The Balance within the world is simply too wide.

yesterday was tr's day.
I went back early to my old sch, hoping to meet some old frens or teachers.
Let's say, things suck.
1.Most teachers no longer around.
2.Most classmates also did not return.

Only 3 teachers recognised and talked to me.
In order, Grandpa's cous, Ms Phua and finally Mr Chen.

Felt like I wasted couple of hours.
My secondary school days arent as fufilling as I think it would be. Especially with the display of events today. Heck it, I aint returning next year. As usual, I experienced isolation once more. The piece that wouldn't fit in. Well, it isn't bad as the current status now.

I hate my current class now. I hate the politics and factions and finally the bloodied isolation. Just read someone's blog and heard of a 'class' trip. Blah! F*ck it. I wasn't even told of it.
I also hate the accumulated stress from my cca. I should probably just close the whole thing. Its foul. The people are foul. So many people who expects to be spoon fed information. How many are truly keen?

Alrite, back on track, after the nasty experience at my old sch, I went home to freshen up before going to sch for an interview.
Interview went well, hopefully I make it into the 2nd round. If I really do make it, its possibly opening part of the doors to a successful future.
After that, I played badminton with Ivan, from 3.30 to 5pm. Met his lecturer mum. Lol, nice lady indeed.
Next, i went home, showered and took a lil snooze until I got irritated by the idiot at home. zzz, everywhere has no peace. I hate wearing fake smiles.
Finally, went for aikido and memorised the 7 ken suburi. Grading syllabus should be settled now.

Well, to conclude. Lets say if I really must be loner despite being around people, I shall then be the unique piece. I had slacked off for way too long, not taking things seriously. Time to tighten the tension and get to work on what I truly am capable of. Even if I am one, I shall not be just a mere one. I shall be elite. This is my resolve.

Back from natsu matsuri.

Had fun eating and met lots of people.
Met Justin at Dover mrt, with the usual 'lets meet at the front carriage trick'. Although he got in a lil late. Lol. Same trick once more for the return trip when he got left behind thanks to chibi-chan's 'lets pang seh every1' mode.
Met Seth, my good bro from my days in Informatics. Darn, I should had gone to the fortune telling which he claims is really accurate.
Kenneth, aka the Zelmer, with his nice $6 pikachu mask...
Wei Long and gf, still going strong... (thanks for showing us the legendary 'testicle' water yoyos)
Zanne (thanks for the crackers), Jas (very easy to find thanks to the floorball stick) and Liu (didn't speak to as often as before thanks to msn).
Saw Karate Senpais Diana and Khu...

Today was the day I spent 30plus and ate lots of rice...
A list of what I spent:
Sushi
Unagi Bento
Curry Rice
Ramune
Tea in a can
Ice Cream
Tofu dessert
Diet cake (urgh...)
2 cups of edamame peas
finally an Asahi beer (ssh... Jit King bought for me, left me feeling a bit woozy)

Note to self:
Always buy Ramunes and candied apples immediately for future natsu matsuris.
Find a way to tie that stupid obi...

To end off, here are some pics.
Posted on the order it was taken.

Me and Justin

With Miss Enqi...


Lastly, with Kenneth, who will be botak soon. Mwahaha...

Here I am, enduring a splitting headache at home with a stupid monkey who thinks she is a princess and can throw an extremely irritating tantrum for all she likes...

Completed Network Security within 30mins, after which I went to print some documents.
Ran around 8 rounds today. Really out did myself. Would like to thank LY for having the determination to run too. Unlike some others, especially one fat ass h*le who told me to f*ck off when I asked him if he wanted to run. Although we are weak, we will train. haha. Swimming next month! However, running's the cause of my splitting headache combined with lack of slp.

Took 2 panadol and ate 1 piece of bread for lunch. Why such a pathetic lunch? I didn't had the appetite. Its no fun sitting at some spot of a foodcourt downing food.

Somehow, I can't sleep with that clown around at home... Guess she's still young, full of idiocy which she has yet to outgrow. My headache is getting worst as I type.

We live in a world full of lies. Whether we choose to believe in them just to console ourselves or so...

