Day Two

1/27/2009

Dear Baby-

Yesterday your daddy and I were surprised to find out that in nine months we will be adding to our family. We're both scared scared scared. But also very excited! We're nervous about bringing a baby into the world during such uncertain times financially, but we know with all our hearts that you will bring nothing but blessings to our family. We love you already, and you're only the size of a poppy seed.

So far things with you have been very different then they were with your older brother. With him I knew he would be coming before I ever took a pregnancy test, so it was less of a surprise. I also knew that he would be a boy. With you, I had no idea you were coming and I don't have any feelings either was as to whether you are a boy or a girl. I'm not a big fan of surprises normally, but I'm feeling really good about this one. Last night we went to Target and bought you your first toy! It's soft and makes a beautiful noise. I think you'll like it. Also with your brother I was very sick. Before I took a test I was nauseated and I couldn't stand smells. So far with you I haven't had any symptoms at all. In fact I only took a pregnancy test because I thought I might be late starting my period. It was so funny because at first it was negative. I looked once more as I left the bathroom and thought I saw a faint line. I took it with me to the kitchen where the lighting is better. I was having a hard time breathing. As I watched that plus sign darken I began having trouble breathing. Your daddy had told me just two days earlier that he didn't think the timing was right to add to our family. This made me nervous to tell him. When he walked in the door about twenty minutes later I just told him I had something to tell him and that there was no good way to do it and I handed him the test. The first thing he asked was "Is this yours?" Needless to say we both stood there in shock for awhile, which is why we ended up going to Target, we needed to clear our minds. Baby, even though your daddy didn't think the timing was right, he was so excited about the news of you joining our family. I can tell already that you are just going to be wrapped around his fingers.

Last night as I laid cuddling your brother in bed in the middle of the night because he's sick, I was so exhausted. I had thoughts of 'how am I going to do this with two' and then my tummy started to hurt really bad. I've done a lot of reading about early pregnancy lately. And so I know the feelings I was having were you snuggling up tight into the wall of my uterus. It was very painful, but also very comforting. I hope that you are nice and cozy so that you will grow to be healthy and strong. The truth is, I love being pregnant, and even though at times it comes with a lot of aches and pains, it's all worth it in the end. Seeing a brand new beautiful healthy baby. It makes it all worth it.

I'll never forget the day we found out either. It is your cousin, Julian's, birthday. He turned three yesterday. When I called my sister to tell her, she guessed before I could get it out. I want you to know that everyone is very excited for your arrival. We've only told our parents and a few of my siblings so far. But I know that as we begin to tell more and more people they too will join in on our excitement. You're already so loved.

I'm officially the mother of two children. And I'm so grateful. I'm grateful that you chose me and our family to join. You will be the perfect addition and I'm so excited to see what the future holds for all of us.

Love Mama

Slow Down, Take Time, Notice More

George Straight sings a song called "I saw God today." I absolutely love it. It has a very simple message. Slow down and notice the beauty and around and in doing that you will notice that God is everywhere. Here are the lyrics.

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop had to take a break I'd been by her side for eighteen hours straight I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk pushing up through the concrete like it was planted right there for me to see the flashin' lights, the honkin' horns all seemed to fade away in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08 I saw God today Chorus:I've been to church I've read the book I know He's here, but I don't look near as often as I should Yeah, I know I should His fingerprints are everywhere I'd just slow down to stop and stare opened my eyes and man I swear I saw God today I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands Man, she had that glow yeah I couldn't help but notice she was starting to show I stood there for a minute takin' in the sky lost in that sunset a splash of amber melted in the shades of red (Chorus) I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass She's sleeping like a rock My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes My brand new baby girl She's a miracle I saw God today

Beautiful isn't it? Every time I hear that song it gives me motivation to try a little harder to take time to smell the roses. Then yesterday as I went through my email in the morning, I had a forward called the Violinist. I'm not huge on reading forwards and if I feel pressed for time I will often skip them, saving them for a better time. That is exactly what I did yesterday. Then right in the middle of trying to start laundry, do dishes, clean my carpet and get ready for the day my water was turned off. I only noticed because my water heater made a loud popping noise and then began making a boiling sound. That's the benefit of living in an apartment is being able to call maintenance whenever I need to. The office told me there had been a major leak somewhere and that the water had been turned off for the entire complex, and that maintenance would be up in a few minutes just to make sure. Luckily that's all it was. I was having visions of my apartment flooding. So since I had a few hours of down time I went back to read the emails I hadn't previously read. The Violinist being the last. And the best. Here it is.

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3..5 million dollars.Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

I love that last line. How many other things are we missing?

