Session #1

I had my first appointment with a counselor today. To being I had to fill out a sheet, something I will do at each visit. My "symptom related" column totaled 70. Normal is 35 or below. Nice.

She basically just listened as I expressed my current frustrations. Then she helped me to relax for a few minutes. I felt great when I left, and even though I know I still have a long road ahead of me, I'm proud of myself for accepting help. Something I'm NOT good at! I'm ready to change my life and open to suggestions. I know that when all is said and done, I will be mentally more stable and that will make me a better wife, mom, friend, sister and daughter.

Amy had come down to watch Lucas for me, and because he was having issues with me leaving, and because I'm still in protective mode, I suggested just taking the boys to the church to play in the gym. So when I was finished with my appointment we went to Target to get some diapers for the new baby. (for those of you who know me, know that I start stalking up with double coupons as soon as I find out I'm pregnant. Saves me TONS of money.) Today was definitely my lucky day because they had the HUGE cases of Huggies located on the wrong shelf. I was able to pick up a case of 192 diapers that normally costs $28.99 for $16.49 after my double coupons. I know that Target has a policy that if there are multiple items on the wrong shelf they will give it to you for that price (I know this because I used to work for them) but some stores aren't willing. I learned today that it never hurts to ask, because I was able to save $10 just by asking. I know you're thinking I should have purchased more for that price, but if I bought them all there would have been no way to prove that they were in the wrong spot. Also, wrong size. I don't need 800 size 2 diapers :) I ended up with $90 worth of baby goods for $50. Thanks to my part time babysitting this week, none of it had to come out of our empty checking account.

When we got back, Amy rubbed my rock hard shoulders for the longest time. I'm still tense, but at least you can kind of pinch my shoulders now. It definitely helped to relieve a lot of my pent up stress. Thanks Amy!

Today was a good day!!! And I can already tell that I'm going to sleep great tonight.

Beyond Exhausted

We began our move yesterday. I'm SOOOOOO happy to be in a new apartment with new everything! However, I'm so beyond exhausted that it's hard to function.

Between not being able to sleep, Lucas having nightmares, staying up late, getting up early, I feel like I just might pass out. I wanted so badly to take a nap with Lucas today, but I have an appointment to talk to someone today about my anxiety. She's going to try to teach me how to relax. Sounds wonderful doesn't it!?

Not everything is out of our old place. Namely a few pieces of furniture, some dishes, all our shoes and all our food! Oh well. We'll make a trip over there on our way home from church tonight and get another loadful in each car. Tomorrow will be much of the same. Saturday we have friends coming to help get the last few pieces of furniture out, and then we'll really be able to decorate here.

I met three more neighbors yesterday (I had met one before we moved in.) I think that we will enjoy living back here. Every one is friendly. The one neighbor that I had previously met, he lives directly across the hall from us, helped Amy and I carry in the heavy boxes. The others we met offered, but we were mainly just carrying in clothes and things.

Hopefully in the next few days I'll have some pictures to post! And hopefully I'll be able to report that I got a good nights rest :)

Adversity

I'm soooo glad I went to church yesterday. All the speakers were amazing. Our lesson in Sunday school as on Adversity. There were so many comments that were made, I wish I could remember them all, but I felt like 99.9% of every thing said I could directly apply to my life right now. Our lesson in Relief Society was also on Adversity. Because I was an emotional wreck throughout both lessons, I don't remember all that I wanted to. I just know that today my outlook on life is a little brighter than it has been over the past few days. I'm just going to highlight a few key points that still stand out.

~ Doctrine & Covenants 121:1-10 {click the link and read it. Wow. Powerful!!!}

~When we face adversity that is not a result of something we have done wrong, we need to remember that sometimes life just happens. There are lessons we can take from the trials we experience and sometimes we are experiencing things as a result of others poor decisions. "You cannot pray someone elses free agency away." (Sis. Pyne said that... LOVE it!!!)

~Our hand out was so well done. She typed up this story and tied it to a red rose (a fake one so we could keep it forever.)

