And a Happy Valentine's Day to You!

Guess what I get for Valentine's Day??






Yep. Him. All to myself (well, myself and the little wild animals we have created). For two weeks. Heaven.

I think you guys are great!

Thank you for your ideas about my crazy weekend last week. As usual, things went fine and I was pretty much worrying about nothing. But usually I worry at my husband and then feel better just getting it all out. Since he's been gone, I have no one to ramble at about D that understands it. So thanks for listening!!

The school party went great with the exception of the fact that Emma cried because they wouldn't let her have any frosting on her gluten free cupcake because they thought it would have gluten in it. FYI, most frostings do not have flour in them.

I ran my race (the word race being used loosely. I was just trying to finish the dang thing). It was a blast! I really wanted to have a goal to work toward while my husband was away and this was great. I ran it with two other women whose husbands are deployed with mine. We ran through Sundance, Robert Redford's resort...so beautiful.
Oh yeah, we ran it in costume! We were all fairies...




My parents handled dosing Emma at her first birthday party and I dealt with the second one. Trick-or-treating went much better this year due to the pump! I had forgotten that we were on MDI last year and it was sooooo much easier to control this year! Hooray!

Rambling worries...

I think about the next couple of days and just feel so....bleh. It all starts today with Emma's school Halloween party. Normally, it would not that big of a deal. I'd just pop in and dose her for the party snacks. Because even though her teacher has Type 1 herself, she is on MDI and is unfamiliar with pumps. And the school nurse is only in on Thursday mornings. But then you throw in Celiac disease and it complicates things a little. I constantly struggle with trying to find balance. Part of me wants to run all over town finding or making a comparable GF treat so she doesn't feel even MORE different than all the other kids and part of me thinks she should learn to deal with it because this is how it is always going to be for her.

But it's tomorrow I really worry about. With my husband away, I am the only one who knows how to do Emma's diabetes care. My parents and SIL met with the CDE when Emma was first dx and learned how to check BG and do shots. But when we switched to the pump they pretty much got left in the dust. If she needs to be dosed while I am away they call me and I walk them through it over the phone.

But tomorrow morning I am leaving at 6:30am to run a half marathon. I can picture it already...mile 10 and I'm answering my cell phone to do a bolus, you know? But we are running in the mountains and I'm not even sure we will get reception up there. And Emma has two birthday parties tomorrow - one of them is right while I'm running and my dad is taking her to it. And then she has another one in the afternoon. I am an old school birthday party conservative! Growing up my Mom would do a big friend birthday party for us every four years, so to me all of these crazy huge birthday parties every year seem a little excessive. And probably I am just being grumpy because then I have to deal with the diabetes/celiac situation again. You know, call the Mom and ask her what they will be eating and then send her with a GF substitute and do I dose her at the beginning or go back to the party right before they eat?

And most people around here are trick-or-treating on Saturday night so their kids aren't out late on a school night. Last year Halloween night ended with a crying, headachey, stomachachey, high BG little girl despite our best efforts.

So I'm totally rambling, but I feel stressed and you are my outlet! Do you have any tricks that have worked for school parties, birthday parties, and or trick-or-treating? I am all ears!

New Friend...

Have you guys met Leigh? She blogs over at theevanskiddos.blogspot.com. Her son, Aiden, was diagnosed 8/18/10 with Type 1. So if you haven't already, pop over and say hello!

Grandma Ruby

I've written before about my cute Gramps. He was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 30. Odd, I know. His wife, Ruby, is my last living grandparent. We call each other and chat diabetes sometimes. She's never told me, but she has told my dad that it is really hard for her that Emma has diabetes. She knows all too well what that entails. She's been alone since my Grandpa passed away in 1998.

Except for her dog. She has a dog named Bella that she got about 5 years ago. She is wild about the dog and spoils her rotten. And I'm so glad she has that dog for company. My Grandma came for a visit this past weekend and left Bella for four days. When she returned home she found Bella extremely ill and took her to the ER.

Bella has Type 1 Diabetes.

