haha time really flew........ 3 papers done, 3 papers left. killed 3 times. 3 more times to get killed. but i hope sound elective will really be easy! lecturer said it'll be easier than the quiz. i wonder what can be easier than mcqs and fill in the blanks...... sigh i really hope i can get at least 2.5 gpa or something close to 3! i cant imagine repeating this sem. and i so pray that i need not retake any module... which repeating is most likely the case. sigh. i wanna quit uni, and do something useful before the world ends in 2012. hahaha. yes i keep saying this! probably wont be true... who knows...

bms met up and we went to hang in holland v. bitch 1 bitch 2 bitch 3. hahah. such dear friends. cant wait for jx's party on the 28th! something to look forward to. :) and we were talking how the year is gonna end... finally christmas is here. yay! i bet this year's will be slightly different. spent with new people. cousins. 3 big boys coming to singapore and live with us! for one darn month. its good, then i can have the reason and energy to visit singapore's places of interests again. i so must cycle in pulau ubin. hopefully go cable skiing in batam again... so decembers gonna be pretty interesting i hope. christmas! new year! gatherings! cousins!

what an interesting year. its not even ending yet, but i still wanna talk about it. from work, to overseas trips to loads of slacking, best thing NO SCHOOL! and then UNI started soon enough. not a great start. but well... slowly pick things up i guess... and... i miss friends that i havent been meeting since july. especially. ODACERS. the only way i've been catching up with some of them is through facebook and blogs. hahah. if you're reading this you probably dont see me online.. i use my old msn add me lah chiuchiu89@hotmail.com lol. december... gatherings month. and also SHIDA. hahah can never forget bbss moments. :D:D:D we have to have a TA gathering.

haha just have that suddenly i miss my friends and the old times feeling.

back to studying sound lah.

plainest blog ever.

yay its exams now. i love exams period, because there is so much free time. and theres this cool and calm thing floating around. and then theres the holidays awaiting. but then when it finally comes, it will be over in a second.

when you think it is... it probably is... so time to change.

one post before this blog goes back into being dead. in elianna's house now! suppose to be doing lab report. fuck spectroscopy. haha. giving ourselves half an hour break now. omg must life be so scheduled. sigh. so... if anyone's been wondering hows my life been since entering uni... its been well... well, not the most hyper and enthu life around. since i didnt join FOC right from the start. not in any comm.. and not staying in hall. but its alright i guess. everythings been getting better. move on and make the best out of everything. hahha. found bunch of nice friends. and i'm in ntusb! haha. despite going thru audition, and comments from people about being the weakest section. thank god for great section mates. haha. and studies has been...... arghhhh as usual, crappy. but its all gonna be over soooon! 2 weeks to exams, 6 weeks to hols. whats in hols? hahha. i am so gonna learn driving again. and cousins coming over... and hopefully meet ups! with pri sch friends. ODACERS. currently enjoying life with dad being away in china. haha. so freeeeeeeeee. to study though. =(

yay 4 days weekend.

stuff everything except studies.... arghhhh.

i dont wanna keep complaining about how tough it is studying in uni.

i dont wanna keep thinking theres gotta be something more.

i dont wanna keep thinking about the future and how it is gonna be a drag.

i dont wanna keep living for the weekends. keep living for going home everyday.

i love bio. i must love bio. i love bio ever since i was born.

booooooo boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

sigh. havent touched this blog for ages!!

was in sydney for 3 weeks. and it was probably the best 3 weeks of my life... and met a family i didnt know exist!! i mean of course i know my mum has sisters in australia who have kids. and i was like oh okay. and then i went there, and slowly met my different cousins... and we became close... and i miss them so so so so so so so much. i want to live in australia lah.... i dont care INSTEP programme i must go to uni of newcastle!!!! gpa 3.6!!! yeah right, when i am already finding difficulty in the first week lectures blooooooooooooooooody hellllllllllllllllllllllll. organic chem, biophysical chemistry, biochemistry and ECONS omg........ so not i want as an elective. and "sound in our daily life". haha wtf? but its okay i guess.... just try my best. that sound thing is quite interesting... but ECONS?!?! blahhhhhh. just hope this semester will quickly end.... and freaking timetable... how to tahan... so tough tough tough. i'm not ready.

