Free time and its benefits

Boring boring boring.

I’ve finished Lost and Desperate Housewives. I’m desperate now. I’m slugging around the house doing nothing beneficial. (Unless you consider chasing big fat lizards off my dining table something worthwhile) And I’m eating a lot! Yesterday I went out for supper with Kevin and Jyu. Oh man we gobbled down really good Wan Tan Mee, Fried Kuey Tiew and Satay. It was so good. And that usually means it’s bloody sinful. Exercise down the drain. Someone should really create sinless, tasty Malaysian food. Oh wait, nothing in Malaysia is healthy. Ah forget it. I’m gonna die a fat, old, lonely potato without hair.

Oh yeah, my hair is not dropping much nowadays. God bless Malaysia.

My friends and I will be jamming soon, maybe even tonight even though we’ve not really practiced. I bet it’s gonna be a complete waste of time and money and the kekenyalan of my ear drums. But what the hell, it’s gonna be great fun. It’ll remind me of the past that I left behind so I guess it’ll be worth smelling like a pot-smoking Malay after sweating myself up in that dimly-lit studio.

Times like these really remind me of the great laughs I had when I was a teen. (NEWSFLASH! I’m no longer a teen, remember?) It really brought a lot of joy into my life. My bunch of wacky friends still owns the gift of making me laugh my head off. After eating yesterday I laughed till my tummy ached while playing pool with Kevin. Yep, you’ve guessed it – both of us sucked; big time. But that made all the difference. Being able to laugh at others and more importantly, being able to laugh at myself; without worry of offending either party. That gives me a sort of happiness I can’t even begin to describe. I had that a lot in secondary school. Not anymore.

Is this a sign of growing up? Am I turning into the egoistic adult everyone’s “supposed” to grow up into? Or is everyone else around me doing the same? Why can’t we share more as we age more, why can’t we laugh more as we age more, why can’t we just live more?

Because of money? Power, responsibilities, faith, or reputation? Like it or not, we’ve been forced to chase things that are quite superficial, if given deeper thought. And while we’re at it, we’re forced to leave certain things behind. Things like baseless jokes, like true friendship and our childhood. The things that truly make us smile, laugh and remember.

I want to remember. I’m gonna blow my eardrums tonight.

Damn, I'm gonna be hungry after that and eat again. No, no I shouldn't. Should I? No, Kim, you're gonna die a fat, old, lonely potato without hair. Lets not upgrade ourselves to the "Obese Potato" status, shall we?

A peek at my life at home.

This is my daily routine nowadays.

1. Wake up in the morning to go jogging with my folks. Most of the time we end up talking and walking instead.
2. Come back, have breakfast and bathe.
3. Sleep if I’m tired.
4. Laze around if I’m not.
5. Watch TV.
6. Makan.
7. Makan some more.
8. Have lunch. (Notice my daily food intake)
9. Watch TV
10. Fondle my guitar a bit.
11. Makan.
12. Take in the clothes that are out drying in the sun.
13. Fold them neatly as how I was trained in Singapore.
14. Unpack. A little.
15. Tidy up the messy bits of my house that just gets messed up again the following day.
16. Cycle. (I just started today but I intend to do it as often as I can from now on)
17. Have dinner.
18. Watch more TV.
19. Fondle my guitar a bit.
20. Makan.
21. Talk on the phone with various parties.
22. Come online *Sigh…..slow….
23. Talk on the phone again.
24. Brush my teeth and wash my face.
25. Sleep like a pig.

Do I sound repetitive? Don’t think so. Is my life exciting? Definitely.

Kim's Bitching Part I

If there is one thing I hate it’s having a sluggish Internet connection. For goodness sake, how could this kind of connection even exist in the first place?! I can’t post pictures because it’ll be a year overdue once it’s finally uploaded and I can’t really see my friends’ faces on Friendster ‘cause the pictures just turn out to be empty boxes that say “loading”. It takes ten thousand years to load Hotmail and another gazillion trillion centuries to search for Gibson Guitar Catalogues on Google. Great! Superb! Woo-Hoo!