That's right. Her freaking dog has it too! For crying out loud! She told me she feels like she is caught in some kind of diabetic hell and that she is pretty sure my Grandpa picked that dog out and sent it to her so she wouldn't forget him.

The irony of it all is a little overwhelming to me...

Rock the Walk!

Today was our JDRF "Rock the Walk" to raise money and awareness for Juvenile Diabetes Research. Thank you SO MUCH to those who donated money and came to the walk and were so supportive! We had a great time! And I am so glad it is over. For reasons I am not really sure of, the preparation for it really stressed me out. It was fun to see the carb counts of the food posted for all to see - no SWAGing needed! We also saw a couple of kids on the side of the path getting a BG check and it was so nice to not be the only ones doing these things for once!

Honorable mentions go to my sister-in-law, Sachele, who is due to give birth in two weeks and came on the walk with us. Also to my friend, Wendy, who is 5 months pregnant and hosting a big birthday party for her cute daughter, Olivia (pictured with Emma below)later today! It was a good thing I had my sunglasses with me today because I teared up the second we arrived and continued pretty much the rest of the time we were there...







These guys really got into the theme...rock the walk.


Emma riding in the stroller after a BG of 57...so much walking and jumping in a bounce house will do that to a girl! Note the Starburst on the tray in front of her...those suckers are a low blood glucose dream: individually wrapped and a tidy 4 grams of carbs each.


Hair painting...

Mayday

I am baffled. Come to think of it, I have felt that way for...oh I'd say....the last year and four months. Since Emma's diagnosis. But this last week I have been particularly baffled. Emma's BG will be fine all day, and then between 8pm and 3 am her BG suddenly shoots up. It has never done this before. I have been up non stop this week chasing the MOST stubborn highs I have ever seen. I have changed pump sites, opened new insulin, given injections...I have no idea what is going on! I can give a correction and check her two hours later and her number will be the same. Then after about 3am it slowly comes down and she is usually on the high end of normal by the time she wakes up. And I say "dammit" all the time because I am so grouchy from being up all night. So today could I really reprimand HER for saying it to me when she heard me say it four times this morning? I digress.

So, my more experienced D warriors - do you have any tips for me? I guess I need to raise her basal for those hours but I am nervous because that is when she historically goes low. Could she be having a growth spurt? Is it her pancreas finally sputtering out? Has this happened to your child?

Seriously?

We've all joked about the crazy things people say when they find out your child has diabetes. Last week I got, "Is it bad or is it just something you need to keep an eye on?" Honestly, I don't know that there is anything people can say...kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't maybe? I know people mean well and I think I just respond so emotionally because it IS so emotional.

But two days in a row last week I had to think, "REALLY?" I joined a gym - first time in my life - and they have a great place for the kids to be babysat while I work out. I always check Emma's BG right before I leave. One day she dropped from a 243 to a 63 in 40 minutes. Go figure. And I always make sure the girl at the desk checking the kids in and out knows that Emma has diabetes and to get me if there are any problems.

So the first day I told the girl at the desk and she said, "Oh. That's no big deal. My friend has diabetes. I even helped him check his blood sugar the other night." I had to bite my tongue to not be all valley girl on her, "Like oh my gosh! That is so cool! So you know all about how to take care of diabetes then, right?" or shake her and scream, "It IS a big deal!!" I swear diabetes brings out the least nice part of me sometimes.

And the next day when I told a different girl at the desk she said to Emma, "My sister had diabetes too." I quietly asked her, "Had?" and she mouthed back to me, "She died." After Emma went to play she told me that her sister had two little boys and that pregnancy was hard on her body (not the kind of stories I like to hear) and one day she didn't feel good but she just thought she had a cold. In reality she was in DKA and died. She was 26. It will be a year since she passed away this October. I felt so bad for her. And I feel like a jerk for saying it, but I thought, "WHY are you telling me this?! I don't need any more stress about diabetes in my life!" Really she probably just needed to talk about a loss that is still so fresh to her.

That being said I was really relieved when the next time I went the check in girl just seemed confident and told me they'd let me know immediately if anything happened. Kept all her stories and comments to herself, thank you very much!

