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Wednesday, March 19, 2008
changing too much its turning my world around. hate it. dont know whats going on, just living it out day to day. perhaps just thinking too much, but ironically, still living in constant denials. but bubbles dont last forever. being so nice, its so comforting, so sweet, so pleasant. yet its also making it so wistful, so longing. ironies of life yet once all over again facade-x reminiscing 01:48 + + + "Its the competitive spirit that keeps me going" "ya. Its also the competitive spirit that kills you." sigh facade-x reminiscing 00:41 + + + "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" its a lie. perhaps a lie told in the name of self-defense or self-conviction. either way, its not true. words do leave scars. scars so deep, sometimes, that they pierce right into the very sore spot that never seems to be completely healed. simple words, either said with full intention or otherwise, could either make a person, or break one. yes, this is an overstatement. but it still matters. if not, why would they keep encouraging people to praise others? why do people always say "think before you speak", or "choose your words wisely"? never underestimate the power of that few miserable words. its almost painful how we always tell others not to take what others say too seriously. its painful because we know that idea is simply bordering on the fringe of impossibility. its similar to how we would say "try to do...", or "try not to...". the key word here being "try". this simple three letters word could have the potential to make a whole lot of difference. words would always count. what people say always matter. no matter how much we try to tell ourselves to just ignore, to just take it how ever little pinch of salt, others' words always matter. always. perhaps the only difference is the extent to which it matters. oh well. this is just going to be another one of those random and insignificant rants, because i know i'm going to continue telling people to "not take others words too seriously", "try to just ignore them" yada yada. aye, life does not suck. no it doesnt, but it could be full of ironies. facade-x reminiscing 00:36 + + + its a taboo to break traditions some things just remain the same no matter how many years has passed. even though its nothing exciting, nothing out of the world, but simple things like just laying back, eating like a pig, watching no brain movies, simple dinner, having sushi with tofu, etc, is simply life. haha. with moments like this, screw all the we have to do everything breathtaking/ extraordinary/ astonishing thoughts and ambitions. sometimes, maybe just sometimes, this is just how life should be. haha facade-x reminiscing 15:16 + + + how i wish i could just escape from reality into a world of fantasy, freedom, a place where carefree is the only word to describe life, and a place filled with such sweetness and love you could drown from it. chalet at pasir ris. finally managed to have a combined birthday celebration with yanx this year. i love how easy it was, love the familiarity, and simply love the time away from the rest of the world. simply fantastic. the bbq was great, the late nights were pleasant, the monopoly (depsite me ending up being bankrupt) was exciting, the supposed-to-be surprise birthday cake was sweet, the mahjong was merry, the card games were relaxing, the arcade was fun, the cycling and attempted obstacle courses and ball games (except for the stomachache distraction) were delightful, the endless amt of food and drinks were almost sinfully blissful, the wild wild wet was amusing, and above all else, the company and the comfort, contentment, cheerfulnes and calmness that existed throughout made the short get-away and celebration heavenly. Once again, time passes too fast. Its back to work and responsibilities now, and i hate the very notion of obligations and having to be responsible. ah well, shall not complain now and just relish whats left of the wk. well, im officially out of my teens and welcome to early twenties. the horrors of aging. haha in all, Thank you, my friends facade-x reminiscing 23:22 + + + something amazing happened today. friend: so, hows school? me: great! it just dawned on me that this was the first time since uni started that my instant reply to such a simple question was a simple "great". perhaps its due to it being holidays now, perhaps its due to the release of results yesterday. but in any case, it felt good. did not have the usual irk and dreadful feeling against school and what not. my response would always be "the usual", "ok", "fine", "still surviving". ah well.. yet today it was different. even i shocked myself. haha. its nothing great. nothing big. but somehow, this simple question and answer left a nice, happy feeling within me. i guess its true when they say u'll automatically feel good about sth when u quit harping on the unpleasant aspects. hm. but then again, i guess this instant response was merely a result of the holidays and that i'll be leaving here soon. ah well, whatever it is, it was nice while it lasted and this difference left a pleasant feeling. facade-x reminiscing 22:28 + + + I thank God for miracles, generosity and above all else, magnanimity. facade-x reminiscing 19:46 + + + people always say 'life sucks'. in my opinion, it doesnt. its simply the way we handle it, make our decisions and form our perspectives that probably suck. life sucks because life is tough. but ever wonder if this toughness's a result of one's incapability to overcome challenges? life sucks because life is unfair. what is 'fair' really? life sucks because life is complicated. but ever wonder if it's complicated simply because we made it/thought of it as complicated? life sucks because it just all just a big lie. what is there really to 'lie' about life? quit blaming life. seriously, what is there about life to blame. blame it on ur own incapability. blame it on ur own weakness. blame it on ur own complexity. saying life suck and getting all dejected by the very concept of life being sucky is almost similar to blaming the table for hurting ur toe after u kicked the table. quit saying life suck for the sake of saying it. when things get tough, take a deep breath and go. when it gets suffocating, take a lil break. when stuck in unpleasant situations, try to make the best out of it. have the fair share of complains, whines, get different sort of therapy, sure. but at the end of the day, just take a deep breath, pray well, go for it, and get it done. if life has to be gone through with, why not do it happily. getting all sulky and depressed's only putting urself through crap and of cos, putting others through crap at the same time. well, as cliche as it may be, its true. similarly, since it has already begun and am already involved, why not just try to make the best out of it, or just merely make it a teen bit better by stop thinking it ok being sucky would be ok. and since schooling is 'part of life' in this developed ctry, perhaps its time to quit putting the blame on 'school' as well. this shall be a reminder to myself whenever i go into self-pity and others blaming mood. try at least huh. facade-x reminiscing 01:04 + + + first kbox session yesterday. heh. never expected myself to last for so many hours. haha my limited knowledge of so-called contemporary songs resulted in us singing real oldies and embarassing songs. my difficult, demanding and now domineering friend confiscated the remote, forbidded me from translating the songs for her, scolded me for providing some background music for her and stared at me when the stupid mtv was too slow/fast for me. horrible. oh. not forgetting, eating all the crackers that were provided leaving me with a few miserable peanuts. heh. but despite all these, still love my difficult, demanding and now domineering friend facade-x reminiscing 14:30 + + + it happens once all over again. the after exams crap-i-cant-slp thing. its annoying. its always the same.. with the need/want to slp 24/7 during exams and yet being not the least bit slpy, despite it being 2, going 3, in the morning after exams. i look like crap its disgusting. so am not going hk anymore. mickey and minnie were so close. oh well.. i've made my choice so shall not whine abt it. i need money. money does not make the world go round, but it sure does make the world spin faster and easier around its already roundness... whatever did that mean. not slping but the brain's aslp. the last day of rendezvous between my room and i. haha. its saddening. whatever am i gonna do. was.. no, am still living in a state of denial hoping that all these will just be a temp thing. but somehow, deep down, i know the new arrangement's gonna last for some time. dun fancy changes and i absoutely love and need my solitude. with my level of potential insanity, i'll probably drive myself crazy sooner than expected. selfish, conceited, whatever. i need my space and my solitude, and solitude is one thing that i cant accomodate. oh whatever am i gonna do seriously. facade-x reminiscing 01:50 + + + |
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