shaz, me n bubz

the chubby cheeks will nvr fade

purple potpurri, the wae harny likes it

antm pose; essential thing to do to forget bout the anxieties

things are alot clearer now..there's tis thing called divided loyalties, u tend to side one party.. inequality, i must sae.. now i noe the diff in u ppl.. thnk god some helped n others sympathize..oh hell, alot of ppl noe.. damn it.. cant keep mouth shut..watever..

muchious gracias to u for carin so much, guess im lost wit all the complications..healin though its takin its own sweet time but i can adapt.. well, tryin to..

hate ur fuckin presence, cuz of u, if u werent ard nuthin i despise wld happen, u cant seem to control urself, doin all the wrong things, irritatin ppl but u dun realise tt u cant even keep up to it if ppl were to do it to u..mummy's boy shit face, go to hell..

harny's really engaged.. wow.. a lil tear shed..hehz.. many misSes.. beautiful babe.. really nice food, wished i had eaten more..

scores are jux scores so freakin big deal..asshole, theres more yet to come..

i tink im gettin comfortable performin, jux nd to calm myself down, throw away all the anxieties.. i noe i can.. do it.. yup, im better than tt..

i used to tink tt suicidal ppl are jux stupid, i remb tt time when a sch girl jumped down to her death jux outside sch n i tot tt it wldnt ever happen to me.. but i tot wrong.. i wanted to.. i tink i still do.. things may be better now but i dun feel tt it is, im not given a chance to explain meanin things are not yet settled.. dunno if its on purpose or due to circumstances but its kinda continuin..

thnx for lookin out for me ya.. i guess im too different myself..

funkies or Xies.. decidin..still, hard..

nuthin went accordin to plan, didnt get to go to the free workshops tt i look forward to.. n after noein jux tiny details of a certain stuff i came to a bigger conclusion but guess it wasnt wat i tot it was, things are alot more complicated.. but decisions are bein made n one will follow the other, so how?? i wan but i dunno.. or i dunno but i wan..

chalet was okay at first, though i still felt sad n a lil numb.. ppl were fuckin snobs so well, watever ye.. at least fwens are ard.. but it still didnt feel rite.. i went off to clear my mind n azi went wit us to the beach.. it was really nice, my first time actually bein there.. like everywhere..

when i actually followed shawn to send zaf n firman home, didnt noe it was like the worst decision yet.. i felt useless after.. like didnt tot it was gonna turn out tis wae.. worst things happened, u didnt have to do tt infront of me, like u promise not to.. n tts like the 2nd time already, the hurt tt was put across was unbearable so i jux ran, ran off to the roadside to squat like sum lost child lookin for acceptance, an embrace..

dun wanna drag on bout tis.. ohh yar, thnx shawn loads for helpin me but u didnt have to apologies cuz i was bringin it upon myself..

had fun actually wit qie in the car, singin like stupid old pop songs.. imitatin singer's gestures..Llz.. the ride was very scary cuz shawn went on 140km/h which is wae wae too much for the faint-hearted(meanin me) so, i was screamin for dear life n thnk god nuthin bad happen.. if it did then things may have been better for me..nvm..

directed to another person, well two different ppl: ur such a sinful shameless ignorant person, u try so hard jux to get to do tt one stupid act but i guess u didnt get to nywywaes cuz of who u are..ugtly freak.. n then there's tis uncontrollable slut who cldnt keep his hands to himself, u really have to go to every extend jux to get pleasure.. n it didnt happen for u too.. hahhk..loser

nywyaes, sumone's suddenly a doctor, like tt suria show.. the doctors wit only PSLE qualification..hahahk, n she really did look like ning baizura..

ohh yar, OCH was scary.. i mean i went durin the late mornin n it seem really scary.. even wit all of them ard me.. the furnie thing is, the first time i went up tt stairs wit pan n syahril, pan had tt sudden breathin attack thing..furnie ar but kesian gitu...hehe

