DEAR ALL
I HAVE MOVED TO
HTTP://SERENISZY.BLOGSPOT.COM

PLS RE-LINK ME THERE!

MY DARLING'S REQUEST. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE!

TA-TA!

I dont like staying at home these days. I just want my room, my privacy, a world of my own.

Am I being too selfish? I have to question myself for I do not want to provoke feelings of others.

Surely, I love my family very much. My mother is everything to me. My dad will do anything for me. My brothers... their presence drove loneliness away (even though I dont talk to Daniel) and my hamsters are my happiness.

But just why do I feel so bothered? Why did I feel like running away from a nice comfortable shelter? Oh god I wish I know. I dont want to be like Fyzl, running away from practically everything in trying to find his own space. Having my own space is nice, but come to think of it, I may get lonely in future.

Dear family, I love you all very much. No matter where I go my heart is with you.

Forgive me for my silence. Forgive me for wanting my own dead world.

In truth, how many actually realise what a turmoil it is inside my heart? Has anyone ever asked why I'm silent? Has anyone ever questioned my sanity, or whether my dark days are truly gone?

I'm one in many crusts, I am complicated yet simple. I wish they could see the boiling lava underneath the dormant dome.

Beauty and the Beast - Nightwish

Remember the first dance we shared?
Recall the night you melted my ugliness away?
The night you left with a kiss so kind
Only a scent of beauty left behind

Ah dear friend I remember the night
The moon and the dreams we shared
Your trembling paw in my hand
Dreaming of that northern land
Touching me with a kiss of a beast

I know my dreams are made of you
Of you and only for you
Your ocean pulls me under
Your voice tears me asunder
Love me before the last petal falls

As a world without a glance
Of the ocean's fair expanse
Such the world would be
If no love did flow in thee
But as my heart is occupied
Your love for me now has to die
Forgive me I need more than you can offer me

Didn't you read the tale
Where happily ever after was to kiss a frog?
Don't you know this tale
In which all I ever wanted
I'll never have
For who could ever learn to love a beast?

However cold the wind and rain
I'll be there to ease up your pain
However cruel the mirrors of sin
Remember beauty is found within

...Forever shall the wolf in me desire the sheep in you...
Download here, right-click and SAVE TARGET AS

Random pics. Haaaaa

He's the one in the middle, so damn bloody CUTE right...



Black Elizabeth




Heee thats me and him... Love him to bits




=)

Last night was nice... Pleasantly sweet.... Had dinner with my sweetheart and then we loitered around my area. We met Shahrien a.k.a. Kurt, then he went home.

I'm getting a bit more generalised on my accounts of my dates with my baby Iszy, I just cant express the happiness and love that I feel inside. Yesterday I gave him a real proper kiss, I havent kissed like that for soooo long... I wanted to be the one to suck on his tongue, but it was vice versa. Hhahaha nevermind. So revenge-time, I gave him a lovebite instead. *Naughty wink*

Just when I thought things were gonna be smooth and steady for us, some forked-tongued lizard came to tell him that I was once with Scifer. Oh shoot. It's OVER lah for goodness sake. I broke off with Ardy because I knew right from the beginning it's gonna be Iszy for me till the end. I LOVE Iszy very very much, I dont like him to be hurt and angry for small petty things like this. Baby if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I care about you.

If ever I knew who that person was, trying to inject poisoned thoughts into Iszy's mind, I'll NEVER forgive him/her. Traitor. Backstabber. Green-eyed goblin. I want to be happy with my beloved hubby, YOU PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT US.

Yesterday, oh what a day it was. Spent my afternoon with my sweetheart. Had to prepare for my exams, really getting me clammy.

Sigh, moments to relish. I know Iszy really loves me, by the way he covered my head from the rain, by the way he kissed my forehead and neck.. Omygod, I dont know how else I can express all my feelings for him. I keep silent a lot, I dont know how else to describe my emotions...
If it is ever possible, I dont want to let go of his hand. I just want to be with him for as long as I breathe. When did I ever feel like this towards anyone before? I miss him so much.

And when have I ever ranted on and on about how much I love a person? I've become a slightly changed person, haven't I? Dear God, strange obsession... I cant stop thinking of him!!

"Ima sugu ai tai yo" - I want to see you right now

Was it coincidental, that we met yesterday at the same train door?

