Candy Math

I found this adorable math game online {here} and printed it out to play with the boys. I bought a bag of M&Ms and one afternoon we skipped on on the prepared math lessons and did this instead. Sorting, adding, subtracting...we did everything we could think of...then ate the chocolates and all were happy!

 

My Little Artists

Lucas' art project a few weeks back was to do a painting of Sunflowers. I think he did an amazing job! He was supposed to use all the colors from the painting, and to make sure it had plenty of texture. He could choose to do a full vase full, or a single stem, and he opted for the single stem.

Comparing it to the original...I think I have a future artist on my hands :)

As challenging as it has been homeschooling certain subjects, I love days like these when I'm able to watch his creative juices flowing. I love to give him praise too because he just eats it up and it encourages him to work harder. I'm really going to miss it next year. But it will be nice to have that time with Benjamin to be able to work on things that interest him.

Truth

I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs.

Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people too.

You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person.

As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.

I AM a Good Mother....

I'll get around to Christmas soon, I hope! 

I had another therapy appointment this morning. I've been extra looking forward to it for the past several days. This holiday season seemed to be extremely rough on me. I'm not sure what exactly it was, more of a culmination of all the little things. Not enough money to fulfill the wants of my family, not feeling like I did enough to support local charities, the big obvious...the shooting in CT....

And then there was what felt like personal attacks on me as a wife, mother and person. I'm sure none of these people even realized that the things they said were so hurtful (at least I hope not!). But the fact of the matter is, I'm still very insecure and easily hurt. I walked away from Christmas this year feeling like a bad mother, bad wife, and bad person. I've spent the past few nights holding back tears, or complaining to my poor sweet husband. I feel like all the progress in therapy wasn't doing me a bit of good. How could I let silly comments upset me so badly? 

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my therapist? I truly believe that God inspires him to lead the sessions one way or another. We started out talking about something else entirely and deep down I was trying to figure out how to get the conversation on point when out of the blue he made an observation on how I place my self worth in the opinions of others. The tears began to flow and I explained how the past week has gone. He assured me that these people meant no harm, and that I should take it as a compliment. I don't want to go into any personal details right now. But I'll say that I feel better overall, although still not entirely better about some aspects of what happened...does that make any sense at all? 

The bottom line is, I've busted my behind trying to heal from my past. I've done a dang good job at it!

...thank you very much.

So here is what I have to say to those who have hurt me with their words...

I am a good wife! Did you know that statistics show that a LOT of divorces are brought on by graduate school? For a lot of families school becomes the priority and the couple drift apart. I've always kept our marriage a priority and let my husband know that I know I'm a priority to him too...but he HAS to do well in school or we'll be up a creek without a paddle. I support him in his hard work, and I'm very grateful for all he does. I look forward to gradation in 4 months 8 days....but until then, I realize that I'm a priority AND so is school. It hasn't been without it's challenges and I've pretty much been a single parent for the last five and a half years, but my loving husband has made the greater sacrifice. And he does it because he loves us so much.

I am a good mother too! Sure my kids have a lot of toys, but in all fairness we don't have a backyard for them to play in. So all playtime is indoors. And it's hard having the age gap just so. As soon as Lucas outgrows something, Benjamin is ready for it. One day they'll be interested in the same things and we'll have less. They have HUGE imaginations and are both super smart, and I love to be able to provide things for them to nurture their creativity. Costumes and puppets for make-believe. Legos, blocks, bugs, cars...all the things little boys should have. And then of course a kitchen and a baby doll so they can learn how to be tender-hearted. Everything they have is hand-me-down or used or off the clearance rack. They earn money around the house and after paying a full tithe to our church, they are free to save up for whatever they want. Sometimes they buy junk I don't agree with, but it teaches them how to be financially responsible and save and make decisions. When they are naughty, they are disciplined. I don't put up with back-talking or yelling, or being mean to one another. I don't put up with not doing what is asked of them. I don't put up with rude, or cruel, or selfish. I encourage them to hold doors, use manners and respect their elders. I teach them not to stare at those with disabilities, and to treat all people regardless of race, religion, gender, etc with equal respect. They have to eat their vegetables before they can have dessert. And when daddy isn't home, we sneak chocolate just because we can. I give my kids more hugs and kisses than any other mother I know. I read to them every single night. And when they are sick, my heart breaks for them. I sit up with them round the clock holding bowls for their vomit and getting them Popsicles. I let them have bad days, and I encourage them to express themselves. I dig through 2 million tiny pieces of Legos to find the one missing piece to finish a masterpiece. I am a good mother. No...I am a GREAT mother! And I'm going to work harder on not letting peoples opinions get to me. 

