Haaaaaaaa-pee (Hic!) New Yeeeeeeeeeehhhhh! (Hic!)

Photo courtesy of Momo & SS

Here it iz!!! Da Momo & I iz havfun a New Yearz (Hic!) Evez ‘nip of ‘nip cocktailz. You are welcomez to (Hic!) join us.

Both Momo’s SS & da momee here iz bizzy. & we are bein’ left to our own dee-vicez.

For two entire dayz!!! In factee, da cat sitter iz comin’, & we haz to lets her sit on us. Da Auntie Stinkie needz her pillzez… so da gurl from da V-E-T’s office comez & helps.

But, dis doez nots egg-splayn why we iz bein’ abandoned & cannots evfun vizit our frendz until Fry-day.

Ptooey! Triple hairballz & a few poops fur when da momee & dadee comez back.

(Pee-ess: Fur our frendz dats waz worried abouts Iris & Maxi & Auntie Stinkie not gettin’ any toyz fur Christ-Mouse… pleeze, do nots fret. All kitteez are loved in dis house & none were left out. It iz justee dats some of cats like pozin’ fur da flashy box & some of us do not.)

Da after-math of da tree kingz

Narrator: 'Twas the night before Christ Mouse at the house of the Fab Five, and all the cats were good cats... and Auntie Stinkie said, "I have had many a Christmas, but I think I will leave the excitement for the younger generation this year."

So dear readers, while Auntie Stinkie napped, in the morning the Fab Five gathered at their breakfast table, and looked the bounty over.

Alas, not all went as planned.

Delilah: "Just look at all these presents Iris! Something for Dr Tweety from his Secret Paws pal, and something for me from my true love Angus Mhor, and Auntie Mignon Bean sent something for Dr Tweety and something for all of us cats. Isn't this great?!"

Iris: "I do not see any packages addressed to me. Is that one little package supposed to be for every cat?"

Dr Tweety: "Now Iris... do nots fret. I yam sure dere will beez sumpin' here dats you can haz.

But firstee, I haz to openz up my Secret Pawz prezzie!!! It camez all da wayz frum da New York & I didz nots evfun know dere waz an Old one.

Justee looks at dis tightly packed box!"

Dr Tweety: "Hoorah! Lets me gets all dis stuffee outs of here & see who sent dis!"

"It camez from a kitty named Piper. I doez nots know Piper, but I sure yam glad dat Piper became my Secret Paw. & dere iz evfunz a pic frum dat nice kitty. Dis iz awesome!!!
Tanks you Piper!!!"

"I tinks I yam goinz to chewz on dis itty bitty nip pillow fur awhilez."

Mommy: "Delilah? do you want to open up your Christmas present from Angus sweetheart?"

Delilah: "Open??? Let me in there Mommy!!! Oh! (((gasps with wonderment))) Look at it all... and pink feathers too???"

Mommy: "Yes dear, and look! A beautiful ball with a pink hairy tail on it!"

Delilah: "Mommy? Please put down that ball! You look very silly, and I do believe that is my Christmas toy. Don't you have something to go cook? Like a goose perhaps?"

Mommy: "But Missy D...just look at these delightful feathers!"

Delilah: "And you think I cannot see them when you dangle them in front of my nose like that?"

Daddy: "Look here precious Fuzzy Face, a pretty little pair of pink earrings!"

Delilah: "Pink earrings???? Let me see those Daddy!!!"

"I just have to bite those right this instance!!!"
(((Chomp!)))

Mommy: "Dr Tweety! Look what your Auntie Mignon Bean sent to you... a frame for you to put a nice photograph in."

"And kitty treats that SOME ONE must bake before they can be eaten. Um, would you all excuse me for a minute? I have a goose to cook!"

(((Mommy vanishes from the scene, leaving a box of unbaked cat treats on the table.)))

Dr Tweety: "Momee???? Where didz you go????
Delilah???? comez backee... we haz some works to doez here!"

Delilah: "Hah! Do you think I am going to bake kitty treats??? You are completely unhinged Uncle Cranky Pants!"

Iris: "Well don't look at me. I didn't even get anything remotely fun.. and I certainly am not going to wear an apron over my beautiful furs!"

Dr Tweety: "Not evfun fur dis nice nippy mousee Iris???"

Iris: "I am not about to be bribed Dr T, and really, I need to go help Mommy with the goose. Or maybe I will go look for a turkey in the front yard."