Zac Brown Said it Best

"There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I`ve come to know"

I've been listening to this song called "Chicken Fried" for a while now. It's really catchy. But on my way home from my final blood test last Friday this one particular line really stood out to me. That was really the only reason my doctor gave me the referral in the first place. He knew I needed to piece of mind and closure. How fitting that this song came on as I was driving home feeling stupid. "There is no dollar sign on piece of mind."

Now as I think about the upcoming doctors appointments Lucas faces, all over this silly bump on his leg, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm being silly. Is it 'just a bump'? I think that is one of the difficult parts of being a parent. When your child is too small to tell you how much it really does hurt, or what it feels like, we have to step in and be their voice.

We've had so many opinions about what it could be. Here is just a few of the things we've been told.
1. Broken Bone
2. Cancer
3. Hematoma
4. Hemangiaoma
5. Reaction from a shot
6. Nothing
7. Abscess
8. Cyst

How to do range from cancer to nothing? I've been so mentally exhausted worrying about this silly little bump. This silly bump that doesn't affect his ability to run and jump and bounce and be a boy. But that if I ever dare to touch it to check it's size he suddenly becomes very protective of it. He puts his hand over it and tells me it hurts. I feel so bad for him, and then I wonder if he is just saying that because so many people have been poking and prodding at it.

He's had two ultrasounds. The first in the emergency room and the second was just a follow up because I really thought it got bigger. Fortunately it hasn't gotten any bigger and there is still no fluid in it. So that still leaves the question what in the world is it? He's scheduled to go back to see his pediatrician this week. And if we can't figure out what this is, he will have to keep his appointment for his MRI that is scheduled for February 10th. I'm so incredibly nervous about that because he will have to be sedated.

I honestly don't know how mothers of terminally ill or handicapped children do it. What incredible woman they must be. I feel blessed that my child is in good health for the most part. But I'm looking forward to my piece of mind!

Words

Here are a few quick video's of Lucas talking. In the privacy of our own home he talks non-stop. Literally. He has a huge vocabulary. But whenever we're around other people he likes to pretend that he's a mute.

"Straw Baby" or in human language strawberry.

Cereal

How Do I Love Thee... Let Me Count The Ways

After a long tiring week of doctors appointments and tantrums I was ready to have my husband home today to help ease some of the burdens of staying home with a toddler. It was nice, I have to admit. Lucas was in a daddy mood most of the day. I was even able to wash my hair, blow dry it and straighten in all in the same day! I feel like such an accomplished woman when I'm able to pull of that talent! Normally I feeling like I've done good to wash my hair! (Luckily for me this only needs to happen a few times a week) and so I usually do it late at night and sleep with wet hair. It's not true what they used to say about catching a cold from sleeping on a wet head.

Later in the evening Lucas and I headed out to get a few groceries and I must admit he was SO well behaved that had he asked, I probably would have climbed to the moon and grabbed it for him. Luckily he doesn't know how to ask for such elaborate gifts just yet. I was able to reward him with two gummy vitamins. We both felt like we got the better end of that deal! What a funny little kid.

Have you ever heard that saying that says something about a mother loving her child, but she was glad to see him sleep? When Lucas was first born I hated that quote. I loved holding him constantly and feeling him breath on my me, and smelling him. But the older he gets the harder it is to snuggle up with his long little boy, and also, his smells aren't so pleasant.

I think I've mentioned before that sometimes when I lay with him at night, he will start to quietly giggle in his sleep. It always makes me laugh, which will make him laugh. It goes back and forth for several minutes and yet he will never fully wake up. Sometimes this is started by me giving him a goodnight kiss on his cute little lips. Maybe it tickles? Sometimes he just does it all on his own. Tonight was one of those nights. He just rolled over and started to giggle. These are the moments that I will cherish forever and on into eternity. Oh how I love my little boy.

Daughters of God

"We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult. Through my own four-generation experience in our family, and through discussions with mothers of young children throughout the Church, I know something of a mother's emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives. "As a Church, we have enormous respect and gratitude to you mothers of young children. We want you to be happy and successful in your families and to have the validation and support you need and deserve."
M. Russell Ballard, "Daughters of God," Ensign, May 2008, 109

This is another great email that I received from my visiting teacher and friend, Marsha. I think that she always knows just exactly what it is that I need to hear and when. She's been such a source of comfort and caring lately. I'm SO grateful that I was mistakenly put on her route and that I begged to get her back when I was taken off.

It seems like the older Lucas gets the more I love being a mom, and I'm grateful that I get to be a 95% stay at home mom. But lately, as he learns his independence and as I struggle to figure out the best way for him to learn right from wrong, I find that being a mom is beginning to become very frustrating. I know I'm not alone, but most of the time it feels that way. I sometimes have a hard time realizing that while my friends situations aren't exactly the same as mine, that they've been there too and that they really do understand how I feel.

