Saturday, July 15, 2006
Saluting The Old Kaiser Of Anfield
Over the past month the entire world has turned its eyes towards Germany - a country that has thrown off its stereotypes and welcomed the world, albeit in the shape of 32 teams, and in return has found itself completely embraced.
With the exception of Bert Trautmann and Jurgen Klinsmann there have been few imports from that country to have been cherished in the British game. Ask many football fans and they won't even think of Dietmar Hamann if asked to name the most influential German player to ply his trade on these shores. Though that wouldn't be true of Liverpool fans. Or indeed those of Newcastle United. Nor his teammates at either club who all realise The Kaiser's true worth.
Gerard Houllier broke the club's transfer record to land the midfielder back in 1999. Hindsight is always 20/20 but even with its benefit seven years on you can see it was £8million well spent. Continue
TIA Guide to the Italian Scandal
How did this investigation begin?
Police, looking into an alleged betting ring wagering on matches in the 2004-05 season, heard a suspect boast that he had a close relationship with Luciano Moggi, the Juventus general manager at the time. This was not true, but police tapped Moggi’s phone and heard him trying to influence the appointment of referees. The transcripts were handed over to the Italian FA in September and were leaked in May after it became clear that there was little likelihood of further action.
Who is involved?
Yesterday’s verdict was on Juventus, AC Milan, Lazio and Fiorentina. Five other clubs — Siena, Reggina, Messina and Lecce in Serie A, plus Arezzo in Serie B — have also been indicted but, because they did not qualify for European competition, will be dealt with later.
Why give the verdict on the first four now?
To meet Uefa’s deadline of July 25 to name the Italian clubs that will play in Europe.
Will anyone be jailed?
Not in this trial. This is a sporting court, but it means the threshold of proof is lower than in a civil trial or criminal trial.
What were the clubs and individuals accused of?
Attempting to fix a match, fixing a match and failing to report match-fixing or similar “unsporting” behaviour.
Why are Juventus facing the most severe penalty?
Lazio, Fiorentina and Milan stand accused of far lesser crimes. Milan had a consultant who made idle boasts to linesmen. Fiorentina were victimised by match officials controlled by Moggi until the club agreed to stop campaigning against the Juventus general manager, at which point they got a few favourable decisions late in the season and avoided relegation. Lazio lobbied league officials, but there is no evidence that they spoke to anyone involved with referees.
Will this have any effect on English clubs?
The disappearance of Juventus and AC Milan from European competition not only next season but possibly for subsequent seasons will increase English clubs’ chances of winning the Champions League.
Will Chelsea now be seeded in the Champions League?
No. They are still highly unlikely to be among the eight top seeds for the Champions League group phase because they have only joined the elite of Europe recently.
They would need Liverpool, Arsenal, Inter Milan and Valencia all to lose their preliminary-round ties in order to be among the top eight seeds, a calculation based on their own results — and those of English clubs generally — in Europe over the past five years. Manchester United will be one of the top seeds in the group stage, as will Liverpool and Arsenal if they qualify.
Disturbing news this.
Apparently, our beloved old ground is sinking.
Two weeks ago, after noticing my maltesers kept rolling off my coffee table, I subscribed to 'Sudsidence Weekly', a popular magazine amomgst owners of horizontally challenged homes. The editor of said magazine, one 'C. U. Tipping', had recently interviewed Rick Parry, about a potentially disasterous problem at Anfield. The interview took place in the front of the Kop stand.
Tipping 'So, Mr Parry, you seem to have a subsidence problem. How did you first notice it?'
Parry 'The pitch is sinking towards the Main Stand - making a slope from right to left as we look at it. We first noticed we had a problem when Djimmi Traore kept mysteriosly falling over ....'
Tipping 'Is it also true that this is the reason your left sided players can't pass wind, never mind a football?'
Parry 'No, that is not true. Our left sided players can all pass wind.'
Tipping 'So what are you doing to rectify the problem?'