As usual, I always have this feeling where I won't fit in... Is it so hard just to ask for some good frens who would stick with you? Life is always like this. I remember having good frens, however, they don't last. After a period of time, they simply find other 'cooler' or better frens and they simply forsake you as if you are some mere acquaintance. I always yearn for the feeling of having an exclusive good fren who would stick by you and who would have lunches and share good and bad times with in person rather than merely chatting online. I guess I am rather a pathetic person. Remove some factors or roles which I play and I am possibly just a nobody and of no particular importance eh?
No choice then. I just have to become stronger. Afterall, if I am meant to be alone, I will just have to learn to survive. Haha...

Probably gonna skip aikido tonight. Its just plain boring as time flies.
I am getting bored. I just wish something positive and life changing will ever happen soon.

I wonder if the key to survive is to change...

Well, couple stuff to change:
1.Get started on 3 times a wk karate training.
2.Cultivate morning runs after the final paper.
3.Strengthen myself mentally.
4.Club changes? (hell no. I rmb saying that I won't touch the club till end of oct.)
5.Possibly my hair.
6.Start being a miser to protect my finances...

Probably gonna run alone at the stadium tml as none of my classmates have the will to run.
Not gonna talk about the 3 who surrounds me for projects. One is all talk, no show.
The other 2 are plain lazy. Wonder if LY wans to run...
Hmm... enough on the lil gritty details. After tml's paper is the long awaited natsu matsuri.
Finally get to wear a yukata and snack (splurge) like its none of my business and meet up with some people.

Geez... Aikido's training gonna be boring for sure. Too many white belts. Therefore equals to more pain and basic techniques... How else boring can it ever get?

Seriously, I kinda hate my current lifestyle now. Well, can't help it if there's no1 else who is similar to me. The single piece that belongs to neither jigsaw...
Just have to grit my teeth and bear through this part of life.

Looking back, each time in my sch life, I would always wish for that phase of life to be over, so I can go up to a new level and not see certain people. It still happens now. Its like I can't wait to graduate out of class. I was happy when I left the clowns from sec1 to 2 by studying hard. Well, I kinda miss the last 2 years of sec sch life. Although there were idiots then, there are still people whom I am close with. There were people who cared.
Oya, lets exclude the stressful part of O lvls then...

Spent a few hrs working on this blogskin.
well, its finally done.
I needed a change, this is probably the first change.
Based on what I learnt. Its best not to think so much.

Hmm... Lately, I feel real creaky. Perhaps due to lack of training.
Just a lil joke in account to ytd's olympics match.
I was doing situps.
A stupid idea came into me.
For each score that CN scores, I will do 10 situps.
Well, I guess for those who know the results, you all should know what happened to me.
Yes, I started this stupid idea from the first match.
Now you can know how disappointed I am at SG...

Currently feeling?
Creaky bones and muscle soreness complete with drowsiness...

Its been decided and possibly proven.
I am leading a wreckage load of a life right now.
Friends, comrades? Far too few nor true to the number of fingers on my hands.

Well, since life's a wreckage and a pain at the moment. I am gonna tweak it to the point whereby I will enjoy it. I am tired of being surrounded by a sea of masks held together with a thin thread of purpose. I will write the way I am supposed to lead my life.

If this unique piece doesn't have a picture that it truly belongs to, then it shall stay as a piece of its own. As of today, I am gonna adopt a new attitude, or possibly an old one which I should had stucked to a long time ago. If something sucks, no point keeping nor wasting any more effort on it.

I doubt the club can stay long enough to survive... Well, I am not gonna care much soon. I am getting too weary. I will just further reinforce the foundations before I give it up.

As of today, as of my resolve, I shall add in more of the spice to make my life more fufillin. I will lead the way I always expected my life to be. Its upgrade time... or possibly a level up!

another quiz. lol

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Argh... Time for bedtime.