To add salt to the wound, I’d have to bear with the constant spyware bug that has permanently glued itself to my hard drive since I left for Singapore. Casino and porno pop-ups invade my screen every other minute, dragging my modem bit-rate down to virtually zero. You know what that means? That means life sucks. Yes, with “Dail Dengan TMnet” web surfing becomes a pain in the ass.

Why do I bother coming online then? Well, for starters, there is absolutely no form of entertainment whatsoever in the poverty-stricken district of Ampang. Don’t expect me to please myself by going to Ampang Yong Tau Fu everyday okaayyy…It is IMPOSSIBLE no matter what people might say. Most of my close buddies are either studying overseas or just plain lazy to meet up. (That includes me *grin*) Yes, yes I know that I bragged about my resolution to beef up my body once I get back here with plenty of time in my hands. Guess what? I am! I’m also patiently waiting for my cousin to come back from Singapore (*hell!) so that he can finally get me a job in the company he’s working for. He has subtly hinted to my mom over the phone that he might not even be able to do so. “Replacement job for the mean time,” he advised. I don’t want a replacement job!

So there you have it. Me bitching about the not-so-bright-side-of life. However, there is one thing that’s looming in the depths of my shallow mind. More of a fantasy rather than
”thing”. A week back I went to this guitar store to get my electric axe fixed. To my utter joy they had this promotion going on; that is for me to trade in my old, ugly and wrecked Yamaha for a brand new Godin guitar that just looks absolutely gorgeous. Did I mention that I had to top up RM 1,200 for that? Well, I have to top up RM 1,200 for that.

I proposed the instrument “exchange” to my mom and dad who were waiting patiently in the car. Minutes later I wasn’t exactly smiling anymore.

Ah! Fantasies rule our mundane lives. I fantasise about having a lightning fast broadband connection. I fantasise about getting a job with that cousin of mine, and to add to that, his boss seeing great potential in me offers me a promotion that’ll allow me to earn big bucks without ever going into university. I dream about being able to stuff myself with steak and fries and ice cream and having perfect abs and biceps and pectorals and calves (Minus the exercise). I imagine myself holding onto that shiny new guitar, rocking like the rocker I’m born to be in my not so spacious room. Most of all I fantasise about having ….. Well, that’s for me to know and you to not find out.

The root of all evil.

Money.

The thing everyone’s chasing! Because with money, we can chase other things that satisfy our desires. It’s horrible, really. I don’t know ‘bout the rest of the scholars, but ever since getting back here I can’t help but feel a lost of financial freedom. What a powerful word--financial freedom! But it sounds chim and high class so deal with it.

I miss the days where I can just drop by Coronation Plaza, (undeniably the most happening place in the Asian Pacific region), to have a quick cash withdrawl from the POSBank ATM. I miss the days where I can NETs my way out of an empty wallet. I miss the days I lived in denial; thinking I’m a bloody millionaire bachelor with all the financial freedom a prince could only dream of. Princes around the globe do not usually have a 200 dollar monthly budget but that’s another issue. I miss Casa Roma, I miss The Cellar Door Honey Fig Ice Cream, I miss Topman and Esprit. But, oh, worst of all, I miss Red Wine, Champagne, Tequila Shots, Chocolate Whisky, Absolut Vodka, Long Island Tea, Kami Kaze, Bloody Mary (*yuck), Splitzer, …..oh God help me!

But in KL, ah, in KL I’d have to stoop down to lower levels.

“Ma, can give me some money pleaseeee?”

“Go work lah.”

Ah, shit.
The loss of that freedom hit me like a truck today. After jogging with my parents, we stopped over the local market for some food. I dug deep into my pockets, grasping my leather wallet and peered inside. I gasped so forcefully my mother thought I was choking on the jerebu around Ampang. Well, it wasn’t the haze mom. Trust me, having one red portrait of a friggin’ Sultan staring blankly back at you will whip the ass off any jerebu, and I can bet ya my money on it. One RM10 note will make you feel so insecure you’ll shiver. Let’s not even think about the fact that the probability of being mugged by a biker on the streets is like 9999.99 to 10000. If that happens then well you’re just plain unlucky to be left with a mouldy 10 cents coin staring back at ‘cha. Hey, at least it has a nice engraving of an ancient Malay artefact.