but its okay.. first week only.

omg tutorials... prepare to camp in Library 2.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. seems like i wont be having a fun, enriching, exciting uni life. first i cant go for my sch's orientation camp, or any of those orientation camps as a matter of fact. and then... sigh that's bad enough. and i'm not gonna stay in hostel. totally can imagine whats uni life gonna be like. study lab home study lab home. hopefully i can meet some really nice people from SBS. and... still deciding between band, and mountaineering club. hmmm.

yeah, i should put everything at the back of my head, and ENJOY THE COMING THREE WEEKS! woo.

ahh. what a great way to end 8 months of holiday. 3 weeks in sydney. coldest month of the year. meeting up long lost cousins and aunties. so much things to do, places to visit. sigh, but nothing is perfect. i'll have to miss 3 important things- 2 odac gatherings, and uni orientation!! sigh sigh. but anyway, hopefully its a worthy miss. and just listen to my mum's advice-"dont keep quiet!!!" haha. motto of life number 1: just whack!!

a week to remember! with all the meet ups. pri sch mates, sec sch mates...

omg i'm really going to sydney.

interesting couple of weeks!

with dad's new girlfriend from china(again). she's visiting singapore and staying in our house. but at least this time she's nice and normal. and she likes our cat. haha.

and i got confirmed on sunday 15 june 2008! it was really touching, especially when the whole church raised their hands over us confirmants and said a prayer together. and i saw the bishop for the first time. and so great that it was my favourite priest leading the mass together with him. hahaha. thanks godma, mummy, charlynn, melvin and jx for being there! and sean who was confirmed with me. my SPIRITUAL PARTNER. hahaha.. hopefully. and i saw couple of bbss students getting confirmed also! all was well, and ended well with a dinner with godma, god bro, uncle panjang, mummy and charlynn. my special family. it was like a little reunion. i missed them!

another highlightable thing was the bbq-cum-overnight cycling with friends from 1e2 and fadly!! and also some other people.. haha. i just really enjoyed myself, despite the agonising cycling from east coast park to changi village to tampines to simei to i really dunno where and finally saw some sign that says 2000m to ecp! set off at 2 plus am. reached our bbq pit at 8am. 5 hours of cycling hahahah and i was the last. like way back last. lol. cant help it when i'm the only girl. ok it got really painful after changi village. interestingly i cycled passed ben's and matthew's house. was suppose to go old changi hospital!!! argh. couldnt find. its quite amusing we actually tried going under the expressway on our way back. it was like dark, grassy, mas selamat-ty.... haha. so fun! cant forget the sunrise. B E A U T I F U L.

life is going pretty good.

just sucks to think that i have only 1 month plus left to enjoy!

i am currently filled with hatred now.

which is not suppose to be the case a few days before my confirmation. sigh.

my new name: richalynn ramirez leong.

haha.. mum's surname.

best thing that could happen now is, mum booking the ticket to sydney for me to visit my relatives there.

i really hope.

guess i should i really count my lucky stars. and thank melvin out loud for giving me peer pressure, making me fill in the non-academic part. sigh. why why why why. how unfair things can get.

so, i'm so excited over the concert tomorrow. bet its gonna feel really special, first time playing as alumni band!! gosh. i love band la! maybe perhaps i will join band in ntu after all. playing once again with seniors, juniors, and very special and funny people from trom section! hahah.. just hope that, alumni will continue. tomorrow will be fun!

if only i had continue playing my instrument.

and i passed my FTT finally. so i can book my practical test date, and start chionging lessons. but there is so an obvious and immediate problem sigh. so i should just forget it.

this is suppose to be the best holiday of my life.

hello.

i am just so glad that david cook won american idol. i am gonna get his album.

and i'm in love with jason mraz now too.

and this week's gonna be busy with band. band everyday! living my dream now. haha. bbss concert this sat night. hehe anyone interested in listening to some band music and see me play haha, please sms me for tickets! haha.