I smile as I type this, I only have my darling Iszy on my mind.

Strange, isnt it? I forced myself that my subconscious was a lie, I wont ever be his girlfriend, I wont ever fall for him.

But this is my destiny, I wish for nothing more than to be with him thru eternity.

Seems like it was only yesterday we were still very rough with each other. I still reminisce times when we had been extremely impolite, how I loved him like a brother I never had. How I could always find comfort in talking to him, how he'd always be there when I felt down.

And all those whiles, I never expected him to harbour feelings for me.

The sweetest thing he said to me was on 12th November 2008, 9.56pm: "if i cant hav u thn its alright".

I couldnt sleep for nights. I was wondering if he was just pulling my leg, making fun of me as usual... But no, he's real... Is he not? How else could I find that person who'd understand me so well... Who'd make me happy at any time of my life without even trying...

I am still trying to recover from the shock that I've fallen hard for Iszy, after all, all those times I've told myself I never wanted another relationship. Relationships hurt, I dont wanna be torn apart ever again!!! I trust Iszy with all I ever have, I'm not afraid when I'm with him. Somehow I feel very safe, a strange connection I've never felt with my other ex-boyfriends.... What is this feeling?

Last Friday was Mama's birthday, Zy and I took my ma out to her favourite kopitiam in Redhill (like as though anywhere around here doesnt have Mee Bakso). I WAS EXTREMELY SLEEPY in the bus, okay! I had to keep myself awake because Iszy didnt wanna sleep too. Darish was complaining of boredom. LOL

After that I went off with Iszy.. heeee finally we took a pic together, what the fuck, after 2 weeks? Whoa!! But better than nothing, right? I love my Iszy very very much. Last night he told me I'm his girl, I couldnt felt any more proud than I did yesterday. I'm going to be his future wife, oh god, the seriousness of it is grave. I'm gonna start saving up. I wont let my moment go. Not ever.

But sometimes.... I wish I'm a bit taller than I am now, so when I stand beside Iszy I can reach to kiss his lips.

I just feel so damn moody today. Sleepy, hungry, worried for Iszy.. I just wish I'm like Neo-Queen Serenity.. I admire her courage and bravery..

OH FUCK IT ALL, MY LIFE ISNT A FUCKING FARYTALE AND IT WILL NEVER BE!!!

FUCK CENTURIES. GODDAMN FUCK EVERY PAIN I HAD HAD TO FEEL.

I appreciate Iszy not telling my real name to his friend, but me going to church?!!!

I could've been of Dalai Llama descendant and went to temples instead!! That would be sooo something! LOL

Anyhow, knowing what kind of relationships his friends have, it kinda scares me a bit. If ever Iszy gets violent and abusive towards me, I cant ever look back. I do not like domestic violence, and I want my kids to see I have a happy relationship with my husband.

There are a lot of things that come and go in my mind, but I dont know how to actually fish them out before they swim away and never come back. Sigh.

Mother's birthday is coming. I dont know what to do. I DONT know what to fucking do. HELP!

It's not a very pleasant weather
the skies were yellow and grey
Cold winds and fierce thunder
My heart was filled with dismay

Looking up the lightning struck
I hope it had aimed for my heart
I hate my life, it's total FUCK
I wanted to die from the start

But something woke me up
Told me to live on strong
I told that thing to shut up
Fuck you, you're wrong

With this I took a knife
To slash my tender wrists
Goddamn I'm still alive,
Fuck it, I'm still writing this?!!


LOL FUCK random poem sia. WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

What does it feel... to be in love once again after so long? A certain kind of trust.... Indescribable.. I love Iszy too much I guess, is holding on too tightly a good thing?

I cant find the answers to these questions of the heart.... I wonder why Iszy has turned off his phone... I cant reach him at all, not at his office, not at his phone... He's not on MSN either... Oh dear, I'm starting to get worried once again.... Just last night we had this talk, what if one day I truly cant reach him at all? What will I do? Will I stay, or will I move on? Will I weep, or will I be strong?

I really wonder why I'm being asked these questions.... I cant focus on anything much now... All I can do now is wait... Wait for his call to me... I hope he calls again, I'm starting to get really worked up!!!

