The Balance within the world is simply too wide.

Reverted to an old skin which i created a long time ago.
Shall blog again once I feel like it.

Yesterday, I made the decision to drop aikido. Taking a long hiatus from it.
It felt rather painful, its like cutting a part of yourself and throwing it away.

Come to think of it, its like a part of my life. Its been nearly 3 years since I am in it.

However, I am stucked in a rather awkward situation. I can't grab too many sweets in the jar at a go as my hand will be stucked. I had no choice, I simply have to let go.

I got a feeling I am gonna miss the throws and locks soon. I remember when I first learnt the art, to me, it was like the only non-strenous art which I could start on with that weak constitution of mine. Over time, I realised. Since I cannot hit the women folk, aikido would be useful if it were to be used to submit an opponent without hurting them much.

Well, goodbye to the path of the softhearted as I leave the way of harmony.

Today marks another year of my life...
I would like to thank the people who rmbed and gave me advanced presents and greetings.
Well, as the years past, the numbers detiorate. I guess I must be a really unpopular person.
I tried hard to rmb. I thought... If i bothered, wouldn't it make a difference?
Perhaps I was wrong.

As for the change of blogskin, it was due to the timely expiration of my old one. Humans must adapt and grow afterall. When you lose something, you have to move on and find more stuff. It may be hard to replace what which was lost, but nothing is eternal afterall.

In a couple hours time, I had kept my hopes low. Nothing special is gonna happen. No one is gonna bother much. Its just gonna some regular day, passing by as the clouds float lazily on the skies. Within, I silently pray something pleasant will happen. Chances though, are close to less than 1%. Haha. I must really sound pathetic as I futilely placed a lil cake on msn. As time passes, it shall then fade off. These 24hours... will something happen?

Life goes on, I guess... I shall hence stop here and go to bed, in an attempt to re-adjust my body clock. Gd bye 18, hello 19.

I have no idea why when it comes to sept, I am horribly depressed at this point of time.
I remember, some point last year, I had originally planned to retire at 09.09.09.
However, I stayed on because some people said that they were willing to stick with me if I continued another term. Hahaha... Try getting stabbed. Not once, multiple times.

Yesterday, I had a weird dream, somehow its about some people screwing up and then came lots of shit fondue raining down. When I worked up and thought about the upcoming events, I dunno if its fear or so, I started to feel really irritated. Its makes me wonder, why am I still staying on? Whatever the reason is? Why do I have to go through a higher level of stress that an average poly student faces? For once, I feel like throwing everything down and lead my own kinda loner life whereby no one affects my decisions. I buy and eat what I like.

Call it a wild instinct or so, personally I like stuff to be done my way. As I can forsee in the future, I doubt I can work long for others unless my job is of an independent nature. I still have that dream to fufill.

Speaking about dreams, how would you feel if your countless dreams had been shattered more than once? What you assume was going right for you could actually turn around and swallow you up. I am in dangerous waters... I used to have the impression whereby if you wanna get a dream, you have to be really stubborn like a cockroach and grit your teeth as you claw your way to it.
Turns out to be wrong. It always breaks and drops unexpectedly like the stock market.

Ties, nothing seem to be going right. There doesn't seem to be any place whereby I can find a bit of solace. I guess I really need a break or some lil care or concern. Well, it doesn't really matter to me now. Everyone can call me selfish or so. Then again, think... I always give, but what do I exactly get in the end? Try being kicked to the ground, treated like dirt and taken for granted.
If I do not take care of myself, who will? Other people have significant others to look out for them. For me, Its a case of me and just myself.

I want to lead my own life. If you guys wanna screw things up, go ahead, I shall abandon those and let you screw up all you want. Its time I take a new step in life and look for my own path and belonging. It doesn't matter if I don't have much of a place I truly belong in as long as I still have myself...