And if I do, I'll come re-read this!

When He Should Have Been Sleeping....

"Mama, me is makin dinnor"

Vandy

Benjamin was having problems with his boy parts again a week or so ago. For the second time. Or third, I can't keep track. It's always something different, and I hate it. It's awkward and I feel really bad for him. His doctor was out of town, naturally and so they sent us to the ER. I HATE taking my kids to the ER. I find it completely humiliating. I feel like it's such a waste of time and insurance...and all that fun stuff. (Unless said child has a broken arm or 105 fever...then I don't mind taking him). 

I had a feeling we'd be there a while, so I brought the boys a few games to keep them quite. I'm so glad I did, because we didn't get a room with a TV, we got a hallway bed. 

(This is a match game that is based on feeling for the right piece)

Don't all kids play memory while wearing sterile gloves and eating Popsicles?

Afterward we spent a good 45 minutes looking at the train display

And then stopped to take pictures with the giant Nutcrackers

Luckily there wasn't anything wrong with Benjamin....which only added to my embarrassment, but whatever. I just did what I was told to do.

Mr. Benjamin Potato

True to Benjamin, he even has a fat lip :)

Sandy Hook

I don't have the strength to write a lengthy post on my thoughts about the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. I would imagine that every parent is grieving in their own way. It seems as if the parents of kindergarteners are taking this especially hard. Right about now I'm feeling so very blessed that when I read the news that morning, I had my very own kindergartener with me! He was close by my side and so I didn't feel the panic that other mothers felt. The urge to go pull him out of school and hold him close. I felt the need to hold him close... but not the same way other parents were feeling it. It's so very difficult for any of us to comprehend how on Earth something like this could have happened. I don't have the answers. None of us do. We can point fingers at tougher gun laws, or more lenient gun laws. We can point the finger at better health care, especially for those mentally ill. But when push comes to shove, we all have agency, and that is why we are on this Earth today. That man used his agency in a way that is horrifying. And the impact is being felt by many. We can only hope and pray that it doesn't happen again. Maybe it's time we let God back into the schools! I don't know the answer, I don't know what will come of this. All I know is that I read this beautiful poem today, and it filled me with so much peace. Our Savior is always there. He's always protecting our children. And us! I know that I need to do a better job of letting him in closer, and getting to know him on a more intimate level. And I need to do a better job of realizing just how close he really is. He is patiently waiting if I'll just reach out my hand to him. 

I hope that you will also take comfort in this poem. 

Rest in Peace, sweet little angels! 

................

twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.

they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

 "where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."

when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Written by Cameo Smith, Mt. Wolf, PA

 

 

Christmas Parade

Last week we took the kids out for an afternoon and on our way home we saw signs for a Christmas parade. The boys have never been to a parade, and neither have I.

We had just enough enough time to get home and eat and make some hot cocoa and head back out. We set up a blanket on the back of the car and got cozy.

I just thought this was pretty :)

They loved that people were throwing candy!!! And ended up with several handfuls of candy.

It was so much fun, and in a small town so we had great seats. It was such a fun Christmas memory and I hope we can continue to do things like this in the future.

Christmas Boot

I was a day late with the Christmas boot this year. Luckily the kids are too little to know the difference. Also, I forgot to fill their boots! I fell asleep putting them to bed. Yikes! Luckily they hadn't noticed and I was able to slip their treats in while they weren't looking. 

They each got a much wanted monster truck. Lucas got Ninja Turtles and Benjamin got Batman. And they each got one treat, a bubblegum candy cane.

Benjamin LOVES monster trucks!

Christmas Pickle

Another of our yearly traditions :) 

The first year that Jeremy and I were married I babysat for several families as my 'job'. It was so much fun!! One of the families I worked for gave me a German Pickle as part of my Christmas present. I started the tradition that very year with Jeremy and decided that it would be my fun little thing to do. I'd never spend more that $5, since it was just an extra fun little thing. That year he got some much needed new socks! 

In the years since having kids, we've altered it a bit and over the past several years I've decided that $5 DVDs is the way to go. Someone a year or so ago suggested having a pickle for each child. I loved the idea but Benjamin wasn't old enough to understand so didn't worry much about it. This year however, he is definitely old enough, so I purchased a second pickle and two DVDs 

It took the boys a few days to find their pickles but when they did, they were thrilled! 

Lucas got Tin Tin and Benjamin got Happy Feet 2

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies and eating popcorn.

In all honesty, it's these little extra things that I look forward to the most. It makes the whole holiday season so much fun and I love any excuse to do fun little things with my boys.

