So really, I do have a final post for this blog in my head...but I haven't had time to do what I want to do and I haven't moved all my links over to Anderson Happenings. But I have been posting a little more regularly over there so come visit!
I thought this would be a good post for this blog, for those still checking in! Heather at Production not Reproduction asked for people to post their experiences with open adoption, specifically what you would tell yourself at the beginning of this journey if you could. Most people can say exactly what I'm thinking in a much more eloquent way, but I'll make an effort anyhow.
When we first started thinking about adoption, honestly there was a lot of me that really believed I was ready for an OPEN adoption. I continue to give credit where credit is due, and it was through my newfound friends Aimee and Ashley that I realized how important openness was and how good it could be for the child. I will say I was not very intimidated, and in fact I maybe should have been a little more reserved and put more thought into it. I was just really comfortable with the idea.
John was not so comfortable with it. Which, I think, is natural. There are so many scary stories out there about adoption and fights with birth parents or adoptions gone wrong. And while I likened it to the whole plane crash idea (you ONLY hear about the occasional plane crashes, you don't hear about the thousands of successful flights every day), John was unconvinced.
The idea of "sharing" your child with other parents IS scary. But then we went to our agency's introductory seminar and listened to panels of people representing each part of the adoption triad. And three stories stood out to John...
First was a brother and sister who were adopted (they weren't blood related, in fact looked nothing alike but acted a lot alike) and how well-adjusted they were because of the openness their families had in discussing the way their family was created. They were funny, and really resonated with John.
The second was a much older adoptee, who was part of a closed adoption in the 1960s. She was obviously very conflicted, still hurting from her past. She wasn't told until late in adolescence that she was adopted, and then not allowed to search for her birth parents. She had a LOT of resentment for her adoptive parents, and while she loved them she held a lot of anger in. After her adoptive parents died she found her birthparents (who were, in fact, married to each other since a year after she was born). She talked about them being her REAL parents and how she called them mom and dad and has a better relationship with them than the parents who raised her. She REALLY stood out to both me and John as a situation we did not want to have. We did not want that secrecy and shame to be felt by our child, we wanted our child to love the way they were raised and have love and respect for both sets of parents. It was truly a wake-up call of what we did NOT want.
Finally, the birthmother panel. One of the birthmothers who came to share her story stood out to John and he still talks about it today. I think because she singlehandedly changed his vision of a birthmother. I think the media has a way of presenting birthmothers as less than ideal people. They are often shown as the worst of society; often uneducated, drug-addicted, unloving toward their children, raised in poor families, and of course the age-old idea of a slut. (I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS RIGHT, PLEASE KNOW THAT IS NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN OUR THOUGHTS!) But we were introduced to the exact opposite. Two beautiful, smart, loving young women. But one of them was truly an eye-opener for John. She was the homecoming queen, head cheerleader from a very affluent family in a very affluent town near where we lived. She literally could have been the girl next door to us. She was lovely and gorgeous. She spoke with such emotion, the pain of losing her daughter still very raw. But she had an open relationship with the adoptive parents. She and her ex-boyfriend both saw their daughter regularly, and both of them were in college and making a different life path for themselves. It was truly eye-opening.
We walked away from that meeting and John said he had no more fears about an open adoption. It was truly God working through these people to soften our hearts and ease our fears.
If I could do anything it would be to take these people and have all our friends and relatives sit through the same sessions and listen to them. I still (and probably always will) have friends remark how brave I am for "sharing" Colt with another woman, how difficult it must be to hear from her or visit her. Everyone means this truly as a compliment and truly because they don't think they could do it. I just try to make sure my response always honors the one that truly has the harder part in this relationship: Colt's birthmom, N. N is the one not only sharing her son with us but trusting us to raise him to be the best person he can be. She TRUSTS me that I will keep her involved and updated on his life. She has sacrificed more than I could ever sacrifice and I did not know what a BLESSING it would be to have that relationship with her. In fact, if anything I wish we had a closer relationship and spoke more regularly!
We're fortunate to have such a smooth and successful open adoption experience and I give all the credit to God. I know he's watching over N, and each step I make with her is guided by him.
I wish I could tell myself back then to trust my gut instincts and to know the power of personal stories. Blogs from all points of the triad are so, so important. It helps us to understand what works, what doesn't, and what people representing the adoptees and birthparents need and want. I can never learn enough. I pray Colt is blessed because of all this! I know he is.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Will you follow me?
This is getting ridiculous. How is it possible for something to grow this much cuter each passing day??Don't forget to mark our other blog address at Anderson Happenings to continue following Colt and his parents' adventures!
