imbetterthanurbitch

you can try, but u wont succeed. 

WATCH THIS

The Invisible Children

Yesterday April 25, 2009 me and my friend set out to do something that needs to be done. The Longest War in Africa needs to end. 

We joined 4,000 people in Los Angeles to walk a mile and a half to city hall while holding on to a rope symbolizing our abduction as child soldiers. Once we made our march, we waited to be RESCUED. We posted and taped the pictures of our families on wooden boards to signify the child solider having to leave their families. and by night time, we were RESCUED. The media and moguls rescued us and heard the cries. and we were not alone, there were 100 cities doing the Rescue yesterday in 10 different countries around the world. From 3pm to the early morning, we commited our time in the fight to end this war. We wrote letters to Diane Feinstein and Barbara Boxer asking for their help. and on June 22-23 one of the largest Lobby days in history will take place in DC to meet with government officials about the end to this. And the RESCUE RIDERS, left to go help in the rescue all over the country, they will not come home until justice is met.

THE INVISIBLE CHILDREN NEED YOUR HELP.

invisiblechildren.com   find out how YOU can help.

White Oleander

"I thought how tenuous the links were between mother and children, between friends, between family, things you think are eternal. Everything could be lost, more easily than anyone could imagine"    - Janet Fitch

nothing lasts forever.

the new title

im home.

i have so much on my mindd. but i updated and changed my blog completely. sometimes we need change. "6 Guatemalan dolls" - when I was in San Juan Capistrano this weekend we went to Ortega Trading Post where these magnificent pieces of art were sold. i loved it because everything had a story or meaning behind it. and I came across these teeny tiny dolls inside a box with a paper telling a Guatemalan legend. Apparently children give each of the six dolls a different worry and put them under their pillow at night so that in the morning their worries are gone. Despite the cuteness of the dolls, I loved this idea. as I was telling my Dad about this he reminded me that when I was a young child I had 6 of these similar dolls. so of course now I am on a mission to find these dolls =]. 

dolls THEN: as kids we name them, we dress them, we marry them, we make them pretty, we comb and brush their hair, we make them rich, we make them have babies...an image of what we want our life to look like.

dolls NOW: we either have them in the back of our closets, somewhere in our rooms letting them collect dust, or have given them to younger people. we basically neglected the objects we used to cherish. ---is this why people act fake? because they are neglected and overlooked. they feel like they have to be different to be noticed. 

im sorry I have not added a post in a while. i have started a few and then exited the box. i guess because ive felt that no one really seems to care about how I feel so what is even the point. and I still dont really want to.

let Justin sing it

What Goes Around Comes Around.

I hope this is true. because it seems lately me doing the right thing is just as bad as me doing the wrong thing. I keep asking myself, "why are you doing this?" I feel like this is the same sad song I sing daily. and I think i will never know the answer exactly.

I am physically and mentally drained. sick.

theres so much going on just trying to k  e  e  p       upp.

idk what else to say. 

 

he thinks he's turning 18

Juan Van Putten.

infamous juanito.

can be found in the streets of ladera, skateboardung upp slauson, or taking a photo of you at each event.

but the thing is if your anybody in LA, you know juan because he's juan.

I'm sure every person that knows him has their own experience but mine revolves around..

photography chats  (and me trying to act like I know all that your talking about), you talking about getting in trouble and your stupid English teacher, all the FML moments of my life (and yours), you giving me lessons on modern language such as "sus", you and tyler (sometimes breea) ganging up on me in video chats lol, or blogging and whether or not I should keep mine.

Well yet those things happen to pop up (so often) in our convos, what stands out the most is the trust I have found in you and the willingness you have to listen  to me (even when I ramble, alot lol). You seem to always have a solution, normally a very simple one ex "I dont give a fuck bout no hoe" and what it really meant in that particular case was fuck them, move on. Its those moments when both I laugh because I wasnt expecting that or because your right. Thank you for always having faith in my photography because coming from you that means alot. I'm a little upset that you wouldnt let me buy u a gift nor make u a cake. but it is your birthday i guess lol and i  love u anyway. and happy seventeenth birthday.

rudeK

I figured out the THEME for my party! its wonderful thanks to SARA-BO-BEAR-A? lol. 

everything is so weird right now. I feel like no matter what, I have no time to breathe. so cliche but i feel like no matter how far i get i fall 5 steps backwards. 

there are a few compromises im dealing with:

1. the rudeness of people. like why? people are extremely rude. I'm not talking about strangers, I'm talking about people I claim. being rude isn't cute..I really hate this. and if you dont have anything nice to say DONT SPEAK. please just go peel an orange. 