watching movies, movies and more movies, has been going on in my boring, insignificant life. and its so freaking addictive, i cant stop watching. and THE GREEN MILE is so freaking good. hai i know its so bloody unhealthy but, its one of the rare chances i have! met up with melvin and sean on sat night. i really enjoy these weekly sessions. prata, non-stop crap, and serious talk sessions! jx jx jx jx, stop ps-ing us. anyway, we were talking about uni. again. got quite excited about uni life. hahah. and i am looking forward to it now. only worry is, i'm afraid i cant ta han bio. haha. that's like the main worry which will stop me from accepting ntu! but, nus is still not coming to my letter box. hai. 90% chance i'm gonna do bio for the rest of my life. i mean, i can learn to love it right? haha. its gonna be freaking tough to do that if i really dislike it i know. but ok, its only certain parts of bio that i hate. maybe memorising the complicated names they have for each protein, gene, bla bla. and the ethical issues that follow the study and application of biology. i am freaking not gonna kill rabbits and mice. and growing genetically perfect plants, and consuming them. i think its just wrong. and so many others that i'm gonna figure out and argue with myself... okay, other than the subject itself, uni life seems fun. i l o v e the SBS building. and the whole ntu campus is nice. and the freedom, CCAs, curriculum is quite appealing. so i guess uni will be fun. of course it all depends on yourself. whether you want to jump into the opportunities. and i am gonna! gonna join odac, or some outdoor-ish club. gonna study hard and apply for the global immersion thing. dreams..................... i seriously want to backpack in malaysia. anyone who wants too please tell me!

i really really really want to go backpacking in malaysia, and climb all its mountains.

happy birthday to me. haha. once again celebrated at mum's place. with her friends over... and daddy and jie, charlynn. so its like happy family plus friends. sadly i didnt invite my friends over... cause its kind of last minute this party. the happy mothers day cake can explain why. so.. it was pretty fun. the usuals- karaoke, alcohol, dancing, lotsa food, high pitched, shrieking laughter from the philipinas. haha. and the cake for charlynn and me. and another cake for the mothers. and yes, mum got drunk at the end of everything a g a i n. so irritating. she'll wail and sob and cry and scream and shout until she sleeps. thats her drunk. sigh.

and today.... last day at smu! sobs! the thing i'll miss most, is of course the people here, and all the lunch breaks that we had. haha. and thanks so much for the mini birthday celebration. it was special, first office celebration with real collegues. haha. they are just so nice!

so, thanks to everyone who made my birthday.

and tomorrow onwards, game marathon, movie marathon, jog marathon, reading marathon. haha. good bye world!

i seriously have to watch all the good movies that are coming out. someone!!!

haha 2nd last day at work! gosh i'm gonna so miss this place. i'll miss hera, my super nice and sweet supervisor, and the rest of the village. they call themselves "chun ren". haha. elias, henry, eunice, siew kee, pauline, eugene, eva, janet, bernadette. great peeps! hopefully our paths cross again....


and... i received letter from ntu already. SBS. school of biological sciences. haha. i dunno really.... biology is so tough for me. and what am i gonna do in the future? work in the lab.. do research... repetitive work... haha. oh well! see how it goes in the tea party and... what i get from nus...

so, its not bad. 2 months and 1 week being a TA in bbss. experience was really great. made some really good friends, and meeting students of all kinds. and meeting some of the fakiest collegues. but oh well, didnt end well... but it was ok. 1 day of being a waitress in tea party. which was....... ok i guess... actually just one night. so there isnt much. another week of working in ewins marketing, thanks to melvin's dad! hahaha. business, accounts kind of thing. and i chopped "paid" on hundreds of invoices. quite sianzzzzzzzzzzz but collegues were nice. and finally 3 weeks in SMU! hr department. quite enjoyed myself, and got to experience how's HR like.

whats next i dunno....

