Blessed Christmas

If you've read the previous post, no, I have not started taking medication. It seems that making my Christmas wish early in December is just about right for the magic to happen by the twenty-fifth. This year, I asked for an epiphany. It's about time I've moved further along the path to finding the meaning of Life, and while the beer goggles helped, letting Life pass you by in a blur is only so much fun.

So the epiphany has been happening in fits and starts. Oprah would have called it a series of a - ah - ah- ha! moments. From pulling off amazing events, to realizing what my calling is, to celebrating beautiful friendships forged over the year and, finally, being able to feed my family some decent grub myself, I am ready to end the year satisfied. In spite of the few low points which isn't unexpected, I am quite proud to say that I've lived and loved through 2009 in a way I have never done before. The sheer intensity and gamut of experiences still baffles me sometimes and the only thing I can ask for now, is that next year will be at least the same. There are already some doors which I've got my hand on I hope I will be spending 2010 pushing thru them with more veracity, tenacity, vivacity and zeal than ever before.

Here's to everyone who's made my 2009 and whom I will make 2010 with. "Bravo, Brava!"

Come on.. does X'mas always have to be about love? I mean, do you really need the happy family reunions, discovering true love and finding santa crap to truly appreciate X'mas? No. Because then you'd have to have endured a broken family, been tormented by unrequited love and suffered the trauma that comes with having to abandon Santa coz you had to "grow up" prior in the year. That's bollocks! What fool will wish that on themselves?

Please, people. We need to learn to be content with what we realistically can have. There are loads of gifts and turkeys and lot's of pie and that should be enough. Yearning for the "true spirit of Christmas" is just setting oneself up for disappointment. Do you really need to meet Santa , or can you just be happy with the presents under the tree?

It's the time of the month again, for ranting at whatever's caught my fancy. I've done the whole end-of-the-world thing and decided that as a species, and an individual, we (I) are too ball-less to attempt all the "if the world would end tomorrow" wishes until the world is actually at an end or is very close to, by which time, there won't be any bank tellers who will hand over all your savings nor will there be pilots to fly us all to Rio/Paris for that one last party/croissant.

So bring on 2012, we will always live like there is a tomorrow, in case there IS a tomorrow. We totally need to grow a pair.

I've also just been browsing the profiles of TED members who have indicated that they reside in Singapore and realized that, what feels like 80% of the members, don't have profile pictures. I wonder if this is just a case of them all looking warty, have extremely low self-esteem, are simply too lazy to find a decent picture/image that represents themselves or they're afraid to be identified. Granted, most used their (or what we assume is theirs, honestly) names rather than pseudonyms, I do believe it's the last one that's got them all scared. But why should they be afraid? The powers that be only clamp down on unfavourable opinions. You don't even have one so you've really got nothing to fear.

Then there's the whole hanging of this Malaysian drug offender. Does anyone care? Of course! Do enough care? Not nearly. Does it change anything? Duh - of course not. We have a vast, silent majority - as has been proven repeatedly - so how does anyone expect anything to change?

Unless of course, it is something major, like the Reunification of Orchard. Are there only two people who are repulsed at there is now a theme for the entire Orchard Shopping Belt not only during CNY and Christmas but for the ENTIRE DECADE? Only 2 things could have happened - the powers that be decided that homogeneity is the new black, or in times of economic depression, ALL the developments in the OSB have pooled together their resources to hire the same architect to design their brand spanking new buildings.

I wonder how much each of them now have to spend on PR/AD agencies to create a brand personality to distinguish them from their competitors down the road because they have the exact same imported boutiques/restaurants/services. Geniuses.

When everything goes down the proverbial drain pipe, can we preserve Ngee Ann City, Tangs Plaza and Wisma as National Retail Monuments please? The other steel and glass replicas of each other, with their convoluted escalators/lifts that never go to the floor that you need to reach and mall directories that you have to queue up to use can be replaced by proper shops that aren't the third appearance of a chain within a kilometer. What happened to "pleasant shopping experience"? How did we become these retail anorexics who binge on skinny jeans and a diet of only Zar*, Un!qlo and Co**on-freaking-on?

Do we, as a society, actually like this? Are we, as a society, like this?

The Sound of Settling

I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots.
That my tongue has tied off.

My brain's repeating
"If you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

Bop ba, this is the sound of settling
Bop ba, Bop ba


Our youth is fleeting,
Old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.

And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been.
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.