Today's post includes a play-by-play of the fine art of rolling over...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
When to spill my guts
So I mentioned that I had a few things I wanted to bring up here before moving over to my main blog, Anderson Happenings. (If you haven't bookmarked it yet, please do!)
And, sure enough, someone always beats me to the punch. Life in the Phisch Bowl talked about it today and others have covered it. I was out with my red-headed adoption club the other day (all three of us have red hair and all our kids are adopted...fun, fun) and I asked them about the following situation.
Believe it or not there are people I come across that don't know Colt is adopted. I know! Shocking! But not everyone in the world reads my blog. Anyway, especially at business dinners and trips I've taken people ask about the baby and I show them pictures. I often hear things like "oh, he didn't get your red hair" or "he's so big, does he take after your husband?" or "are you nursing?".
I always smile and answer politely...but I'm still at a point where I inevitably end up spilling my guts about the fact that we adopted him. I think it's because I'm incredibly proud of his story and I think we had such a great experience to counteract what most people hear in the media about adoption. But I'm starting to feel strange about it...I almost feel like it comes off as a qualifier. I feel GUILTY for not mentioning it.
When does that stop? How do I find the balance between sharing that detail about his life because I'm proud, and keeping it to myself because his birth story does not make him any less my son. As he gets older and understands our words, I don't want him ever feeling like he's less my child because he's adopted, but I want him to be proud of his story and his birthmom.
Blah...I know there's not a firm answer. I'll have to figure out my comfort level, figure out when it's appropriate and when it's not. It's just something I didn't think about before he was born, you know? Anyone have any insight?
***By the way, Colt rolled over, unassisted, today for the first time! Now he's ready to roll all the time...changing his diaper, in our laps, while getting dressed, in the swing...it's going to be crazy from here on!***
And, sure enough, someone always beats me to the punch. Life in the Phisch Bowl talked about it today and others have covered it. I was out with my red-headed adoption club the other day (all three of us have red hair and all our kids are adopted...fun, fun) and I asked them about the following situation.
Believe it or not there are people I come across that don't know Colt is adopted. I know! Shocking! But not everyone in the world reads my blog. Anyway, especially at business dinners and trips I've taken people ask about the baby and I show them pictures. I often hear things like "oh, he didn't get your red hair" or "he's so big, does he take after your husband?" or "are you nursing?".
I always smile and answer politely...but I'm still at a point where I inevitably end up spilling my guts about the fact that we adopted him. I think it's because I'm incredibly proud of his story and I think we had such a great experience to counteract what most people hear in the media about adoption. But I'm starting to feel strange about it...I almost feel like it comes off as a qualifier. I feel GUILTY for not mentioning it.
When does that stop? How do I find the balance between sharing that detail about his life because I'm proud, and keeping it to myself because his birth story does not make him any less my son. As he gets older and understands our words, I don't want him ever feeling like he's less my child because he's adopted, but I want him to be proud of his story and his birthmom.
Blah...I know there's not a firm answer. I'll have to figure out my comfort level, figure out when it's appropriate and when it's not. It's just something I didn't think about before he was born, you know? Anyone have any insight?
***By the way, Colt rolled over, unassisted, today for the first time! Now he's ready to roll all the time...changing his diaper, in our laps, while getting dressed, in the swing...it's going to be crazy from here on!***
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Happy, healthy, hungry baby!
This is one happy baby! We've had a lot of fun the past few weeks, breaking in a new toy (the exersaucer/jumperoo thing) and trying cereal for the first time. We're also sadly growing out of our adorable Dr. Seuss onesies. And our 9-month size shorts.
Look at those thighs! Delicious!
Look at those thighs! Delicious!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Trying desperately not to, but watching my willpower fade so quickly at the sight of Doubltree Hotel cookies...
I had no intention of getting this far behind in blogging. Like some people, Facebook seems to suck the posting right out of me. Also, work has been crazy - absolutely NUTS. And if I can't do it from my phone, then I'm not doing much of anything technologically these days.
Excuses, excuses.
Mostly, I've been thinking about running two blogs, Facebook, and Twitter (@jandj621 is my Twitter name, but seriously - it's mostly work stuff so don't follow me and expect all kinds of serious creativity!).
(And seriously, feel free to friend me on Facebook. I actually DO post all kinds of creative things, like a real gem today: "when did it become socially acceptable to display a box of tampons on your table at restaurants? Or is it just a Chicago thing?". Just make sure you send a note with it telling me who you are if you don't go by your real name in blogland so I don't ignore you!)