may already. and i have not received any letters from any uni. sigh. starting to get worried, because i just realised that i dont have A levels physics, so i have less chance of getting into any engineering course. how dumb of me to JUST REALISE. but most of the pre-requisites only require o levels physics! hai. but still.

hai.

work at smu has been pretty enjoyable. i have really nice collegues. but eva has left. so i guess it will be less high around in the office. and elias is leaving soon. and then my turn. one week left. thank you recruit express for giving me this job. hahah. and i'm not gonna work in HR next time. no. one more week and i'm jobless again.... no income. no money to learn driving. sian sian sian sian. so damn sian.

something is really wrong/off/missing.
help.

haha. this week has been weirdly good. thank you so much. meeting up with odac, ben and matt and hanging out with mummy and charlynn last week was nice. and i finally got a job. lasting for 3 weeks, admin job at smu. looking forward to it. and tomorrow i'm gonna just go whack the new environment. hmmm and i'm not gonna touch driving until i have at least 2500 freaking bucks in my account. so life's good. and i miss my friends.

i look forward to:

odacing in ubin this sat.

meeting melvin.

meeting wx.

baking with tb.

mothers day.

richalynn's birthday.

receiving uni's letter.

passing final theory test.

learn driving again.

piano exam.

theory exam.

entering uni.

cruise.

going australia with mummy and charlynn.




need to exercise!!

and david cook's SO GOOD.

sigh. feel so cheated. i thought she wanted me to come back to work every fri and sat la.. didnt know she was suppose to call me first. i really didnt hear "i will call you" or anything like that. and i thought fri and sat was gonna be super packed. ended up with no piano lesson, no work, and i skipped alumni. haha. so how did i spent a perfect free saturday? yes. sleeping. for like the whole afternoon. got wake up and read book la. but the ratio is like 100 to 1. reading american gods by neil gaiman. haha. nice!

feel so restless! but dont feel like doing anything. ANYTHING. after next monday, i'm back to square one. no job. still suck at piano. still suck at driving. still no money. still havent been jogging. still havent been reading newspaper. haha. still havent learn cooking.

feel like a piece of useless crap. 18 plus years old. ignorant, childish, a lot of things havent tried.......

haha. ok. enough of self-condemnation.

the thing is... stop thinking it, and just start doing it.

this week is really... omg. nonstop work. haha. lunch break now. i quite like this job, despite the painful travel to kallang early in the morning, and the repetitiveness of the job. because, the people here are nice! haha. i still dunno their names, but, yeah.. i hope if its possible, i can work here still after 1 week.

pri school gathering on monday, right after the genting trip. 3 of us turned up late, but i'm glad we did turn up! it was one of those rare big gatherings, where everyone made it. and chang boon! its like years since i've seen him. iy was nice, seeing everyone again, all happy and smiling. it was also a farewell for hongyi, changboon and weixing. NS boys. sad. really hope to see them again real soon! i miss pri sch gang!!

and i'll miss melvin.

and fri and sat is gonna be soooo exciting.

back to chopping invoices. =(

HAHA GENTING TRIP WAS FUN! fun singing kbox on the first day, getting high over one mug of beer each, and seeing a totally new side of wx. fun playing photo hunt for like 4 hours straight. fun eating fried chicken for 3 days straight. fun riding the rides! mostlywith weixing, cause SOMEONE doesnt want to try, especially the most exciting rides. fun going onto the space shot for 4 consecutive times, and feeling the rain up there. fun hearing ttb scream all the way in the mine ride. fun listening to all the suaning from wx to ttb. fun sitting in the long bus ride, with the bus all to ourselves.

although there were moments of sian-ness... i still enjoyed the trip! missing it already. the unlikely trio, going on our first overseas trip. looking forward to more!

only us, plus one auntie!

tan tian bee and i!

my fav, space shot!

after the water slide.

viking! weixing and i.


