir... tempat persemadian adalah tempat manusia berjual beli. Lalu kita pun membawanya pulang, menjadikannya hidangan.

Bila terlihat ikan dalam lauk...

Terasa tak sampai hati nak makan. Dan tempoh hari ana dapati ikan-ikan yang dibeli semuanya ada telur. Makanya... mungkin semua ikan tu pengantin baru. =(

Sekadar berkongsi - gambar ikan yang digoreng...

Sewaktu proses menggoreng, ikan di sebelah kiri hilang matanya.

Ikan di sebelah kanan, terpisah kepalanya.

Afwan duhai ikan. =(

Tapi pastinya ikan sedang berenang dengan tenang dalam laut di syurga. =)

The longest bus ride

Yet another day of loading information in my mind...

To be honest, the programme I attended just now was rather dry, but alhamdulillah it did manage to equip me with the relevant knowledge I believe would be useful in the near future. Unfortunately, the venue wasn't at all convenient for those who live in the east side of Singapore like me. Ya Allah, it was located in the heart of an industrial park. I think I need not say more...

And after a long day of learning newly-acquired skills, the last thing I wanted to have was a long bus ride, alone. But thanks to Allah, at least I didn't have to switch buses. The hour and a half journey began...

First 30 minutes

The bus was quiet. Including me, there were only three passengers on the upper deck. Everyone was silent, heads rested against the window. Being too exhausted, I fell asleep. Unconscious of my surrounding.

Next 20 minutes

I woke up to the loud and deep voice of a foreign worker who was asking a female passenger how to get to Jalan Turi. She initially got it wrong because I believe what she heard was Jalan Ubi. Their conversation attracted attention from other passengers who thought they knew where Jalan Turi is; thus a debate started. They got engrossed in giving out their own hypothesis on the location of the lane. "Jalan Turi must be somewhere in Geylang since Turi is a Malay name..." Or so they say. I watched as an old man attempted to convince others where Jalan Turi is. He sounded rather indignant. The others gave in. The foreign worker says thanks softly, with a peculiar accent. He drops off. I feel relieved. Silence. Somewhere at the back, a baby cries. I rest my head against the window again. I close my eyes.

Next 10 minutes

I couldn't sleep. I ruminate. I thought about what the future might bring... I stopped when I realize that I haven't called home. I talked to my father for close to two minutes.

Last 30 minutes

People board the bus. But more people alight. I saw happy faces. Tired faces. And then there's apathy. Satisfaction. I glanced around. There, worried expressions. And that's only the few feelings one may experience in life. My thoughts is shifted to Al-Azhar. As the days pass by, I'm getting a step closer. It's surreal. =) I think of my goals. I wish wish wish that it'll be true. I silently hope that I'll be where I want to be in years to come, surrounded by the people I love. I recall happy moments, great memories, and I smile when the faces of special people come to mind. Challenges will knock on my door and may Allah give me all the strength to face it. And the days will come when I may tell everyone I cherish how much I appreciate them. But I forever owe thanks to Allah. It's because of Him I'm still breathing; my heart beating... 

I place my palm on the window as I look out. The dark night seems magical. Enchanting. ... and suddenly it comes. That hint of jealousy. *scrunches face* I push that feeling away.

The bus turns to a street so close to my heart. It's where home is.

And so the long bus ride ends. =)

Please Allah, make things easy for us All.

Rabbi yassir yassir yassir wa laa tu'assir... 
Rabbi yassirlanaa umuuranaa ya Allah! 
Looking at my schedule, I think I may not be able to update much...


