2.1.12 | 2012
ALTHOUGH the challenges I faced in 2010 drilled some newfound strength into my soul, they also made me a cynic—calculative, disdainful and cautious not to be caught up in any fabrications of human warmth, faith and hopefulness. Gone was the magic of giving in Christmas, and along with it the optimism of welcoming a new year with fresh hopes and aspirations. I was the Grinch who stole my own Christmas.
Thus, while everyone else was posting well wishes and hopes for 2011, I posted an update that read: “New year, same old shit”. I later removed that post as it contradicted with my resolution to never ever whine again. But the feelings of lacklustre remained.
“I have time on my side, making diamonds from coal”
I took the time to fix the boat I was in. I replaced the torn mainsails with a bulletproof sheet. I crafted the hull out of steel, and erected a mast so sturdy no storm could break. And when I was done I pointed the tiller to the direction of tranquil waters. And for a while, it felt complete.
Little did I know that the constant I deliberately left out of the equation was essential to finding the complete solution.
“She put a hole through my Kevlar soul"
I met you in June, and in a short period of six months, you changed my life. It was unbelievable how you provided me with pieces of the puzzle I thought was already complete. And as time went by you uncovered more missing fragments, which you promptly filled with your magic.
“Vad vore jag... Utan dina andetag?”
2011 ended worlds apart from 2010. As we watched the fireworks die down and the parties disperse from our television set, I felt my sailboat rock a little. I checked the boat and it was as sturdy as ever. I looked to direction of the swaying—and I see you, smiling as you climb aboard from your ship to be my seafaring companion.
| hl @ 03:49 | 0 Comments |
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4.10.11 | Brown tabby cat
IT’S Thursday night, and I’m staying back. Slacked a bit too much yesterday, damn those video games I play. Gotta rush this manuscript for submission tomorrow. Good thing they’re paying for my dinner and cab fare home.
10:30. Today is exfoliation day. Shucks, I notice more lines around the eyes. Gotta go get that line-reducing series.
11:00. Texting her. Looking forward to the weekend when I can meet her. Goodnight world!
Friday morning, 6:45. Rise and shine. Early bird catches the worm. No worms for me, just the usual wake-up protein shake.
7:30. Raining heavily. Damn it, IRIS is lying again. 5 minutes turned into 15 minutes in the blink of an eye. Boy am I going to be late for work.
7:50. Bus is late as usual. The Animated Man is in his usual seat (I call him that as he talks to himself very animatedly. Yes, I’ve checked: no headset.). I got on a seat in front of him. The combination of his voice, my drenched clothes and soggy shoes makes it impossible to fall asleep. Maybe I should call him Violently Animated Man. Bus gets extremely packed after Buangkok as usual. Come on, doubledeck this bus already.
8:45. Yup, late for work, get down quick. Almost crushed the resident brown tabby cat in my morning stupor. He scurries away just in time and glares at me with those wide, fierce eyes—a stark difference from the relaxed gaze I am so familiar with. Well, sorry dude.
9:15. Second breakfast. Then more editing. More meeting with prepress designers. Running around between the first and third floor.
12:30. Lunch. Today’s topic: that lady who drowned at the reservoir.
1:30. Back to work, more meetings. If we put this textbox in this page, would it be better? How does that picture look with the text wrapped around it like this? Busy busy busy.
6:30. Off to meet Terence. Frog leg porridge and beer thereafter. Awesome.
11:30. Facial mask day today. Love that rare earth masque from Kiehl's.
Saturday. Gym in the morning, chest day. Damn it, some people should really go learn some gym ethics or face banishment.
Meeting her in the afternoon. Long John Silver’s, airport, Starbucks, books, maths, Japanese pasta, looking at airplanes: best times of the week! No more details. For us to know and for you to find out.
Sunday. 45 minute run. Then rest: idle wanton slacking. Lunching with the family. Deus Ex Human Revolution until 2 a.m., Kahlua. Oh dear, I’m so gonna pay for this in the morning.
Monday, 7:15. Back to work. IRIS is honest and obedient today. Animated Man is not in the bus. Bus packed like sardines as usual. Fast forward to the workplace, a little early today. Brown tabby cat is sprawled at his usual place, bravely risking his life to be some unobservant person’s shoe mat, all the while looking indifferent and cool.
I crouched beside the brown tabby cat and ran my fingers across the back of his neck. He relaxed further and his eyes narrowed to a slit. I told him: look at you, sitting here all day everyday. You don’t know what life is, dude.
He looked in my direction and widened his eyes a little, as if hesitating to respond to my words. And then, apathetically, he narrowed his eyes and lowered his head to continue his nap.
| hl @ 23:51 | 0 Comments |
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15.6.11 | The scientist
MORE often than not, when bad times force their way into our lives, we were able to pinpoint exactly what and how it all went wrong . We were able to see, in real-time, the root of our predicaments as we take that plummet into our own personal purgatories. And in our impatience to seek relief from the pain, we end up employing multiple remedies at once—consulting all kinds of witch doctors and faith healers just to get things running in the right direction—so much so that when the healing processes finally commence, we end up with nagging questions: What exactly was it that triggered our recovery? Was this panacea attributable to one particular effort or incident, or was it brewed from a combination of different circumstances, occasions and flukes?
Many of us, in our desperation for the cure, ignore the elementary scientific methods we were taught in our early childhood: making one change at a time, ceteris paribus, to determine the efficacy of that particular change.
Perhaps most of us, especially myself, are not fit to be true scientists—the rest of us who just want to survive.
| hl @ 00:03 | 0 Comments |
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6.6.11 | An absentee returns
IT was the type of feeling I will forever try in vain to find the right words to describe. That tingle you feel when you know things are going on the right track. The gratification of having an unexpected turn of events chance into a perfect outcome. The rush that leaves you beaming with a wide grin. The feelings of anticipation, excitement, unease; feelings of plain, wanton contentment.
Just when I thought it had eluded me forever, it returned at the most unexpected of times, in the most pleasant manner possible.
| hl @ 01:45 | 0 Comments |
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20.4.11 | Jump in with both feet
WHEN push comes to shove, perhaps it is time to go. It is time to take a leap of faith.
No more half measures. Time to jump in with both feet.
| hl @ 01:19 | 0 Comments |
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16.4.11 | Happy birthday!
HAPPY Birthday Mel!
I'll always miss you.
| hl @ 18:07 | 0 Comments |
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4.3.11 | How strange, innocence
WHEN you make a young child smile, you'll find that somehow, that smile rubs off onto you. In that split second all your fears, insecurities and mindfulness dissolve, consumed by the gentle yet resolute optimism of innocence. With those selfless, naivete little indicators of their joy, you are lifted from the harsh, cold reality into a tranquil, serene abode.
From those glistening eyes and that tiny little smile you can see the future.
| hl @ 00:31 | 0 Comments |
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