Its been probably a long time since I last wrote.
Just some thoughts that came over me for quite some time.
Life had changed quite alot from what it used to be. I find that in order to achieve something I want, I have to go through hell first before I can reap the rewards.
The burning determination to go to that competition is overwhelming me. I am not sure whether my body can keep up with the pace. Every week, I would spend 3 days training, pushing myself to my limits.
Once, my migraine actually overwhelmed me. I was left to spar at a state of half-blindness. Instead, I had to rely on feel and sound, along with the primal instinct within me. Sometimes, I wonder why do I have to go through all this suffering unlike a normal human being, being taxed with a whole lot of commitments? Well, I just wanna find my path in life.
To my parents, they assume that I am out playing daily as I tend to go home late these days. Do they realy understand how it feels? To me, it aint just some kinda fun. Karate is slowly becoming part of my way of life. It is only during training that I can find solace and forget about the pains and stress in life. On the dojo, I am no longer who I am. Instead, I am the pupil of the art, seeking to perfect it. Sparring, on itself is like a game of physical chess. You read and feign moves in an attempt to outwit your opponent. I must admit that after learning the art for the past one year, my physical capabilities had indeed improved. I just wanna continue on... Till I simply become an old man.
Next, we come to the path home. Every night, I would have to take a 5-10min walk through a park to get back home if I took a bus home. Usually, I would feel a totally empty feeling within me. It feels really cold, with fear building up right in me.
Now, things are also changing at a rapid pace. The things around me. Feelings, people and sorts. Its really amazing at the pace you see people pair up and split. Just a couple months later, factors affect ur decision and heart. Well, those that sit on the top alone at the start are bound to be solitary creatures for quite a long time.
I looked back. It appears most of my entries are negative entries. Well, I guess I must be one heck of a problem child...
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Ietoshi
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