Saturday, February 13, 2010
Today i had to wake up really early as i need to make a new passport as mine's already expired and also i had a dental appointment. Thankfully the que at ICA wasn't long as it was a Chinese New Year Eve. Once done i headed down to Alexandra Hospital for my dental. Sadly as much as i tried convincing the dentist to not remove my wisdom tooth but in the end i still have to remove all 4. Oh well i know it's good to remove but im really not a fan of dental surgery especially when it comes to the wisdom as it will freaking hurt! Even if they are putting me to sleep while doing the surgery but still the aftermath will definetly suck big time. After that i ate KFC with my family followed by some shopping.
Night time me & my sis decided to catch a movie. We watched the show "Valentine's Day". It's a romantic movie and I enjoyed myself as it's hilarious and nice. There's a lot of huge stars in the movie as well.
As for yesterday, I apologise to my friends for not replying to the calls or sms as i kinda lose it big time. Thanks to my dad, my computer crash and it just won't load. My uncle came to check it out and he himself wasn't sure on what was the cause of the problem. All my stuff is inside my computer and i didn't made a backup as i just reformatted my laptop. All my photoshop brushes, fonts, design tools, filters and patterns are all gone! Not to mention my army work, photos and my graphic design! Haiz Im really piss with my dad as everytime he uses the computer there's always bound to have some problems. Instead of apologising, he still can argue and he even blame me for not keeping a backup! Well hello, like i have the time to do all this as i only get to go back on the weekends and sometimes i have to do my army work. I swear i can go crazy as i already organised the files neatly and all my awesome programs are inside there as well. Now it's all freaking gone & im unable to find all my photoshop stuff anymore:(. Now it's been sent for repair and i hope they will be able to retrieve my stuff if not im really screwed. Haiz just my luck! First i need to pluck out all 4 wisdom tooth and now my treasured stuff from my computer is gone. Oh well the only thing i can do now is to pray for the best and remain positive even if it's impossible=/.
Anyway i would like to wish everyone a
"Happy Chinese New Year" &
"Happy Valentine's Day".
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Valentine's Day Card(Here's a story which i wanna share with you guys.)
A year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?" He raised his eyebrow.
"Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."
"Then.. you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."
"E-card??" That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.
"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting."
I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail.
Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.
"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!"
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and got online. Staring at the empty inbox, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. We were only neighbors. At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him. At that time, I had a crush on a senior. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me.
I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly.
Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. On the surface, we may have left each other. But in reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Still facing the empty inbox, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my pleasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy.
"But I sent it." He was really busy but I didn't care.
"I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight. I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."
"I am childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks. Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation?
We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for?? I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations.
After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work. Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient." As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.
"Car accident." The medic replied.
"Very serious. He may die." I nodded and ran to the operating room with them.
When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped.
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't and shouldn't lose our calm. But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my BOYFRIEND!
"NO..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.
I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love.
I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. SHU, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card.
"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.
"Take her away!"
That day, I lost my control and my professionalism. And that day happened to be Valentine's Day. Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day. They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn' reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way. When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish. Like an abandoned cat,I couldn't even cry anymore.
After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore. I turned on computer after a year later, even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day. GOSH....I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail? I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today. We apologize for the delay." The sender was my BOYFRIEND!!! I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these? With a trembling hand, I opened the mail.
The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play...."Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a? fantasy.
Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem. "Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive,my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away. When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard. I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times.
In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for LAST ONE YEAR finally got RECONNECTED.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
A big hello to everyone out there. I've been neglecting this blog of mine. The reason mainly is due to laziness and also in Military Police Training School we had to write a journal for every single day so i guess that's the main reason why i lost the mood to blog here as everything is already written in the book.
Life has been pretty ok so far. As usual there are good & bad days. Thank goodness as our main event Moonlight Marshal is over. It was definetly a whole new outfield experience for me. It wasn't easy especially commanding the men but overall i've learned a lot and also i was proud of myself as i never knew i could remember alot of stuff. Though i was kinda disappointed at certain missions as i made a couple of mistake but oh well i will take it as a lesson learnt. There were some burning issues and there are certain situations which i felt really mad but it's all over and all i wanna do is to just forget about it. Even though certain people pisses me off but i was really touch with my men for what they did when i got a earful. So much has happened but it's all coming to & end soon as im left with 2 more weeks in Military Police Training School and after that we will be going back to Sispec for 8 days of our combine arms and pass out there and finally get my sergeant rank. Im really excited about that as i will be meeting with my old sispec friends. All the other vocations will be there as well to pass out together and one thing cool for us is that we will be the only one's wearing the MP uniform:). There is always politics and conflicts in wherever we go and i feel that there's alot of that happening in MPTS compared to my BMT & Sispec days. Oh well there's nothing much that i can do but it doesn't matter as it's all coming to and end soon. I will just continue to enjoy with my close cliques before all of us go to our separate ways. Haiz sometimes it's hard as i have to keep parting with all the great people that i met from BMT, Sispec & now MPTS.
Well for the posting, i decided to be posted to Brunei for almost a year. Friends question me on why the hell would i wanna be posted there as the place is boring. Well i do agree but i felt that i wanna experience what it's like living & working in another country and also it's the first time i'm gonna live on my own and to be independent. The place that im going is also peaceful too so it's a good time for me to destress and relax myself from the hectic life in Singapore. But to be honest, i really can't bear to leave as my Family, friends, home & life will always be here. I'll definetly miss my life in Singapore. I just receive a bad news as those that will be posted to Brunei have to pluck out all our wisdom tooth. I went for the x-ray and crap i have to remove 3!! What a nightmare as i really fear of dentist. Haiz imagine removing all at once! Oh well i don't have a choice and this is something i have to sacrifice:(. But before i go, im gonna try to make an attempt to meet up with all my friends:). All i wish now is that things in Brunei will be better and smooth.
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