Monday, July 5
Briefing by Muis, 11 am - 12.30 pm


Tuesday, July 6
Arabic Colloquial Course, 9 am - 5 pm


Wednesday, July 7
Arabic Colloquial Course
Briefing (I) by Perkemas, 9 am - 5 pm


Thursday, July 8
Arabic Colloquial Course, 9 am - 5 pm


Friday, July 9
Arabic Colloquial Course, 9 am - 5 pm


Saturday, July 10
Musaabaqah Kalaamul Irtijaalii, 8 am - 1 pm


Sunday, July 11
Packing
________________________________________________

Monday, July 12

Community Emergency Preparedness Programme, 9.30 am - 5 pm

Tuesday, July 13

Wednesday, July 14

Arabic Colloquial Course, 9 - 11 am


Thursday, July 15
Dental appointment, 10.30 am

Friday, July 16

Packing

Saturday, July 17

Packing

Sunday, July 18

Briefing (II) by Perkemas, 9 am - 3 pm
Briefing by TM Fouzy Travels, 5.30 - 10 pm

________________________________________________

Monday, July 19 - 8 AM

Tuesday, July 20

Wednesday, July 21 - PM

3-day Motivational Camp by Muis

Thursday, July 22

Friday, July 23

Last-minute packing

Saturday, July 24

Off to Cairo, Egypt for awhile to study

________________________________________________

*Dates and times for certain programmes may change.

Doakan k. Sangat memerlukan doa sekarang dan akan datang... 
Pendek kata, selalu.

Kerana doa itu hadiah paling indah dan berharga buat saya. 
Syukran sangat-sangat. 

Semoga Allah memberkati antum semua. =)

Persiapan sebenar bermula

Assalamu'alaikum saudara-saudara dan saudari-saudari sekalian. =)

Hari ini insyaAllah saya akan menceritakan serba sedikit tentang persiapan saya untuk ke Universiti Al-Azhar, Mesir. Bila teringat tentang universiti yang jauh beribu batu, terasa sakit perut, seram sejuk, dan semacam nak demam. Tetapi bila teringat kata-kata perangsang ibu bapa, asatizah, dan kawan-kawan yang lain... saya paksakan diri untuk jadi kuat. Kita masih di bumi yang sama. Jarak memisahkan kita, tapi saya akan bawa semua yang saya sayang dalam hati saya, k. =)

Kata seorang ustaz, sekali sekala kita harus pergi jauh daripada orang yang kita sayangi sebab itulah yang akan lebih mengeratkan kita semua. (Mak saya pula tak habis-habis suruh saya menghargai dia lebih sebab saya tak akan jumpa dia untuk sekian waktu~) 

Sedikit cerita tentang semalam... abah dan abang menemani saya ke ekspo singapura untuk membeli beg bagasi Yang Murah Tapi Berbau Kurang Menyenangkan (YMTBKM). Tersangat besar. Saya rasa boleh muat satu keluarga kucing. Ibu kucing, ayah kucing, anak-anak kucing... cucu cicit kucing (?)...

Ok ok saya rasa tak penting.

... berbalik pada cerita tadi. 

Maklumlah, sebab semalam hari Sabtu, ramai yang berpusu ke ekspo Singapura. Banjir manusia! Jadi selepas saya membeli beg, terpaksa saya mengharungi orang-orang sambil menarik beg bagasi YMTBKM yang abang saya tak nak tolong tarikkan. Dengan terpaksanya saya melanggar orang-orang yang tak dengar rintihan "Tompang lalu" dan "Excuse me" saya. Jadi kalau ada saudara-mara atau kenalan awak yang mengeluh bahawa mereka diserang dengan beg bagasi YMTBKM di ekspo Singapura semalam, mungkin itu gara-gara saya. Saya tak sengaja k. =( Sewaktu perjalanan ke tempat perhentian teksi, ternampak pula ramaaai kanak-kanak kecil comel yang berjalan dengan terhuyung-hayang. Terasa nak ambil salah seorang daripada mereka dan masukkan dalam beg bagasi! Mujur abang saya menarik tangan saya sebelum terlambat.

Sebaik sahaja tiba rumah, saya mula memikirkan tentang barang-barang apa yang nak dibawa. Saya nak bawa si kecil di bawah ni, tapi saya tak rasa mak saya bagi.