SHUANG GAN.

round and round we go.

flying coaster. =)))


tian bee, weixing, me!

hk, kl, genting. gimme more! haha.

i've been totally free for 1 month already! with all the outings, overseas trip, slacking and roaming moments, job searching... mostly spent with BMS, tianbee, shida. haha. feeling real happy now. should really feel glad that i have the chance to slack out loud!

anyway 1 one week job awaits me. thank you uncle sam. haha.

and part time waitressing at tea party house.

i just wanna concentrate on piano and driving la..

last night was really really FUN. a night with BMS. although JX didnt stay over. we're so full of shit, i can just die laughing. thanks so much to these 3 people. i love you all so damn much!! i so look forward to our overseas trip together. we rock the world.

I WANT TO GO BBDC.

back from KL! had a great great great time with your highness and fatfinettes. hahahaha. but one more night with them, i could be stabbing knifes into their chests. 2 days non-stop inhalation of 2nd hand smoke. really wanted to kill. BTH! but then other than that, all was great. tiring though.. sean and i couldnt take even half a day of shopping. walk and walk and walk. we didnt buy much. and we ate a lot. haha. each meal like more than 5 dishes. and... the hotel room is sooo nice! looking for the hotel was really freaking tiring as well. we arrived at KL at around 5am. and hung outside until the sky lit up. took train and walk walk walk walk walk walk, to our hotel. we met martin's friend as well, mandy, chio make-up artist. looking at stars and lightning on the way back was nice!

fatfinettes, your highness and me!


farewell xuefen...

this week is exercise week.

looked for jobs on monday with shida. we really t r i e d. went to fill up a form to become a waitress at an ntu restaurant. no return call. went to some company for an interview to be some telemarketer. and JERK interviewer said this when i ask a question "you only ask questions that you need to know, not questions that you want to know" stick up middle fingers in his face please! then.. tried calling a few places, either no answer or no vacancy. and then we met sean, melvin, and elina! walked around town.. and walked past indochine. on the spur of the moment! "hi, are you all hiring?" haha.. yes and filled in form again. no call back still! HAI. cry can. but anyway it was really fun traveling to and fro with shida dear!

i met up with linus and darren yesterday! it was really great catching up with them. felt quite sad though.. seldom meeting JC friends.. we watched shutter. which was really bad compared to the thai one. and we ate at coffee shop and chat and stuff. one topic really struck me. we were like talking about uni courses as usual... and then started guessing each other's job next time. like "what do you picture me to be like next time" it got funny.. but if i think about it seriously... seriously. i do not know. and i guess it would be wise to at least have an idea... so, darren is a card dealer in the IR. linus was first a doctor, and then a lawyer signing papers all day long, and then it was anything! yeah, anything that is a big shot, earning big bucks. and me?? LOL. linus' MAID. hahahah. maybe a little better, his personal assistant. haha. anyway! who gives a shit. thinking about the future is not me. i rather, walk one step, see one step. hai.

this week has been great. slacking. thinking. figuring things out. if i really cant find a job, then i'll become a temporary hardcore housewife.

AND things really happen when you least expect it to!

why do i feel so empty when this is suppose to be the happiest and free-est time of my life?

it was one great week, without a job. haha. tried to find job with shida on monday. but we just hang around west mall. best place in the world.................

tuesday was sean's birthday! and i met up with WEELING, HUANGYAN and STACY at imm.. hehhe thanks so much!! for the card, and for your friendships. you guys are very special to me!! hehe. and then i had driving lesson. HAHA next lesson can go out onto the road. how exciting can that get. i want THAT driving instructor. please!! haha.. and sean's birthday was nice. simple and sweet. just JX, martin and i, and BIRTHDAY BOY. we just ate.. and chat.. and drank tequila. okay only sean and i drank. and martin's pie was really nice!

wed and thurs was theory lesson with tianbee and staying over at her house. =) wed went to shida's house to look through classifieds and call, but ended up really slacking.... listening to music and lying down and sleeping and talking about _____ and ____. hai. so sweet. i love you lah shida!! okay typing the "____ and ____" is so secondary school of me. but whatever lah.

fri went to church for good friday's mass. and town after tt. with melvin and sean. we did spur of the moment things and went to club, at PLAY. hahaha. it was really special. FUN!

okay. one week of stay over, coming home late, alcohol.... time to do RIGHT THINGS! like jog and read and find a freaking job.

thank god for friends.