Simple update

Spent the week surviving on only 2-4 hours daily. Lack of sleep reduced me to a human zombie, of which, it resulted in a reduction in muscle mass and pimple outbreak.
Friday came, with my head still groggy, I finally submitted the last assignment.
One thing I realised, that is about how hard is it exactly to find a companion for lunch. Thankfully after countless rejections and being played out , I managed to meet a few friends while on the verge on despair and we went on to eat at Astons. Finally had a steak before the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. Was great as I sunk my teeth into the medium rare juicy meat, cut at palatable sizes.
After which, I went back to school. Had dinner with a few of the comm. As usual, its extremely hard to find dinner buddies as we managed to solve a chicken rice craving, followed by an un-ker's session at the coffeeshop at clementi as we spouted nonsense to destress.

Now, this actually keeps me wondering... Assembling a large comm, in hopes of creating a common group of people to spend time together like a group of friends, was it a futile effort afterall? After doing a risk analysis of the potentially of losing them, it was horribly scary.
Hmm... well, i guess I don't really know them at all. Back to current and old friends, I am starting to feel isolation from some or so. It is also surprisingly shocking once more when some of them get attached for like months and you didn't know.

Saturday, I woke up at 12 plus and slept once more till 5plus after my lunch. Now, that's a good whole 14hours plus worthed of sleep. Finally paid the darn sleep debt and my skin feels better.

Watching some videos at youtube made me realise the gap between my current physical status compared to the world. I am no way near there and it would be silly of me if I tried to go to a competition. The speed and control they have is amazing. Although I must admit that the power in my right hand had increased in terms of punching and condition, there are more to be improved. Hence, I have come up with daily exercises.

1. 100plus punches to the makiwara daily with each hand, else if unavailable, 200 to the air.
2. push ups, 20 each for biceps, triceps and the scooping motion like the indian pushup
3. continue on flexibility
4. 20 scrunch, sit up, sides
5. the basic stances, neko ashi dachi and shiko dachi

Its been probably a long time since I last wrote.

Just some thoughts that came over me for quite some time.
Life had changed quite alot from what it used to be. I find that in order to achieve something I want, I have to go through hell first before I can reap the rewards.
The burning determination to go to that competition is overwhelming me. I am not sure whether my body can keep up with the pace. Every week, I would spend 3 days training, pushing myself to my limits.
Once, my migraine actually overwhelmed me. I was left to spar at a state of half-blindness. Instead, I had to rely on feel and sound, along with the primal instinct within me. Sometimes, I wonder why do I have to go through all this suffering unlike a normal human being, being taxed with a whole lot of commitments? Well, I just wanna find my path in life.
To my parents, they assume that I am out playing daily as I tend to go home late these days. Do they realy understand how it feels? To me, it aint just some kinda fun. Karate is slowly becoming part of my way of life. It is only during training that I can find solace and forget about the pains and stress in life. On the dojo, I am no longer who I am. Instead, I am the pupil of the art, seeking to perfect it. Sparring, on itself is like a game of physical chess. You read and feign moves in an attempt to outwit your opponent. I must admit that after learning the art for the past one year, my physical capabilities had indeed improved. I just wanna continue on... Till I simply become an old man.

Next, we come to the path home. Every night, I would have to take a 5-10min walk through a park to get back home if I took a bus home. Usually, I would feel a totally empty feeling within me. It feels really cold, with fear building up right in me.

Now, things are also changing at a rapid pace. The things around me. Feelings, people and sorts. Its really amazing at the pace you see people pair up and split. Just a couple months later, factors affect ur decision and heart. Well, those that sit on the top alone at the start are bound to be solitary creatures for quite a long time.

I looked back. It appears most of my entries are negative entries. Well, I guess I must be one heck of a problem child...