Parry 'Well, as the slope in the pitch is from right to left, we have decided to overload the team with left sided players. We now have Traore, Warnock, Riise, Aurelio, Zenden, Kewell and Gonzalez. We intend to play a sideways four-four-two system. We will play four players on the left flank, four in the middle, and just two on the right. That way, when the ball keeps rolling to the left of the pitch, we will have plenty of players to capitalise!'
Tipping 'Are you not trying to reinforce the bedrock, to prevent any more subsidence?
Parry 'Well, we have employed one of our chaps to crawl around the sewer under the Main Stand. Salif, I think his name was.'
Tipping 'Will he locate the problem?'
Parry 'Mr Benitez said 'He is the problem', whatever that means. He's been down there for over a month now ....'
Tipping 'So, just to clarify, your pitch is subsiding - and your solution has been to buy loads of left sided players to prevent the ball rolling out of play. And you've buried someone called 'Salif' alive.
Parry 'Yes, that just about sums it up.'
Tipping 'So what happens when you change ends at half time?'
Parry 'Bugger.'
As to my own subsidence problem, I simply put a couple of my comedy DVD's under the legs of the coffee table - Everton season reviews from the last two years. Which is ironic, because whilst they'll be going down next year, they will be keeping my table up.....
Two weeks ago, after noticing my maltesers kept rolling off my coffee table, I subscribed to 'Sudsidence Weekly', a popular magazine amomgst owners of horizontally challenged homes. The editor of said magazine, one 'C. U. Tipping', had recently interviewed Rick Parry, about a potentially disasterous problem at Anfield. The interview took place in the front of the Kop stand.
Tipping 'So, Mr Parry, you seem to have a subsidence problem. How did you first notice it?'
Parry 'The pitch is sinking towards the Main Stand - making a slope from right to left as we look at it. We first noticed we had a problem when Djimmi Traore kept mysteriosly falling over ....'
Tipping 'Is it also true that this is the reason your left sided players can't pass wind, never mind a football?'
Parry 'No, that is not true. Our left sided players can all pass wind.'
Tipping 'So what are you doing to rectify the problem?'
Parry 'Well, as the slope in the pitch is from right to left, we have decided to overload the team with left sided players. We now have Traore, Warnock, Riise, Aurelio, Zenden, Kewell and Gonzalez. We intend to play a sideways four-four-two system. We will play four players on the left flank, four in the middle, and just two on the right. That way, when the ball keeps rolling to the left of the pitch, we will have plenty of players to capitalise!'
Tipping 'Are you not trying to reinforce the bedrock, to prevent any more subsidence?
Parry 'Well, we have employed one of our chaps to crawl around the sewer under the Main Stand. Salif, I think his name was.'
Tipping 'Will he locate the problem?'
Parry 'Mr Benitez said 'He is the problem', whatever that means. He's been down there for over a month now ....'
Tipping 'So, just to clarify, your pitch is subsiding - and your solution has been to buy loads of left sided players to prevent the ball rolling out of play. And you've buried someone called 'Salif' alive.
Parry 'Yes, that just about sums it up.'
Tipping 'So what happens when you change ends at half time?'
Parry 'Bugger.'
As to my own subsidence problem, I simply put a couple of my comedy DVD's under the legs of the coffee table - Everton season reviews from the last two years. Which is ironic, because whilst they'll be going down next year, they will be keeping my table up.....
Top 10 Most Expensive Cars in the World
We are bringing you the list of 10 most expensive cars in the world. At the top of the list is of course the legendary Bugatti Veyron, most expensive, most powerful, and fastest production car in the world.
Bugatti Veyron $1,700,000
The Bugatti Veyron 16.4 is the most powerful, most expensive, and fastest street-legal production car in the world, with a proven top speed of over 400 km/h (407 km/h or 253 mph). It reached full production in September 2005. The car is built by Volkswagen AG subsidiary Bugatti Automobiles SAS and is sold under the legendary Bugatti marque. It is named after racing driver Pierre Veyron, who won the 24 hours of Le Mans in 1939 while racing for the original Bugatti firm. The Veyron features a W16 engine—16 cylinders in 4 banks of 4 cylinders.