Roses that are grown in hot houses are very beautiful but their scent is weak. Hothouse roses don't have to develop a heavy scent to attract bees in order to flourish. They are fed, watered, and watched over by a gardener, all in ideal conditions.

Out door roses have much harsher conditions: wind, rain, cold, heat, and bugs. Outside, roses must develop the strong rose scent in order to attract the bees. Rose raised out of doors are both beautiful to see and to smell.

If we lived under perfect conditions with no temptation or adversity, we would not develop our "scents" as best as we might have, had we been strengthened through adversity. It is those who are tempered in the heat of the Lord's oven of adversity who develop a beautiful "scent." They bring joy and gladness to all around them and are beautiful spiritually.

~Doctrine & Covenants 122:8. "The Son of man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

This scripture really hit me hard because it reminded me that I'm not alone. Jesus Christ suffered for all our sins AND pains. He knows what I'm feeling right now. He knows how scared I am. And he is just waiting to wrap his arms around me and help me to feel protected once more.

More Pictures

My neighbor took these pictures after the guy moved out.

The front door.
Front door from outside. All four holes.
Front door from outside. Up close of the worst one.

The front door from inside, up close. No wonder the door wasn't able to be shut. From this angle it looks as if the door might have been open when the gun was fired. The front door from inside and part of the dining room wall. This is a small wall. The front door opens up against it. It separates the dining room/entry from the living room.
Other of the same

Dining Room Wall (Next to the front door. This is the wall we have our desk against. The desk that Jeremy was sitting at when this took place.)

More From the Shooting (Picture)

Jeremy really wants me to write out the story. I might in the coming days but for right now I'm still trying to figure out the best way to cope with what happened.

I actually slept last night. But once it started getting dark last night, it was hard for me to be in a room by myself. I couldn't fall asleep until Jeremy was in bed with me. About 7:30 this morning Lucas woke up crying, so I went into his room to snuggle with him. About an hourish later I woke up to foot steps upstairs. I guess the good nights rest I got last night preventing me from just completely coming unglued. I was able to rationalize in my mind that it was probably just maintenance. I went and to wake up Jeremy, who was already awake. Before I could even say anything he said what I had been thinking. They're up there replacing the door as I write this. That is comforting in and of itself. Last night was difficult because that door was just open, we didn't know if anyone would try to go in there or not.



The more we think about the whole situation and the more we talk about it, the more we realize just how much this all made sense. It's like all the little pieces of the puzzle that never seemed off before are now so clear and we're wondering why in the world we didn't figure it out soon. We knew he was involved with drugs in some way, but minded our own business for the sake of keeping our family safe. That idea is now proving to be one of the smartest things we've ever done! Just imagine. But also, as we talk about it, and as we find out more details, mostly opinions not facts, but nevertheless... the more we realize that we are so blessed to be walking away from this situation without having been hurt. Especially my husband who with a simple miss aim could have been an innocent victim. It's really a difficult thing to experience. People keep telling us, "I'm sorry you went through that... oh how horrible.... I can't imagine...etc." You're right, you can't imagine. Unless you've stood within 5 feet of a gun being shot at someone, you just can't imagine what it's like. We think that had we even been one apartment down from where we are this whole thing would be different, but we weren't. We were directly under it. The foot steps were over our heads. That man slept in a bed right over us, and walk on carpet over my sons bed. That man said hi to us every day. He was friendly. Every one liked him. And then he did this...



It will probably be a long time before I'm okay with it. I'm dealing with it the best way I know how. So please don't mind me if I seem a bit down the next few weeks. It's not that I'm depressed or anything like that, it's that I'm feeling alone. My walls of protection and security were all torn down, and I'm finding myself trying to rebuild without any building materials.

(This is a STEEL door)

This is the only picture I have. Jeremy took it. I cannot bring myself to go up there. Jeremy actually went inside and saw the bullet holes in the walls. I asked him not to take pictures of that though because I really believe it would be too much for me to handle. This pictures is hard for me to look at.

