Stay strong!!!

The bible says God will make a way where there seems to be no way.........

Is it true??? How come i dont seem to see any way made for me now?

Im so sick this week... Stomach is so bloated, diarrhea. took 2 days mc cos i really feel very unwell.

God, will u help me?! I really need God's grace and guidance! I miss going to church and i miss singing worship songs....

I miss new creation church....... I miss sunday mornings in church.

I guess im going to fall into a state of depression if this goes on. It's tiring mentally and physically.

But i guess all i have to do is to be STRONG! I wonder where did my positive attitude gone to? I used to be so positive in tp days and in nie. But seems like the positivity in life has all turn negative. I have to hold on. i know i have to. I cannot be defeated so easily. I cannot be defeated by her so easily. 27 more weekdays to go!!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to get this through! From a cheerful person, i've become a crazy, depressed non-stop crying girl in a month.

I CANNOT BE DEFEATED BY HER!!!!!!!! I have to prove that i can stay strong and overcome her! She made life so difficult for me, there will be a time where she will get her retribution! Such high expectations, i donno if im stupid, dumb or slow but it seems that i can only achieve it if im given more time. 

Sleepless or rest time seems so foreign to me now. 

All i can think of is sch, lesson plans, ppt slides, ws.......... I think im going crazy soon.

Sometimes i wonder where has my passion gone to? Where was the love for this job gone to? Where has the love for this subject gone to? This is killing my passion but i cannot let the flame in me extinguish so easily! I cannot be defeated so easily! I need to stay strong, stay firm and stay positive if not life will be hell for me everyday!

Just get through these 27 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont have high expectations anymore... Just a pass and im happy enough. I know im aiming so low now but my hopes are totally gone after this week of pain and agony!

I still have to appear cheerful, bright and happy even though deep down im worried and paddling like mad! 

God, I need your help! Jesus, please make a way for me! Please guide me through this difficult time! Please help me! 

I know i can do it! Tp was difficult but i got through too! I can get through this period too! Eve, you can do it for sure! STAY STRONG!!! :)
Thank you daddy, mummy and jason for ur unconditional love and support! I really need it to get through this. 

U live ur own life

Whatever you do just be accountable to yourself and to God...
There's nothing we can do to help u anymore since u dont want to receive help.
I've given up on you and congrats u made another person who cares so much about u give up on u too!
U live ur life the way u want it to be.
No one can run ur life only u, urself.
If u choose to waste it away, then let it be!
Im washing my hands off u and i'm taking it as though i never knew u.
U dont want people to bother so we shall take it as though u never existed.
Im disappointed and everyone else is too....

Fwd:

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Eve <eve_laiyanqing@hotmail.com>
Date: January 27, 2011 11:38:12 PM GMT+08:00
To: "eve_qing@blogger.com" <eve_qing@blogger.com>

Test test

Sent from my iPhone

Crushed and trampled

14 Jan 2011 the ticking time bomb exploded
I wasnt at home to witness it all!
Thank God i wasnt at home or i would have been quite traumatise by it.
It all happened because mum told idiot to take kelly off the sofa cos dad just change the sofa cover.
A simple sentence like that made the bomb exploded and hurt many around it.
I'm utterly disappointed this time round because he hurt my brother!
He tried to choke my brother! that idiot deserves to be burnt in hell for trying to choke jason!
Mum cried! Mum never cried each time the bomb exploded. This is the first time she cried! Mum told me she will take it as if she had never given birth to this son. She only has one son and daughter!

Mummy's hurt
Daddy's hurt
Granny's hurt
Jason's hurt
Qiuyan's hurt
Everyone of us is hurt by him.

Dad decided that we should move out and not stay here anymore once dad's house rental is up we should move back. He made dad gave up on him finally. I dont think if i should rejoice or if i should feel sorry for him.
i think it's about time he start waking up. Its about time dad hold no more hopes for this son anymore!
Its painful, its hurtful that things happen this way.
But the hurt that dad and mum felt can never be descrided. I'm sure their hearts are deeply shattered deep down.

I'm always asking did the way i treat him caused him to become this way?? I really dont know but i guess the only way out is to leave................
Maybe shifting back is a good choice to keep everyone in peace and harmony and safe from danger.

God, can u explain all these?! Have you planned all these for the well-being of the family?
Why hurt so many because of one??
6 hearts have been crushed and trampled on the ground because of ONE!
Is it worth?

♥ 2010

The last day of 2010...

Let me sum up my 2010 in a short way for memory sake.

Graduated from tp (like finally!), had an extremely long holiday, worked at triumph and learnt alot abt lingerie, had a long holiday in different parts of China, saw snow (though its just a little little bit), experienced how China is like for the first time yes, their ppl are loud, climb a mountain (small one in china), saw peony flowers and they are gorgeous, got inspired by uncle vincent to get a dslr and falling in love with photography, prepared for a wedding, learnt alot from the wedding preparation, wrote a whole stack of wedding invitations, brother got married in june, went into a bridal studio, saw how a girl can sparkle and shine in a wedding gown, sat at the main table on a wedding, wore a tea party gown, felt like a princess, shifted house, learnt abt renovations as i follwed dad, decorated my wall with wall decals, celebrated my 21st birthday with a party with people i love, got a wii from my dearest brother as my bday gift, bought a tv, bought a garment steamer which i always wanted to, somehow co-owned a shih tzu (cant imagine owning a dog) and 2 fatty bunnies, went to NIE and realized how freaky people can be, somehow got inspired and un-inspired to teach, stayed in hostel and experienced how living abroad is like, got myself freedom, cook like crazy in nie, conducted a lesson, worked with ppl whom i dont know for a gesl proj and it went really well, prepared 4kg of pasta, , went to Bali with my family and cousin, experienced how the ocean is like, tasted luwak coffee which come out frm an animal's ass, love the padi fields resort there, took street photography, researched and finally got my hands on a DSLR, went to msia for an awesome christmas celebration and FINALLY, prepared for a picnic!!!!!!!!!!! 

=))

Hope i didnt missed out any impt details!

The best of all was i fullfilled my wish to get a DSLR for like the longest time possible! =))

My 2011's wish: 

1. to travel with my friends on my own expense
2. learnt more about photography
3. get out in the sun to take more photos
4. be an inspired F&N teacher to further inspire my students
5. learn malay
6. pick up a sport
7. lose some weight
8. cut down on those unhealthy food
9. save up more (planning to live on my own in the future)
10. do some volunteer work
11. LASTLY, for everyone to be healthy and happy! Thats my biggest wish...........

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011! 

♥

christmas 2010 with love

Hello Stranger

Watched Hello Stranger, a thai romance comedy! It was a great movie though the ending was a little abrupt. A heart warming but very sweet movie in thai. Love the plot, not too cheesy but yet injected enough humour to make the viewers laugh! =D 

Some thoughts just came across my mind these few days.... what am i dwelling on? why am i thinking about it when it's been such a long time? It has died somehow but yet it still holds a place in the heart. Strange, weird, crazy... I dont know how to describe it too. But one thing i know for sure is that it has faded away. Most of it has faded away... I wanted to cry so badly when i know the truth but somehow the tears just wont flow.... Thats when i know it has faded away bit by bit as time goes by. 

I guess the best medicine is still; TIME. 

Time can erase the pain but it cannot fade away the scars....

I guess, i shall just let fate decide on my life. I shall not interfere for the fear of getting hurt once more. Two setbacks were more than enough to teach me a lesson. A lesson that i can never forget. Maybe i can survive better on my own...

Hello Stranger OST