Today, I made up my mind to give up on certain things in life.
I find that it is only when one learns to let go, the burden to pull ahead will definitely lighten.
As I gaze around, I realised that lots of changes are happening.
It's about time I woke up. Time to stop living in a dream which I have been deluding myself with.
All things have to change somehow, they just simply can't stay the same.
I absolutely detest changes. Well, that's the only constant thing afterall.
Time to say goodbye to old times then. I guess the thread of affinity amount the people I had met is about to end. Everyone has to walk their own paths afterall.
I always wanted to soar, with the dream that I could take them all along with me. However, the wings of flight simply ain't huge enough.
Will I really be able to walk the rocky path which I had planned for myself? It doesn't really matter what people think. If you are weak, you simply stand no chance. Therefore, just get stronger. Stronger and stronger till the point whereby you simply can't be dismissed.
Nough said. Its time to get on with life. I shall find my own, walk my own and pave my own way.
All the times spent with old friends just seems like a transcient dream...

A lil theif at my home was caught discovered this morning.
The lil rascal had been stealing my stuff and it aint the first time. However the lil idiot is getting off scot free.
Why do I always get these unneccessary stress and anger?

I am a solitary soul within a weary body. I had tried juggling lots of stuff. Well, initially, when one is young, juggling is of no problem. However, the effects catch up onto you to pay your debts as time passes.
Discipline, respect and honour... What the heck are these? Its a who needs who more world.
I don't know how long this old worn out shell can last. Mentally, I am almost on the brink of exhaustion.
Well, I understand that I may not be in a perfect vessel. My fists are slow and not exactly perfected to smash through the hardest of adversaries. My legs... they simply lack control and maximum flexibility. I simply can't draw out the full strength of them. As for my feet, they may be big. but isn't big feet supposed to have reduced striking pressure despite a nice base? As for that pair of lungs of mine, they are pretty weak. Perhaps similar or worser than a cheetah's. It simply runs short of breath in a really short span of time. To top it off, I am stricken with conditions that I can't overcome despite hard training.
Facts aside, I had enough...
I shall leave it to whichever happens. If i don't have a road, I will use those crumbling fists of mine to pave a path, even if its a lil chip at a time. Enough is enough, I can't be bothered by opinions of any sort. I rather remain as I am than to be around people to criticise and not help.

I am really feeling depressed.
One by one, you clowns keep on hitting me with stuff to fret all over about.
I really am feeling lost now.
Initially, when I started out, I wanted a nice lil close knitted community where we could all share fun memories with. I tried my best most of the time to try to make that happen. However it simply doesn't work out.

I am really getting tired. The strain from this baggage is really getting too heavy for me to carry. I doubt I can last long. There's a limit to the cockroach like tenacity of mine. I really feel like dropping everything, leaving a lonesome life as usual in the past. Why can't I get some good memories just enough to last me when I leave the school? Why is it always the same everywhere, whereby nothing ever seems to work out, leaving to the conclusion of me hating my time along with the people there.

Life really feels like a wreck now. Try leading it in a solitary manner with hardly any proper friends who will be there for you all the time.

I don't wanna think anymore. I am in a really sour mood now...

Life has gotten through some changes. It aint gonna be the same as it used to be. Starting tomorrow, its all about independence. Humans are perhaps the most adaptive animals you can ever see. Well,for my case, I have learnt to adapt.
Time is really getting limited for me. Its starting to become a lil hard to keep things up. I have sacrifice several stuff in life to achieve my goals then.

Here's a list of stuff I must remove off my life.
-Stop being too involved in cca, I have to actually learn to delegate work now. They arent babies now, its time for them to all grow. Hence, I will have to learn to work from behind, approving stuff and sorts.
-Stop spending too much time in school as I can no longer afford to.
-Probably its a fate and curse that all ambitious people go through. One must remain solitary. I see people getting attached or so. Well, it may seem ideal. From the looks of it though, it seems i can't afford to. Love? Haha, it seems to be eating lots of time and possibly will hinder my goals if I wanna accomplish them. Hmm, it seems pretty ideal for one to have another person to care and shower concern. Let's put it this way though. I am rather convinced that when it comes to matters like this, I am totally out of luck. Haha, hence, i shall not longer think about this. Its not a privilege I am entitled to. We will just let things flow as they are. The right one? Probably will appear when its time to.