On a happier note, Emma's first day of school is tomorrow and who can believe it but she has a teacher who has been a Type 1 Diabetic for 26 years. Can you hear me singing the Hallelujah Chorus through your computer? Hooray!

Holy Macaroni

I just tested Emma's BG and got a 501.

"There must be some mistake!" I thought. I washed her hands and tested again.

556.

Holy macaroni that's a high BG. Clearly her pump site must have gone bad, which is ironic because I SWAGed her lunch dose and worried that I had over bolused so I kept pushing food on her.

We were playing a board game when out of the blue she started crying and I thought she must be low...how wrong I was.

I told her, "I'm sorry your blood sugar is so high. It's my fault."

"Mom. It's just...it's nobody's fault. It's the pumps fault!" she finished with a big, triumphant smile.

Holy macaroni that's a cute girl.

My New Party Trick

A couple of weeks ago I went to a little reunion of former college roommates. It has been about 10 years since we have all been together and we had a blast catching up. It was amazing to see how so much has changed and how I still feel like a 20 year old in a lot of ways.

When one of my roommates heard that Emma had diabetes she asked me how I knew. I listed off the symptoms and she started looking concerned. She told me that her nearly two year old son drinks water all the time and soaks through his diapers and wasn't gaining weight the way her other kids did. She said, "Maybe we were supposed to come here tonight and talk to you."

I offered to check his blood sugar right there - I had the meter in my hand from checking Emma's. She really didn't answer and kind of changed the subject. I offered again later and she still avoided the subject.

I left wondering if I had emphasized enough how important it is for her to get him checked - to talk to her pediatrician about it. Did I tell her how dangerous it is if he does have diabetes and it goes untreated? I don't have her contact info, but as I'm writing this I think I better try to get it and get in touch with her!

Then yesterday I went to a family get together with some cousins who were in town visiting. You know the drill - one of my cousins is worried about her 9 year old who is irritable and drinks a ton of water and still has accidents and we have an uncle on that side of the family who has Type 1 and now Emma too...so I tested him and he came in at 123.

I told her that is a normal number, but left thinking, "Who in the heck do I think I am? Running around checking people's blood sugar. I don't really know what I'm talking about. What if I told her everything was fine but really it wasn't...."

Do you find yourselves being the diabetes police? Checking people's blood sugar? Hopefully these people realize that I am a mostly crazy, sleep deprived person who has less than the usual amount of brain cells functioning due to living under more than normal amounts of stress for far too long and just talk to their pediatricians!

CRAZY

Just in case I needed any more evidence that I have completely lost my mind, I was walking down the hall tonight and saw the thermostat out of the corner of my eye. It read 75. I felt a little surge of adrenaline and thought, "Low. I need to feed her."

Add that to the fact that I tweaked Emma's insulin:carb ratio due to continued high numbers for the last 5 days and her bedtime BG was 82 with 1.40 units IOB. That is a TON for her. But she had ice cream for dessert and I am still too scaredy cat to do a combo bolus (dumb, I know) so I've been checking her every half hour to make sure she is going up. She is. I am going to bed to dream of CGMs...

Today I am Angry

The last two days have been crazy. Emma's BG has been through the roof with no explanation that I can think of. And then when I correct her she bottoms out in the 50s. So I know the insulin is getting to her - maybe I just need to raise her I:C ratio?

I checked her BG when we were at church today and it was 396. I gave her half the correction I should have because she had two more hours to go and I didn't want her to go low again.

Then I sat there on the verge of tears for the rest of church feeling REALLY pissed off. All of my "be positive" and "remember my blessings" went out the window. I hate this disease. I hate what it does to my daughter. I hate worrying all the time. I felt so much anger. I wished that diabetes had a physical form that I could fight away - that I could protect her from. Or that I could gather her in my arms and run and run and escape it all. And then I realized if I ran I would just be far away with no diabetes supplies! And I felt trapped. And really really mad.

When I picked her up from her class at the end of church she was perky and smiling and her BG came in at 167. And I felt relieved. And really really mad.