And I hope I dont forget to point this out to him, I would actually like to see him more than just once each week... I hope to see him at any other possible time that I can... Wouldnt that be nice? I dont want the physical distance to separate us...

I love you, Iszy. Very very much.

Yesterday was my off day. Thank goodness Cally was able to cover my shift.


Early morning, I woke up abt at least 3 times... First time I woke up was abt 7am, I texted my darling and went back to sleep. 9am I woke up again, read his reply, and dozed off. 11am... Erk!! I 'm supposed to be out already???


Actually we had made plannings the day before, but even after 16 hours, no idea where to go or what to do.


2pm I set off for Tampines, of all places. I didnt want him to be the one who would always have to come to my area. Ok lunch. What irritated but surprised me was that he saw how I eat. I never even realised what I was doing the whole time. That is, to eat then store the food in the cheeks of my mouth, and then putting more food in while I swallow slowly. And also, even after the entire meal, I'm actually still chewing the food I kept in my cheeks earlier. PAISEH LEH!!! I never really know I was doing that FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!


Then we made our way to Cineleisure... all the while debating what movie to watch... Arghhhh... check the tix out:




Saw V. Waaahhhhh the first part of the movie already took my lungs out of my mouth. Had to hold on to Iszy otherwise I ended up shouting in terror. Which I still did, hahahah. We got the couple seat (wah so happy), so halfway I actually dozed off for a little while.. I say, this was the 2nd gore/horror movie I've watched with Zizy. I'm waiting for Twilight!!! I love vampire movies. I think.... R21 movies are still not meant for me. Honestly, I think the cuter version of all Saw movies would be Happy Tree Friends!


So following which we played pool. I'm not to be fooled, I could see that Iszy was trying to hide a lot of his pool skills from me. Come on lah, pro means pro, okay? I know I'm quite lousy. LOL I lost almost all rounds to him. And I admit to be rather sensitive and emotional whenever I play pool.


Dinner then go home. I burnt my tongue slightly while trying to gobble my noodle when it was still hot.


Sigh, what can I say? I've fallen hard for him. When he kissed me I didnt hear or see anything else around me. Oh man, I'm such a sucker.

*drops to the floor dramatically*

This is another time I am blogging... I have to erase all my previous memories, I dont wanna look back anymore.

For I am now a woman of 21 years of age, I am strong, I have yet to venture out my days of adulthood, filled with happiness, maturity and wisdom.

I am starting this back all because I have fallen in love with someone I never expected to fall for, and he has changed my life in many many ways. His name is Iszy.

For the past few days, I've been giggling like a schoolgirl, I just cannot forget the biggest change of my history. I cant stop thinking of him, my work went haywire, I cant focus on anything else at all. My heart feels so light, I wish to spend every waking moment with him. Every dream I have is of him, every smile I smile is also because of him.

Just last night, it was a dream of gigantic koi fishes and deep ponds.

I am rather surprised at myself. This is the first time I sincerely love someone, not for his wealth, not for his looks, I dont even care abt who he had been in the past. Previously I was weak, I depended on looks, I depended on financial status (but sadly my exs had no money all the time), I thought those could secure my future. I was so wrong. Those guys were immatured. My darling Zizy is far more different than any other men of our time that I have seen.

Well difference is that while other guys are still wanting to FUCK around, they dont realise how much time they have wasted. And how much lives they have destroyed. As well as not planning for times to come when they're older. And Iszy's not like that. His maturity really really stole my heart. I've been wanting someone who knows what I need, not what I want. I dont know how I dont know why... the transition since his confession seemed kinda beautiful to me... I really like what we have now...

And there were so many things that I didnt know abt him too. Never mind, as long as he loves me, I'm more than happy. I NEVER EXPECTED him to be sooooo romantic, his poems were captivating!! I mean, look at us BEFORE. He was so rude to me, calling me names, making me upset.... Yet I still stayed on, why though? Was it because of the premonition in me, that told me someday I WILL end up with him? Or was it in my subconscious that I already loved him? Kissing his cheek the other time seems abnormally normal. I was, once again, surprised by myself.

But thinking back, do all of these questions matter anymore? My only desire is that he will love me to the very end, as how I love him from now till forever. I just dont want to let him go, or have him to leave me.

And I agree with Mama, he IS, by far, the BEST.