Sometimes, I really feel as if I am crumbling. There seems to be no salvation but to reduce my current state of living to a lower level of existence and meaning. It feels as though I am reprogramming myself against my will in order to survive. So many things to overcome, so many tough walls to break through. I am really tired, however, I can't choose to let them go.
A lil rant I must say about people's attitudes nowadays is that it absolutely sucks to the core!
Where is the level of dedication and pride in work?

Goals to accomplish:
-Lead the club in the right direction
.Re-establish the system on how the comm should work, they are getting spoilt.
.Work in the shadows
.Plan a few successful events, dominate the tea scene.
.Hit the papers once more.
.Groom a suitable team to carry on my will. Geez, i feel as though I am gonna die or something.

-Participate in Pesta Sukan
-Get my black belt in aikido
-Get my driving licence.
-Raise my GPA. Two paths, I fail to enter the uni of choice, I am in for 2.5yrs of pain.

Tch... I can't think of anymore. Well, its a tough road ahead. Time to ride it down the dirt path.

--- -. -.-. . .- --. .- .. -. --..-- .. .- -- .- .-.. --- -. . .-.-.- - .... . .-. . - --- -... . .- .-. - .... . -... ..- .-. -.. . -. .- -. -.. ... - . .--. .--. .. -. --. .. -. - --- - .... . -... .- - - .-.. . ..-. .. . .-.. -.. .-- .. - .... --- ..- - .- -. -.-- -.-. --- -- .-. .- -.. . ... --- .-. .- .-.. .-.. .. . ... -... . .... .. -. -.. -- . .-.-.- .-- . .- .-. -.-- .- ... .. -- .- -.-- -... . --..-- .. - .-. -.-- .-.-.- .-- .... . - .... . .-. .. - ... ..-. ..- - .. .-.. . --- .-. ... --- --..-- .. ... - .. .-.. .-.. .-- .- -. -. .- --. .. ...- . .. - .- --. --- .-.-.- --- -. .-.. -.-- - .... . -. --..-- ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. .. -... . -... .- -.. .-.. -.-- .. -- .--. .- .-.. . -.. --- .-. -... ..- .-. -. - -... -.-- - .... . ..-. .-.. .- -- . ... --- ..-. .-- .- .-. --..-- ... .... .- .-.. .-.. .. --. --- -.. --- .-- -. ... .- - .. ... ..-. .. . -.. --..-- -.- -. --- .-- .. -. --. - .... .- - .. .... .- -.. - .-. .. . -.. .-.-.- .-- . .-.. .-.. --..-- .. - .... .- -.. -... . . -. -.. .. .- --. -. --- ... . -.. - .... .- - .. ..-. . .- .-. -.. . .- - .... .-.-.- .-. .- - .... . .-. --..-- .. -... . --. -.. .. ..-. ..-. . .-. .-.-.- .. -. ... - . .- -.. --..-- .. .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- ..-. . .- .-. .-.. .. ..-. . .- -. -.. .. - ... -.-. .... .- .-.. .-.. . -. --. . ... .-.-.- .-- .. .-.. .-.. .. . ...- . .-. -... . .- -... .-.. . - --- .- -.-. -.-. --- -- .--. .-.. .. ... .... .. - ..--.. .. --- ..-. - . -. .- ... -.- -- -.-- ... . .-.. ..-. .-.-.- .. - ... .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- .... .- .-. -.. - --- .- -.-. -.-. . .--. - ..-. .- .. .-.. ..- .-. . --- .-. ... --- .- -. -.. .--. ..- - --- -. .- -.-. --- .-.. -.. .-.. .. ..-. . .-.. . ... ... -- .- ... -.- .-.-.-

once again... another release.