Bop ba, this is the sound of settling
Bop ba, Bop ba.

so what if i am and so what if i'm not. it doesn't change that something is missing and until its found, there is only emptiness. what good will it do me to declare one way or another?

Easy weekends are fun, comforting, relaxing and make you appreciate your companions that much more.

Thanks guys :)

It's been a John kinda day.

Easy and laid back, mostly, with a little mischief, cool, and a sweet end :)

It's been a John kinda day.

i needs hug. *burrows into pillows*

It's not the end of the year yet but here's my thanks for something I will remember for the rest of the year. A most illuminating breakfast I had that took place in a little hotel out of town.

It's roughly 630am on a work day and I'm whinging about Life and it being too late to dream.

So he said "BULLSHIT. Come to America and do it."

Thanks, John. Needed it : )

I think I need to go and be by myself for a while.. Then maybe I'll learn to be ok with it.

An olfactory seduction at midnight.

Just started my first batch of cold brewed coffee. I've most likely used the wrong type of coffee since it is quite finely ground but maaan.. that moment when the seal of that vacuum-packed coffee was breached - the hiss of air rushing in and the heady aroma of that coffee hits you - unbelievable. Inhaling that rich, intoxicating scent will send a shiver of anticipation down your spine like the thrill of the first brush of warm, dry fingers against the small of your back at a party.

I cannot wait.

Sometimes a big busy day can really help one feel the comfort of a few quiet hours before the party begins again. Having the house quiet coz everyone else is out having dinner, cool breeze from the open windows and My Morning Jacket on the playlist. It's almost perfect :)

Edit to the last post..

In light of recent events, I think it is abit unfair and even a little childish to say that he doesn't exist at all. He does. I have met him and laughed with him. He just does't exist in my reality now.

He's the kind of guy that would say
Hey baby let's get away let's go some where, huh?
Where I don't care
He's the kind of guy that will give you everything
And trust your heart, share all of your love, till death do you part

I want to be what he wants when he wants it, and whenever he needs it
And when he's lonesome and feelin' love starved
I'll be there to feed it
Lovin' him a little bit more each day
He turns me right on when I hear him say

(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far
(Baby can we?)
Where I don't care
I love to hear him say
(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far
(Baby can we?)
Well I don't care

I wanna be what he wants when he wants it
And whenever he needs it
When it comes to being feelin' loved starved I'll be there to please him
Lovin him a little bit more each day
It turns me right on when I hear him say

(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far)
(Baby can we?) Where, I don't care
I love to hear him say
(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far)
(Baby can we?) Where, I don´t care

(Day dreamin and I'm thinkin of you)

~Day dreaming - Corinne Bailey Rae

He's also the kind who doesn't exist.

Right. So. What more am I going to have to do?

Wait some more, or what?

Make a move, or what?

Tell me leh!

Dedicated to so many people

You showed me my tomorrow
Beside a box of matches
A welcome threatening stir

My hopes of being stolen
Might just ring true
Depends who you prefer

But if it’s true you’re gonna run away
Tell me where
I’ll meet you there

Am I snapping the excitement
If I pack away the laguther
And tell you how it feels

And does burden come to meet ya
If I’ve questions of the feature that runs on your dream wheel

The day after you stole my heart,
Everything i touched told me it would be better shared with you

And you're hiding in my soup
And the book reveals your face
And you're splashing in in the my eyelids
The concentration continually breaks

I did request the mark you cast
Didn’t heal as fast
I hear your vioce in silences
Will the teasing of the fire be followed by the thud?

And the jostling crowd
You’re not allowed to tell the truth
And the photobooth’s a liar
And the sharpened explanations
But theres no screaming reason to inquire
I’d like to poke them in their prying eyes with things they never see if it's smacked them in their temples

Fire and the Thud - Arctic Monkeys

Jetlag

Every night I await sleep elusive,

the warm breeze caresses my cheek

rolling thunder murmurs comfortingly

raindrops tap my shoulder left and right

then on my nose -

that cheeky one.

Daydreams-
A mind's wanderlust,
Floating by on the scent of watermelon flavoured gum

Drifting
Into
A life gone right

Mistakes not made
Leave no trail of regret.
Butterflies flit and skirts flounce

Sunlight streams in through the patio
And we lay by the fireplace

Daydreams..

Why do i hate you? Because you do this to me.