Anyway...all the social networking PLUS this real-life networking thing with friends, family, Colt, John, and Faith (the cat who is just ridiculously attention-deprived, at least according to her) well, it's all just too much.
I started documenting my life and crazy things in February of 2005 over at Anderson Happenings. So I feel really guilty (is that even right?!) for letting it go.
My intention is to start posting most of my thoughts and updates and pictures and randomness over there. Click over and bookmark me, add me to your reader, get familiar...Anderson Happenings.
Go ahead, I'll wait...
...
...
This blog will not be deleted. It will probably even have some updates strictly on the adoption front. In fact, I know before I put a hold on updating here, there are at least two major issues I want to bring up here and get your thoughts on. But the general idea is to post a few more posts, then let this be a stagnant blog for a while...until it's time to hope for the next member of our family and I will need this blog as desperately as I need it now!
In my ample amounts of free time, I'll begin adding the same links on this sidebar to my sidebar on Anderson Happenings. I will still follow each and every one of you. (I don't comment too often...mobile blogging just isn't very easy, but I do read everything!) I truly, truly hope you'll continue to follow me over there, too.
Admit it, you can't resist Colt's smile. You want to watch him grow up! I don't want to lose any of you....Anderson Happenings....mark it down!
Ok...goal is by the end of May to be wrapped up (for a while) here. So you have a whole month to get familiar with Anderson Happenings...
Ok, good night. And just so you know - swine flu is NOT a food-borne illness. Don't be afraid to eat bacon, or sausage, or ham, or pork chops. It's a FLU. Respiratory illness. You can't get it from pork! That's all, folks!
Excuses, excuses.
Mostly, I've been thinking about running two blogs, Facebook, and Twitter (@jandj621 is my Twitter name, but seriously - it's mostly work stuff so don't follow me and expect all kinds of serious creativity!).
(And seriously, feel free to friend me on Facebook. I actually DO post all kinds of creative things, like a real gem today: "when did it become socially acceptable to display a box of tampons on your table at restaurants? Or is it just a Chicago thing?". Just make sure you send a note with it telling me who you are if you don't go by your real name in blogland so I don't ignore you!)
Anyway...all the social networking PLUS this real-life networking thing with friends, family, Colt, John, and Faith (the cat who is just ridiculously attention-deprived, at least according to her) well, it's all just too much.
I started documenting my life and crazy things in February of 2005 over at Anderson Happenings. So I feel really guilty (is that even right?!) for letting it go.
My intention is to start posting most of my thoughts and updates and pictures and randomness over there. Click over and bookmark me, add me to your reader, get familiar...Anderson Happenings.
Go ahead, I'll wait...
...
...
This blog will not be deleted. It will probably even have some updates strictly on the adoption front. In fact, I know before I put a hold on updating here, there are at least two major issues I want to bring up here and get your thoughts on. But the general idea is to post a few more posts, then let this be a stagnant blog for a while...until it's time to hope for the next member of our family and I will need this blog as desperately as I need it now!
In my ample amounts of free time, I'll begin adding the same links on this sidebar to my sidebar on Anderson Happenings. I will still follow each and every one of you. (I don't comment too often...mobile blogging just isn't very easy, but I do read everything!) I truly, truly hope you'll continue to follow me over there, too.
Admit it, you can't resist Colt's smile. You want to watch him grow up! I don't want to lose any of you....Anderson Happenings....mark it down!
Ok...goal is by the end of May to be wrapped up (for a while) here. So you have a whole month to get familiar with Anderson Happenings...
Ok, good night. And just so you know - swine flu is NOT a food-borne illness. Don't be afraid to eat bacon, or sausage, or ham, or pork chops. It's a FLU. Respiratory illness. You can't get it from pork! That's all, folks!
Friday, April 17, 2009
One year ago...
Last night a good friend e-mailed me after reading Maybe if You Just Relax. She'd been talking about her daughter turning 2 months old, and talked about how different things were just one year ago. My friend asked me if I remembered where I was one year ago..and hasn't God been good to me in one short year?
Well, one year ago I was in Hawaii. Boy, I really wish I was there right now instead of at my desk...I loved every single thing about Hawaii and wish I could have gone back before my dad's contract ended there and he moved back stateside.
However, being here in OK right now one year later is pretty friggin' awesome.
I do know that this time last year, I was in a MUCH better place than I was the year before. We had decided adoption was our calling, we were on the road. I was finally filled with HOPE instead of hormones. We'd walked out of that fertility specialist's office and never looked back. Not once.
I told my friend that if God wanted me to go back and relive every painful moment over the last 3+ years to get the same result I would do it without blinking. In a heartbeat. All of my friends that are still waiting: believe me, you would do it again. Once your baby is here...you'd do it all over again.
