1. What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific. (precise vocabulary, cohesive/linked ideas, clear/easy to follow discussion, convincing, effective reasoning/argument, well-developed ideas, well-supported topic sentences, understandable transitions, etc.)

I like the problem, but the development of the essay is a little weird.

2. Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?

Yes. Excessive social media usage will result in poor grades of students.

3. How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?

a.         I think you are supposed to evaluate the solution to a problem instead of coming up with a measurement to evaluate the effectiveness of the solution.

i.e. evaluate the effectiveness of the campaign -> The campaign is good because it allows you to reach out to a broader audience and students can cultivate a habit.

i.e. method to evaluate effectiveness of the campaign -> test whether students cultivated a habit.

b.        You are supposed to have an opinion whether or not it helps or doesn’t help. Its like you are setting up an experiment to see if the campaign solution works.

Evaluate why MOE is a good agent of change. Evaluate why doing videos and posters are useful.

-> Making videos and posters can help students learn first hand on the consequences of excessive social media usage.

4. How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome?

-  Same as solution 2.

5. Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?

Remove away the “experimental parts” and do evaluation on the solution itself instead of how to measure the effectiveness of the solution.

6. Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?

- Yes. Sources are used to back up the claims of the problem.

7. What is your impression of the flow of the content?

Everything up to the introduction paragraph is okay. But the evaluation of the solution of the problem kind of gets out of point

8. Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing? Underscore/ highlight these.

As mentioned above.

9. Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines?

Citations date need to be in proper format -> (2014, October 15) Month and date is missing

10. Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?

-       As mentioned above.

Please check with Brad on the two suggestions below. Not sure about my own language too.

1.         According to Lomeli (2011), the study conducted by Johnson & Wales University have (has) suggested that 80 percent of participants in the study who uses social media networks while working on homework will see negative implications on their efficiency and grades.

Not sure if suggested is the right word. Suggested -> hypothesis.

Study conducted by Johnson & Wales University suggested that people who use social media networks while working on homework will see negative implications on their efficiency and grades

Study has found/reported that 80 percent… (is an objective statement/fact).

2. It was observed that students could take up to six-to-eight hours per day to complete their homework because of the distraction (distractions) induced by online social media such as Facebook. This distraction (phenomenon) was also found to have detrimental effects to students’ aperformance in school.