Everytime when something goes wrong in a computer, you can simply press the reboot button and you can revert to an earlier restore point where the problem is not present.
However, for life, its a bit hard to do so.
Well, somehow, I get absolutely stressed up to the point of insanity. I hardly got time for my training now thks to the exams.
Come to think of it, I feel like pressing a reboot button. I was wrong of trying to change myself or believing that I could simply mould myself into what I expect myself to be. Go to heck with it... I am tired of wearing a mask of not being my self.
So I am gonna partially revert back to my past self. So the expected changes? I am not gonna say much. Afterall, hardly anyone knows me to a full extent.
I am the piece that wouldn't fit in. The piece that wasn't meant to be in the picture for its unique and hasn't found the picture which it truly belongs to.
Goodbye current self. I hate behaving like a nuisance. Therefore, I am not gonna randomly talk to anyone on msn anymore.

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.


1. Which anime character would you like to meet in real life if possible?
Gintoki
Light Yagami (I wanna borrow his deathnote...)
The crazy masters from HSD Kenichi
Some random people who can grant powers or wishes...

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Off the darn lights...

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Erm... somewhere in dreamland?

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
My own city where I control everything...

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Can i choose both?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I would say that if you can have both, you are truly blessed.

7. Do you trust easily?
What do you think? =P

8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?
Nothing much I can do. As long as they are happy. I don't really have a right to kick up a fuss or beat up that guy.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Is there isn't, I have brain damage.

10. What is your favourite color?
No particular answer to this kiddy question.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Yea, once awhile, Its fun. At least someone still remembers my sad sorry existence.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Not gonna tell. For those around me and considered close, they should know.

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Whoever I am willing to go through fire for or to defend. (other words, qn not answered)

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
No comments. =P (any comment could get me killed)

15. What is something that you are looking forward to most lately?
lots of stuff, bt no comment.

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing?
tops

17. What's better: to give or to receive?
both...

18. What's the first thing you notice in people?
A slight reading of what type of person they are.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
Can i have more cash? >< (hehe... kidding)

20. If you could change something, what would It be?
Possibly rewrite and gain control of my life.


tag:
Anyone who bothers to read and tag in my blog.
(Sheesh, I doubt any1 bothers. But tag my boxy if you did it)

Life is an illusion. I am starting to find it hard to read ppl's thoughts and feelings. Its like almost everyone is wearing a mask around me.
Seriously, I am starting to wonder who exactly and what am I?
I am starting to question my actions.
I guess I am fighting a losing battle whereby I don't even know myself, therefore equating to half the battle lost.

For years, I seem to be contained in a delusive world, decieved by thoughts which seems so real...
What exactly is happening? Even I do not know.

Argh... I don't wanna think so much. I just prefer the feeling when adrenaline gets pumped into my blood. The eagerness to outperform and do my very best...

Seriously, its rare to know someone without a mask, one who truly appreciates you for who you are. Thoughts can kill...

Finally. A single tag after 19 days...

Life is still boring. But this time with an added spice... Condiment S known as stress.
I am temporary going on a hiatus from club duties.
1, in order to combat condiment S.
2, to give a simulation of what will happen should anything happen to me.

I had given up on two gradings tis month. Felt kinda sad doing so. But I have no choice.
As usual... Time simply flies as I combat stress from various factors. I still hope for something special to happen into this world... Its getting so boring.
Kinda makes me envious of the world u see in anime and movies. They say life is a movie... I would probably rate mine as a box office failure.

Looking on the bright side, I ended the acg seminar today. Although I was a lil nt happy at the way of speech my team has. Constant pauses which bores the audience.

Life sure is a gamble in a twisted world. Anyone care to enter and alter part of my life in a positive manner?

I had a weird dream last night.
In it, I was replacable. Somehow, now that I think about it, in life, indeed I am replacable.
I doubt I had reached a level of particular importance.
Before any1 comes over and tries to change my thoughts. Lets assume what if some1 replaces me right now. Who the heck will care? As long as things still gets done...
Friends eh? Talk about closeness? The people whom I am surrounded now are just wanting the job done.
Family? Who the heck recognises me for the things I had done? I am sick and tired of my relatives boasting of their own children. In fact, it doesn't feel that much of a big family since she left.
I may have mentioned earlier that I felt like jigsaw piece that wouldn't fit in. Well, some1 told me that if I felt that way, I should assume that I am a unique piece.
Arghh... Don't wanna think about it further. Freaking nightmare. Simply replaced as I am left around to exist pathetically with no1 recognising me.