When Promptings Aren't Quiet *Edit

Lately I've been struggling again. Lucas has been getting on my nerves and I find myself losing patience much to quickly. It bothers me and every day I try to do better, and every day I fail. I'm at least aware of the problem and trying diligently to fix it. Especially before the next one arrives. Last night we got home a bit late. Lucas likes to play with the water in the sink in his bathroom before bed. When he was done, I got him ready for bed and went to make Jeremy a quick bite to eat. In the few minutes I was in the kitchen, Lucas went back into the bathroom and was absolutely soaking wet. I was so annoyed. To say the least. He fought changing his clothes. He didn't want to pick out a book to be read, he didn't want to go to bed. As I began raising my voice at him, telling him to get dressed, pick out a book or he wouldn't get one, etc I heard it. My soft whispering gentle reminder that life is short. Only it wasn't quiet and it wasn't a whisper. It was gun shots. And they were coming from the apartment directly above us.

I don't wish to go into details about it. But I will say, I grabbed my son by the arm and fled to the safest place I could think of. We were practically under our bed. Jeremy immediately was with us and called 911. We feared that someone would be laying dying on the floor and another gun shot would come through our ceiling. When all was quiet, we left. Once we saw the police coming we came back. I couldn't sleep last night.

Jeremy had been sitting at the computer, which is in our dining room. He was trying to set up the wireless modem for his laptop. The police gave us just enough details to let us know that the shooting took place in the dining room. Literally right over my husbands head.

As I tried to sleep last night, I kept having thoughts of "what-if" What if a bullet came through the ceiling and hit my husband? What if it had hit my son, or me? So many what-ifs that I just simply didn't even want to think about and yet every time I closed my eyes, there they were to haunt me.

When we woke up this morning, Lucas was bouncing the basketball in the kitchen. A big no-no since we have people living below us too. But today, little annoyances don't seem like such a big deal. His tired whining didn't seem to make my skin crawl.

I learned a valuable lesson that I hope I will remember for the rest of my life last night. Promptings aren't always a gentle whisper.

*Frequently today Lucas would walk up to me and say, "Man stairs go boom boom." I have to admit that my heart shatters a little each time he says it. It's so heartbreaking to think that he knows that. We've been trying to tell him that everything is okay and that the man is gone, no more boom boom. This sure has been an exhausting day. I'm emotionally and mentally as well as physically drained. It's looking like it will take two days to get our new apartment ready. I'm going to talk to the manager tomorrow about getting in on Saturday at the latest. I just can't live like this much longer. I'm so paranoid and jumpy. I have to have all the lights on, I can't stand to have the doors closed. I need Lucas to be in the same room as me. I'm finding that I don't want the TV on because from another room it sounds like people are upstairs talking, yet if the TV isn't on, it's too quiet. I feel like I've lost control of my sense of security. Please pray for us that we'll find comfort during this difficult time.

29 Week Ultrasound

I know I said that I didn't care what they put my due date as, but can I just say I'm annoyed again!? I think I know my body more than they do, and I've said from the beginning that I felt like I was a few weeks further along than they will label me. At one point I told my doctor she could say whatever she wanted but the baby would come when he comes. I still stand by that, however... it would be nice if they would kindly change my due date BACK to where it was.

Let me explain.

According to them, I'm 29 weeks today.

According to my ultrasound today, the baby is measuring almost 3 weeks ahead. His head measured 31 weeks 5 days. His weighed measured in at 3.5 lbs, that's consistent with a 31 week fetus also. According to only EVERYTHING I've read, for 29 weeks, he should be about 2.5 lbs.

Anyway, his thyroid still looks wonderful, well they couldn't actually see it, but that in itself is a good sign. They increased my medication because my levels have slipped and I have seen noticeable effects of that, such as crying ALL.THE.TIME!

On Saturday I started having heart palpitations. She gave me a few exercises to try when they start and said if they didn't help I might have what they call, SVT. It's apparently fairly common and I'd have to wear a 24 heart monitor to see exactly which part of my heart is malfunctioning. It too would be treated with medication.