2. the double standards for guys and girls..

3. messy people. nosey people. like really get out my life maybe?

i just really dislike rude people, so just vanish. 

im trying to make a list of pros and cons and baby there are just too many cons.. like? why am i in this when your like what not?

amazing people lately. sara. juan. primous. arianne. karen L. Tatum.

it seems like nothing ever truly lasts..

what I ran into today

i love you i love you.

today i learned alot about life and about ppl i so called "love"

it was a boring day at the beach, picking up trash because certain authority was being taken advantage of for what reason? but besides the cold weather and sandy shoes, i had an opprotunity to bond with some of my classmates on a different level. Everyday the same girls place themselves in desks right beside me and I have no idea what is "really" going on in their life. if u knew what someone was dealing with would it alter ur perception of them? would u gain respect for them or being to care?

how do u just stop being friends with someone? please tell me how because i cant do these pointless friendships anymore

cant focus on anything including this blog post

i had this story I was going to tell you. 

but im not anymore.

have u ever felt empty?

like no one really understands you or that what you say doesnt really matter? Its not so much a matter of feeling lonely. its just a mattter or not feeling much of anything. 

my life.

i need some signs.

i actually need some food at the moment though..

ill write more later

a true friend

thank you for coming back..

My Main Rule

TREAT PEOPLE HOW I WANT TO BE TREATED. 

i will be your nicest friend you have ever had, or I

'll be your nightmare...but its terribly simple. see everyone makes mistakes. thats great. i do too. but when you abuse my love, time, care, or patience. then I guess you want to fall

i will make you invisible.

WE DONT DO FLAKES OR LIARS. SO GET AWAY.

more hurt than angry.

I swear people do not have any common sense. or think at all. or if they do then they are straight up assholes. 

i dont relli want to address the incident. but sus people.

and and and and

PEOPLE TELL YOU LIES TO KEEP YOU QUIET. PEOPLE GET FED A BITE OF FOOD JUST TO STAY ALIVE. BUT ARE THEY REALLY LIVING? ARE THEY REALLY FRIENDS?

at this point. its all about june 6.. thats all

more

best friend

today is the day my macbook basically crashed...

today is the day my macbook was potentially fixed...

today is the day I left my phone at home...

today is the day my film developed well...

as I'm planning my birthday I am also thinking of the guest list. And the usual is a done deal but then there are those few people that are boderline. But what it really made me think about was my CLOSE FRIENDS, those BEST FRIENDS. which took me back to SPAIN 08.

I miss it. i miss it. but what I really miss is one of my best friends. Yesterday someoen just asked me about her and if we were still friends. and the answer is yes, of course. But I realized what is friendship? I realized that for the past few months we haven't truly spent much time together which makes me sad. Isn't it interesting how you can be inseporable and then become completely apart. 

Idk but my life seems to be slipping away...into in unfamiliar and unwanted space...

I just want to smile..

Fool Of Me - Me'shell Ndegeoncello

I wrote this long blog about how i felt about the subject and then i realized it didnt matter, because no one seems to care. no one did care. and then i listened to this song and i keep thinking maybe im just all wrong. am I wrong for believing that you did care about me. and everyone else only knows your side because I cant speak about it.

but thats all I can really say. puffy red eyes

For Ellie

You made me remember this song, Closer by Goapele. This song got me through the roughest patch of my life a few years ago.

Life is anything but fair. its anything but understanding. but things will get better. 

We dont get to choose our circumstances, yet we are effected by them. It doesnt change who we are as people or what we will amount to.

Im all out of advice for life in general. but KEEP LIVING, youll figure it out. time changes alot of things. 

...and on the subject of feeling alone, your not. but I know it feels like it....

xo

If this Was Perfect

i am human. what the hell are you?