.--. . .-. .... .- .--. ... -.. . ... - .. -. . -.. - --- -... . .. .-.. .-.. ..-. .- - . -.. .-- .... . -. .. - -.-. --- -- . ... - --- .- ..-. ..-. .- .. .-. ... --- ..-. - .... . .... . .- .-. - .-.-.- -. --- - .... .. -. --. -- ..- -.-. .... . ...- . .-. --. --- . ... ... -- --- --- - .... .-.. -.-- .. -. .-.. .. ..-. . .-.-.- -. --- -- .- - - . .-. .... --- .-- -- ..- -.-. .... .. - .-. -.-- --..-- .. - ... .. -- .--. .-.. -.-- ..-. .- .. .-.. ... - --- -- .- -.- . .- -.. .. ..-. ..-. . .-. . -. -.-. . .-.-.- . ...- . -. .-- .... . -. .. - -.-. --- -- . ... - --- ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. ... --..-- --- -. . -.-. .- -. --- -. .-.. -.-- ..-. . . .-.. .- .-.. --- -. . .- -. -.. .. -. -.. . ... .--. .- .. .-. .-.-.- -. --- --- -. . .. ... - .... . .-. . ..-. --- .-. -.-- --- ..- .-- .... . -. -.-- --- ..- .-. . --.- ..- .. .-. . ... --- .-.-.- - .... . .-. . .. ... --- -. .-.. -.-- -.-- --- ..- .- -. -.. --- -. .-.. -.-- -.-- --- ..- .-. ... . .-.. ..-. - --- -.. . .--. . -. -.. --- -. .-.-.-

Dun ask what the hell am I doing. Just enjoy the lovely dots...

Fist correction
Knuckle Re-conditioning
Stamina Build
Leg muscles strengthening and control
Vision
Leg flexibility and splits

... much to work on else I can forget about sep.

Been a long time since I updated.
Well, lots of stuff happened. Of which, some are too wordy to talk about over this span of time.
I still need to get stronger faster.
Think I will need to popby somewhere to buy some equipment to hasten the process.
I got less than 5 months left. Will I ever be able to make it in time?

Went to pray to granny this morning at the temple.
After which, had sun with moon for lunch.

Just some pic spam... Quality aint so good considering that its a phone cam.
After which, I spent hours making borscht, a russian beetroot stew. Unfortunately no one wanna try it...

Nothing much to comment. zzz

I hardly feel any sense of belonging nowadays... There isn't a group that I can really fit in.
Recently, I had a change in job scope for itp which I guess made quite a number of peeps jealous.
Of which, I begin to feel isolation, needed only for what I am capable of doing rather than as a person. I don't feel pretty much alive now. Probably can be partly demonstrated by the lack of constant tags in my tagbox. haha.
I hardly talked much online nowadays.
Well, I am still surviving.
Still have to survive despite being partially physically and mentally alone.
Whoever is reading this will find it hard to comprehend. Piece of advice, don't bother. Unless, your mind is pretty much tuned to my frequency.

Survived 4 days of hell. of which, i went through intense hunger and the pain at the knees and ankle joints.
Of which, I wasn't provided lunch and had to report early.
Just got home not long, its already 5plus in the morning. I havent slept for over 20hours. My eyes are already heavy as I type. Well, i learnt the harsh reality of a it retail business.

Don't wanna talk much. Of which, somethings really irks me. One, I am the 1 of the 2 single guy among the 8 itp students. (other guy's an otaku, naturally he is married to 2D.) During the show, I swear that the among of couples you can see is really ALOT.

On this last day, something fun n memorable happened. Dun know whether I was filled with irritation and eccentric-ness due to harsh working conditions, I did something really rash and silly.
There's a colleague of mine who likes a gal from another booth, hence he wanted to get her number and was hesitating. As if I was drunk (perhaps intoxicated due to lack of ventilation and food), i went up to her, said,''Sorry, I know this sounds really odd, but I got a friend who wants your number.'' and intro-ed them.

Well, Mr Bo-ji, aka now the groundtaker, apparently went soft on his knees and sunk to the ground. Can't blame him as it's his first time. Zzz... Its perhaps my first time I asked a stranger for a number and only to get the number for my friend...