The list of health problems keeps growing! I'll be glad to not be pregnant anymore and get my body healthy again. I love feeling this little guy squirm inside, but I'm done feeling so sick all the time.

Sorry no pictures, I got the mean tech again. She's grouchy and gets mad at Lucas for every thing! Today she got mad at him for looking under the bed I was laying on. It stresses me out. I switched my appts from Wednesday to Tuesday in hopes maybe I'll get someone new. I go back in 3 weeks! I'll be glad to have my ultrasound followed immediately by my regular doctors appointment.

Here are the pictures that you all love so much :)

The belly shot

My round face in all it's glory!

Super Luke...MY Superhero!

Yesterday we attended a Superhero Party at Barnes & Noble. We met up with Jenna, Levi and Benson. Lucas wore his Superman PJ shirt with cape and his Spiderman hat. (he always gets them backwards, it's so cute). Levi had an adorable handmade batman cape. When we first got there, they decided to do the games and crafts first, instead of the stories. So we proceeded to make caps. Lucas was Super Luke. He did a fabulous job of decorating it with a green marker and Star Wars stickers.

We finished a bit early and walked around to look at books. Lucas and Levi were having a blast playing with the sensors. I have no clue what made it so fun, but it was cute watching them run back and forth and crack up about it.

After cape making they played some game that neither of our boys had any interest in, so we headed off to the train table. I'll admit it was nice to sit for a minute!

Then we saw balloons! So we took the boys over to see what that was all about. They were "bombs" that the superheros needed to disarm. Too cute. They were all trying their best, but it was difficult. We tried several different ways before we finally were able to get ours to pop. I mean, explode.

Then they made super wrist bands. I'm not sure why, but they liked it. Then we headed out. I think Jenna and I were both over it at that point, and he little guy Benson was sleepy.

I had a couple of the Free Baskin Robbins coupons in my car so we stopped at the drive thru and got ice cream then headed over to Jenna's for lunch. After lunch it was nap time for all, mommies included. So Lucas and I headed home. All that excitement wore me out! I slept for a good two hours and Lucas for two and a half. We woke up just in time to start a yummy turkey dinner.

Goggles

On Wednesday we attended playgroup at the pool. Lucas found some goggles that were slightly to big for him. He didn't seem to mind. He loves them. Every time we're at the pool and he sees some sitting on the side he wants to wear them. When we left we headed over to Walmart to get a new pack of swim diapers. This is only the second pack I've ever had to buy...gosh they're expensive! Luckily I had a coupon for $2 off and right now the packs have an extra 8 diapers in them. Normally you get 12 for $10. RIP OFF! 20 for $8 isn't as bad, but it still hurts. Anyway, back to the goggles. While we were picking those out, we found some goggles for $2. Since we've recently had to cut out all 'unnecessary purchases' I called my dad and asked if he would be willing to send $5 so that Lucas could have the goggles and a new float. He was happy to do it, and Lucas was more than happy to have them. He wore them the whole way home and the rest of the day. I finally had to put them up so that the novelty wouldn't wear off or they didn't end up broken. Thanks dad for getting these for him!

THE GOGGLES! (aren't they funny looking)

Turtle

On Saturday on our way home from running errands we spotted a turtle crossing the road. This is not an unusual occurrence in Tennessee, but something that neither Jeremy nor I have seen for quite some time. Lucas on the other hand, I'm not sure he's ever seen one.

So I did what any mother would do (just kidding) I made Jeremy pull over, pick up the turtle and drive the rest of the way home holding it with one hand and driving with the other. Luckily we were just around the corner. When we got home, we put the little guy on the lawn and let Lucas look at him. He was in absolute awe. It was adorable. The turtle just sat there for a good ten or fifteen minutes too. Lucas was even able to pet his shell.

Our new friend

Petting him

Admiring from a distance

We tried to offer him lettuce and wild strawberries, but by then he was ready to go hid in the forest. Our quick visit sure was fun while it lasted. And now every day Lucas will ask if we can go see the turtle.

FREE Baskin Robbins *Edit*

Here is a link to a FREE soft serve from Baskin Robbins. It says for teens 13-25, but they let Lucas have one today. Enjoy!

