pride and prejudice

In order to learn truth, I must un-learn untruths.

Help me be rid of my pride.

Unsure of what to expect;

Fearful of what I might discover.

Am I opening a can of worms?

Lord help me.

Dear God,

Please make a way, for I can't find any. Help.

Lord help me to feel as they feel.

That I would listen and speak with empathy.

That I would have heart for your people.

Help me not to judge, but to love.

For that is what you would have me do.

It's been 3 months. I have much to thank the Lord for.

I see now the cause for the disparity:

I admit that I might try to pressure a person to let me do something.

Forcing them to accept me, however, is an entire different ball game.

Not that it matters anymore though. Help me to forgive!

3 years down

I admit, now, that a significant reason for deciding to apply for med school was... watching Scrubs. Which, in comparison to say House or Grey's Anatomy, is admittedly un-medical. But what actually drew me was the sacrifice and commitment the characters put in, despite all their flaws and failings. It made me want to be like that too.

3 years down the road, I wonder if my aspirations are truly that noble. If I really am the good person I made myself out to be during the interviews. God, help me to keep the light always in my sight.

Benedictus

As for you, little child,
you shall be called a prophet of God,
the Most High.
You shall go ahead of the Lord
to prepare his ways before him,

To make known to his people their salvation
through forgiveness of all their sins,
the loving-kindness of the heart of our God
who visits us like the dawn from on high.

plans

Breaking fast to have lunch with mx and Jenny was the right thing to do.

And listening to worship on the bus home really ministered to me after the failures of yesterday.

Sometimes our very plans are the things that impede us from receiving the graces of the Spirit.

Thanks God. Truly I have failed a thousand times, and yet your mercy remains.

together

Would you lend me your eyes -- to see where sin lurks in my life?

Would you lend me your ears -- to hear when evil slips from my tongue?

Would you lend me your heart -- to tell me where I have failed to do good?

And would you lend me your hands -- to stop me when I am about to sin?

And would you lend me your feet -- to lead me away from evil?

And would you lend me your heart -- to direct me always to God?

For alone I am weak.

For alone I stray to sin.

For alone I turn away from God.

And I would do the same, for you.

For alone, we cannot turn from evil.

But together, we will remember God.

seriously too many girls in my life.

torn

I am torn.

Torn between what I want and what the Church needs.

Day by day my feelings become more and more apparent.

Or is what I desire not so much a meaningful relationship as it is for flesh?

But no matter how great these are, how can I not see the needs of the Church?

How can I not hear the her calls?

How can I turn my back on God?

Which bride is the rightful one?

Someone tell me.

Revelations

"To the angel of the church in Ephesus, write this: " 'The one who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks in the midst of the seven gold lampstands says this:

"I know your works, your labor, and your endurance, and that you cannot tolerate the wicked; you have tested those who call themselves apostles but are not, and discovered that they are impostors.

Moreover, you have endurance and have suffered for my name, and you have not grown weary.

Yet I hold this against you: you have lost the love you had at first.

Realize how far you have fallen. Repent, and do the works you did at first. Otherwise, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.

But you have this in your favor: you hate the works of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

" '"Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the victor I will give the right to eat from the tree of life that is in the garden of God."'

paraphrase

They say that the right thing to do is to follow your heart.

But the heart is fickle and easily led astray.

If you want to do the right thing, it is you who has to lead your heart.

My heart does not desire the right things.

1 year down the road and I'm contemplating the same thing about a different person.

Or might it be more apt to say:

1 year ago, I was contemplating the same thing about a different person?

Is there even a difference?

My heart has grown soft.

Or perhaps it never really was steely to begin with.

But I must stay faithful, no matter what.

trinket

Last Christmas, my aunt gave me a key-chain in the shape of my name. It is quite a nice little trinket, but not really something a self-respecting guy might carry around. I should suppose, in fact, that if guys were to see me carrying it around, they might so deign to deem me as being effeminate. Heck, even girls might feel that way.

But I know my aunt loves me. And she is one of the most generous and caring of persons I've met. So what matters more? Acknowledging my aunt's love (and I know she'd be really happy to see me carry the key-chain), or the opinions of a bunch of people who probably could matter less?

And in a similar vein, what of acknowledging our Christianity in a secular world?

insight?

I might have cared so much as to become confused.

But the solution doesn't lie in caring any less.

Rather, in caring more.

Caring in a holier, more God-centred way.

Lord, teach me how.