"your life is like a television show"

now that statement is coming from a person who I tell everything to. But YOU, you reading this right now--what all do you really know about me?

gender

age

school

ethnicity

height

hair color/length 

is that what comes to mind?

seee the real reason I dont put pictures of myself on this blog is for the fact that, images can change views and ideas. on this blog I am just a mixture of feelings and expressions. i am not my age or ethnicity. I AM JUST A HUMAN BEIGN. the sooner people begin to realize we are ALL human beings, the quicker the world will begin to change.

I have been stressing over this Diversity Conference. But honestly. I have to say, I wouldnt have it any other way. The mission is much more than awareness of certain issues. It goes deeper than that. 

sometimes I feel like I am an alien to mankind. when I see images from the rape of Nanking. or girls whispering deadly rumors of innocent people. or maybe when my own friends hurt me. how can people be so unkind to each other? --forget about rules of friendship, forget the fact that i love you and you love me, forget the fact Im your daughter or your my pet but rather isnt there a certain amount of respect EVERY person deserves. 

so fine. if you want to be a flying gorilla or a quackking duck. a snake. go ahead. 

Sunset Blvd

is where I spend most of my days. they arent that sunny right now though.

silver bracelet heart

valentines day is in 4 days. in case your forgot.

11:23 pm. 

what a day.

there are good days and bad days. today was good.

Betty and Lori.

So your probably wondering who Betty and Lori are.

Well as you noticed I changed the name of the blog. I started thinking when Megan said she needed a "meaningful" name for her blog. I thought, if this blog is supposed to be apart of my expression of life it should be meaningful beginning with a good title. 

The whole blog revolves around this ideas of trapped lives and false people and feelings. Because there is often no space or no one to fully share true feelings with, this blog has become that place.

Betty and Lori. Were my favorite dolls growing up, they were twins. It was something me and my grandmother shared together. She lived up north and would bring them with her whenever she visited LA. So I didnt always have Betty and Lori. But when I had them, it was circled around hte best times of my life. I can remember having parties just for Betty and Lori. They had clothes, they had friends; Ashley and Barney.  LAter in my life I learned that Betty and Lori ACTUALLY had a trapped life. They represented my grandmothers two favorite cousins. 

I miss those dolls muchh, after my grandmother passed they seemed to disappear all together. i miss her too.

"Cheyenne your wearing Gossip Girl boots, not rain boots"

as if I hadn't already decided to not give a damn. 

such a rough week. such a rough last couple of weeks. 

can i crumble now?

things happened that were impossible to wrap my head around. things in my life, things in others life, just life.

but how long can a person cry?

---until you realize it wont do anything. things just remain the same.

As time goes by, everything people have told me 

becomes a lie. Trust is empty and life is misleading. Callous to your own heart? 

everything seems to be an impossibility. a waste of exhaust.

I cant fully examine everything Im feeling but i can say one thing, betrayal. 

cannot remember

it hurts more than i can comprehend right now.

thats all i can say

the point

HOLD THE PHONE

the point of this was to post blogs/photos that I couldnt post elsewhere. not to be criticized  for it. so if your going to judge it then excuse yourself from this blog. 

=]]

i will be a windmill

as I was driving back to la from palm desert today I became fascinated by the many windmills. It really was a fascination because i took like 75 pictures of them. In a recent blog I added a set of pictures of windmills that ide taken last year, and for me the changes in each photo represented growth over time. However I never really knew the exact purpose of windmills and the significance in regard to my life. 

butttt the purpose of a windmill is to generate energy from the wind to turn into other energy to use for other things. depending on the speed/pressure of the wind it will determine the amount of energy produced. the connection hit immediately when I realized no matter what the weather is, the windmills still take the energy and transfer it into different energy. ----we are dealt with different situations everyday and my goal this year is to gain the strength of the windmills and no matter what comes my way-turn it into positive energy/learning experience. People will do what they want to do but taking control of the situation is changing your response to it. this year i hope to : not let others control my happiness, find the good in situations, learn to let people go when they are mistreating me, forgiveness, not being in denial of mentally abusive relationships, continue to understand the difference in friends and associates, and to really value all the goodness  . 

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination"--Jimmy Dean