Letter's to Santa

We did our annual 'Make-a-Wish" letter writing this year. It's so fun doing this every year and watching the kids progress. Lucas wrote out his own completely on his own this year. He of course asked for Legos and Build-a-Bear.

We need to work on his spacing between words. But otherwise, he did great!

Jeremy helped the little guy to write his letter. He asked for Legos and a bike!

One of these days I'm going to make a collage of all their pictures in front of this mail box :)

I Dislike Guns!!!

Three years and fourish months ago there was a shooting in the apartment above us.

So we moved. 

Two weeks later there was an armed robbery on our front porch. Literally. 

So we moved. 

I'd like to point out that no one was shot in the first incident, and guns never went off in the second. 

Last night, I heard mass quantities of sirens going by, and it sounded like they might be coming down our street. I peeked out the back door just in time to see two unmarked police cars FLYING down our street. Just then, two came flying around the corner zooming past our living room window and stopping at the next building up.

Then came the fire truck. 

Then the ambulance.

And then...about a dozen more police cars both marked and unmarked. We had enough blue lights in here to have a Jewish Christmas tree. 

One of our neighbors opened his window to ask what was going on, but I didn't know. So he came over and he and Jeremy walked up to ask another neighbor. 

At that time it was believed that it was a domestic dispute. Apparently there was a couple that lived together that fought ALL.THE.TIME. It wasn't the first time police had been called. From the sounds of it, it wasn't the second, third or tenth time either. So we all went back inside hoping that all was well. 

I was wrapping Christmas presents and kept hearing more and more vehicles coming in. So every ten minutes or so I'd peek outside. And every time I did, there were more cars out there. Eventually most of the marked vehicles left and were replaced with unmarked cars. The ambulance left with no one inside and so we figured it must have been one horrible fight, but that everyone was okay. After a few hours of this, I got curious and went to look out the front door. There I found not one, not two but three CSI vans and trucks. FREAKY! Jeremy and I were joking that we couldn't believe the news hadn't shown up and no joke one minute later the news van rolled in. He was nice enough to tell us that he was called because there was reason to believe a gun had been fired, but that at this time it was believed to be self inflicted. He said to give him about twenty minutes and he would let us know what he found out. 

When he came back, he told us that it was a suicide. He didn't know who was dead, but that someone was infact dead. By then I had assumed as much because I saw the coroners van pull in while waiting on him to come back. Jeremy at this point was back down talking to the neighbors and actually saw them cart the body out. 

From what he gathered, and overheard police saying, etc... the boyfriend came home drunk and since arguing was nothing new to this couple, a fight broke out and she shot him. She claimed he shot himself, but police were overheard talking about how the location of the gunshot and the way he fell, it just wasn't possible. Hence all the CSI trucks and the dozen plus detectives that were there. 

It was 330am when we finally decided to call it a night. Benjamin had woken up with all the commotion and we had a little midnight popcorn party, and we were all exhausted. 

It's really scary knowing that one of my neighbors murdered her boyfriend. I just don't understand it! 

All day today I've been thinking about the first shooting from a few years back, and then thinking about this one. Granted we didn't actually hear any shots fired. I've been really amazed at how differently I've reacted to this situation verses the first. I didn't sleep for weeks after the first one and thought there was nothing good in the world. And this time, I've just accepted it, life happens and it's crappy sometimes. But nothing happened to my family, bullets weren't close to hitting us, it's weird that my neighbor is now a murderer and that another neighbor has been killed, but it doesn't affect me in a way that I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. Does that make any sense? 

I know I say this all the time and it's probably getting old, but I'm so so so grateful for therapy! It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. In past situations where I would 'overreact' I honestly that it was normal to act that way. And now I can clearly see how crazy I probably looked to others. Oh well. Live and learn. I'm just grateful that I've worked my buns off in therapy so that when crappy things happen close to home I can take it for what it is. Something crappy that happened close by. That's all it is.

Migraines

I've been having horrible migraines again. I haven't had them this bad for about seven years. This current one has been lingering about six weeks and I'm SO over it! I've had massages, adjustments, tried medications, therapy...I've tried EVERYTHING...that I can think of. It was so bad that a few weeks ago Jeremy made me go to the emergency room where they gave me two shots which they loving call a "migraine cocktail." I got it about 9pm, came home and went to bed and woke up at 3am without an ounce of relief. I've tried several prescription medications with no relief. The only way to get the pain to even dull a bit is to take them together. I hate doing that though. 