Here are the rest
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
F365's WORLD CUP AWARDS!
Advertisers of the World Cup: Asda. Having originally signed up Wayne Rooney to be the face of their World Cup advertisement blitz, they then swapped to Michael Owen in late April after deciding that Rooney wouldn't recover from his broken foot in time - only for Rooney to return ahead of schedule and Owen to be crocked against Sweden following two miserable performances.
Defining Image of the World Cup: Zinedine Zidane's shockingly-violent head-butt (although, naturally, the technique was exemplary). After watching the forlorn France captain walk past the World Cup trophy, you just knew Italy would win on penalties. What a way to end a career.
Runner-Up: Cristiano Ronaldo's wink. Whatever its meaning, it perfectly captured the essence of a sneaky, cynical and mean-spirited tournament.
Finale of the World Cup: Italy's last-gasp victory over Germany. After 118 minutes of goalless action, the Azzuri produced two brilliantly-constructed goals in as many minutes to throw the hosts out of their own party.
Flop of the World Cup: Frank Lampard. 25 reasons why he should not be regarded as the second-best player in the world are now available.
Runner-Up: Ronaldinho. Did he produce anything worthy of note?
Inevitability of the World Cup: Germany winning a penalty shoot-out.
Man-Marker of the World Cup: Roberto Carlos. Last spotted on the edge of the 18-yard box along with half-a-dozen Brazilian colleagues while Thierry Henry rifled in France's winner from close range.
Off-Field Fall-From-Grace of the World Cup: John Motson. Record numbers tuned in their digital televisions to BBC Radio Five during England matches in a bid to silence his increasingly-inane and deluded commentary.
Runner-Up: Sven-Goran Eriksson. Once linked with Real Madrid, ManYoo and Chelski, it is a measure of how rapidly his stock has collapsed in the past years that Sven is now linked with Aston Villa, Jamaica and 'a Champions League team'.
Stupidest Player of the World Cup: Alexander Frei. Booked for a handball against France that denied Swiss team-mate Djourou a clear header in front of an open goal from approximately one yard in the 92nd minute. How different France's World Cup might have been but for Frei's ridiculous stupidity.
Runner-Up: Zinédine Zidane. And how different the World Cup final may have been if Zidane didn't sully his career with that headbutt.
Team of the World Cup: Buffon (Italy); Roberto Ayala (Argentina), Rafael Marquez (Mexico), Fabio Cannavaro (Italy), Philip Lahm (Germany); Esteban Cambiasso (Argentina), Patrick Vieira (France), Zinedine Zidane (France), Arjen Robben (Holland); Miroslav Klose (Germany), Fernando Torres (Spain).
Time-Keeping of the World Cup: "It was really difficult for us playing in that midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off" - David Beckham.
Unnecessary Job of the World Cup: The fifth official. Permanently on stand-by to lift the scoreboard in the unlikely event of the fourth official suffering muscle cramps in both his arms.
Villain of the World Cup: Winking winger Cristiano Ronaldo. His theatrics = whether the perennial diving, his preaching to the referee or that infamous wink itself - were the embodiment of all that was wrong and sly with a tournamental all-too regularly besmirched by ugliness.
And here are the rest: Part I :: Part II
Defining Image of the World Cup: Zinedine Zidane's shockingly-violent head-butt (although, naturally, the technique was exemplary). After watching the forlorn France captain walk past the World Cup trophy, you just knew Italy would win on penalties. What a way to end a career.
Runner-Up: Cristiano Ronaldo's wink. Whatever its meaning, it perfectly captured the essence of a sneaky, cynical and mean-spirited tournament.