*tears have dried up after three consecutive daes sheddin them.. why does hurt have to be successful in every of its attempt, why is it alwaes my fault even when it isnt, punishment to an error made in life is not to be decided by another human bein.. i guess i'll leave if u really wan me to^~

y u have to do tt..? jux cuz i was stil asleep? well, i wasnt, i knew it wld have happen.. congratulations further to tt person who get stick supplies from none other than ur own "supportin" mother, not a mum, due of ur fuckin bad influences.. wats more, u nvr fail to amuse me wit ur generous distribution of tt iniquitous inhalant since its FREE!! wat if u used ur own cash, u'ld be all stingy bout it.. god damn it, once a low-life, alwaes a low-life

great move u got there, msgin everyone ard but not me, is it like so hard to do tt.. it wld only take a few secs each, or is it bout the cost cuz all i noe one wld only cost up to a mere 5cts, u tell me if it costs more..u act all nice infront but i guess u hate me for gettin wat u wan first, n the only problem is, i have gotten over it n im seriously helpin u get tt chance though u see me as sumone interferin wit ur love life jux cuz im close to her.. well, if u havent notice, i've alwaes been closer to the girls..god, doesnt take a scientist to observe tt...

for all the things ive done for u, it has alwaes been sumthin tt came from my heart, sincerity so as to speak.. but ur actions are so not showin appreciation, u do stuff tt u noe i despise purposely.. u wanna find fault wit me, jux do it, do it infront of everyone so ppl will noe jux how well u treat ppl ard u, who really cares bout u.. so much so u did sae to me tt "if u care for a person, u wld noe wats goin on wit one's world" utter jibrius bullshit, tts so not true.. how do u expect ppl to noe when all u do is keep it all inside, u have a machinery solver thingy implanted in ur body system or sumthin?

there's like 3 person im talkin bout here, but only two means the world to me, guess its finally showin in full force, oh hell, who am i nywyaes, god damn it bird shit times two..

on a brighter, shinier note, thnx qie for the ben n jerry 'wich, such a sinful indulgence like u saed..hahhk.. all the fuckin nyamuk bites, unbearable.. at least we got thru tt sleepless nite

i so love tis pic wit pan, she looks like tt thai girl from friendster below(which i so love) n im like, well jux there, hahhk..n we dun look like we're in sg..

nice outfit? i noe..hehz.. thnx to my top project runway designers.. thnx to pan, alif n syahril.. ohh god, i havent return him his belt but its kinda hard to cuz it looks nice on me..Llz.. its a red adicolor belt btw.. pan came up wit the overall design, alif drew all those intricate details.. n syahril was there evry step of the wae..sidik too, for pasting the stars n fadli for drawin the back part.. coolness, thnx to farrah for make-up, n alif too for the hair, wats left of it ar.. got stressed out being on my own the nite before so i cut my own hair off, loads of it.. on wae to town from bugis, i cried in the train.. cldnt contain it sumhow.. wit the absence of ban.. nd him ard alwaes.. but i understand ur situation..

streetfest was okay.. great compliments here n there.. i felt it i guess.. n oso the fact tt it was for a certain sumone..

remix wasnt as gd for me..though i hoped it was.. outfit was alot nicer..thnx again to u guys.. more effort though more last minute.. ban came..woHoo.. i mean others who came are oso appreciated..really alot.. like pan, shawn, alif, farrah, haryadi(came down alone), syira wit bf, fiza(late,hehz), shadiq wit amin, fiqa, zahidah, maz, khai n alot more..llz..

i didnt felt a thing after the solo part.. i kinda messed up at beep n then bebot was all wrong for me.. then i tried to feel it durin lose my breathe, okay ar, can see tt im tryin but not gd enuff, then i gave my all durin hands up which was why i was abit off as well, then run tis was like disasterous n by get down hit the floor, i was repeatin in my head, "push, push, dun tink bout tiredness".. so tts bout it, sucky.. not comfortable at all.. wasnt calmed down after doin the hamzah's relaxation thingy, wasnt free enuff to move.. guess i felt diff wit all the other dancers ard n noein tt their preference of view is not me..

on another note, its evident tt its goin on stronger than i tot.. in relation to my may 15th post, im takin more steps back.. givin up on it.. givin more space.. guess im jux too diff from u guys..

*u cant jux go off like tt.. i nd u ard, the others do too, if ure not gonna stay then who else will.. stay for the better, stay for things to be the same, the wae evryone wans it to be.. the wae u wan it to be..gracias..