Even if we should meet, what would it accomplish?

"The Ring of Power exemplifies the dark magic of the corrupted will, the assertion of self in disobedience to God. It appears to give freedom, but its true function is to enslave the wearer to the Fallen Angel. It corrodes the human will of the wearer, rendering him increasingly "thin" and unreal; indeed, its gift of invisibility symbolizes this ability to destroy all natural human relationships and identity. You could say the Ring is sin itself: tempting and seemingly harmless to begin with, increasingly hard to give up and corrupting in the long run".

- Stratford Caldecott, on the One Ring

I want to know and yet I do not want to.

One of us must be the stronger one

Tough choices

The prayers of St. Ignatius always keep me sane.

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength,
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your will through all things.

Amen

refuge

Lord I can't do this. I'm going crazy. I've just caught sight of the brink of sanity. Literally at the dead end of a dark road. I seek quiet but I can't find it. Looking for a person, looking for a place. And there is none but you. Saviour.

perspectives

I find myself stuck in a rut repeatedly.

I am unable to move forward or look back.

And I am tired.

But Lord you are sovereign over me.

You are a God who is with me.

I believe.

Help me to find my way.

Help me be faithful.

Thus far you have led me,

and I have oft stumbled through my own fault.

But Lord you are greater than these.

Far greater.

I don't really understand why I've been put here. But God is faithful. I trust you.

solution

God be the solution.

Help me love. Help me understand.

perspectives

I find... all this money talk distasteful. Not that there is anything wrong with it really. Who doesn't want more money? But why do you all always compare with those who earn more? Don't you realize how privileged we are? The luxuries we enjoy? It's not like we'll ever struggle to make ends meet!

Reminisce

Lee Xing Cai, you are a good man.

I recall a certain trio.

Lord you make the way because I can't see one.

Dear God,

I am in a sticky situation. Please help me. May Your will be done in my life.

I may be a sinner and sinful, but my IDENTITY is not "sinner". My identity is a child, a beloved, of God.


My sin is grave. But my sin is not God. YOU ARE SOVEREIGN OVER ME.

So give me eyes that can see. Give me a heart that understands: that you Lord are God over my life. That your love is that which matters -- not the gravity of my sin. That I can indeed be healed and purified, that I have indeed been healed and purified, that I will always be healed and purified, by your love.

Help me see that it is You who chases be so fervently. Help me let go. Help me let myself be found, be vulnerable, be loved.

For where my sin abounds, your love, mercy and grace abounds ALL THE MORE.

I am your child.

28 Jan 11, 15:59
Arch: lead your heart but make certain not to silence it.

to whom it may concern

Dear friend from my past,

I wonder if you'll read this. Perhaps I secretly want you to. I find that whenever I face the kind of problems I face now, my thoughts invariably wander to you. Of how you'd probably understand me, of how different you are. The image in my mind is almost perfect. But that is precisely what it is -- an image.

Memories tell lies, and when I probe further I recall that you too, were not an easy person. Yet. I haven't escaped from your prison in some ways. There are good memories, yes, but there is also a great deal of confusion and other feelings of indeterminate nature, of which I am fearful to discover. And again, I remind myself that what these feelings are directed toward is not so much your person as it is the memory and image of you. A ghost, if you may.

It is a frightful thought and possibility that all this while I might have subconsciously kept you as a potential plan B, despite the ridiculousness of that idea. I wonder if you've moved on but it appears as if some relics of me still remain with you. I am exceedingly curious as to what this means yet fearful of the implications. I also know that part of me uses the memory of you as an escape from my problems. I don't intend to run away from these, but the fact remains that your person has a certain meaning to me, and it sometimes causes me disruption.

This is a problem and it needs to be resolved. I am in a relationship and I must remain committed and faithful, no matter what problems I face. No matter how rocky the relationship is either, or how gloomy the outlook may be at times. It would be easier to forget you, but I don't like having skeletons in my closet to haunt me when I'm vulnerable. I don't know what will come out of this, but may God's will be done.

Yours sincerely,
A friend from your past

Homeward bound

Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him. -James 1:12

Father I have sinned against heaven and against you.

I want to come home.

 "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass me by. Nevertheless, let it be as you, not I, would have it."

I don't want to be a Sunday Catholic and a closet Christian.

on Lent

Lent is here. I don't feel ready. I've had a rough idea of what I wanted to do this Lent. Things like going for daily Mass, fasting from meals and computer games, praying the Rosary, exercising...

It sounds good. But I think I should throw all those plans out of the window. Partly because I don't want to attempt everything and end up accomplishing nothing. And partly because well, I've been asking myself, what's the focus of all this fasting?

I think too often we try to "give up" or "do" things for Lent. We think of what to fast from, and generally we succeed. But then what? Come Easter and we start feasting. We again turn to the things we fasted from and the old habits return. What have we accomplished? Knowledge that we can survive 40 days without ____? That we can be capable of doing ____? A good feeling?

I'm not saying fasting is bad. It's good, and for the most part we do sincerely want it to be good. But is our fasting merely a symbol and an act of self service to feel good that we're "turning away from sin and setting our sights back on God"? Do we set goals with a real intent of following through with them even after Lent ends? I'm starting to feel that these are but a halfhearted attempt in growing our spirituality. Yes, it does bring us closer to God, but has true repentance occurred in our hearts?

I feel quite prompted to say that the real questions we ought to ask ourselves at the start of Lent is: What kind of spiritual habits do I want to form that will bring me closer to God? What kind of habits will make me grow in holiness? What habits do I have that are hindering me in my journey of faith?

Note that the word in question here is 'habits'. We should be forming habits, and habits that will last. This is not an ad-hoc, once-a-year thing. The kind of things we do during Lent should be practices that stay with us for life. If we are to pray more, then we must pray more for the rest of our life. If we are to fast, then we must abstain from overindulgence for the rest of our life. If we want to be a better son/daughter, then we must become a better son/daughter for the rest of our life. And so on. No point being a saint only during Lent, and then a hardened sinner in all other seasons.

There are many things we can do and changes we can make that will aid us in our spiritual journey. Too many to do within one season. Choose the most important one or few, the ones that we can sustain. Cultivate them, practice them, let them become parts of our life. Come next Lent, when we've grown and matured in these areas, move on to the next important few. If we try to tackle everything all at once, we will surely fail. In the words of Thomas A Kempis from the Imitation of Christ:

"Little by little, in patience and long-suffering you will overcome them (temptation), by the help of God rather than by severity and your own rash ways."

It is true that we must learn delayed gratification, but more importantly must we approach delaying our gratifications with much patience. Bit by bit, one step by another, for there is no shortcut.

So here are my spiritual goals; hold me accountable to them:

1.) I want to be a good son to my parents.

2.) I want to be a more prayerful Christian.

These are the habits that I want to start cultivating this Lent, so as to help me achieve my goals:

1.) I will do housework i.e. mopping the floor, doing the dishes etc. 2 days a week.

2.) I will pray the rosary every day.

3.) I will go for daily mass 3 times a week.

Thinking about it, that sounds pretty daunting already. But with God, nothing is impossible.