As I suspected

But needed to have confirmation, lame I know, my blood test came back "acceptable, with no inclination of any severe bleeding disorder." What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Oh well. At least I feel like I can finally move on!

Updates, Medically Speaking

Yesterday was a big day. Lucas had his follow up with his pediatrician about the bump on his thigh. Neither of us can tell if it's gotten bigger or now, but it's definitely not getting any smaller. She decided that it's best to go ahead and get the MRI so that we will know exactly where it's located within his leg. This next appointment will be within the next few weeks, we just have to wait for our insurance to approve it. My feelings on this are very torn. I'm obviously very worried about it, but I need to know what is going on, I don't want it to be something that will impair him long term. For now we're just praying that it starts to shrink before the MRI.

Right after Lucas' appointment I dropped him off at home where my friend Amy and her little man Ethan came to play with Lucas so that I could go to my final doctors appointment. It was at Vanderbilt in the Stem Cell clinic. Crazy huh!? I met with an intern first and then with the hematologist. She basically said that she would be in complete shock if my blood test came back with anything abnormal. I told her that I would too, but that I just needed to have that confirmation after being so worried for so long. They drew two vials of blood for a test called a Platelet Factor Asset. It will determine if my platelets are clotting properly. It's a very specialized test, they had to hand carry the blood vials to the lab because too much stirring could hinder the results. The good news was that the results only take two hours so I was told to call back at 3:00. I did and was told they would call me back with the results. I was beside myself with excitement that this would all be over with by the end of the night, and then I missed the phone call by about four seconds. So now I won't know until Monday.

Pictures of the Bump

It's very hard to see, sorry about that. I don't know of any good way to photograph a flesh colored bump. But if you look carefully you can see the little knot right above the red mark. He scratched himself trying to get me not to touch it.

Soooooo Busted

I laid Lucas down for his nap then decided that instead of taking a quick shower so that I could finish cleaning while he was asleep, I was going to take a hot bath and relax a while. I grabbed some of my finer chocolates (that I keep hidden from my boys) and went to relax. At one point I started adding more hot water and thought I heard a cry. I ignored it. About a minute later in wakes my son, blankie in tow with crocodile tears in his eyes. That all came to a screeching halt when he saw the chocolate.

To Laugh or Cry!?

Tonight as I examined the 'mystery bump' Lucas very carefully placed his hand over his leg and said, "No momma, owie." It was so cute and so sad all at once that I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

I hate that his poor little leg is bothering him. He has a follow up on Friday. His doctor is now saying that she thinks it might be a knot from his rocephin shot THREE weeks ago! Ugh, that darn pneumonia. It's wrecking all kinds of havoc on our lives and he's not even sick anymore.

I try to get a picture of it tomorrow, but because there is no discoloration, I can't guarantee you'll be able to see anything.

Elder Gray

We lost another wonderful missionary today.


During church on Sunday it was announed that Elder Gray was being transferred. He hasn't been in our ward for very long, so we were a little surprised but the news. He was a lot of fun to get to know. I think our favorite memory of him was the night we had cereal for dinner. I can't remember exactly how it came up, but one night when they were having dinner at our house we began talking about what we could have at future dinner appointments. I think I jokingly said cereal and both Elder Gray and Elder Mayes thought that was a great idea. At first we thought they were joking, but then people in the ward began asking us about it. They truly were excited and for weeks they kept telling us that they couldn't wait. When the night finally arrived, we had purchased HUGE bags of their favorites and then sent them home with a gallon of milk and the left over cereal.



Sadly Elder Gray ate his last bowl this past week, and he said he knew it was time to leave. We're really going to miss his fun personality and the strong spirit that he brought into our home. This has probably been one of our favorite companionship in a long time. These two Elders got along great and you can tell they had a great friendship and a great love of the work they are doing.



His last night here, they stopped by for a final farewell. Our little tradition is to take our favorites to Burger King, or whatever, to get a slurpee/ icee (whatever they call them out here in the south). It was a good choice. They were supposed to go meet with the Taylor's after our house, so instead they called them and they met us there.

We did get some good news. He plans to return in May to check out schools!

Kate, Rob ,Alexandra, Elder Mayes, Elder Gray, Jeremy & Lucas

It's Been Two Years

It's hard to admit, but it has been two years since I've attended the temple. I was about five months pregnant with Lucas the last time I went. When he was a newborn I was just too emotional to leave him with anyone, even for that short amount of time. I wouldn't even leave him with Jeremy. I justified it by thinking that I wouldn't be doing any service if I was feeling severe anxiety the whole time. Then as more time passed the more I got out of the habit of going.


