Beneath The
Sweet Coating
Monday, October 27, 2014
6:27 PM
He's gone forever. I didn't even see him from the point he was diagnosed with cancer. I...
Posted By Me*
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
5:17 PM
Hi. It's me. I decided to pen down my thoughts before I go crazy. I need to start studying and finish all my long over due assignments. But I can't concentrate. Too many things going through my bunny brain. Should I make a trip back? I'm worried about him yet I can't leave just yet. Argh it's killing me. Need lots of Kevin Kern tonight.
Posted By Me*
Sunday, October 16, 2011
1:27 AM
The 90/10 Principle
WHAT is the 90/10 Principle? It means that 10 percent of life is made up of
what happens to you; 90 percent of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10 percent of what happens to us.
For instance, we cannot stop the car from breaking down, the plane from
arriving late, which throws our whole schedule off. We have no control
over this 10 percent. The other 90 percent is different. You can control
the 90 percent.
How? By your reaction.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup
of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what has just
happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down
in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for
placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows. you storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish
breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.Your spouse must
leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to
school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed
limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 (traffic fine) away, you
arrive at school.
Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your
briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get
worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you
find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why?
Because of your reaction that morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in
those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have been done and should have happened. Coffee splashes
over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's OK honey,
you just need to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush
upstairs. After pulling out a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back
down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the
bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you go to work.
You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios.
Both started the same.
Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
Apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life - at least the way you
react to situations.
Posted By Me*
Saturday, September 17, 2011
11:28 PM
A Lost Relationship - Learning How to Walk Away
There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other. This scenario happens almost every moment of every day, but when it happens to you, your whole world can focus on this. Many people that do not want the relationship to end will go into a panic to keep the relationship alive. Most of these attempts are in vain. When a relationship ends, it can be a heartbreaking, emotionally crippling time, and there are strategies you can implement to learn to let it go.
It is important to understand that as much as you may wish, you simply cannot control another person's thoughts or feelings. Even if you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or you do not see any logic in their choice, they possess the freewill to do with their life as they wish. It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person. When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.
There is no debate regarding the poignant pain that is involved in a breakup or divorce. There is not a magic way to completely stop the misery you will feel from the loss of this person. However, there is a way to control these feelings. No amount of pleading, begging or bribery can change how a person feels about you. Once you accept this fact, you can then move on to take actions to behave dignified and accept the end of the relationship with your esteem intact.
If the following sounds familiar, you have not learned the art of letting go. When faced with the end of a relationship, have you called that person endlessly will pleas to be reunited? Have you contacted the other person and promised to change your behavior to better accommodate their needs? Have you attempted repeatedly to question them as to why they are choosing to leave you? All of these are clear-cut signs that you have a difficult time letting a dead relationship go. All of these signs only make the situation worse for you.
When pleading with another person to "begin loving you again", you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot talk someone into loving you. You may be a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate person, however if someone who was in your life does not feel they want continue the relationship, you cannot force them. You already must deal with the loss of the relationship. Love is a choice of freewill. To beg, plead or otherwise, will only lead to feeling defeated once again.
It is exceedingly difficult indeed, to control the desire to reach out to the person who left you. When you are so used to conversations with them or seeing this person everyday, it will throw your world upside-down when you must deal with a sudden end of communication and a physical connection. Realizing that calling the person, trying to "accidentally run into them" or other means of contact is futile, you must learn to distance yourself. This must be done in the name of self-respect.
If you can be emotionally strong enough to know that nothing you do can bring this person back to you, you can leave with dignity. If you harass this person, in an attempt to reunite, added suffering is imminent. It can be so frustrating to plead, beg and try to persuade someone and have him or her repeatedly reject you. The best road to take is one of complete and utter non-communication. Once knowing you do not possess the power to control their feelings and actions, control your behavior. You will have moments of weakness and there are steps you can take to overcome these.
Resist the urge to "show up accidentally" in places that you know you will run into them. You may think it is a great idea to spend hours making yourself look fantastic and then going to a restaurant, bar or otherwise that the person frequents. Your plan will be to show them how wonderful you look and they will regret their mistake of leaving you. Your plan will actually make the other person fully aware of your plan, and they will think your plan is pitiable. Whatever reason they had for leaving the relationship, whether unfounded or not, will remain intact. Flaunting yourself in front of them is akin to screaming out, "Look at me! Why do you not want me?". Do you really want to seem that deprived?
Do everything possible to stop yourself from calling them on the telephone. Delete their number from your cell phone. Another good option is to leave their number, but to change their contact name to something along the lines of, "No! He/she treated me horribly". This is a good strategy to prevent you from calling them, in the moments that you are feeling weak. You can also tape a note to your home phones. One suggestion is to write something such as, "Do not call him/her, they broke your heart and you will look like a fool if you keep calling!". These may sound rather silly now, but when in a state of a broken heart, it is common to act irrationally and these tips can stop your foolish behavior.
If you are used to instant messaging with this other person, and you wish to leave your messenger intact on your computer for messaging with others, there are several options. Firstly, you should opt to create a new user name and inform only your friends, family and others that you do wish to communicate with of your new name. If you choose to keep your user name, obviously, you should delete your ex's name off your list. If you are not emotionally strong enough to do so yet, you should at least opt to change their contact name, so that their name will show as "Ex- do not IM him/her!" or anything that will prompt you to not contact them.
