honestly, i'm so tired of all this sudden "bad news", you can call it bad news i guess. sigh.
so much been happening these few days, i was kinda looking forward to this weekend like you know, got something interesting to do, but no~ it cancelled on me and now i'm so have nothing to do for the weekend. and i'm suppose to have class, but i just feel so mood-less to give a fucking damn about it. some friends asked me to go out as well on saturday, i just no longer feel like it. i just wanna stay home this weekend or maybe forever.
i feel like blasting everything out at someone? some thing? but i guess i'm doing it here. so here goes..
i have no idea why someone would wanna change course after 1 whole freaking year of studying the current course they taking, if the course is like 3 years then you change i still can understand but NO~~ the course is only one year plus, so means theres only a few more months to go till you actually sit for the external UK exam and get your diploma. if you pass your accounting and 2 other subject, then you will get a diploma in accounting but if you dont actually pass your accounting since okay fine, we know you're not good at it, you can still take another subject pass it and get a diploma in business studies. i was like.. what the fuck are you thinking in your messed up twisted mind, manipulated by your parents. the external paper is in june, and your intake for your new college is in may. just one month difference wei, yeah! you heard me right, just one fucking month! did i mention that this friend of mine paid about RM700 for the external exam? and you know what he said when i asked him about it, he just say 'i guess it's my loss then' i was like.. are you fucking kidding me? like seriously are you fucking me?! it's my loss then? thats the best you can come up with? and now, you wanna take the internal finals but you dont wanna come for class until then. he stopped coming to class already since he decided to 'change course'. do you think the finals is like a piece of cake? you barely made it thought mid terms and such, and now you dont wanna come to class. i tried to talk to you, you dont wanna listen, fine! dont coming to me saying i'm scared of the exam and all.
i feel really mood-less now.. and i feel like really just hiding at home. i think i would start to cut down on my "extracurricular activity" and focus on my studies. and i think it's a pattern for me, to just stay home and not go out. it's a phase that keeps repeating and repeating itself. so dear friends, understand if i reject going out. thats all i can say for now.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
WHAT THE FUCK?!
like fucking seriously?! okay fine, you wanna borrow my notes? okay fine, take it. but you take my whole fucking stack of notes which i filed up and you photostat it!? like from the cover page that I MADE! till the last fucking irrelevant page? are you kidding me? now the whole class knows i file my stuff, and they wanna borrow it. and you know what they do with it? THEY PHOTOSTAT IT AGAIN!! okay, we kinda have different books, so i file my notes and exercises up according to the book, you took 2 of it the last time. AND NOW, YOU WANT ANOTHER FUCKING 3 OF THEM?! are you fucking me? like seriously bitch.. you just text me and expect me to hand them over just like that?! dream on~! it's not that i'm selfish and dont wanna help you. work for it! dont expect me to just spoon feed you again! you start skipping class, you like you come, you dont like you dont come and end of the day you fucking photostat my notes? NO WAY BITCH! at least you copy it i wont be so pissed! you ask me how to do it or something.. i'll be more than glad to teach you.. once is fine, but now the second time?! whatever you're asking for is like HALF A YEAR's WORK!? MY HARDWORK BITCH!
i'm taking LCCI and for the exams they give prizes to those that do really well. like for each subject there are prizes for the country and the world. and one of my seniors took WORLD GOLD for 2 subject and WORLD SILVER for one.. she literally dominated 3 prizes out of 10, i guess. Around the whole world, theres like 500,000 candidates taking the exam. so it became a hit topic around college. and today~ you know what the fuck happened? my principal and teacher came to my class, and the teacher was pointing me out to the principal. i'm sure they're talking about "potential students". you much be thinking, don't be so er.. perasan? casey, it might not be you, it might be the person behind you. oh believe me, i thought about that too.. i looked back.. but no~ that teacher opened the door, fucking shout my name out loud and ask me to raise my hand.. so do you think it's just me? oh, you think they would be talking about something else huh? i thought so too until they opened the door and i could hear what they talking about.. (the teachers office if right outside my room). do you know how pressuring it is when people expect you to the best of the best and have this aim for you while you dont even think you can do it. okay maybe a little.. not world maybe country.. but still! i sat there thinking what should i do to make it happen. like what? er, stop st. john and focus on my studies? stop going out so much? like study! study! study! i'm still considering it.. honestly.. if i want to be THE BEST of the best, i really need to set my priorities straight. i'm not talking about getting straight A's in spm, pmr.. it's not like that.. it's like aiming to get THE TOP FUCKING STUDENT IN MALAYSIA! but in this case, the aim is to be ONE OF THE TOP STUDENTS IN THE WORLD! it's like competiting against Hong Kong, UK er.. Singapore i guess.. cant think of much.. if you wanna know, google LCCI. honestly, do you think it's easy? you need to have a perfect score, i mean 100 out of 100 to be WORLD GOLD, and around 99 to be WORLD SILVER. oh, and that was my story of 'expectation part 1' and now here is 'expectation part 2'. i was having extra class today, and we were in 2 classes conducted together. and my principal was still talking about this topic, he said he have expectations for 2 students, one is the other room one is my room, both guys. and do you know how many guys were there in my room? er.. i would say, less than 10, and honestly, i have a feeling it's me.