I've had friends try several times to invite us and for one reason or another things never worked out. I've even planned girls days and those didn't work out either.





Finally, last Thursday night I was able to go. AND, with my husband and our friends. It was so wonderful to be back and to feel the spirit that is in the Lord's house. I've really missed it. Now I feel like I'm back in my old habit of going at least once a month.

Maybe He'll be a Vet?

I'm pretty sure he won't be a doctor (read the previous post if you're wondering why I say that) but maybe he'll be a vet. To say that Lucas loves animals is an under statement. I have to admit that when I was pregnant I was all for getting rid of our cats. I was so worried about them stealing his breath while he slept. I solved that by just putting him in the bed with us. (That isn't the real reason why he slept in our bed, but why not kill two birds with one stone.) I'm happy now that I didn't boot them out. Having him grow up with animals has been a wonderful source of hands on training. From the beginning we'd lay him next to our fat cat and he learned from a very young age that the cat (I say cat instead of cats because our other cat is skiddish...she pretty much won't come near Lucas) is kind and they can be buddies. As he got older he'd pull on him and luckily for everyone involved the cat never tried to hurt him. For the most part, now, he's gentle with Lucky. It's not to say he hasn't tried to kick him or pull his fur out in clumps or rip his tail off, but generally speaking he's good.

Now that he's learning the names of all the different animals, thanks in large part to his cousins for giving him a Little People farm for Christmas, and the sounds the animals make, he's taken a new interest in them. He loves to talk about them and read books about them, and sometimes he will even watch TV if animals are on. Most nights when I lay with him till he falls asleep, he will 'moo' himself to sleep. This is my personal favorite because I think he's really doing it to buy time. It always makes me laugh. And then he laughs. And then he moos some more. I love those moments when we snuggle and we're both giggling over him mooing. It's so priceless.

Sunday morning as we lazily got ready for church Lucas began trying to feed the over sized stuffed horse in his room a bottle of water. We told him good job and oh that's so nice and all the things that parents say to encourage their children to be kind. But when he tried to dump the water on the horse so that he could have a drink, we quickly put a stop to his fun. We explained that horse isn't very good at drinking out of a bottle. Animals drink from bowls. Problem solved. We thought. Lucas left the room, with the water. I heard some noises coming from the kitchen. It took me a minute but then I realized what he was doing. I quietly told Jeremy and just then Lucas rounded the corner confirming my suspicion. He'd gone to the kitchen, got out a mixing bowl from under the counter, poured the entire bottle of water into it and was now very carefully carrying the bowl of water back into his room. For horse. As he made his way over to the corner where the horse is, Jeremy and I tried to keep our laughter still so that we wouldn't disturb him. We were both amazed and proud at how thoughtful he was in realizing that his animal might need a drink.

I find it so amazing that their imaginations are in full bloom at such a young age. He's not even 21 months old and here he is imagining life in his toys. So cute. Sometimes I feel the need to pinch him just to see if he's real.

Mystery Bump

I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Friday morning I noticed this odd lump on Lucas' thigh. Right up by his diaper. There was no bruise, no discoloration, no swelling. Just a weird lump. The best way to describe it would be to say that it felt like there was an M&M lodged in his skin. I told you... WEIRD. Naturally, being the over protecting worry-wart mom that I am, I called Jeremy at work FREAKING OUT. He told me to calm down that it wasn't necessary to call the doctor. Let's just see how it is for the next few days. I hesitantly agreed. I watched it like a hawk all day Friday. All day Saturday. Amy came up on Saturday and I made her call her mom to ask her about it since I couldn't get ahold of my own mom. I watched it all day Sunday. Monday afternoon as I was changing his diaper it felt bigger. I freaked out again. I called the doctor and told them that I needed to bring him in RIGHT. NOW. And I did! She sent him down for an x-ray and we went on our way knowing that it would be morning before we heard anything back.

You can imagine my surprise when she called me at 6:30 last night to tell me that the x-ray came back normal. No breaks! Great news, right!? Then she told me that she was very concerned. This bump was not normal and given how hard it was she wanted further testing done. She told me that first thing in the morning she wanted me to take him to the emergency room at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. My heart began feeling heavy. As I began to process the idea of something serious being wrong with my sweet baby, all the worst possibilities began flooding my mind. I kept forcing myself to remember that it could be nothing.

Lucas slept in this morning. When he finally got up I got him ready and we headed over to the hospital across town. Knowing that if they needed to run any serious tests that he wouldn't be able to eat, I withheld feeding him breakfast and letting him have anything to drink. What misery. We were admitting and we immediately began being seen by nurses and residence that we on call. One after one I heard them say, "This is so strange. I've never seen anything like this before. Let me go talk to (the person that is over me)." I would hear them talking to each other in the hall saying things like "Go look at that bump, it's really weird." All things that were very unassuring to me!