Hmm... another thing I learnt within the past few days is that, if you can't exactly fit in, then you got no choice but to outgrow the strength of a herd in order to survive. Till then, I am waiting for itp to pass and regain control of my life.

Life pretty much seems like a tedious chore now.
If not for dad who gave me extra so I can opt not to eat budget rice, it would be living hell for me.
For days, I had been reduced into a zombie. That still has to go on for 40plus more days.
Really hate to admit this, but I am starting to miss my schooling days.
Tml's my off day, asked a few friends on whether they wanted to go out or perhaps meet for lunch.
Responses were... well, if I were to describe it as a guy who confesses to a gal, he would be rejected till the point whereby he would love to visit the nearest building and take a nice plunge.
Guess its lazing around the day at home for me.Who cares? Everyone has their own life.

I am really worried about the rate and direction the club is moving... SO much till the point I think about it daily, giving myself lots of mental burden.

I am feeling physically and emotionally drained. Its hard to put up a nice front whereby,''Hey! I am invincible! I been through the depths of pain and am back, normal and unharmed!"

Argh... If only there was a good dose of empty hand, whereby I can ki-ai to the fullest, I would be able to take the burden.

Survived day 2 of itp...
Life's in a total wreck for now, of which, I am suffering from poverty and fatigue.
I don't have time for my own personal stuff now.
Everywhere's taxing me...
Been retaking driving evaluation to no success.
Hate getting bothered by other stuff. Why can't people understand what I am going through?
I am disappointed by the way how things are going. What which is created may soon be crumbling. I guess nothing's meant to last long in this world. Things aren't going smoothly at all for me. Sometimes, I dunno whether to just cry it all out or simply smile till the point where I lost my sanity and simply bring myself to self-induced escapism.
I seem practically ignored. Souring within...

A lil pic spam for today.
After being forced to eat crappy food for 1 whole month along with the torment of papers, I decided to destress by a lil food spree at waraku.


Here's what I ate.


Part of my Ajisai set, probably the best part. 6 gunkan sushi.


My bowl of hot soba in dashi stock soup.


Mentaiko Yaki (Burnt Cod Roe)


Next, we went to Takashimaya. What you can see above is my pack of Gyokuro, also known as Jade Dew. I have been trying to buy this for ages. Aint cheap though since it is in loose leaves. Costed me $50 since they were having a promo instead of the usual $60.
We played a lame game of trying out samples from the stalls there. In total, we got 8 types of samples. note: macarones are kinda in season now.

Finally, we travelled to Far East Plaza. When Neil went up to the moon, it was one big step for mankind. For us, we took one big step for mankind up to mars and finally tried fried mars bar. Hell of a goodness... Although one would expect the fried bars to be seethingly hot, strangely, they were at perfect temperature to pop into your mouth. No pic though, we ate in a hurry.

That's all for now. At least I have my gourmet's luck with me today. I wonder how do I spend the rest of my remaining few short days of hols before ITP starts.

Boring day at home...
Well, there is indeed a rainbow after the rain.
zx sent me a pic of a rainbow at her workplace, which thus made me aware of the rainbow that was outside my window.


Thanks to her, I managed to capture this scene. Luckily my camera's with me.

ps: u can see the school too

A loyal friend, D is patient and caring when attending to the needs of others. He is usually an even-paced individual who thrives in a peaceful, harmonious environment. He tends to be quite predictable, sticking with proven, reliable methods of dealing with situations rather than taking chances with a new, unproven approach.

Neat and orderly, others usually see D as practical. He needs adequate information to make decisions, and he will consider the pros and cons. He may be sensitive to criticism, and will tend to internalize his emotions. D likes to clarify expectations before undertaking new projects, and he will follow a logical process to gain successful results.

A very creative person, D is often willing to seek out new solutions to problems. He is self motivated and will often work at a fast pace to accomplish his goals. D likes new challenges and he is usually able to make decisions easily, even under pressure.