DAMN SAD................. DAMN SAD!!!!!

this is like maybe the 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 millionth time this kind of thing must happen.

fuck it lah URGH!!!!!!!!!

byebye okay?

i'm sorry i had to appear.

i feel like such a stupid shit.

i shouldnt even try.

or even think.

life is so goddamn exciting.

yeah, float and hang forever.

i've been overseas quite a few times, with different groups of people. and this time, to hong kong with my family. with daddy and sis, with aunties and uncles, and with cousins. 13 of us in total. it was really interesting. i admit it wasnt really fun, like oh-i-must-go-back-again-one-day feeling, but it was really well, weird. like funny weird. haha. it was one cute experience. and i'll definitely not forget this.

okay, so 4 days. went to hong kong. stayed in this dorsett seaview hotel. NO SEAVIEW. my view was



and the plane flight there was nice. i sat with jeff and auntie nancy. and i took lots of photos of the outside.




love plane rides! other than the terrible pressure that hurts like fuck when descending. just like thinking that i'm flying over land, way way way high up.

our main reason for this trip is to visit my grand aunties and uncles. and also my uncles and aunties' cousins. so first night we went to this restaurant and met all of them. many many many of them. it was really heartwarming to see all these people who are actually my distant relatives. the whole time i was just observing, listening, looking at how happy everyone is. really glad to have this kind of once in a lifetime reunion.



got really emotional when it was time to leave each other. i'm just glad to see all of them. and my grandmother from up above would be really happy to see us reuniting. i'll remember them, love them, and i wish them happiness and health, wherever they may be.

so, the next few days... we went to macau, shopped a lot at places like women's street at mong kok. and went to tsim sha tsui. most of the time i was with these 3 lovely people.


meiqi! my sis, and jeffery. =)

i guess the most fun day for me was the third day.. when 4 of us went to the Peak alone! it's suppose to be famous for its beautiful hk's night city view, and amazing sunsets. not our luck i guess.. cause what we caught was just


haha.. but anyway the most fun was still seeing some celebrities up close! and taking pictures with them!

brad pitt and angelina jolie OMG.

my idol forever harrison ford.


we just died. BON JOVI.

MJ! my sis just rocks.

okay.. he's suppose to be white.

anyway we saw mozart too. and einstein and marilyn monroe and hitler and many more...

hehe. cool huh. the wax museum at the Peak.

and the night city view...



it was really COLD up there. damn shiok!

this whole trip, my family just wasnt very together. so we kept losing each other. and played catching and hide and seek around hongkong. haha. but it was fun... walking and walking a lot. and i enjoyed my cousins a lot. hong kong is very much like singapore. maybe a little bit more people. a little bit more polluted air. a little bit more older buildings. mtr is 99% like mrt. we shopped quite a bit. and i hate chou dou fu smell! omg can just die walking down the street where these smelly beancurds are sold. URGH....

sisters and brothers with their wives.


cousins! jeff, meiqi, me, ah suan jiejie, dear sis, ah jian gorgor. =)))


casino at macau. first time entering!!


inside mtr.


outside mtr.

some pictures of buildings...

day.

night.

and lots of zi lian-ing sessions.

fav cousin!

eccentric sis.

joker jeff.

there are like a thousand other photos. haha. anyway! it was one good trip. thanks so much to ah suan jiejie for planning this for us. love my family. despite the differences. guess that's just life. people just cant stand each other and we just have to get use to it.

yeah!

back in singapore. jobless. moneyless. gotta find a new job quick. concentrate on piano, driving, leading a fit lifestyle, tuitioning my sis, reading reading and reading, and just love it! live it!

and i'm going to KL with sean and martin. HAHAHAH OMG SO EXCITED.

happy birthday sean! you're the bestest friend i ever had.









check this out, your real sign!
http://www.livescience.com/widgets/birthday.html

"i'm just calling to inform you that the school doesnt need your service anymore."

so, i'm done working in bbss.

i dont know what to feel really.