As I stood in the room holding my son, my back throbbing, I tried to keep calm. I think I did pretty well. He eventually fell asleep and a few minutes later we got word that they wanted to do an ultrasound. This was better than the MRI that they were going to do. If the would have gone the MRI route, they would have had to sedate him. Scary. I was grateful to go the less traumatic route first. I was also glad that he was asleep so that he didn't have to be pinned down while they did it. When we finished there we went back to our room to wait. Then came the nurses to draw blood. The first poke, the nurse blew his vein. Poor Lucas. The second poke she wasn't holding him well enough and she let go of the needle and missed the vein. Poor Lucas. The third poke was done by a different nurse and it took. When they were finished they left the port in and bandaged his arm up in a little cast looking contraption. He did NOT like that. We were told we'd hear back in about 45 minutes. By then Jeremy had taken off work and made his way there. We got a new nurse who was nicer and Lucas was finally able to have something to drink. He was then very happy.

Eventually our doctor came back to tell us that we would be discharged. The verdict... They have no idea what it is. The only good thing that came of this visit, this ALL day visit is that with the ultrasound we now have measurements so there is something to compare if it does get larger. They told us to take him home and watch it. If it gets bigger or turns red or if it starts to impair his walking then to bring him back immediately. Ugh. I will say, I've very grateful to have ruled out anything life threatening like cancer. But, I'm still in worry mode. What the heck could it be?

He's on another antibiotic. Just in case he has an infection. Lame. But they let him keep his little trophies from his room. His little arm cast and his blood pressure cuff. When we got home we put the cast on his bear that goes on his bed. It was so sweet, he was giving him hugs and patting his back. Overall, Lucas is such a trooper. He has amazing pain tolerance, but I think it's safe to say that he will not grow up to be a doctor!

A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief

A poor wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.

I had not pow'r to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

I find him by the highway side.
He perishing from want of bread.
In pris'n I see him now, condemned;
stript, wounded, beaten nigh to death,

I run and raised the suff'rer up,
And honored him 'mid shame and scorn.
I had myself a wound concealed,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in his hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.

He spake, and my poor name he named,
"Of me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto me."

Fear not, thou didst them unto me.

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call that one of the little girls I watch wasn't feeling well and that I could leave late to just pick up the second girl. Because they go to two different schools, I took a different route to get to her. As I exited the interstate and made my way to the traffic light where I needed to turn left, I quickly realized the abundance of traffic. There was a man standing in the left turn lane, where I needed to be. Normally I would have mumbled under my breath that "doesn't he realize he's blocking traffic?" or "I'm going to be late now." or something equally as rude. (I really hate admitting that!). But this was different. I was filled with a sense of suffering for him, and knew that I needed to help him...any way I could.

I watched as one by one people began handing him their spare change. As he would wake up to people's car windows, it easy to see that he had a very difficult time walking. The light turned green and one by one the cars began their decent to their destinations, and I was left inching forward not realizing that my own life was about to change. As I slowly approached him I saw a man who was suffering. Blood dripped from his face. He looked hungry and cold and sad. He was pride less and hopeful. He looked like Jesus.

As I held back the tears I rolled my window down and quickly told him that I didn't have any money to give him, but would he mind if I went to get him some food. All he muttered out in his quiet voice was, "yes ma'am." Then I drove off. I began to sob in my car because my heart ached for him. I knew I NEEDED to help him, and that my prompting a few minutes early to not judge him was truly a prompting from my Father in Heaven. I hurried as quick as the speed limit and traffic would allow me to the school. As soon as the little girl was in the car I began crying again and told her what we were going to do today. She was excited, but also concerned that "what if he isn't there anymore?" The same questioned had entered my mind too. So I explained that we would hurry our best and whatever happens happens. We did the right thing by at least trying.

We ran into Kroger, and made our way down a few aisles grabbing some fruit, crackers, granola bars, and some water. Not too much because we were in a hurry, but enough that he would be able to eat for a few days. We ran back to the car and hurried back to where he was.

He was gone. My heart sank.

Knowing he had a difficult time walking, and given the fact that it had only been about 20 minutes, we began circling the few blocks that surrounded where he was. Looking up and down in every direction. He had a shopping cart with him, so we thought that he would be easy to spot. I drove as slow as I could if there were no cars behind me. Waited as long as I could at stop signs. But he was no where to be found. We began giving up hope of finding him. We began to feel discouraged. I decided that we would circle one last time. Maybe he was behind the restaurant that he had once been standing in front of. As I approached the traffic light I saw another man standing on the corner. From a distance he looked more like a pan-handler than a homeless man, but as I rolled down my window and he approached my car I could see that he too was blood from the cold air. His face was badly chapped. My light was green and I had a long line of cars behind me so I knew I needed to be quick. I explained I had come by before without money and I had seen another man here, I told him that I would bring him food. To my complete and utter disbelief they were friends. The other man had cut himself and had gone to find help. I knew he was telling me the truth because he described him to me. I began handing him the few bags of groceries that I had purchased, suddenly feeling like I hadn't done enough. He told me "God Bless You." And in the few seconds that we spoke I realized that there were three men who traveled together. Three men went without food or drink last night.