D prefers a rational and moderate approach when first entering new situations and tries to avoid extremes. He likes the company of others, but D is equally comfortable spending a quiet evening alone. He is a realist who will always weigh his options before he makes a decision to move ahead.

Lol, I am often amused by these type of tests.

If I ever made it rich one day in my youth, I would go to japan with a hired translator and train in some of the purest lineage of martial arts available.
In Singapore, most dojos are rubbish, either too commercialised or not up to my expectations. What happened to tradition?
Sigh, its so hard to find a gd dojo to learn anything. Perhaps, I am too picky on my choices.

Is there anywhere where I truly belong or fit in afterall?
Haha... Guess the blues must be catching up in me after viewing some pics in fb and thinking too much.

I am in a really moody mode right now. Life's probably in a wreck. I cant go for my trainings for karate and aikido. Thanks to exams and itp soon. What's gonna happen to my dream of participating in pesta sukan? Some people may also not know what they say may actually hurt me within. Not gonna elaborate on that. I am possibly losing control of my life. Club-wise, I dunno how long more can I keep it up. I am really afraid that it may crumble. I also need to push up my gpa after seeing the nasty cut off points for uni.
Worst of all, my stupid printer died on me after printing the 10th page of my 58 page report. I am really feeling frustrated within now. Its not a gd feeling, but I really feel like hitting stuff.
Well, I am resigned to this wreckage of a life now. I am just too tired to believe in a change or miracle now.

Sometimes, its a terrible feeling whereby you feel that you need to talk, but there is no one suitable to talk to. Or either... Those whom you can confide in are never there for you.

Surprisingly, I had been surviving on veggies for the past few days. My throat aint itchy, but rather, its extremely dry and irritated.
I think I need to see a doc. This time, not one who gives me pills for my sickness.
But rather, a doc to cure my mayo frenzy.
I went crazy and squeezed too much mayo onto my food.

Went to see the doc today after enduring that scratchy throat and congested nose.
Appears I got a common cold.
At the same time, I took the opportunity to ask him about my condition whereby my vision would get blurry , subside, following with a splitting headache. Turns out to be a form of migraine that can be triggered by exercise or bright lights. If it ever happens in future, i will have to isolate myself in a darkroom and take panadol. It can't be cured. I just have to learn how to live with it. I would have to see a neurologist during the next hols to get some certification about my condition.
Well, looks like I will be pes C or whichever they call it in the army instantly, with a history of asthma and hernia.
I wonder how long this body of mine can last.
I always chose to believe that through training, i can actually strengthen my body.
I wonder if I am wrong afterall. I hate the fate of what most of the descendants of the Tan family of my generation suffers,no one is physically fit, no one is exactly strong. I hate going with the flow, I want to be unique and appreciated.
Till then, I will have to endure this cold and cough as I study for two tests tml.
Heck, law is one lengthy subject.

When I created that club, I was influenced by the idea that the comm is somewhat a form of family. I didn't wanted to rule it in a manner whereby its a relationship between a superior and subordinates. Perhaps I needed that lil warmth in the harsh and cold world in school. I really hate classroom politics where its a dog eat dog world. Well, I straightened outt my thoughts. Everyone in the comm is someone important to me, they are like family, of which I would like to extend myself to help and defend them in whichever methods possible.
For example, when you have troops or subordinates, would you like to slave drive them to complete tasks for you? I don't wish to force, I want them to help complete it willingly. We are all in this as a single entity, rather than for their personal interests. I am really disappoint by some people who did not turned up today without telling me beforehand. To make matters worst, they ignored my calls and messages. I am extremely shocked to actually believe that those two are actually people whom I considered comm. Even if studies and projects are important, don't you feel that bdays are too? Bdays come by once a year. For me, I took time off to help celebrate for them, under the guise of a overbearing dictator who insists on holding a meeting during a bday juz in order to surprise them. I was willing to sacrifice a bit of my time to make some1's day. In fact, I spent quite some time, including slping hours to work on my assignments after which. I just dun get the point... If I can do so, why can't those two? Life is not just about studying and striving to get good grades. It aint much of life if you actually slog all your guts out just to get a smile after you see a few pieces of paper. Those paper are meant to be tools which help improve the quality of your life. I dun understand why humans are under the claws of their own system, suffering under it, where the true ultimate goal is to survive and improve the quality of life. Perhaps us humans are too engrossed in our own lil game of life and greed that our eyes seem to be blinded. Blinded that we can't even appreciate the lil good things in life right before our very eyes. Nevertheless, I am really disappointed by those 2 and their selfish acts. What's a comm if you dun consider urself part of it? There's no bonding but merely too much of individualism. Well, I guess I need people who are willing to speak and mix around, willing to treat the comm as a form of family, to workk and trust each other, aiding each other in times of need. My eyes are not blind. I know what is exactly going on, just that I choose to remain silent in this harsh world. Well, there's nothing much that can be done, except lament on the fact that I was partly blind. I guess if i can't be laxed, i would probably have to adopt an aggressive stance. They may be classmates, but there is a line to be drawn. If you no longer wish to contribute and would like to focus on ur own self, so be it.