Nama dia Momo, sebab dia mempunyai sifat-sifat ke-momo-an yang sukar untuk saya jelaskan. Saya akan ajar dia macam mana nak buat panggilan video menggunakan skype. Tengoklah, Momo letakkan speaker di hidung. Tak apalah apa pun saya akan terima Momo seadanya -.-" 

Baiklah saudara dan saudari sekalian, sampai di sini sahaja insyaAllah. Nanti saya akan sambung. Jaga diri dan imaan baik-baik! =)

"Huh, Al-Azhar..?"

"So... where are you going now?"

"Al-Azhar. The oldest university in Islamic history!" =)

"You sure? Being realistic... can you get a high-paying job after you graduate?"

"We return to give back to the society."

"You should've taken A levels in a JC or... studied for a diploma in any of the polytechnics."

"That's not what I want..."

"You would've done well."

"That's not my passion."

"Well, the passion could've been cultivated."

"No, no, no. I believe in where I'm heading towards."

... conversations like this are never-ending, ever since I entered Pre-U Azhar, up until now. When I'm only 3 weeks away from going to Al-Azhar. 

Two years ago, after receiving my O level results, life was filled with too many choices. (Okay... life is always full of choices. ^__^" ) At that point, many gave their opinions. And being the victim of numerous recommendations, it was difficult to make a decision. Let me share with you what I had listed down:

1. Tampines Junior College (Arts)

2. Temasek Junior College (Arts)

3. Singapore Polytechnic (Environmental Management and Water Technology)

4. Pre-University in Madrasah Aljunied

5. Pre-University in Madrasah Wak Tanjong (Ukhrawi stream)

6. Pre-University in Madrasah Al-Ma'arif (A levels/Azhar stream) 

Note: The list wasn't arranged according to preference, such that I'd have preferred being in TPJC the most, and being in Al-Ma'arif the least. No, no. It's just in random order. =)

I put in JC as an option because I felt that the education journey there would broaden my perspectives and develop that... maturity of thought I badly wanted (and needed, I think). I didn't even consider science because I believed that I wouldn't have fared well in the subject. I can understand, but the passion wasn't (and still isn't) there. So it was narrowed down to arts. But at the very mention of 'JC', my mind screams "Skirts! Skirts! Skirts!". Until now, actually. *guilty* 

I admire female madrasah graduates who still preserve modesty even though they're in JC. =) Whereas me? I can't imagine myself being in their position. It would be challenging enough to adapt in a new environment, and having to wear a new 'cropped' version of the uniform I've been wearing in madrasah... I don't think I'll be comfortable enough to focus in class. Perhaps I'll be pulling my 'cropped kain' (a.k.a. skirt) down too frequently. So, I think I'll give JC a pass. ^__^"

Then there was... Singapore Polytechnic. While flipping the booklet from SP, my eyes caught a picture of people in the drains collecting samples of water. I found that... so appealing. (I've always wanted to work with the NEA. Dapat bongkar apa yang ada kat longkang! =D) But even though it seemed interesting, my heart wasn't quite there...

After cancelling out SP, I thought about Pre-U in other madrasahs.

My asatizah in Al-Ma'arif hoped that I would return.

I missed the entrance exams for Aljunied.

And... the people in MWTI's idaarah scared me. >.<

So I went back to Al-Ma'arif. 

But the headaches I suffered didn't go away. It was then a fight between A Levels and Azhar. Mmmpf, choices, choices...

During the months of January and February, I attended a few A Level trial classes in Ma'arif... and it was a lot of fun! Especially GP classes. There were a lot of discussions about issues happening during that time (the Pedra Branca dispute, US presidential elections...), and we've never ever had conversations about banal subjects with our GP teacher. Alhamdulillah. 

And then I recalled how comfortable I felt during Azhar classes. It's like... oh, I don't know. It gives me much solace, although my head hurts trying to figure out how Mantiq works, etc. It's an... intangible feeling. Azhar captivated my heart. =)

Upon knowing my decision to pursue in the Azhar stream, some parties expressed their disappointment. And there has been much criticism coming in since then. I must confess that it breaks my heart and soul sometimes, but I know I must be brave and show them that Azhar graduates are indeed needed by the community. 

I've made my choice, and insyaAllah if I work hard, a bright future awaits me. Pray that I'll be strong k. =)