I took Lucas yesterday afternoon to get a free cone so that he'd have something to keep him occupied while we waited at Nissan for Jeremy's oil change. Then last night after dinner we had to run to the store to get some cat food, in the same parking lot is another Baskin Robbins. So I printed off another coupon for Jeremy and one for Lucas. I was ice creamed out by then. But since Jeremy always misses out on our fun little afternoon dates we figured it would be fun to include daddy for once.

We got there and Lucas walks up and hands the girls his coupon. She goes and gets his cone (she made it small...thank goodness!) and he paid her with his penny. He loves to pay! She even gave him change back...a quarter! What a lucky kid, he made $0.24 off his FREE ice cream! I guess it pays to be cute :)

I think my boys enjoyed their treat! I love finding good deals!

28 Week Appointment

I went in the morning for my 28 week appointment. I always dread going, because it takes so long. Today wasn't too bad though, I was in the back within about 45 minutes. (Better than the usual 2 hour wait). I took Lucas' DVD player to entertain him. I'm so smart. I don't know why I haven't thought of that little trick before. Anyway, I got back to the room, and just as I predicted, I weighed almost 4 pounds more there than I did at home. Obviously I'm going by MY scale :) Just like with my pregnancy with Lucas, this month was my big weight gain month. With Lucas it was a bit depressing, this time I don't really care. I know it will even out in the end. The baby's heartbeat sounded amazing. It truly is one of the most beautiful sounds there is. Once my doctor finally came in I was able to ask my million questions. I'm so thankful I switched. She is definitely worth the long wait in the waiting room. She is so patient with me, answers all my questions and makes me feel like she genuinely cares about my well-being. I've previously written about my crazy contractions so she checked me today to make sure everything was okay.

Today's exciting news is:
-I'm now anemic. Boo. I have to take iron supplements twice a day, in addition to my prenatal. I'm less than thrilled.
-My thyroid levels are dropping. Boo again. They drew my blood again today (every 4 weeks) and she said that she will let the specialist I see decide on whether or not to increase my medication. I see him next Wednesday for another ultrasound.
-My cervix is soft, but closed. This is perhaps the best news of the day. As many of you know, I've been really worried about having this baby too early, so to know that I have not started to dilate is just absolutely wonderful news. I think possibly I'm more thrilled to not be on bed rest though.
-I don't have to go back for another 4 weeks. Equally as wonderful of news because like I said, I hate going. And I thought I was going to have to start going every 2 weeks at this point. It's like I get to skip an entire appointment. Ha.

When I was telling her that I didn't know when it was appropriate to call with questions regarding my contractions and pressure/pain because this time around things are so much more intense than the first, she simply told me that it's always better to call or to go in and be checked even if it's just for peace of mind. She said that when she was pregnant she was often to scared to call because she was so afraid that she'd find out something was wrong. I can totally relate to that. I often convince myself not to call so I don't have to hear the bad news. Also a lot of the reason I hold of is because deep down I think I know everything is fine. It's my mind that plays dirty tricks on me trying to tell me something is wrong when it isn't.

I can't believe I'm due in 12 weeks. That means I am prepared to meet this little man in 8-9 weeks. It still doesn't seem real. Maybe once we move and get settled and get his crib and things all set up, maybe then it will become a little more real. Even as I sit here writing this he is kicking me like crazy, and it still seems surreal. Oh well.

This weeks baby facts are:
He now weighs about 2.4 pounds and is almost 16 inches long. How cute! His brain is developing like crazy at this point, so are his little lungs.

Hopefully next week we'll have some more pictures of the little guy to share! Until then...

Swimming on the 4th

I know this post is a few weeks late, but I always manage to forget to take pictures when my family is all together. Thanks Trisha and April for the pictures!

The fourth of July we had our friends, the Preece family, over to swim. It's always more fun with company to talk to! Their little girl Kelsey had goggles and donut floats that Lucas just absolutely LOVED! Some other girls at the pool had kick boards. It was so funny to see him swimming with all these new devices. Normally he only has his arm floats.