Obviously the main reason I did that was because I cannot deny spiritual promptings. But also, I want to set the best example I can for my son. I want him to know that it's right to help people who are in need of our help. He might not fully understand that now, but as he gets older and we talk about important issues, such as these, I will be able to relay this story to him and he will know that he was part of something so important. It's my responsibility to help shape him into a giving person.

I guess now would be the appropriate time to thank my parents for teaching me from a young age to be charitable. I can remember specific events that took place with each of my parents.

When I was little, maybe eight or so, I was driving down the road with my dad. It was pouring rain. I saw a woman sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store with a blanket wrapped around her. Her head lowered. I told my dad that he needed to give her money. "All I have is a twenty" was his response. (At the time I had no concept of money, and fifteen years ago twenty dollars was a lot of money! Especially to a single father.) I told him, "Papa, I don't care, she needs our money." As he began to drive away, he must have had a second thought really quick, because instead of turning left at the light, he made a quick U-turn. I remember him getting out of the car, he was instantly soaking wet from the rain, and walking over to her. He must have said something about me wanting her to have some money because I could see him pointing to the car. Then just as fast as he got out, he got back in. He told me that she wouldn't acknowledge him and so he tucked the money into her blanket. He wasn't sure if the money blew away or if she was too ashamed to just accept it, but he had done what I wanted and helped her. He told me that it didn't matter anyway, we did the right thing.

My mom was always setting examples for me too. After church dinners, the Relief Society (the woman's organization at church) would always take the left over food to a little community of homeless. That way the food didn't go to waste. It could have been sent home with members of the ward, but no one in Newport Beach was really in need of left overs. This was a simple example but it has stayed with me.

Once my mom and I had driven to San Diego for a meeting of some sort. I can't remember now. It must not have been too important. As we drove home and became hungry, we decided to stop at Carl's Jr. (In TN it's known as Hardy's). As we approached the light to turn left there was a man with a cardboard sign asking for food. At the time I had recently began hearing all the story's of how the homeless just use the money to buy alcohol, so I told my mom not to give him any money. That we shouldn't support that habit. She was quick to let me know I was wrong! And rightly so. She told me that it isn't our place to judge, and that for some that drink is what keeps them alive. Or for others it's what keeps them warm. God didn't tell us to pick and choose who we help, we should help everyone. And that if he wanted to buy alcohol with the money that was his choice. But that maybe he was hungry. She gave him five or ten dollars, I can't remember now, but it was all she had in cash. I wish that I could remember her example of not being judgemental all the time. It's sometimes hard to predict the situation that people are in and why they are in them. It's not our place to judge, that is for the Lord. It's our place to love them and show compassion unto them. Oh and by the way, as we were leaving, he came in and bought himself a hot meal.

I Took Him to the Dentist

This morning I had my teeth cleaned. I didn't have anyone to watch Lucas, so I called and asked to either reschedule, or let them know he'd be coming with me. They said that if he would sit on my lap he could come. Because I was desperate to have my teeth feeling fresh, I took him with me, knowing that he would sit still, but still with some concern in my back of my mind. All was well for the first few minutes.




Then came time for the x-rays. Lucas had to wait in the hall. The tears began their fast decent down his little cheeks. So sad. Fortunately for me, the office was empty of patients and so all the girls, from the front desk to the dental assistants, came running to play with my little man. They took him to the "Toy Drawer" where they loaded him up with a new truck, a bouncy ball that looked like an eye ball and some stickers. What a lucky little fellow. He was happy to be back with me in this new environment though and spent the next almost hour sitting perfect still on my lap alternating between looking in my mouth to see what was going on, holding out his hand for the hygienist to blow air on, and watching cartoons on the big screen TV overhead.




The bummer news... I need a root canal. Basically I need to stop chewing gum, because other than that, and two other minor cavities my teeth were in excellent condition. I'm sure when my dad reads this he'll be in total disbelief. I've never had what I'd call "great teeth" always full of cavities. This is probably the first time in my life that I've actually had them tell me that my mouth looked good. (Obviously with the exception of the root canal...but that is actually from an old filling and at the time of it they told me I would probably eventually need the root canal).




