Can I Let Myself Crumble?

For the past week or so, I've been feeling quite lost with my life, I just dunno what I want anymore. I just really don't, i have no sense of direction, i used to be so sure that i enjoy doing accounts, i'm gonna be a successful accountant someday but that's no longer the fact. I have no sense of accomplishment at work, i don't feel happy at all. Its like i'm just passing my days as it goes, i feel like my life is just slipping pass me with no purpose. My time with alex makes me forget that i have to deal with all these, when i was in Penang with alex i'm truly happy because i just dont need to think about work and studies and enjoy the weekend with him, i wanna stay in that moment, but unfortunately i cant. I feel so tired of holding myself together, i wanna just crumble, and let everything out. I feel like no one understands me, i feel like alex doesnt understand where i'm coming from, he wants the best for me, i know he is right in so many ways but i feel like thats not what i want. For many years i strongly believe that we should never let our parents decide what we should do for our future, what we should study or what we shouldn't, it's gonna be my life and not theirs. I wanna do something that i'm happy with and not something that i'm gonna look back 20 years from now and regret my decision. i really know that this job i have is not something that i'm gonna do for a living, i hate doing what i do everyday. I wanna do something that i'm passionate about, i wanna do something that i enjoy doing and look forward to doing everyday. Alex asked me what would that be? i couldnt answer that cause i really have no idea. I need some directions, or perhaps i should say i need someone to tell me something that i wanna hear.. I have all these thoughts going through my head that i wanna let it all out, but i dunno how, i want someone to talk to, but i dunno who..