i know what i've blog in this post like really outrageous, like stop being a self centered bitch casey.. i don't really care what you think, okay? i'm fucking pissed now, it's my blog, i can fucking write whatever i want on it. read it if you want to, dont read it if you dont want to. read my typing.. I-DONT-FUCKING-CARE!
i'm taking LCCI and for the exams they give prizes to those that do really well. like for each subject there are prizes for the country and the world. and one of my seniors took WORLD GOLD for 2 subject and WORLD SILVER for one.. she literally dominated 3 prizes out of 10, i guess. Around the whole world, theres like 500,000 candidates taking the exam. so it became a hit topic around college. and today~ you know what the fuck happened? my principal and teacher came to my class, and the teacher was pointing me out to the principal. i'm sure they're talking about "potential students". you much be thinking, don't be so er.. perasan? casey, it might not be you, it might be the person behind you. oh believe me, i thought about that too.. i looked back.. but no~ that teacher opened the door, fucking shout my name out loud and ask me to raise my hand.. so do you think it's just me? oh, you think they would be talking about something else huh? i thought so too until they opened the door and i could hear what they talking about.. (the teachers office if right outside my room). do you know how pressuring it is when people expect you to the best of the best and have this aim for you while you dont even think you can do it. okay maybe a little.. not world maybe country.. but still! i sat there thinking what should i do to make it happen. like what? er, stop st. john and focus on my studies? stop going out so much? like study! study! study! i'm still considering it.. honestly.. if i want to be THE BEST of the best, i really need to set my priorities straight. i'm not talking about getting straight A's in spm, pmr.. it's not like that.. it's like aiming to get THE TOP FUCKING STUDENT IN MALAYSIA! but in this case, the aim is to be ONE OF THE TOP STUDENTS IN THE WORLD! it's like competiting against Hong Kong, UK er.. Singapore i guess.. cant think of much.. if you wanna know, google LCCI. honestly, do you think it's easy? you need to have a perfect score, i mean 100 out of 100 to be WORLD GOLD, and around 99 to be WORLD SILVER. oh, and that was my story of 'expectation part 1' and now here is 'expectation part 2'. i was having extra class today, and we were in 2 classes conducted together. and my principal was still talking about this topic, he said he have expectations for 2 students, one is the other room one is my room, both guys. and do you know how many guys were there in my room? er.. i would say, less than 10, and honestly, i have a feeling it's me.
i know what i've blog in this post like really outrageous, like stop being a self centered bitch casey.. i don't really care what you think, okay? i'm fucking pissed now, it's my blog, i can fucking write whatever i want on it. read it if you want to, dont read it if you dont want to. read my typing.. I-DONT-FUCKING-CARE!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day / Single Awareness Day
the 14th day of the 2nd month of the year or 45th day of the year. well, certain people would be really happy, and certain people would be really sad, depends how you see it. i'm categorized into the sad crowd, i wouldn't say i was sad today cause i was totally fine the whole day until now.. it's like the whole forest is there, all kinds of trees, you have tall ones, short ones, thick ones, thin ones but just unreachable. i wonder when will i find the right tree move out of the forest and live happily ever after. it's so easy to just type it out, but it's not something that would just happen like that. to reach that 'stage' theres so many other stages that i need to go through before reaching the final stage. life is like playing Mario, you need to jump on monsters, jump over empty gaps and obstacles to finally reach an ending leading to the next stage. so now, valentine's day vs. single awareness day.. i go for single awareness day but hoping the day will come when i will 'celebrate' the other. sigh, okay so actually i have a valentine, but my valentine totally ditched me to go for single awareness day. totally broke my heart. i would say i had fun talking to valentine but i kinda hope valentine would return my 'wishes' more.. aiks, i hope valentine doesn't see this.. let it be my dirty little secret..
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Am I A Good Friend?
There's been a lot going on around me recently, and it got me thinking.. am i a good friend?