On the bright side of all that, Lucas was so good today that they said I can bring him back if I need to. Not that I want to have a little one sitting on my lap while my roots are being extracted, but what a wonderful compliment to Lucas and I. I felt very honored to be his momma when they told me that. Silly as that sounds.




On a side note* Lucas slept through the night last night. ALL the way through the night! It's like the second time he's ever done that...at 20 months. Naturally he'd pick a night that I can't fall asleep till 3am. Nevertheless, I'm thrilled with him! He got to pick out a candy at the grocery store.

Formative Time in a Child's Life

"I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent's life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child's life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent's normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being. In the words of the proclamation on the family, 'Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children' (The Family: A Proclamation to the World," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)."
M. Russell Ballard, "Daughters of God," Ensign, May 2008, 108-109

Thanks for emailing this Marsha.

Giggle Laugh Joy

There aren't many sounds I enjoy more than that of my son's laughter. It truly is music to my ears. It seems the older he gets the more he laughs, and that thrills me because it means that he is a happy child. I think that is one of our greatest accomplishments as parents, raising happy children.

Here is a video of his HOARSE laugh. Although he is getting his voice back now, and I probably waiting a few days too long to film this, it's still pretty darn cute.

And here he is just being a typical boy. Laughing at boogers. At one point his laugh is completely fake and I'm glad to have captured that milestone on film, even if by accident. It was only today that he began this completely real sounding made up laugh. But hey, I'll take a fake laugh over a fake cry any day! This one is a bit longer. But cute nonetheless.

Dressing Himself

I mentioned in a previous post that Lucas is into trying to dress himself, and I finally caught it on film. Here he putting his shirt on for pants.

On a side note: He had a follow up with his doctor this morning. She thinks he might have asthma. AND, he may end up with tubes in his ears after all :( Poor guy.

On a more positive note: All the diarrhea from being sick has helped aid in the potty training department. He will tell us immediately after he's gone and run to the potty. I don't know if it will happen soon, or if it will be another year, for now I'm just excited that we've made a huge step in the right direction.

Easy Shmeezy (and yummy too!)

• Fruit Napoleons
  

Fill pan with 1/4 inch of vegetable oil (or coconut oil is delicious too)

Heat to medium low temp.





Fry wonton wrappers for appx. 15 seconds on the first side and 10 seconds on the second side. Or until a pretty LIGHT color.





Let drain on paper towel and sprinkle with a little cinnamon and sugar.





Layer one wonton with whipped cream and berries of your choice. Repeat twice.

I Live in a Zoo

Earlier today I updated my Facebook status to say "I'm a zoo keeper. Trying to tame the monkey and keep up with his messes." That was almost immediately followed up with a comment from a friend who said, "Not much of a zoo with only one monkey." What I meant was... I live with a little boy who has been sick for over a week, and is just getting some of his energy back. I'm completely exhausted with him functioning and half-pace right now, and literally he's a monkey.

His choice of attire for the day....

(His new thing is trying to dress himself. He loves to pick out his own clothes when we let him.)

Later when he became bored of being a sock monkey he changed into this...

Baby Benson

I finally got to go hold Benson. The timing of his arrival wasn't exactly great (for me anyway). I wasn't able to visit Jenna in the hospital because of Lucas. Not that if he was feeling okay I would have been able to take him, but it's hard to leave a sick child at home at night. Anyway, Jenna went home tonight and Lucas went to bed right on time. The Utah vs. Alabama Bowl game was on tonight so Jeremy could careless if I stayed or went. So off I went to go see them. I was soooo excited. When I first got there I spent the first little bit hanging out with Levi in his room. We played trains and frogs and tools. Then I asked him if he would introduce me to his new baby brother. He was SO excited. Off we went to the living room to see, he even let me hold the new baby. I sat on the floor at first so that I could still play a little and once it was time for him to start getting ready for bed I made myself a little more comfortable on the couch.

Can I just say, I'm in love! I guess because I'm the mother of a boy, new baby boys just really melt my heart. And maybe because Jenna is such a good friend and I've spent the last several months rubbing on her belly. I dunno. I'm looking forward to holding him more. The TWO HOURS I spent holding him tonight just didn't seem long enough.

I'm glad I have so many friends with new babies that I can hold as often as I want.