You may feel a very strong urge to leave phone messages, or offline instant messages to the other person who left the relationship. You may feel you have an endless array of things to say to this person. Alternatively, you may feel you must get the last word in, but it never ends there. If you allow yourself to leave these messages, you will always find something new to add. The other person is most probably ignoring or deleting your messages, it will not bring them back to you, and all of your efforts will be in vain. Once you have implemented the means to prevent yourself from contacting them, do realize this: As absurd as it sounds at the moment, as much as your heart is aching, as much as you feel you were unfairly treated, as much as you feel you know you were the "best thing to ever happen" to them, time will change your feelings.
It is one of the most frequently used clichés when a relationship ends; however, time does heal all wounds. When using the term "heal" this does not mean that you forget this person forever. It does not mean that you will live the rest of your life without this person's name or image appearing in your mind. It does mean that given a certain amount of time, the image and memories of this person will fade.
If you follow these guidelines to end the relationship quickly and not drag the breakup into a long process, there will be a day, not too far in the future, that you realize this person was not the right one for you. You desire a good person, someone who cares for you unconditionally, someone to support your decisions, and someone to walk through life with. If this person leaves you, heartbroken and alone, they are proving they possess none of the qualities that you were looking for in a mate. You may feel misled, lied to, or tricked. The reality remains that they ultimately did not measure up to having the qualities needed in a relationship with you.
At one time or another we have all wished we had the power to make someone loves us. We have prayed for their return. We have deprived ourselves from sleep while pondering what we could have done to stop them from leaving. We have spent endless hours wondering how they could leave us. In the end, all of that time spent is needlessly, we will never obtain the answers. Only one fact remains: Everyone has freewill to do as they wish. When a person leaves you, learn to let it go.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/265834
Posted By Me*
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
10:30 PM
Lots of uncertainties in my life now. Is research really my cup of tea? Am I really the "publish or perish" type of girl? So, I have graduated and although I didn't get the class of honours I want, I can still say I grew up a lot in the university. That can never be graded.
Well, anyway having not blogged since FYP ended, I would bring up a topic from my FYP chapter． How should one proceed from like a setback or a relationship that didn't work out? Live on... that was my answer. Life has to go on, it doesn't stop. So what if you like that particular someone that much? If he is a working colleague, you have to face reality as it hits you harder since there is now awkwardness. If there is no love, even if he was really nice to you it boils down to 为什么你可以抛弃一个为你付出那么多的男人？ 除非你根本就不爱他。。。 I guess that is the harsh reality. You may think it is but when you look clearly at it, it is not? People in love are often myopic? It takes your friends and your friends' friends and so on to realise that fact.
Anyway, now I have to face awkwardness for what I have done. Oh man, why can't Asians be as cool as Europeans. I like the we-are-still-friends theory! Why can't it be like Ted and Robin... Why? I was like comtemplating on whether I should reject my job offer and get another job. But, that would mean I'm childish so I guess I need to face it. My mentor is going away for 5 months, I am so going to miss her!
Posted By Me*
Monday, November 15, 2010
10:13 PM
A Dad Joins Facebook.
His Kid writes "WTF! Dad Joined FB!"
Dad asks kid what is "WTF"?
Kid replies: Welcome to Facebook!
Posted By Me*
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
10:10 AM
Happy happy happy! :)
Posted By Me*
Saturday, October 2, 2010
10:19 AM
I went swimming on campus. It seems that I still prefer my own private pool. I was disgusted by someone who pee-ed in the pool. To make matters worse, I was in the pool at that very point.
Well I was wondering if the first love is most unforgettable. Being in and out of relationships for n = infinity times, I am still greeted by flashbacks; fragments of my first love now and then. Arguably, it may be that it's the first experience with the opposite gender. Sadly, it is quite uncommon that one would end up spending the rest of their lives with their first love.
What's a perfect love story? 问时间情为何物
Posted By Me*
Monday, August 30, 2010
12:00 AM
I can smell September! New medical school is coming up in NTU and I'm upset! Why can't it be 4 years ago?
=(
I'm going to settle for molecular medicine then. That should keep me going.
Let's hope FYP progresses smoothly for this last 2 months!
Posted By Me*
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
11:09 PM
Lab has got its peak and slow periods. I have made quite a number of friends from the next research group who have been motivating me to persevere. My mentor is back! I'm glad and I realised that she can be a great friend as well. I learnt a lot from her and I like her strict yet motherly reminders.
I realised that a couple of my SBS mates have got together romantically through lab. My mentor and a nice guy from our lab got together and I guess its through work too. Hence, lab may be a good place to hunt for your someone special afterall.
Time to write and comment about my results. I want to get out of YOG airport!
Posted By Me*
Friday, June 25, 2010
1:02 AM
The new set of cells that Dr. A passed to me were not growing fast enough and my experiments have to start next week. I have like 1 flask of cells when I need like 6 flasks of cells and a flask takes about a week to grow. The cells may have aged and lost their vitality or ability to produce enough growth factors. It's almost 2 weeks now and they are still not ready for sub-culturing. It's madness.
I just hope people will stop asking me about the trip to the theme park. I'm not in the mood to think about that. When I mentioned that I'm stressed. I am. I think I will give away those passes and stop worrying.
In this harsh world, friendship is not that important. Friendship is no longer simple, it has become a transaction - you use it to expect something in return. Someone who is rich can have a bunch of women, he who is rich can have many friends but how many true friends will he have?
How many of your friends are willing to stand by you at the darkest moment in life, celebrate the good times with you, chill out with you because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, call you out of the blue to see if you are doing fine without expecting something in return.
I realised that friends I had while I was in the kindergarten years are really sincere. However, as I progressed on, friendship became more transactional.
Posted By Me*