Here is a family picture on the steps of the pool. I'm beginning to see the pregnancy swelling in my face. Yikes! I don't particularly like this picture of me, but since we have practically no family pictures I'm posting it anyway.

Traylor Family

Here are a few pictures of Lucas with his 'swim gear'. What a funny kid!

Lucas

Dream Journaling

When I was about 18 my mom and I began dream journals. I'm sure I've written about them before. We'd stay up till two or three in the morning eating chocolate ice cream and watching Serendipity. We'd cut up magazines and paste the images of our dreams into our books. Sometimes it was quotes or just words. Sometimes pictures. Obviously we were at different places in our lives, and therefore we typically didn't want the same pictures. Hers were of gardens and a serene home. Mine were of the engagement rings, the perfect husband, love, homes, pregnancy, and hyper children!

I pulled my books out tonight, all SIX volumes (hey, not bad for 7 years worth of dreaming) and began to realize how much of my teenage dreams have come true. As I read the words that I had hoped for when it came to love I am reminded that I married the man of my dreams. Several times I had glued in things about best friends etc. I love that I didn't settle! (Did I mention that my engagement ring is the one I wanted too!)

Moving on to family. I have tons of pictures of adorable baby boys. That's a given. I have baby girls too, so I'm hopeful that one day I will have a beautiful daughter of my own. But the point of this current rambling is because I came across this little snippet that just touched me. This came from Volume One. It goes like this:

Who'd have ever thought boys' night out wouldn't hold a candle to boys' night in?
There's absolutely nothing that will ever change your life as much as the arrival of a 7 lb. 2 oz. bundle of love. Except for the arrival of a second one. And suddenly, bath night's looking like a lot more fun than a game of cards. So tell the guys you've just been dealt the best hand ever.

I love that! I love that we're having another little boy. But more importantly I love that my wonderful husband would rather stay home with his family than go out with his friends. I love that he does it because he loves us and he wants to be with us, not because I make him or because he feels like he has too.

It goes along with another quote in my book: "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Henry Ward Beecher

A Poem for Baby

Little baby on the way

Getting bigger every day

Kicking mommy here and there

God please listen to our prayer

Keep our baby safe and strong

Let his time with us be long

Help us teach him right form wrong

And we shall praise thee all day long

This little one though not yet here

Is loved so much, has grown quite dear

Delivery time is growing near

That's why we pray our plea you'll hear

Please help us Lord, we pray to Thee

With thankful heart, on bended knee,

To raise this child that he might be

A happy child because of me. -

Tina Greenfield

What Kind of Sick Joke is This?

It's 5:15 AM! I've been awake for an hour. I guess my body is preparing me for those late night/early morning feedings that are heading my way. Should I take this as a compliment that my body is thinking of me so soon? I'm thinking that in a few hours when my family wakes up and I'm ready for a nap, I won't be so flattered.

Oh well, at least for now I can enjoy the peace and quiet, listening to the birds sing their early morning melodies and catch up on some blogs that I've been way behind in reading.

The Beginning of the End

The countdown has started. I'm officially 27 weeks today which means I just have to make it 10 more weeks. Some days I honestly don't know if I'll make it till the next and other days I feel so good I think I could stay pregnant forever. (Oh who am I kidding!)

It's amazing to me to think that just a few short months ago we first saw that positive line, and now here we are the beginning of the end. Pregnancy is such a wonderful thing. With as much worrying as I've done with this one, it's not wonder I haven't yet gone insane :)

This pregnancy has definitely proven to be completely opposite from my first. With Lucas I was so sick up until about 21 weeks. This time around I think I threw up maybe five times total. Lucas was a VERY active baby! This little guy is mellow as can be. Sometimes a little TOO mellow and I start to freak out. Sometimes even drinking a soda or poking my belly really hard will not get him to budge. It makes me wonder what he will be like when he joins us on the outside. Will his temperament carry through? Will he be a good sleeper? A go with the flow kinda kid?

