Sorcery #2 - Khare, Cityport of Traps, part two

Halfway through Khare, coming off the bridge I turned right. Soon came across a square containing a large monument of sorts, around which weirdos were hanging. 

Nah, I wasn't going to get a line of the incantation from them, so decided to skirt around the edges, but to no avail. The 'Red-Eyes' said they didn't like intruders, of which I wasn't, but no dice rolls or choices were given, and I was soon thrown into a cell with an Elvin. Crap.

Must have been a good jail too, cause I had to call on Libra to get me out. She unlocked the door, which was far less dramatic than how the Riddling Reaver would have done it. 

So, wandering out of the jail, cause you know, there's only one guard and in true FF style he's asleep. They must have a kick-ass union or something.

Anyway, I came across a market, which was great cause I was loaded with gold coins. Bought an awesome sword, tinderbox, snake antidote, bow and arrow and some food. It struck me as one of those markets whose merchandise seems strangely apt for the mission I'm about to head on. 

Passing on a graveyard, deciding getting to the gates in one piece was imperative (low on stamina, and I could always double back for more incantation lines, no?), I came across a wishing well scam. I know it was a scam cause after hiffing in three or four gold pieces, with ever-escalating promises of awesomeness, they got lamer, which is when I realised the page numbers were on a loop. Grrr.

Luckily I still had a piece left to gift a beggar, and another to cast WOK and make a magic shield to keep his nemesis harpies away. Turns out he used to be a noble, and had another line! Well, all except a name, which he said I could get from the Shrine of Courga (there was no option to ask if Courga was the name... seemed obvious). 

So onto the shrine, there was this giant statue, and it would only speak if I kissed its face in a cross. So I did, finishing on the lips as the picture said, and for my troubles recieved a poisoned dart in the back of the throat. Gees, I was only kissing it, not slipping it the tongue!

Not sure I need to say this, but yeah, I was dead.

Sorcery #2 - Khare, Cityport of Traps, part one

So after being killed by snakes in part one, I punched in a cheat code, rerolled some new stats and started anew with book two in the series. Figuring they'd be able to stand alone, I soon realised it wouldn't be as easy, as I didn't have a key from the first book to get into the titular city.

DOP is one of the few spells whose purpose I remember though, so snuck on through with magic and was promptly arrested and thrown in the cells for a night. What is it with the paranoia in Titan cities, particularly when so many of the legal inhabitants are undesirables themselves?

Anyway, it's a plot device as my cellmate just happens to know how to get out the other side - yeah, the purpose of this entire adventure is quite literally to get out Khare the other side; the river Jabaji is impossible to cross, we're told - and now I learn the only way to open the north gate is to chant an incantation of four lines, each line being known only by a single person, like some kind of secret Coca Cola recipe. GREAT.

The next day, on leaving I realise the bastard stole some of my food, so chasing him we end up in a chain store. Not like a modern chain store, but an actual chain store. I'm given the option to beat the guy dead, so think why not - I need the money for food. 

Anyway, the cops in Khare are ever-vigilant about people entering the city, not so much the same people murdering honest shopkeepers, and I wander freely further into town, where there's a festival on. I ain't got time for this, so keep wandering on but a 2GP stall catches my eye, much like a $2 store I suppose. I play the medieval equivalent of one of them claw-picks-up-a-soft-toy games, instead a mite runs around and grabs me something random - darts. Err, wooo? 

I soon pass a chapel, and figure surely one of the nobles with a line will be a religious leader of some sort. What I didn't guess was that it'd be a servant of Slangg, god of malice, or words to that effect. I assume Khare is not a democracy. Anyway, he gives me a puzzle, which turns into a Monty Python joke, then hits me with the real puzzler. It's maths, and it makes little sense, but five minutes on the throne and I've got it (that's the real-life throne, for those of you that don't mind too much information). One line down, three to go.

Night is nearing, so I hit up a local inn, and proceed to get plastered with a guy buying me drinks, cause each of them gives me much-needed stamina. I assume we're drinking sugary RTDs, but we must move onto the hard stuff at some point cause I miss the part where he's planning to scone me on the head and drag me off to a slave galley. Yep, I'm on a boat.

ZAP, a hole appears in the side of the boat (luckily above the water line), and I'm off again, crossing the river and finding myself halfway across town. At least, that's if the river goes through the middle of town like my hometown (again in real-life, this time not so grossly).

Come back for part two next week!

Sorcery #1 - The Shamutanti Hills, part two

So on leaving Dhumpus, I headed into the woods - there not being anywhere else really to go. I came across a hut manned by a sleeping troll (imagine if trolls actually existed - firstly, they'd be highly offended by the stereotypical portrayal, and secondly, they'd never get hired as security anyway, always being asleep on the job). 

Sneaking past, as you do, I soon arrived at a large village. A little pixie-like thing called a minimite (which I always thought was a small amount of marmite) turned up, and as it's been a few days since I last read the spell book, I was afraid to try magicing him away (the rules state once the adventure begins, you can't consult the spell book). So he, Jann, hung out, annoying the crap out of me in ways the text didn't really specify, but I assume it was like having Jar Jar Binks tag along for the ride.

Anyway, heading into Birritanti, it was quickly apparent this was a conservative radio host's wet dream of a town. Kids were running rampant, drinking in the streets, spanking old ladies and fighting one another. When in Birritanti, do as the locals do I figured, and found a bar. Pity the beer was a ripoff - obviously politicians' plans to increase the cost of alcohol to stop underage boozing don't work. I instead went to the inn where it was just as pricey, so slept rough in the outer suburbs - just how I imagine the kids would do it - without a hitch.

I didn't eat the day before, so in the morning I decided to take the downhill option. I'm soon accosted by someone that looks, going by the illustration, like an Arabian black knight. Spells won't work while Jann is around, so a few lucky rolls and luck rolls later, the knight was dead.

The next set piece we chance upon is an old woman with an obvious distaste for minimites. She sets out some tea, then leaves. Suspicious, I pull the old Princess Bride trick and swap the drinks around, only to find she's a step ahead, and I'm poisoned. But... ruffling through my shit, she finds the missing page from one of her spellbooks, and gives me the antidote in thanks. 

Oh, and she gets rid of Jann. Sweet. No amount of Force power from Qui-Gonn could ever do that.

Anyway, I head on to the next town, find an inn to crash at, but am dragged off in the middle of the night and thrown in some hut. In the morning the cheif apologises, leading me to think I'm sweet and on my way, but instead sends me on some mission to find his kidnapped daughter. Great.

They should have found someone else, as within minutes of being lowered into some kind of dungeon, I was poisoned by snakes and killed. 

Pretty sad way to go, given the importance of the mission and whatnot. Told them they should've funded the trip better, or found someone else.