Narrator: And so dear readers, as the morning wore on, tempers frayed, and some cats, a little bit over loaded on the nip, came unglued."

Delilah: "That is MY toy Uncle Dr Tweety!!! Mommy??? Make him put that down!!!"

Maximillian: "Delilah, do you want me to whap Dr T with my double toes? I think I can manage a goodly scratch across the nose if you like."

Delilah: "No... I think I'll be okay Uncle Maxi. But it is sooooo annoying!"

Dr Tweety: "I justee cannots helps it. I justee LOVEZ dis nip pillow. Christ Mouse iz furry hard work & I tinks I needz to takes a nip nap.

Sigh-oh-snora!"

Narrator: And so this Christmas Day 2008 came and went. Although 'nip may have frayed a few nerves and ruffled a few furs, the Fab Five were all tucked in and fast asleep, as the New Year fast approaches.

May every cat have found safe harbor and good health, and may we wish you the very best yet to come!

Merry Ho Ho Ho, to all our frendzez

(Clix on da card & makes it BIG!!!)

Pleeze takes dis card fur you,
our frendzez so true.
We tried sendin' it by emailz
& on da backs of snailz,
but truth be told,
da momee here iz so old,
dats evfun da urlz of da google
didz not speedz dis card to you.

Now some of youz iz on vakashun
across dis great nation
& somez needz our purrz,
so we iz keepin' our crossed toez
evfun when dere iz snowz,
& we hopes dats dis splendid world bringz
health to all, when da cathedral bellz do swing.
(& ringz & ringz & ringz)

Merry Christmouse to all,
Merry Christmouse to thee,
Merry Christmouse from da Fab five,
dat iz two plus three.

We lovez you all (far & near)
& hopes dat you hadz a ball
on da wonder-full & clear,
Kitty
Bloggo-spear.

Oh... & beforez I forgets, Happy New yEAR!!!

Finally! A postee!

Dr Tweety: "Yam I madz or what?! See da Christ-must stuffee on da tay-bull?

Well da momee thought dats I wouldz help wit all dis non-sense likes wrappin' & sendin' & stuffin' & tapin'.

Ptooey & dub-bull hairballzez on dat I sez!

We haz not been bloggin' cuz da momee iz bee-hind, under snow & justee nots managin her time well.

Momee??? Gets yer act togedder, our frendz iz waitin'!"

Mommy: "But Tweet! Can't you see all the snow? I have not been able to drive off our hill, and the agency wants me to proof and edit an absolute dog of a publication. And then daddy and I had to get the presents off to the rest of the family."

Dr Tweety: "Momee? I doez nots care abouts dis snow mess. We doez nots has to evfun goez outside if we doez not wants. & you say you cannot blog fur moi? What kind of egg-scuse is dat?

Delilah haz not evfun opened up her Christ-must prezzent from Angus... all becuz YOU do nots haz da time!

Delilah? Doez you wants to handull da blog?"

Delilah: "I am trying my best Uncle Tweety, but let me tell you, I can't make heads or tails out of the picture folders that Mommy keeps.

What a mess!"

"In fact, it is such hard work I have decided I cannot do it at all.

Has anyone (translation: Mommy!) told Angus, Mini, and Kellie that their sweetheart cards and treats are going to be delivered late because of Mommy's laziness?"

Dr Tweety: "No, I yam afraid nots Delilah. We haz not evfun vizy-ted any cat fur dayz... so how wouldz dey know deze imp-ortant factsez?

Frendz, dis iz it. I yam nots gonna curlz one more ribbon fur da momee.

I yam takin' a nap!"

Post delayz & snow dayz

Brrr! We haz nots been bloggin' 'cuz da momee hadz her frend Miss Marianne frum Switzerland comez on da train frum Washing-ton.

Da momee here waz havfun a signiffy-cant birfday (y'know, da one wherez da beanz turnz into dino-sorez & qwallifiez fur da 10 percent dis-count at da mooveez?) & she & da Miss Marianne waz havfun a goodz time wit Christ-must stuffee... when all of a sudden:

We gots dis white stuffee evfurry wherez & da roadzez gots all iceey scary &

da momee hadz to try & gets da Miss Marianne to da train stayshun to gets to her home & on da way bax to our home, da momme slided downz our mountain baxwardz in her van!

Dis waz somewhat egg-citin' fur da momee who den hadz to stay home frum da work 'cuz da sandin' trux will nots come up our hillzez.