Now that we're getting down to the wire I can't help but wonder about all the little details. What will he look like? Will he have hair like his brother? Will we have another Jeremy look alike or will this one maybe look like me? How big will he be? All the questions I know all mommas ask as the time gets closer. All things that really don't matter in the end. What matters is that he will be so loved. He has two parents who love each other and are anxiously awaiting his healthy and safe arrival. He has an older brother who already thinks the world of him, and at every mention of "the baby" feels it necessary to lift my shirt to kiss him. This is adorable when we're at home, not so adorable in public!

I have my 28 week appointment next Tuesday and that will mark the point in my pregnancy where I will begin seeing my doctor every two weeks. This is both exciting and annoying. I LOVE hearing his heartbeat. I love having someone tell me that everything is going well and having someone to answer all my questions. I do not however love driving 30 minutes each way and sitting in the waiting room for anywhere between one and two hours. Not to mention having my arm poked at every visit.

Last night I was talking to a friend who is about to have her first baby. She was asking all sort of questions and the more I started to answer the more I realized that OH.MY.GOSH. Life is about to get crazy. I forgot about the pain associated with breast feeding in the beginning and all the pain that goes along with giving birth. It's amazing to me how time can erase those memories and replace it with just the good parts. I'm amazed that every day mothers make such a huge sacrifice to bring life into this world.

I'm beginning to ramble now. I will try to get Jeremy to take some decent pictures for me tonight, since today is such a huge milestone. For those complaining, I'll even let him take "full body" pictures so you can see my pudgy face :)

Patience is a Virtue

Today I'm not feeling very virtuous. I was doing just fine until Lucas decided to drop, no wait, THROW his bowl of mashed potatoes on the carpet.

Oh, and I could really do without the incessant whiny.

Here's to hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Oxy-Clean, I LOVE You!

A few weeks ago, I started washing all the baby clothes for this new addition. I had about 6 boxes of stored clothes that Lucas has outgrown. I'm obviously not rewashing everything, but I did pull out all of the preemie up to 6 month outfits. I was horrified to learn that basically everything was stained. Lucas suffered from really bad reflux, so I knew all the stains were spit up stains. But I had washed them all before storing them and none of them had any marks when I put them away. (I didn't save anything stained, just tossed it then). I tried all my usual tricks to get the stains out, all to no avail. Jeremy and I are so broke right now that buy new clothes was completely out of the question. Putting my brand new baby in filthy looking clothes wasn't sounding too appealing though. I searched online and read a million different theories as to how to get them out. None worked. As a last ditch effort I emailed my friend in Clarksville who has 4 kids. I used to nanny for her and know that she has had this problem. I just didn't know what she did about it or if she just tossed the ruined stuff. Her suggestion was oxy-clean in the hottest water soaked over night. Repeat if necessary. I figured it couldn't hurt to try. Name brand was a little out of budget though, so I went with the cheap brand (about 75% cheaper). I came home made a little mixture of the powder and HOT water, put the stained clothes in and let them soak a few days until it was time to do laundry again. I will admit I was not feeling very optimistic about this.

To my surprise, not only did it remove the stains, but it really did brighten the whites. These clothes look brand new again! Just for fun I pulled out two outfits that belonged to my brother who is now 13. They weren't stained, but dingy. I soaked them for a few days and guess what, they too look brand new! This is definitely my new favorite method of cleaning. I think that as my tub cleaners and things run out, I won't replace them and instead just make my own from the oxy-clean, the directions are right on the back of the tub.

Moral of the story, $2 for some new cleaner is a LOT cheaper than a new wardrobe!

Low Baby Low

I carried pretty low with Lucas, but I'm sure that this little one is even lower. I didn't know it was possible. Very rarely, I will feet a foot in my ribs, and I just absolutely adore it when it happens. I'm not sure if it's the foot in my ribs or the pressure off my lower body that I enjoy more, but either way I'll take what I can get. It's not my hips that hurt either. It's more the pressure on my back from the weight tugging downward. To show what I mean, I took a picture. Sorry, best I could do, Jeremy was sleeping so I had to use the mirror from our closet. Lame I know, but hey. I just went back to look at pictures of my belly with Lucas. It's funny that the same pants I wore at the end of my pregnancy with him have already become uncomfortable this time because of the position of this little guy. Oh well. Once Wednesday rolls around then I will only have to hang in there 10 more weeks. Thank goodness for sweatpants, sweat shorts, and the jeans I'm wearing in this picture. I know it's totally dark, but you can see that my belly hangs below my where a normal pair of jeans would button. It's like even with my pockets. Too funny.