all that has kept me alive in that school are my fellow TAs. despite the frictions we have sometimes mathangi... you know i still enjoy your company very much. and its just so much fun to have you around. and it feels just like magic that shida and i can become so close within this short period of time. hai... and of course SI DA MEI NU. i'm so damn happy to have met you all. i'll miss you guys chasing after me, helping me. i just so hope we'll never lose touch.

hai, happened so suddenly can.

just like that.

but anyway, just minus some jerks in school, all has been good. good experience, nice memories, time to move on.

no more germaine...

keep losing things. what's going on?

i need the sun!
i need you.

woooo!!!!!!!!!!! driving is freaking fun. i had my first lesson today. and the instructor was really nice. so wanna book him. but, i dunno la, weird system they have there. =( driving's not that hard as i thought it would be. the first time i moved the car, wooooo!!!! like a different feeling, never feel before. haha. ok do i sound kua zhang. but then very exciting la... haha. then i just drove round and round the circuit. the accelerator is the one that's hard to control. haha. cant wait to move on to the next stage! hopefully can get license by august?

hahaha.. so many things on my mind now... uni admission! i kinda have no idea where i wanna go. and even if i want, i bloody can't. =( my future is a blur.

I WANNA GO TO GENTING WITH TTB AND WX!

and so, i really got CCB. bloody... GP C. H1 geog D.

hai.

probably cant get into the course i want. but can get into uni i hope...

sigh. DEPRESSION.

thank God for one week hol next week. and family trip to hong kong! gonna book driving lessons. aim to finish learning by July.

this week has been interesting. staying over at jx's house, watched two movies. and burning my eye with some random contact lens solution. losing my phone in school, ended up finding it in the freaking toilet. cross-country yesterday. quite fun... at the dedication booth. too bad most of the songs cant be played.

sigh. there's gotta be more to life.

haha. 60 storeys! managed to conquer it. together with melvin. felt damnnnnnnnnnnn good after the climb. i wanna try again next yr!!

AHHHHH! THIS FRIDAY A LEVELS RESULTS! OMG. OMG OMG OMG. please please please. my dreams better not come true! at least CCB! not vulgarity. haha. hai. oh man..

what a drag. EXCITEMENT PLEASE.

just whack richalynn.

wo duo xiang ai ta.

tomorrow's the day!!! vertical marathon! haha. oh man. melvin and i are the number 2 couple to go up the 60 storeys! how exciting can this get. and there are only like 40 couples taking part. 40 couples!! i guess it would be really something if we can make it to top 5. i want!!!

move on.

really should move on.

feel damn stupid.

what the hell are we thinking. what the hell are we doing.

feel like such a loser.

just looking is enough to kill.

ran up 30 storeys today! twice. 4 mins and 5 mins. which is quite unbelievable. i really want this badly. right, melvin my lover! we can do this!!! 9 MINS! haha. vertical marathon. cant wait. SEE YOU AT THE TOP. come cheer for us this sunday 2nd march. lol.

and when the hell is the results gonna come out!!! argh. really cant wait already. i need to know how i did. so i have an idea, and i wont feel so floatish now.

maybe i should just heck care already and not think so much! this is anyway the last chance ever to live life anyhow. once uni starts, i dunno. yeah, make this year special. do all the crazy things in the world and ENJOY!!! be myself, be childish, be naughty. just whatever la and do how i feel.

i so wanna run up the mountains, play in the fields, and float on the sea. i wanna stand at the edge of the biggest waterfall in the world and jump down.

i really wanna relive the moment at the oxbow lake in sabah.

SIGH.

FUCK THAT BASTARD WHO TOOK OUR RABBITS AWAY!!!!!!!! i'm really so angry, so worried, so sad.

its really. FUCK HIM. die die die die!!!!

seriously. why!?!?!?!??!

you really had to steal them in the middle of the night. you really had to take the cage and everything away. you really had to bloody steal RABBITS. URGH.

just like that, gone forever.

i am so sorry...

