Monday, April 09, 2012
to whom it may concern
Dear friend from my past,
I wonder if you'll read this. Perhaps I secretly want you to. I find that whenever I face the kind of problems I face now, my thoughts invariably wander to you. Of how you'd probably understand me, of how different you are. The image in my mind is almost perfect. But that is precisely what it is -- an image.
Memories tell lies, and when I probe further I recall that you too, were not an easy person. Yet. I haven't escaped from your prison in some ways. There are good memories, yes, but there is also a great deal of confusion and other feelings of indeterminate nature, of which I am fearful to discover. And again, I remind myself that what these feelings are directed toward is not so much your person as it is the memory and image of you. A ghost, if you may.
It is a frightful thought and possibility that all this while I might have subconsciously kept you as a potential plan B, despite the ridiculousness of that idea. I wonder if you've moved on but it appears as if some relics of me still remain with you. I am exceedingly curious as to what this means yet fearful of the implications. I also know that part of me uses the memory of you as an escape from my problems. I don't intend to run away from these, but the fact remains that your person has a certain meaning to me, and it sometimes causes me disruption.
This is a problem and it needs to be resolved. I am in a relationship and I must remain committed and faithful, no matter what problems I face. No matter how rocky the relationship is either, or how gloomy the outlook may be at times. It would be easier to forget you, but I don't like having skeletons in my closet to haunt me when I'm vulnerable. I don't know what will come out of this, but may God's will be done.
Yours sincerely,
A friend from your past
I wonder if you'll read this. Perhaps I secretly want you to. I find that whenever I face the kind of problems I face now, my thoughts invariably wander to you. Of how you'd probably understand me, of how different you are. The image in my mind is almost perfect. But that is precisely what it is -- an image.
Memories tell lies, and when I probe further I recall that you too, were not an easy person. Yet. I haven't escaped from your prison in some ways. There are good memories, yes, but there is also a great deal of confusion and other feelings of indeterminate nature, of which I am fearful to discover. And again, I remind myself that what these feelings are directed toward is not so much your person as it is the memory and image of you. A ghost, if you may.
It is a frightful thought and possibility that all this while I might have subconsciously kept you as a potential plan B, despite the ridiculousness of that idea. I wonder if you've moved on but it appears as if some relics of me still remain with you. I am exceedingly curious as to what this means yet fearful of the implications. I also know that part of me uses the memory of you as an escape from my problems. I don't intend to run away from these, but the fact remains that your person has a certain meaning to me, and it sometimes causes me disruption.
This is a problem and it needs to be resolved. I am in a relationship and I must remain committed and faithful, no matter what problems I face. No matter how rocky the relationship is either, or how gloomy the outlook may be at times. It would be easier to forget you, but I don't like having skeletons in my closet to haunt me when I'm vulnerable. I don't know what will come out of this, but may God's will be done.
Yours sincerely,
A friend from your past
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