i so wanna be there at sentosa tml
but im held up in tis hell hole

ard july last yr, i was brought upon my previous diagnosis
n eversince then, i went thru a terrible ordeal

its hard enuff when ure already goin thru so much
to pull thru a setback in life
but the treatment by most only makes things harder
i mean its totally normal to joke bout it
but of course there has to be limitations
it came to a point where sumone didnt wanna share a drink
n then there were those who were afraid
to come in close proximity to avoid gettin contaminated
their gestures tells it all, from bein so wary so cautious
to utter disgust written all over their faces
others stayed 5ft awae like they got sum restraintin order
from the court or sumthin
but worst still was when one accused of bein infected
by me

u cld sae all the things u want in tis world
but its still gonna be ur word against mine
if only u've asked me for its exact scientific name
if only u cared enuff to do sum R&D on ur own
u'ld noe of my condition

n now tt im a medic in a time of a widespread outbreak of H1N1
i'd most prob be exposed to suspected
or even confirmed patient cases
i didnt sign up for tis
its a line of duty
i can only make sure tt i wear the protective gears properly

wit the gown, shower cap, gloves, mask n goggles intact
i walked up to "accompany" the patient while waitin for 993 to arrive
i cried to point tt i cld hardly see thru the transparent shield

will the rejection surfaces again?
will tis mean tt i'll be an exile to u?
will u treat me all the same?

i nd to noe

*tell me ur innermost truth^~

aparrently im stuck here in camp cuz sum guy is sick
n i have to take over his duty
but i noe its not his fault
n he's been helpin adjust to tis new workin environment
so i guess its okay

but of course i'd rather be elsewhere like
practicin for shine n bb comp
or my dance class beach dudes n bimboz bbq party
n even watchin jim beam comp at dblO

there's thing i'd like to sae
but only i noe cuz i cant voice out
an opinion or jux an emotion

bet u tot i forgot

on another non-relatin topic
why is it tt i can do so much more in times of desperation

the misses u feel for me is nuthin
compared to the misses i feel for u
either tt or ure jux not showin it
n by doin whichever so
ure hurtin me, hurtin me deep

*its still ur cal^~

snipets from my personal jot downs dated 17/5/09

halt
everythin else cums to a standstill as i read ur incumin msg
everythin
from beforehand plans to last minute outin or even the nd to be alone
nuthin cld compare to the importance of meetin u
eager, too eager

cancel, rush, compromise jux to make it on time, or at least try to
only to find out its all called off, again
importance? non vice-versa
those tiny little details tt keep remindin me of the past, our past
those carefree daes, long gone
the silly things only we find amusin doin
the friendship i hold too dear
prob is, im the only one who seems to still be hopin for a rerun of F.R.I.E.N.D.S
reminiscent, tts how its ever gonna be like from now on huh?
i gave up tryin

one big reason i tink why i cant come ard nymore is cuz im much more in touch wit the other side of me at tis point in time of my life but u cant penalise me for bein myself

maybe the last 3-4yrs not bein wit the company of each other is not sufficient enuff to warrant feelins of misses, so i guess we cld alwaes wait till it turns 2digit or sumthin

i was told tt i was apart of it but who are u kiddin, i nvr will be

shunned
but i now noe the actual reason behind it
it's not like i asked for it
(i hate u for infectin me wit tis disease)
(i hate u for the result of these scars)

i can make it thru the rain
but wat if there's no rain

*its ur cal^~