I've been born into this world around 18 ish 19 years ago, i wouldn't say i was someone else's friend for that long, because truly i'm not. i don't remember a single thing when i was a baby or kindergarten or so, but i would start counting maybe from primary school, that gives me around 13 years of being someone else's friend. all these years, i dont think i've ever ask myself am i a good friend? well, honestly.. i dunno how to answer that. theres obviously things that i've done wrong as someone else's friend, but there are things that i've done right also, at least i think so. no one is perfect, i'm not, you're not, he's not, she's not and the naming goes on and on. no one is. why have friends at all? friends will forgive and forget each others lacking, that's why we have friends so when i'm not capable of doing something i have my friends to count on, have them to be there for me when i need them the most.
something kinda happened when i was blogging, so all my emo-ness turned into rage.. and i dunno how to continue blogging about this. *after 5 minutes* okay, rage period over.. back to being normal.
so as i was saying.. i really dunno if what i've been doing for the past week is right or wrong, but i'm glad that i was there to be a friend. you know, i care so much i just don't wanna see anyone get hurt. and sometimes i do say the darnest things when i'm in rage, but it's just a passing phase. as to the question.. i hope you'll tell me the answer to that question.
With Love,
Casey :)
I've been born into this world around 18 ish 19 years ago, i wouldn't say i was someone else's friend for that long, because truly i'm not. i don't remember a single thing when i was a baby or kindergarten or so, but i would start counting maybe from primary school, that gives me around 13 years of being someone else's friend. all these years, i dont think i've ever ask myself am i a good friend? well, honestly.. i dunno how to answer that. theres obviously things that i've done wrong as someone else's friend, but there are things that i've done right also, at least i think so. no one is perfect, i'm not, you're not, he's not, she's not and the naming goes on and on. no one is. why have friends at all? friends will forgive and forget each others lacking, that's why we have friends so when i'm not capable of doing something i have my friends to count on, have them to be there for me when i need them the most.
something kinda happened when i was blogging, so all my emo-ness turned into rage.. and i dunno how to continue blogging about this. *after 5 minutes* okay, rage period over.. back to being normal.
so as i was saying.. i really dunno if what i've been doing for the past week is right or wrong, but i'm glad that i was there to be a friend. you know, i care so much i just don't wanna see anyone get hurt. and sometimes i do say the darnest things when i'm in rage, but it's just a passing phase. as to the question.. i hope you'll tell me the answer to that question.
With Love,
Casey :)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Why Must I Be Such A Good Son?
Honestly, why the hell must i be such a considerate son for my parents?! like seriously, why cant i be one of those inconsiderate pampered spoiled brads that will bug my parents to buy me an expensive piece of technology or something, not caring if they have the money or not, just bug and bug and bug. but no~ even knowing that they would buy it for me if i were to ask, i just cant make myself do that to them. i did try to do it, but end up i'll feel guilty. they would be like, you really want it is it? really want it is it? i'll be like, no it's okay.. i just really hope my parents would know what the hell i'm thinking, it would totally save me so much dilemma. i hope they would read this, but that is like highly impossible. sigh, destined that my parents would never get what i'm thinking in my head. sometimes, even when i say no, it doesn't mean i don't want it!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Heartache
i don't like going through this all over again. i dunno what is wrong with me, i told myself i'm over him but every time his photo pop's up. i'll be questioning myself, what if i made a different choice 1 year back. what if i didn't say anything to him. what if this~ what if that~ this is so painful.. he's just so hard for me to resist. i feel like i'm gonna fall apart anytime.. :'(
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Fell From The Sky
i was blogging half way yesterday night, late night, but something came up.. so here i am continue to write my blog from yesterday night. actually, i just wrote like one line yesterday..
i was sitting in front my computer for awhile thinking about what tittle should i put for this post. i don't really know what i wanna blog about, and i just continue blogging, the tittle came to me naturally. it's chinese new year, and honestly, a lot have been going on these few days. and i've been out almost every night, which i don't mind la. and today like, i feel like i'm dying at home, i've been home the whole day rotting, like literally rotting.. it would have been fun to have your friends around to layan you, but well.. it didn't really happen i guess. casey kinda feels a bit mood-less now, he just don't really wanna talk, don't really wanna do anything, feel like escaping the world, feel like literally dying. theres so many things that i wanna talk about, but just didn't have the chance today, and now i just really don't feel like it. like all the joy and excitement got sucked out of me. this reminds me of monster inc. oh well, i guess thats it. i kinda feel like continue to stay home the next 2 days and just rot and escape the world. we'll see how it goes..
i was sitting in front my computer for awhile thinking about what tittle should i put for this post. i don't really know what i wanna blog about, and i just continue blogging, the tittle came to me naturally. it's chinese new year, and honestly, a lot have been going on these few days. and i've been out almost every night, which i don't mind la. and today like, i feel like i'm dying at home, i've been home the whole day rotting, like literally rotting.. it would have been fun to have your friends around to layan you, but well.. it didn't really happen i guess. casey kinda feels a bit mood-less now, he just don't really wanna talk, don't really wanna do anything, feel like escaping the world, feel like literally dying. theres so many things that i wanna talk about, but just didn't have the chance today, and now i just really don't feel like it. like all the joy and excitement got sucked out of me. this reminds me of monster inc. oh well, i guess thats it. i kinda feel like continue to stay home the next 2 days and just rot and escape the world. we'll see how it goes..
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)