My contractions have completely stopped. I was supposed to go to the hospital Wednesday night (they were getting as frequent as 6 in 30 minutes), but decided to stick it out over night. I've had only 3 or 4 contractions since Wednesday about midnight. Not bad at all!!! Now I wonder if my decision was the right one because I've been having some pretty intense pain in the lower left side of my abdomen. I worry that I should go and then I worry that I'll go for nothing. It's a vicious cycle. My birth group had it's first surviving baby on June 30th. He wasn't due until 4 days after our little one, but he came on June 30th. He was just over a pound and a little less than a foot long. But he entered the world breathing on his own and he will do fine. It's so refreshing to start seeing survival stories on there. It makes me grateful everyday that my son is comfortable inside me and that he's staying put! I didn't read baby boards with Lucas, I probably shouldn't this time with all the complications that I've had, but if anything it's made me realize that every day that I'm pregnant is a wonderful gift. And grateful I am!

Belly Pictures

Normally I only take pictures on Wednesdays when I have a fresh start to the week, but since Jeremy is napping and it's currently raining outside, it doesn't look as if we'll make it to our 4th of July party. I got bored and took a few pictures of my belly. I LOVE them! Sorry no head shots, maybe tomorrow we'll go to the park and I'll have Jeremy take a few!? I'm 26 weeks and 3 days today.

Motivation. A Gentle Reminder

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play...

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms , and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except one more day.

Friend or Foe

That's my newest question.

When Lucas was first born, he suffered from horrible reflux. We tried all different medications, which seemed to do nothing for him. When he was about five months old I started noticing blood in his diapers. I was already an overly nervous mom, so you can only imagine the horror. I spend many hours in the doctors office waiting for them to test his 'samples'. I even had to collect samples (or save his diapers in the fridge..yuck) and take them in. It was such a headache. At first no one believed me because they were apparently just sticking the test strip wherever. Finally his doctor tested his diaper in multiple places and it came up positive for blood. They called immediately to get him an appointment with a GI specialist at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, which at the time was about an hour away. (It's now about 10 minutes). The specialist called back about an hour later and said that she could almost guarantee it was something that I was eating that was upsetting his stomach. At the time Lucas was almost exclusively breastfed. He didn't care for many foods. She said they only way to really know for sure was to do what they call an "elimination diet" although she didn't recommend it because they are extremely difficult. Basically you eliminate EVERYTHING from your diet and one by one you add things back in. Yikes! She felt like running tests on Lucas would be intrusive and felt strongly against it. I was grateful for her honestly. Not to mention it only took me about 20 seconds to pinpoint in my mind what the source of all the agony was. It was around Halloween at the time and I had been eating bags of chocolate candy. I literally mean bags. I was having a hard time holding onto weight while breastfeeding and so I could really eat anything I wanted and still lose weight, so it didn't matter to me. However once I realized how much harm it was doing to my poor infant son I quit cold turkey. Immediately his reflux cleared up. What a miracle that was!

Fast forward a few years. In the beginning of this pregnancy chocolate almost grossed me out. But because deep down I've always loved it, I some how convinced myself to start eating it again. That was stupid! Let me just say, that every time I eat chocolate I get heartburn. I had heartburn exactly once with my pregnancy with Lucas and here I am now getting it all the time. Once again it took a while to pinpoint it, but once I figured it out I felt so stupid. If I'm getting heartburn from it, what is it doing to my poor unborn baby? Looks like I'll be giving up my love of chocolate a lot sooner than I had planned on. Oh well. It's a small sacrifice to make.