With so many different available social media platforms, I slowly lost the urge to keep this blog alive. After a long hiatus, I feel like blogging again. Perhaps this is one of the not so good day to begin with for the week. But, I'll just embrace whatever that comes.
There are times I look back and really wondered how I overcomed the past year. So many things had happened - family, friends, work.. I had my downs last year and hope this year would be a better year but unfortunately, I did not have a good start of 2012. I had a different new year this year, my brother is still away. I am not sure how long this whole episode will last, I hope things will end soon.. as I am really tired.. tired of being the clown, peacemaker and entertainer of my parents.. even when I am feeling down myself. I just had to put up that false front to deceive them.
Yet, I've made it through but I think it's beginning to take a toil on me. I think I can no longer control my emotions as well as before. In 2012, my eldest brother, Sunny came back after 12 years. I really don't know if this is something to be happy about or worried about. Im happy that my dad now smiles more than before, but I am worried that his return might spell something bad for me. Perhaps I am paranoid, but once bitten, twice shy. The scene of him telling me "I don't know who you are" still remains very fresh in my mind. I think no one can imagine that his/her brother would say this to him/her, right in the face. It hurts, I try to forgive but, I cannot forget still. I just pray that nothing comes with his return and I am happy.
But, I am still afraid, that what happened last year will happen again. I just don't want to cry to sleep again, where crying was the avenue to release the stress.
Just feeling a little under the weather today and thus, I have a very negative post. Anyway, it's time for bed.