This is probably the longest rant I have ever written as a blogger entry throughout my entire life. Well, we only had 6 ppl present today, 1/2 of the total comm size. Of which, 4 gave valid reasons, 2 simply ignored and ran away. Its like running away from ur people, disposing of their use when they no longer concern ur personal interest. Well, I will show them that they are extremely blind one day. This is my resolve.

Probably the worst day of my life. Haha.
Quite a few stuff happened.
Sometime, u really put in lots of effort and expect people to treat u with the same.
However, in the end, they just peel off their masks after you had reached expiry date and play you out.
I don't wanna count the times whereby I feel used. After countless burns, I guess I don't really wanna open up even to people. It aint worthed it.

Undergoing a really bad day.

1. Interview not suitable. Wasted my time.
2. GEMS presentation turned out to be today. Some clown told me it was next week, thus I only have marks for the slides.
3. I hate programming. Its my major setback.

I really feel extremely tired and demotivated.

Sad... the lunch date didn't occur due to unforeseen reasons...
oh well, back to having another day of slogging at home...

kinda survived the week. was a hell of a time.
bt well, looking on the bright side, lunch date tml! wee...

Ok, enough with self delusion.
There is no salvation. Reality is harsh as it is. We just grit our teeth and go ahead.
The future seems bleak. dun even know what's installed for me.
Perhaps 2009 is meant to be a bad year. The amount of animes are depleting...
Economy crisis. What else can happen? Heck. Thankfully, hardly anyone reads this blog.
In a really sour mood now. I don't believe all the talk abt motivation or as such.
I want to believe that you control life and not the other way round.
Sometimes, I really crave for a nice chat. Despite such a huge list on my msn, i don't really see much who are available or appropriate to talk to. Well, the blog has to absorb some of my hard knocks in life then. Still, I can't reveal everything here. Guess I have to swallow it in and live in this asylum.

Struggle. As if u r thrown into the bottomless pit...

Got fed up of blog skin designing, hence decided to stay with this after coming across it.
Somehow, I am slp-deprived and infested by assignments...

Nothing much to comment.
Where's salvation when u require it?

Wee! Its new year, but then I dun believe I am gonna talk about the past.
Went out yesterday to catch yes man and aparently checked out the chambers above cineleisure.
Cineleisure sure is cold, but the seats are better than the normals ones which closes up.

Apparently, I got a nice 'expensive' pre- new year gift yesterday in which I exchanged for something of equal value. It will probably be a gd memory etched into my brain and not forgotten over the sands of time. For once, I feel rather positive in life. Well, perhaps its the new year.

Somehow, I am building up my resolve, I am feeling recharged, alive and ready to take on the challenges for 2009. I seem to have guts so much that even if I fell, I would be able to pick myself up again. I have a reason now to work hard. Watch out damn grades and school issues, I am gonna charge up the mountain!

note: I watched yes man yesterday...