Mini Groot is great. The
rest of this flick is utter dogshit, just like the first.
1.8/10
Perkin.
Thursday, 31 August 2017
Creepozoids (1987)
Pictures tell a story
better than words.
Croydon 2017
"In OUR area?"
"I've had it up to here with your bloody excuses! It's me or the job, Gary!"
"But, Miriam..."
"No! No more!"
Perkin.
Fare (2016)
A cabbie picks up a
fellow. Turns out they know someone in common, the cabbie's wife. But only one
of them has been having regular sex with her.
Tensions mount and
the truth comes out. The wife joins them in the car and they head out into the
sticks where... Well, the last ten minutes go off on something of a tangent
which is either completely "Eh?" or pretty good. Not sure which.
Overall, though, the
film's definitely a good effort. Low budget, single location (well, a mobile,
drivey one), small cast and a good script. Just what we like.
7/10
Among Us (2017)
People keep moving
house trying to escape from blah, blah, blah ghosts n' shit.
Takes too long to
end, but not utterly ballsack.
Brave New Jersey (2016)
Film about a small
town getting in a spin after mistaking the infamous Orson Welles Broadcast for
a genuine Martian Invasion.
Not as funny as it
should've been but pleasant enough.
5.8/10
Going In Style (2017)
A bunch of
pensioners, all in their '70s or '80s, pull off a bank heist to get back their
corporately stolen pensions.
Alternative titles,
taking influence from other heist films, could include 'Dog Day Afternoon Nap'
or 'Deep Heat'.
Yeah, ta and all
that.
5657356753767/10
It Stains The Sands Red (2016)
Yeah, it's a zombie
film, but it's also a film about love, loss and parental responsibility... And
much more worth seeing than that makes it sound. The start is a little weak,
but stick with it, genuinely good!
8.9/10
Sleight (2016)
A young fellow has a
keen interest in conjouring, however it doesn't pay the bills so he works as a
general goon for a local drug dealer.
Things go tits up
with the dealer and his life's in peril. Can our plucky hero use the power of
magic to save him and his loved ones?
(Yes.)
6.5/10
Drone (2017)
Sean Bean has a
secret job as a drone operator, not even his family know what he really does,
thinking he works in I.T.
Which he kinda does,
but it's definitely at the murdery end of the industry.
Mr Bean (LOL etc.)
struggles with the morality, or lack thereof, in his workplace activities, he's
also having a hard time with domestic issues and, well, things ain't going too
well when a fella introduces himself under the pretence of buying Beany's
boat...
Actually, this is a
pretty decent film. No big surprises, but very, very good. Worth a go.
9/10
Security (2017)
Antonio Banderas (Anagram:
Bad Onion Arse Ant) plays a former military fellow who takes the only job he
can find as an unarmed shopping mall security guard.
Whouldya believe it,
his first night on the job and a team of well equipped, heavily armed bad chaps
arrive to create all manner of explodey, shootey mischief, the utter cads!
Mr Bad Onion and his
team of dundering co-workers fight back.
Nonsense, but fun.
7.2/10
Imperfections (2016)
A modest and woolly
crim-com about a young lady getting involved in diamond heist of sorts.
A bit more convoluted
than it needs to be, and derivative for sure, but pleasant enough ol' guff if
you want something undemanding.
6.4/10
Shot Caller (2017)
A chap starts off
being a normal, mild-mannered, decent, law-abiding fellow with a mid-level
white collar job, home, wife and baby on the way.
Then, one small,
accidentally fatal mis-hap followed by two decades in jail and he's a high
ranking member of the Aryan Nation and happy to murder anyone who gives him the
arse with a sharpened toohbrush.
That's not to
sarcastically dismiss what is actually a pretty decent prison/crime flick.
7.7/10
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Do kids have
brilliant attention spans these days or is it a case that as long as they're in
front of a screen, of whatever size, the E-number voices cease screaming in
their heads?
Dunno, but I am left
wondering why the cocking bollocks this endless river of fucking comic based
films have such long running times.
Anyway, this one was
just as tediously forgettable as the others but at least some of the characters
are likeable enough.
5/10
Minutes Past Midnight (2016)
A (mostly) Canadian
horror anthology effort. Some good, some bad, some clever, some shite. Same
story as most of these things. Worth a go if you're into them.
The Collection (2012)
First one's much,
much better although this is still watchable enough generic horror stuff.
5.9/10
Rocknrolla (2008)
Thought this was shit
when I saw it in the cinema. It was still shit when I watched it on TV.
2/10
The Fiend (1972)
Vintage Brit horror
about a small church who put the mental in fundamental. Not to mention the
chuckles in 'First church of St. Chuckles The Killer of Innocents'.
Yeah, the film's OK,
odd, cheap, old and British (I was called something very similar recently) but
it holds your attention with its strangeness and peqeuliar characters.
Also, one of the
cult-like church attendees in the film went on to win a series of Stars In
Their Eyes and now makes a living as a professional Shirley Bassey
impersonator. Yes.
Phoenix Forgotten (2017)
Found footage film...
I probably don't need to say anymore. If you're into them, or at least don't
mind them, then this one ain't too bad at all.
The Gracefield Incident (2017)
People go on holiday
in a cabin and find a meteorite after it dramitically falls to Earth in the
woods nearby.
Turns out it's from
an alien planet. They want it back.
A bit hokey, but not
too bad and a rather pleasing ending.
Message From The King
A chap comes over to
L.A. from South Africa to find his beautiful but troubled sister who's dropped
off the radar.
Not too much of a
spoiler alert to say he's a little late. He discovers she fell in with a dodgy
crowd who we happy to assist in her demise.
He then proceeds to
beat the living wank out of the bad guys.
Imagine the last 45
Steven Segal films but if they were well acted and actually worth seeing.
7.4/10
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