The Balance within the world is simply too wide.

Reverted to an old skin which i created a long time ago.
Shall blog again once I feel like it.

Yesterday, I made the decision to drop aikido. Taking a long hiatus from it.
It felt rather painful, its like cutting a part of yourself and throwing it away.

Come to think of it, its like a part of my life. Its been nearly 3 years since I am in it.

However, I am stucked in a rather awkward situation. I can't grab too many sweets in the jar at a go as my hand will be stucked. I had no choice, I simply have to let go.

I got a feeling I am gonna miss the throws and locks soon. I remember when I first learnt the art, to me, it was like the only non-strenous art which I could start on with that weak constitution of mine. Over time, I realised. Since I cannot hit the women folk, aikido would be useful if it were to be used to submit an opponent without hurting them much.

Well, goodbye to the path of the softhearted as I leave the way of harmony.

Today marks another year of my life...
I would like to thank the people who rmbed and gave me advanced presents and greetings.
Well, as the years past, the numbers detiorate. I guess I must be a really unpopular person.
I tried hard to rmb. I thought... If i bothered, wouldn't it make a difference?
Perhaps I was wrong.

As for the change of blogskin, it was due to the timely expiration of my old one. Humans must adapt and grow afterall. When you lose something, you have to move on and find more stuff. It may be hard to replace what which was lost, but nothing is eternal afterall.

In a couple hours time, I had kept my hopes low. Nothing special is gonna happen. No one is gonna bother much. Its just gonna some regular day, passing by as the clouds float lazily on the skies. Within, I silently pray something pleasant will happen. Chances though, are close to less than 1%. Haha. I must really sound pathetic as I futilely placed a lil cake on msn. As time passes, it shall then fade off. These 24hours... will something happen?

Life goes on, I guess... I shall hence stop here and go to bed, in an attempt to re-adjust my body clock. Gd bye 18, hello 19.

I have no idea why when it comes to sept, I am horribly depressed at this point of time.
I remember, some point last year, I had originally planned to retire at 09.09.09.
However, I stayed on because some people said that they were willing to stick with me if I continued another term. Hahaha... Try getting stabbed. Not once, multiple times.

Yesterday, I had a weird dream, somehow its about some people screwing up and then came lots of shit fondue raining down. When I worked up and thought about the upcoming events, I dunno if its fear or so, I started to feel really irritated. Its makes me wonder, why am I still staying on? Whatever the reason is? Why do I have to go through a higher level of stress that an average poly student faces? For once, I feel like throwing everything down and lead my own kinda loner life whereby no one affects my decisions. I buy and eat what I like.

Call it a wild instinct or so, personally I like stuff to be done my way. As I can forsee in the future, I doubt I can work long for others unless my job is of an independent nature. I still have that dream to fufill.

Speaking about dreams, how would you feel if your countless dreams had been shattered more than once? What you assume was going right for you could actually turn around and swallow you up. I am in dangerous waters... I used to have the impression whereby if you wanna get a dream, you have to be really stubborn like a cockroach and grit your teeth as you claw your way to it.
Turns out to be wrong. It always breaks and drops unexpectedly like the stock market.

Ties, nothing seem to be going right. There doesn't seem to be any place whereby I can find a bit of solace. I guess I really need a break or some lil care or concern. Well, it doesn't really matter to me now. Everyone can call me selfish or so. Then again, think... I always give, but what do I exactly get in the end? Try being kicked to the ground, treated like dirt and taken for granted.
If I do not take care of myself, who will? Other people have significant others to look out for them. For me, Its a case of me and just myself.

I want to lead my own life. If you guys wanna screw things up, go ahead, I shall abandon those and let you screw up all you want. Its time I take a new step in life and look for my own path and belonging. It doesn't matter if I don't have much of a place I truly belong in as long as I still have myself...

Simple update

Spent the week surviving on only 2-4 hours daily. Lack of sleep reduced me to a human zombie, of which, it resulted in a reduction in muscle mass and pimple outbreak.
Friday came, with my head still groggy, I finally submitted the last assignment.
One thing I realised, that is about how hard is it exactly to find a companion for lunch. Thankfully after countless rejections and being played out , I managed to meet a few friends while on the verge on despair and we went on to eat at Astons. Finally had a steak before the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. Was great as I sunk my teeth into the medium rare juicy meat, cut at palatable sizes.
After which, I went back to school. Had dinner with a few of the comm. As usual, its extremely hard to find dinner buddies as we managed to solve a chicken rice craving, followed by an un-ker's session at the coffeeshop at clementi as we spouted nonsense to destress.

Now, this actually keeps me wondering... Assembling a large comm, in hopes of creating a common group of people to spend time together like a group of friends, was it a futile effort afterall? After doing a risk analysis of the potentially of losing them, it was horribly scary.
Hmm... well, i guess I don't really know them at all. Back to current and old friends, I am starting to feel isolation from some or so. It is also surprisingly shocking once more when some of them get attached for like months and you didn't know.

Saturday, I woke up at 12 plus and slept once more till 5plus after my lunch. Now, that's a good whole 14hours plus worthed of sleep. Finally paid the darn sleep debt and my skin feels better.

Watching some videos at youtube made me realise the gap between my current physical status compared to the world. I am no way near there and it would be silly of me if I tried to go to a competition. The speed and control they have is amazing. Although I must admit that the power in my right hand had increased in terms of punching and condition, there are more to be improved. Hence, I have come up with daily exercises.

1. 100plus punches to the makiwara daily with each hand, else if unavailable, 200 to the air.
2. push ups, 20 each for biceps, triceps and the scooping motion like the indian pushup
3. continue on flexibility
4. 20 scrunch, sit up, sides
5. the basic stances, neko ashi dachi and shiko dachi