SIGH.

i should really really really snap out of this bullshit, before i drown myself in a deep pool of embarrassment.

i should really really really work like an adult.

haha.

yeah, i should really make an effort to learn something from my job. and not just slack around. hai.

hai hai hai.

looking forward to

A levels results.

vertical marathon.

hong kong trip.

learning driving.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

i've been thinking a lot about what i wanna do after A's. and i think i'll be so damn happy after the last paper. i wanna read lots of books, play tales of symphonia, resident evil, and all the games i have in game cube, i wanna go cyling at pulau ubin, i wanna go to all the places in singapore i've not been to in a long time. i wanna catch up with all the people that i miss a lot. i wanna go back and play in alumni band. i wanna go overseas, wherever. I WANNA GO BACK TO SABAH. sigh. i wanna clean my room, and the house. i wanna learn cooking. i wanna work in the zoo. i wanna play lots of piano. i wanna have a nice family christmas, i wanna see the lights again. i wanna watch all the movies that i like and that i've missed. wanna watch oc, nip tuck, prison break, and all of it. i wanna climb mountains. i just want A's to be over soon. now.

NONE accomplished.

what the hell????????? this is so disappointing. haha.

sigh.

honestly, i actually dont enjoy working in bbss. for now. i dunno why but i'm just not happy there, generally. though it seems like we TAs have fun working together. and meeting new people and getting to know them is fun as well. but there's just something missing. something that feels BIG and should be there and with it missing, makes all of it empty. i really have no idea what the shit i am talking about. but this is a definitely must not happen in the future when working becomes life. SIGH.

depressed depressed depressed.

at least now i know this isnt for me. i think.

not office.
not teaching.

then what the fuck.

maybe like a mount kinabalu guide.

i should just relax, chill. like what mathangi always says.

self esteem is going down down down down down down down.

fuck it. fuck you.

and, thats enough. let it stay as there.

healthy lifestyle from now on. vertical marathon here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they're all younger, richalynn.

starting to feel the pressures from my job. mainly the judgments and prejudices from people. i've been quite careless. making all the silly mistakes. probably put myself into the black books of some teachers. but i'll learn from my mistakes la. and try harder. i just have to settle down and get into it and get used to it. sigh. probably this job will harden me. hearing all the silly comments, sometimes insulting, from some students. it gets to me. but i shall be strong and courageous lol. i've got lots lots lots lots to learn. especially when facing a class of students. HOW is the biggest problem right now. how to handle difficult people. how to present myself properly. how to make sure i dont get affected when i am not liked. i do realise i cant be likable to every single one. "be myself" says richalynn. haha. but then again i cant totally be myself. have to act like a teacher. argh i'm just confusing myself right now.

maybe i should just conclude that, i am not cut out to be a teacher.

haha.

i guess.. i'll slowly learn and pick things up. if i could just believe in myself more. and i'm really thankful to have shida as my work mate.

one of the 8 habits of mind: finding humor in everything.

anyway.. it has been a good week. going for band after school. i'm still as enthusiastic as ever. haha. then jogging with ttb, melvin. have been trying my best to come home early everyday. at least i show that i care. putting in more effort into this house and family. sigh. why does it have to come this way...

right now i'm just gonna do whatever that is right.

it couldnt have gotten any sexier.

OH MY GOD.

i just look forward to seeing some people everyday.

they make the day count.

i really wanna blog, but nothing seems to be coming out.

it feels like i'm just floating through life right now.

waiting for things to happen.

i should just lay my two feet on the ground and do something.

but whats there to do!

theres a lot.

but the word

laziness

is taking over my life.

it has always been.















sigh.

i really want the band to prosper again.








emptiness.

yes.

thats probably the most accurate word to describe how i feel right now.

2008!

and just now we were talking about how the world will kind of end in 2012. type 2012 in yahoo and go find out! 4 more years?

okay better not.

i had the most fun last days of 2007. ttb and weixing staying over at my house. doing jigsaw puzzle. sean, matt and ben coming over. and new years with mathan, ttb, sean, jx and melvin, and my sis and dad! it couldnt have gotten any better.

thank you for the memories.