Going down the same damn toilet hole again. Am I going to waste another year of my life?

I have done everything you asked me to do. Been so careful to contain the parts of me that you didn't like and now you're punishing me for not doing the things you asked me to stop doing. And now I suck because I'm such a pushover. Bent over now, please feel free to fuck me over and I hope you have fun.

How did I let myself become like this?

What am I going back to after this?

Maybe Tomorrow ~ stereophonics

I've been down
And I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
oh me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I didn't know him, but he knew me. So well that he knew what I wanted, what I needed, who I was, and he showed it to me.

RIP Steve Jobs.

What does this project mean to me?

It is creating an experience of Singapore for our guests. It is enabling a sense of family to permeate through all the activities and to celebrate it at the end.

It is not mere logistics.

I will put me back into this.

Going to sleep.

Sometimes, all you need is a small glimpse of peace just before closing your eyes to trick your mind into forgetting the turmoil of the day and sleep comes easy.

This past week showed me that I had alot to be thankful for in my life. For starters, I have a grandmother who is enjoying herself and hangs out with us all the time. I'd never been very close to her but we connect at some level and I feel like we have a relationship that goes beyond bloo. On that same note, I have an extended family that loves eating out together any time without needing the excuse for some occassion before we would meet up. I have long envied the scenes of large families feasting and enjoying each other's company that we see on travel programmes all the time and now I feel like I have that in my family too.

At work, in spite of a serious lack of motivation to get work done, I was given the opportunity to co-ordinate the putting together of a pitch and somewhere along the way, was provoked to start a conversation about where I thought the company should be, which led on to a very quick, intense immersion in intrapreneurship, innovation, presentation and alot of youtube videos of Guy Kawasaki. I must say, it feels hella good to be in a place where you're surrounded by people who share your views and willing to change things up; thoughts and ideas and people who inspire you to do what you believe is right and good; and the most amazing is to be in a team that is with you - not that they are always in agreement with you, but actively contribute to the project be it through descension or suppport. It has been a brilliant week at work. Absolutely. Every work week should be like this.

Finally, the weekend, of which there is another half to look forward to. Granted, it has been extremely indulgent, from great big meals to copious amounts of alcohol and let-loose dancing which resulted in needing the hangover remedy called retail-therapy. During sale season. I have rarely been more wasted, tired or broke - or this satisfied with a weekend.

The powers that be have really come together to set up this week with zero motivation, neediness and crankiness this time of the month, primed with the right cravings and wanting things that have led to this extremely gratifying climax. I am immensely thankful for everyone who has been part of this with me and hope that when you need it, you'll get a perfect week like this too.