Might get round to reviewing this and the other shit we've watched in the last few days, listed below, but I probably won't bother.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1125800
Wednesday, 30 November 2016
Sunday, 27 November 2016
27/11/16 Westworld (1973)
A bald Nokia goes insane.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070909
7/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070909
7/10
Perkin.
25/11/16 Night Of Something Strange (2016)
Started off as a fun OTT horror but it wore me down to the point where I turned it off with only a few minutes left to go.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3315380
3.8/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3315380
3.8/10
Perkin.
Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)
Starring normal-sized, sane man, Tom Cruise.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2381249
5.7/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2381249
5.7/10
Perkin.
Going Clear: Scientology And The Prison Of Belief
Starring tall, heterosexual lunatic Tom Cruise.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4257858
6.8/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4257858
6.8/10
Perkin.
The Blackcoats Daughter (2015)
I imagine proper film
critics will shit-on about how this is moody, dreamlike, sinister, oppressive
and reminiscent of Argento or such like.
The words they're
looking for are tedious, boring, slow-moving, arse and reminiscent of Argento.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3286052
4/10
Perkin.
Ouija: The Origin Of Evil (2016)
Apparently this
sequel is much better than the first. Haven't seen the original, but I do have
a friend with terrible taste in films and he quite liked it, so I can believe
that this was superior as it actually, well, was kinda good. Not a classic, but
by the standards of horror films in recent years, it stood out enough not to
bore the utter wank out of me whilst watching it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4361050
7/10
Perkin.
Come And Find Me (2016)
A young chaps'
girlfriend goes missing.
He starts looking for
her and discovers that she might not have told him the complete truth about
what she does for a living. Or what her name is. Or how many people are likely
to die if he looks for her.
Reminded me of the
excellent French film Tell No One, but not as good. Not that this was total
splash or anything, it wasn't too bad at all, but the French one's better.
Not 'cos it's French
though. With all their baguettes and wine and shit.
And berets.
And Citeroens.
Who the fuck eats
snails?
"What's that
thing, Pascal?"
"What
thing?"
"That small,
jellied creature with eyes on sticks?"
"That, Pierre,
is a snail. They're invertebrate mud-dwelling fingers of slime."
"Shall we eat
them?"
"Yes! But to
make it even more disgusting, we should immerse them in butter and garlic as we
do so."
"It is the
French way."
"47 more bottles
of wine?"
"Don't mind if I
do."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2597768
7.4/10
Perkin.
Once Bitten (1985)
Pretty atrocious comedy where a young Jim Carrey plays a fella who gets bitten by a
seductive vampire and starts slowly turning into one.
Has a dance routine,
a sure sign of a shit film.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089730
4/10
Perkin.
Death Sentence (2007)
I didn't watch this,
Podd did.
I have seen it before
though. From what I remember, Kevin Bacon's family get murdered, so he shaves
his head, buys some guns and kills them back. That'll teach them.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0804461
Guns/10
Perkin.
Body Snatchers (1993)
It's been far too
long since I've seen a film where a child is thrown from a helicopter. Doesn't
happen nearly enough.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106452
4.4/10
Perkin.
Fear, Inc. (2016)
A man hires some
people to scare him. Gets scared. Better than I thought it'd be, but I have low
expectations.
About everything
really.
I'm rarely surprised.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3560148
5.8/10
Perkin.
Hell Or High Water (2016)
Two excitable yokel
brothers, who live in an area of Texas where people appear to only speak in
vowels, start robbing banks to pay off the money owed to the bank who plan on repossessing their ranch as it sits on an abundance of oil.
Not as amazing as
some reviews suggest, but definitely a solid film of its type.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2582782
7/10
Perkin.
The Free State Of Jones (2016)
During the American
Civil War, a mixed race group of army deserters and escapee/freed slaves
thought "Fuck all this bollocks, let's set up our own place far away from
the politics of wealth and race that is getting people killed in huge
numbers."
150 years later, some
people still consider Newton Knight, a white man who played a formative role in
this separatist idea based on freedom and fairness, to be a traitor to his
country.
So the lesson from
this film, you could say, is that no matter how hard you try and make the world
a better place, there's always gonna be stupid cunts.
This film was a box
office bomb. Political perspectives aside, I'm surprised. It's set in an
interesting period, the story told is a fascinating one, and the battle scenes
are both horrific and greatly exciting.
Worth a watch.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1124037
8/10
Perkin.
The Post (2016)
This was possibly a
half decent creature feature, but I watched it a bit too late and wasn't taking
much notice. I think it was probably decent enough to warrant a second viewing.
I shall report further if I do.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3976144
Dunno/10
Perkin.
Dog Eat Dog (2016)
Mark Kermode really
ripped into this, describing it as a sub-Tarantino mess, full of loathsome, misanthropic, cliched arseholes.
Which is pretty fair,
although it did have a couple of funny lines.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4054654
4/10
Perkin.
The Last Run (1971)
A former getaway
driver who has retired to an idyllic Portuguese coastal village decides to do
one more high risk job.
Unusually, it's not
because he needs the money or the bad guys are holding his gerbil hostage, it's
because he's bored.
I've read a few times
about astronauts struggling with depression after returning to Earth because
they realise nothing they witness or achieve again in their life will have the
magnitude or significance of looking down at our planet from space. It must be
an experience that is difficult to articulate, to gaze upon our existence from
the position of the gods.
Anyway, the driver is
feeling his version of spaceman glumness, so takes on the job of driving a
prison escapee across a few countries so he can be taken into hiding by his
people. Things don't go as smoothly as planned and they soon have assorted plod
and henchgoons giving chase as they zoom around some incredibly scenic parts of
'70s Europe.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067329
7/10
Perkin.
Thunderbolt And Lightfoot (1974)
In the opening scene
of this film a man drives an oversized car with a V8 engine to a rural church
where he pulls out a gun and starts shooting.
Possibly the most
American combination of activities ever committed to film.
I suppose the British equivalent would be to walk somewhere in the pissing rain, to then stand in a
que and politely moan about tea.
The rest of the film
is some ol' hoo-ha about robbing a bank and whatnot.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072288/
7/10
Perkin.
The Darkest Dawn (2016)
Aliens invade middle
class areas of Britain, leaving just a brave handful of people who can't act
for bum to stay alive and form a resistance movement.
That pretty much sums
up the plot, however, the two things worth mentioning are the effects, which
for a low budget film are fantastically well done, and a fella called Stuart
Ashen plays a character early in the film. He has a YouTube channel that is one
of the more entertaining ones I know of, where he does sarcastic reviews of
strange snacks, knock-off imitation goods and Pound Shop tat.
5.5/10
Perkin.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxt9Pvye-9x_AIcb1UtmF1Q
A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Third in the series
of films about a sharp-fingered paedo.
Good effects here and
there, mostly terrible everywhere else.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093629
4/10
The Day (2011)
Film about some
people trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world where apparently colours
no longer exist. Dull and grey both appearance and as a critical experience.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1756799
3.4/10
Perkin.
Subterranea (2015)
A guy wakes up in the
outside world having spent all his life living in a cell underground. Decides
to try and work out why he'd been kept hidden for so long. Can't remember what
it actually was, but it was nothing interesting like him being part-mole or anything.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2291284
5/10
Perkin.
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