Finale of the World Cup: Italy's last-gasp victory over Germany. After 118 minutes of goalless action, the Azzuri produced two brilliantly-constructed goals in as many minutes to throw the hosts out of their own party.
Flop of the World Cup: Frank Lampard. 25 reasons why he should not be regarded as the second-best player in the world are now available.
Runner-Up: Ronaldinho. Did he produce anything worthy of note?
Inevitability of the World Cup: Germany winning a penalty shoot-out.
Man-Marker of the World Cup: Roberto Carlos. Last spotted on the edge of the 18-yard box along with half-a-dozen Brazilian colleagues while Thierry Henry rifled in France's winner from close range.
Off-Field Fall-From-Grace of the World Cup: John Motson. Record numbers tuned in their digital televisions to BBC Radio Five during England matches in a bid to silence his increasingly-inane and deluded commentary.
Runner-Up: Sven-Goran Eriksson. Once linked with Real Madrid, ManYoo and Chelski, it is a measure of how rapidly his stock has collapsed in the past years that Sven is now linked with Aston Villa, Jamaica and 'a Champions League team'.
Stupidest Player of the World Cup: Alexander Frei. Booked for a handball against France that denied Swiss team-mate Djourou a clear header in front of an open goal from approximately one yard in the 92nd minute. How different France's World Cup might have been but for Frei's ridiculous stupidity.
Runner-Up: Zinédine Zidane. And how different the World Cup final may have been if Zidane didn't sully his career with that headbutt.
Team of the World Cup: Buffon (Italy); Roberto Ayala (Argentina), Rafael Marquez (Mexico), Fabio Cannavaro (Italy), Philip Lahm (Germany); Esteban Cambiasso (Argentina), Patrick Vieira (France), Zinedine Zidane (France), Arjen Robben (Holland); Miroslav Klose (Germany), Fernando Torres (Spain).
Time-Keeping of the World Cup: "It was really difficult for us playing in that midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off" - David Beckham.
Unnecessary Job of the World Cup: The fifth official. Permanently on stand-by to lift the scoreboard in the unlikely event of the fourth official suffering muscle cramps in both his arms.
Villain of the World Cup: Winking winger Cristiano Ronaldo. His theatrics = whether the perennial diving, his preaching to the referee or that infamous wink itself - were the embodiment of all that was wrong and sly with a tournamental all-too regularly besmirched by ugliness.
And here are the rest: Part I :: Part II
You may also wanna check out our list of Things that will inevitably happen at the World Cup - do let us know how many we got right!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Metarazzi tweaked his nipple!
What was he thinking?! I couldn't believe it and sat numb for a few minutes as the realization set in that what should've been a fitting end to a glorious career, turned into a horrible, horrible nightmare.
Football is a funny old game. Zidane's future was decided by two unrelated incidents separated by minutes. Had his first header found the back of the net, the French would've been celebrating yet another world cup and would owe it all to the greatest footballer of our generation, Zinedine Zidane. As it turns out, his header was saved, and his second header unfortunately was on Metarazzi's chest.
The most logical explanation seems to be that Materazzi was taking the piss out of Zidane for his header which Buffon saved minutes earlier, a bit of gentle teasing, which Zidane laughs off. Then as Zidane walks away, Materazzi adds snidely 'I'll give you a lesson in heading like my goal'. Zidane responds by demonstrating to Materazzi he can head just fine thanks.
Reports from France suggest the following is the exchange that took place between the two.
Zidane holding his shirt says to to Materazzi:
ZZ: "Ordinanza de tirare il costume!!" (stop pulling on my shirt!!)
MM": "Taciti, enculo, hai solamente cio che merite..." (shut up f*cker, you only get what you deserve)
ZZ: "si e cio..." (yes, sure...)