I am getting bored a highly simultaneous routine lifestyle.
The days pass by with the usual load of pains of juggling assignments and schoolwork.
As usual, my food hardly taste as good as they are.
I am hoping for a lil something to spice up my life. It can be anything. Just break that stupid simultaneous routine...
Hmm... what is the purpose of a net messenger?
Just an irritating device whereby peopl will bug you if its either work or cca. Oh yes, and for me to read my emails and get irritated by stupid apps from facebook.
I am trying a lil experiment. Gonna chart down how many people speaks to me as a friend rather than with the purpose of work or anything else. I am gonna try my very best to stay quiet and tie my fingers up.
Silence sure is an uncomfortable thing.
Ok, I am a lil over my designated bedtime. Guess I better stick to what I had made for myself.

Note: See the empty cbox? Lets see how long it can remain empty. Since it had been last tagged on the 19th July, i think it should be pretty capable of staying empty for a longer period of time.

이것은 아마도 내 인생의 제 3 회 통증합니다. 후회는 아무도 없어. 나는 이번에 시도했다. 불행히도, 그녀는 아무것도 보였다. 아프다 나 침묵하합니다. 나는 중지합니다. 하기 전까지 그녀는 반환합니다, 어떤 징후 감정을합니다.

Haha... this shall perhaps be my last not so negative entry. I guess I should start bloggin about happier stuff if i ever have any. I have decided to step back and wait.
There wasn't any response...
그녀를 선택합니다.
I have no right to feel anything.
Until there are positive signs.
아프다...

I turned down an invitation from some1 who asked me out. Even though the venue was changed from somewhere of 'fun' to the library, I refused.

Here, I shall name some of my resolves.
1. I shall slp before 12pm on wkdays.
2. I shall work harder as I have hardly anyone whom I can depend on.
3. I shall become stronger. Physically and mentally.

Hmm... Out of the 3 arts which I learnt, I finally told myself which I liked the most. It would possibly be karate. I have a great sensei who started the art at 17-18 of age and is currently in his 50s, still doing very well. He's a 8th dan and a living encyclopedia of Shitoryu Style karate.
I am not just admiring him for his achievements. Rather, its for the person he truly is. He is a role model to me. I had told myself, I will continue to train under him (despite some skipping of lessons thks to sch) and learn every single kata.

I shall continue to wear tat accursed mask. I crave special attention. If I truly must be alone without true friends, then I shall not waver in terms of knowledge and physical oppression.
Haha... True friends. What a lame idealogy. I had some supposingly good frens over the years. In the end, I am just an ordinary acquintance.
I truly wonder if it was a mistake trying to be some1 I wanted to. To open up and force myself to live to my ideal expectations... It simply does not seem to be me.

This will perhaps be the last of my rant over life till I truly can't contain it anymore.

I wonder if I am a worthless insignificant being thats a nuisance to others.
Sometimes, when I talk too much, people simply reply lil by lil as if its a form of courtesy. I feel as if I am not one which others like to talk to, just probably some nuisance flooding them.
I am perhaps a lil sensitive to my surroundings. I could sense some plots or so.
Seriously, I dunno whoever I can trust. Seems rather silly, but I feel that alot of people around me are just wearing a mask.
Sometimes, if I ever have to relate probs, I would tell some1 whom I can talk to and is not really involved much in my life, nor have I ever met much. It feels as if the further the bonds and involvement, the worth of what I say to be used against me drops, therefore reducing the risks.
Argh... I seriously dunno who can I truly trust.

Another prob jus hit me. I am not sure if there's something wrong with me or not. Lately, I havent been able to taste well. I have been losing interest in food. Alot of things taste crappy to me. I wonder if its a medical condition of my tastebuds are dying or is it because I has hardly eaten something good lately.

Sometimes when one looks back, one would regret their actions.
Life's a gamble. Youth is full of rashness. Its either double or nothing.
Well sometimes, no1 truly knows the answers to some questions in life.