We cats had to stayz inside cuz otherwize we wouldz get da dreaded ICE-pawz!

So evfurry one justee found da bestee spots dey could & tried to keeps warm.

We are waitin' fur da dadee to comez home & we doez nots wants him to slips down da mountain baxwardz either!

We may nots be gettin' az much bloggin' done cuz of da egg-straw time it will takes fur da momee to gets to work & bax oevfur da next few dayz, & den she haz to doez da Christ-must stuffee too.

Otherwize Santa Clawz will nots come at all.

We willz try & vizitz az soon az we can. Dont's givez up on us!

Two frendz haz gone to da Bridge

Our frend Kelly left for da Bridge.
He waz such a good & lovin' boy & hiz momma & daddy & hiz sissies & brudder loved him so furry much.
We are sendin' our purrzez & love to dem all.

Skeeter will nevfur be forgotten.
We will missez you badly.
Ayla, LC, & da Big Ting are furry sad,
& so are we.
Sendin' our condolencez,
Dr Tweety, Iris, Delilah, Maxi, & Auntie Stinkie

Mail call

Delilah: "Waiting for the mail truck is very hard work."

Iris: "I never get any mail... maybe you should clean your paws instead."

Auntie Stinkie: "Now girls, no hissing. Listen up! I think I hear the mail truck down the road now."

Mommy: "Missy D! C'mon Missy D... you've got mail!"

Delilah: "I just knew it! I could feel it in my tail! My true love sent me a letter. Oh what a man cat!"

Daddy: "Missy D... you have to let go so we can open it the rest of the way."

Delilah: "No way! I am NEVER letting go of my letter!"

Delilah: "Well all right Daddy... I guess it is better to stare at him and dream the night away."

"Just look at how debonair he is... wearing a Christmas collar, and warming his striped physique in front of that fireplace."

"I will warm my toes against his... and I will NEVER let go!"

"See Mommy? Angus is the best! Will you pin this up near my basket? I will have the best holiday dreams ever!"

The Narrator: "And all through the house, not a creature was stirring, only the heart of one tuxie kitty, purring and purring."

Look!!! A Surprize fur moi!!!

Dr Tweety: "A pack-age miss-teeriously showed up on da doorstep... addressed to moi!

It waz frum da beootymuss Daisy Mae Maus & da Feline Amery-canz.

I wonz a super-secret tur-key day commint contest. & I didz not evfun knowz it!!"

(Da pack-age didz not comez wit da stratis-fur-rically placed fringe. What waz up wit dat momee???)

Delilah: "Oh goodie!!! A package for me????"

Dr Tweety: "No Delilah... dat iz not fur you. You didz not leaf da super secret commint!"

Delilah: "(((Sob...))) I really thought it was from Angus Mhor! If only he would send me a letter, I would write back to him and tell him how much I adore him. He is so strong, such a strong snake killing man cat..."

Dr Tweety: "Now dat iz enuff tearzez Missy D... you justee dry doze up & I will lets you see what iz inside dis surprize pack-age dat beelongz to moi!"

"Lookee here Delilah. Dis iz az bad az skinnin' a tur-key. How will we gets da blasted ting open? Dadee? Canz you help us?"

Delilah: "What is that? Is that the surprise? Those wormy gray things?"

Dr Tweety: "Of coursee nots! Look.. it iz a prezzent all wrapped in Christ-must paperz!"

"& what are deze??? It sez dey are temptin' me & I yam gonna not be tempted. I yam justee gonna eats dem all, evfurry last one!"

(((Snorfle, glump, gulp, HIC!)))

Narrator: And dear readers, while Dr Tweety ate Temptations deep into the night, Delilah noticed that a trio of wonderful Christmas kittens had made their way from Daisy Mae's box, along with a glossy photo of Daisy Mae and the other Feline American cats. They were placed with care onto the table.

Delilah: "I have never seen such a wondrous box in all my life. I think I'll go check the mailbox and see if I have any mail."

Dr Tweety: "I tinks I must rest fur awhilez. Da Mini willz be oevfur soon & I mustee cleanz up all da Temptashunz smell frum my furz.
(((HIC!)))

Narrator: "And so dear cats, do not come to "egg-sauce" as our Dr Tweety is wont to say. Please experience the holidays in moderation, and do not drive. Unless of course you a have a feline driver's license... in which case: "GO FUR IT BABEE!!!!"