This morning I went to the doctors. She wanted me to start taking a preventative medication. I've been on this one before and it didn't do anything then, but I'm desperate. So I'm trying it again. She was about to write for it, and then blurts out something about how bad it can be to take while pregnant. I'm not pregnant though, so I didn't see the problem. She made me take a pregnancy test anyway, which of course was negative. I'll start taking it tonight at bedtime. I'll go back in two weeks for a follow-up and if I haven't had any relief I'll have to see a neurologist. I've been down that road too. I feel like it's a hopeless cause...nothing will ever help. At best I seem to have relief for a few hours. 

Dirt!

A day in the life.... at our house

Karate Graduation (Full Gold)

On November 9th, Lucas graduation from a junior gold belt to a full gold belt in karate. He's been working very hard on his Kata and his stances. He got all A's on his report card and was the most well behaved child in the graduation ceremony. Several of the other kids were getting in trouble for talking and not sitting still, but he stayed focused the whole time.

This graduation was extra special because Jeremy was able to attend. He was a few minutes late, but the ceremony started a few minutes late and so he didn't miss a thing. Lucas LOVED having his daddy there to support him. 

Afterward some of the kids were getting pictures their teacher, Mr. Blaizer. Lucas wanted one too. I think he was too hungry to smile :)

We had our traditional celebratory dinner afterward and this time Lucas picked McDonalds. We even splurged and got ice cream ;)

Quote of the Day

Benjamin: Me flickin' my head.

Other funny things he says:

"I did it all by my own". (I did it all by myself).

Booty goes at the end of everything. And I do mean everything!!

"Me hunny boy" (funny)

"I pulled my arm. That not be good. Right mom?"

"Me not naughty boy" this usually comes immediately following something naughty.

I love the way he talks. There are many letters he does not pronounce correctly but it's so darn cute. I want to keep him my baby forever.

My Big Smart Boy!

It's been a while since I've posted about how school is going. So here goes. Lucas is always amazing me. He is so smart, and education seems to come so easy and natural to him. A lot of his classes are online, and I don't usually sit with him while he does them. I usually just get it going make sure he knows what he's supposed to be doing and then find something else to do. 

On Tuesday I had a parent teacher conference with his teacher, and she was telling me that by the end of the semester on December 18th they should be between 30% and 40% complete in all subjects. It's always nice to have an update because I lost track a long time ago. She said Lucas was doing wonderful, so no need to stress. I took a look this morning though and decided I'd like him to be at 45% done in all areas by the end of the weekend. 

One of the areas he need to play "catch up" was language skills. So we did a few vocabulary lessons. One of the activities would show a picture and give a list of three possible answers. (This vocabulary list happened to be words dealing with reading.) There were nine questions, and on each one, he would look at the picture, determine the answer and then sound out the options to find the one that fit. For example, one of the answers was 'chapter' so he says, "chapter, the answer is chapter. CH makes the 'ch' sound. CH-a-p-t-ER. Chapter. The answer is C." I about fell out of my seat! 

Yesterday we went to Chick-fil-A with another homeschool friend. Her mom was helping the kids sound out seven and eight letter words on the play area signs. It was crazy! 

Then while I was finishing up dinner we were playing I Spy in the kitchen. When it was my turn I said that I spied something green. He was naming off every green thing he could see. Mostly really creative answers. I finally decided to give him a clue. "YOU are very close." He named off a few things that were close to him. Finally I said to him, "I'm emphasizing the word you. YOU, are very close." He looked down and asked if it was his shirt, which it was. I was super impressed that he understood me telling him where I was putting the emphasis. He's a smart smart boy! 

Here is his current progress in school: 

Math 60%

Phonics 36%

Language Skills 44%

Literature & Comprehension 45%

Hand Writing 45%

Science 43%

History 31%

Social Studies 100%

Art 46%

Music 46%

It's obvious we need to get to working on History and Phonics. He actually LOVES phonics, but those seem to be the two most time consuming subjects. 

Tis The Season

I love Christmas time! I love my boys and I love how the decorate the tree by putting everything in one spot. I'm so happy it's this time of year!!

Word of the Year: Strength

I haven't been very good about posting thoughts on my word for the year. The word I had chosen was strength. I think that this word had a huge impact on my life this past year though. I'm every day amazed at the strength that I have found in myself to press forward and climb the mountains that I didn't think I could. I feel like everything I've been though was a lifetime ago. I haven't been to therapy for a full week. I was sick last week and cancelled both appointments and now looking back it seems as if it's all a distant memory. That was the OLD me and this is the NEW me. And I couldn't be happier. 

While chatting with a good friend and browsing on Pinterest for Christmas party ideas, I came across this. It seemed to be the perfect words of advice to offer her, and the perfect way to round out my year. Yes I know there is still a month to go....in fact I think I might officially end the year with a collage, but for now...