Surprise Visit

A few days ago we got a phone call from Jeremy's mom. She was calling to say that Jeremy's older brother and his family were driving in from North Carolina. He's about twenty years older than Jeremy, and I've never met him. Jeremy hasn't seen him for about seven years. They were supposed to drive out for our wedding, but at the last minute he wasn't able to get off work. I was a little nervous to meet them, but we instantly clicked. His wife was so kind and we had lots to talk about. OJ is a story teller. I was laughing so hard that my tummy was hurting. I can't forget about their two adorable children. Cameron and Jamie. Cameron was complimenting everyone all night. As we were packing up to leave he told me that I looked beautiful in my hoodie. I think we'll be great friends! Jamie just snuggled right up to me and told me stories. Lucas, while still feeling very much under the weather, enjoyed having some cousins to play with. It probably didn't hurt that they brought him a Little People farm with tractor! It was a great surprise. We hope to be able to see them again soon. Who knows, maybe we'll go to North Carolina for vacation in the summer and go to the beach!!

The crew!

Alexandra Lucas Jeremy Jamie Etta Cameron Oj Shawn

Jack-in-the-Box

Jeremy's dad and his wife, Susan, gave Lucas a sock monkey Jack-in-the-box for Christmas this year. When he first opened it he was very uninterested. But it's quickly become one of his favorite things to play with. So much in fact that if I try to put it away he gets annoyed. It's found a permanent place on our coffee table. Jeremy and I have been working hard teach Lucas how to do it himself, because it was getting old really fast having to play with it all day every day. Alas he's learned it on his own. (Maybe... just maybe he'll go to nursery without crying now??? since there is one there???) Okay okay I won't push my luck. Here is a quick video of him showing off his new skills.

Poor Kid Can't Catch a Break

Last week Lucas fell off a chair, face first onto the floor at a friends house. Landed himself a nice bruise on his cheek. Trisha... you can stop feeling bad now. Last night we were at Target and Lucas tripped and fell face first into the cart. The bottom of it that is. Instant goose-egg. He's such a trooper, he hardly cried at all. We got LOTS and LOTS of unwanted advice from this lady that works there. She made sure we knew that he started throwing up to take him to the hospital. And LOTS and LOTS of "Ohhhhhhh that looks HORRIBLE." And, "That looks so painful." And, "Poor baby." I know people mean well but seriously, he's not crying, so don't convince him that he should be crying.

Gucky

Gucky is our cat Lucky's new name. Thanks to Lucas of course.

Lucky is the best pet in the whole world. He used to get all the attention in the world and that was suddenly taken away when we brought our new baby home. And over the course of the last year and a half he's put up with much abuse from Lucas. Some intentional, some unintentional as we try to teach him to love animals and be gentle with them. I think this definitely takes the cake though. Poor Gucky was subject to such humiliation as Lucas practiced diapering him. I was checking email, Jeremy was doing dishes. Then next thing I know Jeremy is telling me to grab the camera. Lucky actually laid there and let him do this, knowing full well that if he scratched Lucas he'd be in trouble (in all fairness... he's NEVER scratched Lucas... like I said BEST PET). So here he is... a diapered cat.

Doesn't he just looked absolutely thrilled?

Sick Boy

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. Lucas is feeling MUCH better now. Although we're still treating him with breathing treatments every few hours, and I can hear the crackle in his lungs with out a stethoscope, he's began eating for the first time in a week. He's laughing, with his completely hoarse voice, and even playing just a little. It's nice to seem him bounce back fairly quickly. Here are a few pictures from the other day. They don't do justice to how awful he looked in person, for whatever reason the camera just never captures the true colors.

Valuable Lessons

Today was one of those days where as I tended to my sick child I learned a valuable lesson. Because of the pneumonia and double ear infection, Lucas has been on a pretty hefty dose of antibiotics. As most of us know, this causes diarrhea, and diarrhea causes bums to become raw and sore and covered in rashes.







Lucas' once cute little baby bottom is now the source of great pain. This morning I put him in an oatmeal bath to soak, the idea was that this would relieve some of his pain. As he splashed away and 'swam' in the swampy bath waters, I went about my usual morning cleaning routine. Checking in on him ever minute or two. (I know...bad mommy!)

The water is nasty looking because it has oatmeal in it and color fizzies

At one point I went to check on him and he was pointing to something saying "mess... mess." As I scooped it out with his hair washing cup, I began to wonder if he had 'pottied' in the bath. Hard to tell when the water already looks like mud. I decided that I better be safe and began to drain the water and wash him standing up. When the water stopped draining (this is where the story gets good) I did what anyone would do. I felt over the drain to see what was clogging it. That is when I learned this valuable lesson in motherhood.







DON'T FEED CORN to your child if they have diarrhea and you plan to give them a bath!

Baby Benson

Our friends Jenna, Michael and their little boy Levi, welcomed her new baby boy last night at 6:33. I'm deeply saddened by the fact that I couldn't go visit last night, nor will I be able to go today. I've been looking forward to this for so long. But with a sick little one at home, I don't dare. He's absolutely beautiful. Congrats to the Karrens!

Benson Michael Karren

Dec. 31st 7 lbs 10 oz. 20 inches