I was laying in bed last night, and John brought Colt in to lay with me as he was getting pretty sleepy. So we were curled up in my bed, watching "Friends" and he was talking away. I laid there with my head up against his head as he drifted to sleep, my arm over his belly and his fist clasped around my finger. His congested breath was warm on my face, and smelled like this intoxicating scent of milk and lavender. I just kept whispering "I love you" to him over and over and wishing there was some way I could put into words how I felt about him.
I remember thinking on my wedding day: saying "I love you" is not enough. Those words simply cannot convey my feelings, they can't describe how my heart bursts and fills my body up to the point that I just want to scream when I see the boys in my life.
"I love you" and "thank you" just seem like such a failure when I'm talking to God. How can I possibly describe the love I have for Him. Saying "thank you" cannot truly express the humility, the thankfulness, the awe in which I have for Him. The idea that he TRUSTS me, he has a PLAN for ME and for my boys, my family. I feel very small when I try to tell him these things...I know He knows my heart but I still wish I could SAY it. His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness...I hope they will follow me all the days of my life and I hope that I can live in a way that shows how much I want to honor His plan.
One year ago I was on the edge of everything changing. I'd been full of hope, but full of pain for so long and one year ago I was on my way to not feeling that way.
Today, I turn 28 years old. Everything I dreamed about has come true. I have wonderful parents who support me and love me. Grandparents who's marriage is a testament to lifelong love...and they have met my son, something I desperately wanted. I have a sister who is my friend. I have in-laws that I love being around. I have friends who would give the shirt off their back if I needed it. I have the house of my dreams (at this point anyway!). A job that I love. A husband who loves me through thick and thin. An amazing young woman a few hours west of me who shares my heart. And a little boy who makes everything complete.
Yeah, I'd say God has been good to me over the past year. Over the past 28 years.
I can't wait to see where I will be a year from now. Probably a lot more frazzled and tired with a 16-month-old running around, but probably still without adequate words to describe my joy.
Well, one year ago I was in Hawaii. Boy, I really wish I was there right now instead of at my desk...I loved every single thing about Hawaii and wish I could have gone back before my dad's contract ended there and he moved back stateside.
However, being here in OK right now one year later is pretty friggin' awesome.
I do know that this time last year, I was in a MUCH better place than I was the year before. We had decided adoption was our calling, we were on the road. I was finally filled with HOPE instead of hormones. We'd walked out of that fertility specialist's office and never looked back. Not once.
I told my friend that if God wanted me to go back and relive every painful moment over the last 3+ years to get the same result I would do it without blinking. In a heartbeat. All of my friends that are still waiting: believe me, you would do it again. Once your baby is here...you'd do it all over again.
I was laying in bed last night, and John brought Colt in to lay with me as he was getting pretty sleepy. So we were curled up in my bed, watching "Friends" and he was talking away. I laid there with my head up against his head as he drifted to sleep, my arm over his belly and his fist clasped around my finger. His congested breath was warm on my face, and smelled like this intoxicating scent of milk and lavender. I just kept whispering "I love you" to him over and over and wishing there was some way I could put into words how I felt about him.
I remember thinking on my wedding day: saying "I love you" is not enough. Those words simply cannot convey my feelings, they can't describe how my heart bursts and fills my body up to the point that I just want to scream when I see the boys in my life.
"I love you" and "thank you" just seem like such a failure when I'm talking to God. How can I possibly describe the love I have for Him. Saying "thank you" cannot truly express the humility, the thankfulness, the awe in which I have for Him. The idea that he TRUSTS me, he has a PLAN for ME and for my boys, my family. I feel very small when I try to tell him these things...I know He knows my heart but I still wish I could SAY it. His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness...I hope they will follow me all the days of my life and I hope that I can live in a way that shows how much I want to honor His plan.
One year ago I was on the edge of everything changing. I'd been full of hope, but full of pain for so long and one year ago I was on my way to not feeling that way.
Today, I turn 28 years old. Everything I dreamed about has come true. I have wonderful parents who support me and love me. Grandparents who's marriage is a testament to lifelong love...and they have met my son, something I desperately wanted. I have a sister who is my friend. I have in-laws that I love being around. I have friends who would give the shirt off their back if I needed it. I have the house of my dreams (at this point anyway!). A job that I love. A husband who loves me through thick and thin. An amazing young woman a few hours west of me who shares my heart. And a little boy who makes everything complete.
Yeah, I'd say God has been good to me over the past year. Over the past 28 years.