Knot comes loose

B.B.B.B. CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M SMILING??? CAN’T YOU SEE – THERE’S A PART OF ME THAT’S BRAND NEW???
USED TO BE – WAS A PART OF ME FELT LIKE HIDIN – BUT NOW IT COMES THRU!
DEEP IN MY HEART – THAT’S WHERE THE KNOT COMES LOOSE.
DEEP IN MY HEART – I WILL REMEMBER YOU.
ALL MY LOVELY LIFE I BEEN WAITIN – HOT HEELS ANTICIPATIN.
ANOTHER LOVE I FOUND NOT TO LET IT DOWN.
DEEP IN MY HEART – THAT’S WHERE THE KNOT COMES LOOSE.
DEEP IN MY HEART – I WILL REMEMBER YOU.


- My Morning Jacket

Nice song for late nights :)

settling dust

its 1am, everyone's still awake. i'm sitting here in the lobby, bright lights, with the ash tray on the table.

and there is silence as everyone plugs into their laptops, mine plays Sigur Ros.

i am heartbroken.

Of quiet dinners and beautiful company

My horoscope said to take a "day of wellness" today and so I did. Left the office a little earlier than usual and headed to Kaiho Sushi with Jenn for nice quite Japanese dinner. Apart from excellent sashimi and an all round delicious meal, the quiet conversation peppered with occasional sake tips from the chef was the perfect way to end the first part of the week and to wind down and prepare for the long hard days ahead. Company and good food - what more can one ask for?

Thanks babe. Hope you had a good night too :)

Dear Jasmine,

Thank you for letting be me and then helping me get over me. It isn't always easy. Actually, it's usually quite painful to have to be the only one having to hear the constant monologue of angst, regret, irrational euphoria that is inevitably followed by nasty bitching and bouts of self-pity that manifests in various forms of retail excess. 

It isn't anyone's fault. I decided to be what I am but you've always very generously taken the blame for the mess-ups and I am grateful for that. It must seem very troublesome to have to deal with the whining and more than once, it has landed you more problems than you had energy to fix. 

I guess I could say that I won't make things so difficult anymore but we know that's never going to work. Life will be Life, and it is only going to get tougher in the days ahead but I love you and we will get through this. I promise to live up the happy days more often than brood over the ones that aren't as nice.

 You're a good friend, babe. The best :) 

Sweet dreams, girl.

If only my social life was as hot as the bloody weather..

Update: and the next thing you know.. it rains. Bugger.

let's fall asleep and dream away
to a place on a beach in summer
with strawberries and cream in a basket
and iced tea in our hands

lets fly away into the sunset
we wont even stop at twillight
instead we carry on into the darkness
and leave everything behind

and when the sun rises again
we shake our heads and clear our thoughts
the fantasy of mere moments past
dissipate in the air

but come again, it will, the time,
when eyelids droop and hearts soar
our cares slip off like a silky night gown pooled at our feet
revealing the pearlescent essence of us

lift off on the wings of inspiration
beating in time with your heart
follow the winds that carry your deepest desires

let's pretend there are no limits
believe you can have all
and in that moment be happy. content.
just. be.

bones creak
pores leak
a trickling of energy

back aches
joints leaden
with a kind of dread

fingers tremble
feet stumble
the agony creeps up

age is a constant companion
enveloping my body in a blanket of lethargy
in the chilling Fall of Life

I close my eyes
and rest

stop.
breathe.
stop.

Righto.

I've given up on trying for a disciplined daily routine that starts at 9am in the morning and ends with an early night's rest. So I've got an appointment, I am not getting up any earlier than when Jon and Kate starts and when it's time to sleep, I will. And late night reading is gonna be quite fun these couple of nights. I've just picked up a copy of the Esquire, Cuisine and Wine and another very interestingly themed mag. We'll see how it goes.

Cheers to listening to your body!!

I've just finished reading The Time Travellers' Wife. So many things to think about, and so many feelings to .. well, feel.

First baby from the WMF family.. I was stupid enough to not take pics of the pots until I'd finished lunch.. but that's just me innit? haha..

It's a little bit unerving, this life that I lead. When all you see ahead of you is this nothingness.
It quite excites me sometimes, knowing that I have the freedom to pick up anything
that catches my fancy anytime without having to schedule it for 'when I'm free'. It is very liberating after 3 and a half years of putting Life on hold. It just gets a little scary to suddenly realise you have nothing to do.

Its 2009 and still nothing's changed with the outlook. But so what? I like my melons. Don't you?

a leaf out of jenn's blog - this is me