While Zidane starts to move away, Materazzi goes:
MM: "meritate tutti ciò, voi gli enculato di musulmani, sporchi terroristici" (all of you deserve that, f*cking Muslims, terrorist b*stards)
Personally, I still have respect and admiration for theman. He's a great player, with a great career and great achievements. Yet still he put his reputation aside to give effect to his spur of the moment flash of anger and give Materazzi what he (probably) deserved. Without fear of the global stage he was performing on he stood up for himself and put honour before reputation. Maybe he let his team down, but personally I doubt he'll have many regrets. He's proved that not only is he a great player, but also that nobody f*cks with him either
*Raises glass to Zizou*
Violence with class.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The World Cup Final 2006
England are no more in the Worldcup and since its betweeen the I-ties and the French tonight, its a bit of a tough choice for a nuetral like me. Ities are known for their playacting, although we all remember Thierry Henry going down clutching his face a few days ago, when there didn't appear to be any contact. France, because of Zizou alone, shades it for me. Undoubtedly the greatest footballer of our generation. Arguably the best footballer of all time if he leads France to his second world cup victory.
I was sent this really interesting photograph the other day... is this the reason behind his greatness? [zoomed]
Adieu Zizou: thanks for the memories
I was sent this really interesting photograph the other day... is this the reason behind his greatness? [zoomed]
Adieu Zizou: thanks for the memories
He will walk off the pitch tonight and out of football forever. And he will leave behind a million memories. Zinedine Zidane has been - is, until tonight - the best player in the world for a generation. The best European since Johan Cruyff retired. How shall we best remember him, this man who 'plays as if he has silk gloves on each foot' (Alfredo Di Stefano), who 'can do things with his feet that others cannot do with their hands' (Thierry Henry).
Yet a man who looks forever troubled, as if haunted by his own greatness, his rounded shoulders weighed down by expectations within and beyond football. Shall we remember him for his goals - the two in the World Cup final that brought millions to the streets of Paris in 1998; the sublime winning volley that won the European Cup for Real Madrid in 2002? Or shall we remember his words: 'The game, the event, is not necessarily experienced or remembered in real time. My memories are fragmented - whenever something amazing happened I would remember playing in another place, at another time. Someone passed the ball to me and, before even touching it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I was going to score.'
There will be drama in the World Cup final, France v Italy, tonight. And there will be romance if Zinedine Zidane can take himself to another time, another place, and score one last goal. Something else to remember him by. Adieu.
Yet a man who looks forever troubled, as if haunted by his own greatness, his rounded shoulders weighed down by expectations within and beyond football. Shall we remember him for his goals - the two in the World Cup final that brought millions to the streets of Paris in 1998; the sublime winning volley that won the European Cup for Real Madrid in 2002? Or shall we remember his words: 'The game, the event, is not necessarily experienced or remembered in real time. My memories are fragmented - whenever something amazing happened I would remember playing in another place, at another time. Someone passed the ball to me and, before even touching it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I was going to score.'
There will be drama in the World Cup final, France v Italy, tonight. And there will be romance if Zinedine Zidane can take himself to another time, another place, and score one last goal. Something else to remember him by. Adieu.
Top 10 hottest NBA Wives
Dina Dzankovic - wife of Mirsad Turkcan
Following on from my earlier post on Footballer's Wives & Girlfriends, here are, for our North American readers, The top 10 hottest NBA Wives
Joke of the Day
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left...... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!"
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left...... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!"
WTF - Nigga Know Technology!?
The Prime Minister of Cambodia, Hun Sen, decided that none of yal cambodians are gonna be allowed to cop them 3G (third generation, you clueless ass white motherfu*ker) Jacks after his wife yapped in her niggas ear cause the bitch received videos and still snaps of them hoes gettin smashed raw.
Now you know that Southeast Asia ain't got no motherfu*king issue with no porno. They got gameshows where a Tiger can fu*k a bitch on a parade float so her man could grip them cash prizes. They ain't strangers to none of that material. This whole sh*t is a classic case of just trying to shut your motherfu*king bitch up for a hot minute.
http://www.niggaknowtechnology.com/