I can't wait to see where I will be a year from now. Probably a lot more frazzled and tired with a 16-month-old running around, but probably still without adequate words to describe my joy.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
One very cute, very happy, very sick baby
Here are a few of the pictures I took of Colt on Easter morning. I'm finally figuring out ways to capture the smile. I've realized it really takes at least two people!
Today was his 4-month check-up where we planned to get shots. Unfortunately this well-baby check-up did not go so well. He did not get shots, because it turns out he has double ear infections AND...get this...RSV.
What?!
Ok, now Colt has had a cough for over a month now. However, it was just a dry cough and we related it to reflux because it's usually after he eats and followed by spit-up. I have never been worried about it because he doesn't act like he feels bad. It never makes him cry and he has such a good demeanor. Daycare hasn't been worried about it either.
Over the weekend we noticed the cough had developed into a chesty-cough, a little congestion. However, we spent Saturday at the park and the temperatures in OK range from 30 degrees in the morning to 75 degrees in the afternoon so I thought it might be allergies. I knew this appointment was coming up so I didn't make another appointment.
This morning he began breathing strangely, almost wheezing. But I swear to you guys, not once has he been cranky or fussy or acted even remotely sick. He is so happy and sweet.
I was SHOCKED.
Good news is, he's a very healthy boy otherwise - 18 pounds, 4 oz and 26 1/4 inches long (9th and 90th percentile in case you were wondering!). Doc kept asking if he'd been fussy or cranky and we said no. I think he believe us because Colt was smiling and talking and very active through the whole visit. The cough over the past month or so was reflux, not RSV the whole time so that made me feel better. Daycare was shocked when I called them, they hadn't noticed any fussiness that would mean ear infections or any kind of sickness other than the cough.
Since we've been home, he has been batting at his ear. I don't know if I would have noticed it without the diagnosis but now it's very prominent to me.
Because of the RSV, he can't go back to daycare until Monday so I took today and tomorrow off, John's taking Friday. He's on antibiotic (and LOVES the bubblegum medicine!), and an inhaler breathing treatment every 2 hours for the RSV. Plus we're now on a new formula in hopes we can avoid reflux medicine. So that kind of sucks since daycare provides the generic formula we'd been buying. Now we not only have the added cost of the more expensive formula, but we'll be adding at least one extra can a week if not more.
HE'S WORTH IT!! Especially to keep him off more medicine. But still...money, money, money.
So, we're just enjoying playtime and extra nap time together at home this week. Hoping he feels better soon!
Today was his 4-month check-up where we planned to get shots. Unfortunately this well-baby check-up did not go so well. He did not get shots, because it turns out he has double ear infections AND...get this...RSV.
What?!
Ok, now Colt has had a cough for over a month now. However, it was just a dry cough and we related it to reflux because it's usually after he eats and followed by spit-up. I have never been worried about it because he doesn't act like he feels bad. It never makes him cry and he has such a good demeanor. Daycare hasn't been worried about it either.
Over the weekend we noticed the cough had developed into a chesty-cough, a little congestion. However, we spent Saturday at the park and the temperatures in OK range from 30 degrees in the morning to 75 degrees in the afternoon so I thought it might be allergies. I knew this appointment was coming up so I didn't make another appointment.
This morning he began breathing strangely, almost wheezing. But I swear to you guys, not once has he been cranky or fussy or acted even remotely sick. He is so happy and sweet.
I was SHOCKED.
Good news is, he's a very healthy boy otherwise - 18 pounds, 4 oz and 26 1/4 inches long (9th and 90th percentile in case you were wondering!). Doc kept asking if he'd been fussy or cranky and we said no. I think he believe us because Colt was smiling and talking and very active through the whole visit. The cough over the past month or so was reflux, not RSV the whole time so that made me feel better. Daycare was shocked when I called them, they hadn't noticed any fussiness that would mean ear infections or any kind of sickness other than the cough.
Since we've been home, he has been batting at his ear. I don't know if I would have noticed it without the diagnosis but now it's very prominent to me.
Because of the RSV, he can't go back to daycare until Monday so I took today and tomorrow off, John's taking Friday. He's on antibiotic (and LOVES the bubblegum medicine!), and an inhaler breathing treatment every 2 hours for the RSV. Plus we're now on a new formula in hopes we can avoid reflux medicine. So that kind of sucks since daycare provides the generic formula we'd been buying. Now we not only have the added cost of the more expensive formula, but we'll be adding at least one extra can a week if not more.
HE'S WORTH IT!! Especially to keep him off more medicine. But still...money, money, money.
So, we're just enjoying playtime and extra nap time together at home this week. Hoping he feels better soon!
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