Die la die la. The absence of the NETs system in Malaysia will deprive me of the fantasy world of being a rich kid! What in the world could be worse?! I need to get more cash and I need it soon! I just busted 150 Ringgit buying the Lost, Desperate Housewives and a couple of brainless computer games. All of them are pirated, no less. Beli yang Ori, bang! Hah! Let us consider my options. I could apply for a subsidiary Credit Card with my mom or dad, oh YEAH RIGHT! I could leech of my working sister. YEAH SURE~! I could withdraw from my own account….TAK NAK!

Ah shit.

“Go work lah.”

Mops, Plugs, Cat and Mouse.

My journey back to KL was quite interesting.

First, we stopped at Kulai to have some dinner. That’s in JB and just to let you know the food sucked big time. Really horrible. But at least I got to watch a short episode of Smallville where Lex Luthor was being used by his nutty dad as a science experiment of some sort. Quite freaky, he was shaking and shaking on this operating desk but Clark couldn’t save him. Right there and then I decided that I’ll get nice American series like Desperate Housewives and Lost the moment I arrive home.

Well then, I slept throughout most of the journey. (Hope I didn’t snore the hell out of my family – Hey, at least it kept my dad awake and drivin’) When I was awake my dad was talking about some mopping theory that he came up with. In short, there are several steps to ensure that all your mopping efforts result in a squeeky clean floor. The first round involves wetting the floor cause then it’ll not only pick up some dirt but also dilute the sweat left by those grime-infested feet of the inhabitants. Up to 20% of dirt will be eliminated by the end of this step. The next step involves mopping the floor using the proper detergent. Not only that, the ‘mopper’ must use the right amount of pressure so that the second layer of grime is destroyed at optimum level. 55% dirt into the pail now. If time permits and if the hosts are expecting guests, a third mop is required. This really makes the floor shine with all the brilliance of a newly purchased Porche. Another 20% gone. By the time the ceiling fan works its magic and dries the damp floor, the remaining 5% will also follow suit. There you have it, 3 easy steps to an ultra clean living room marble floor that can last you up to a week if done with precision and care. My dad wants to franchise the whole concept.

Right.

Wonder where I got my ability to crap.

When I got home, it was quite an eye opener to see a cat at my front porch. Not merely a cat, it was beating the shit out of this little mouse. Guess that’s dinner. But this cat obviously lacked the proper dining etiquette. It scratched and chased and jumped on the poor little thing. At one point the mammal just froze there due to shock, but still the feline wasn’t inclined to be lenient by delivering the killer blow. It just stared back at the deranged mouse; waiting for it to slowly move again. Once it did, the cat will repeat its torture. According to my dad, the show could last the entire night. He also mentioned about a cat’s peculiar behaviour of biting a mouse’s tail during most months, whilst choosing to chomp on its head on selected times of the year. Judging by his idea of a mopping multi-million dollar empire, I tentatively put his cat-theory on hold.

It was a great feeling to step into my home again. (Notice I emphasised the word step to credit the efforts of my father) I rushed up to take a quick shower before coming down again to turn my computer on. Guess what? I got my right hand electrocuted. My hand wasn’t wet, the multi-plug casing was broken. It hurt for a few hours. How fun. Thank goodness I didn’t get myself killed, if not the world would be in chaos without a heir to the billion dollar mop business.

So that’s basically it for my journey back home. Quite a ride, huh?

And I already got my hands on Lost and Desperate Housewives. I’m really that desperate, sue me!

6th of December

On this fateful day I will be leaving 673, Bukit Timah Road.

Mike from Monsters Inc. on the left here sorta paints a perfect picture of how I’ll be feeling in my dad’s car when he takes me away from Singapore.

A mixture of awe, grief, lost and relief. Astonishment -- it doesn’t even come close to describing the wonder years of ’04 and ’05 of my life. Never before had I felt so many emotions swirl and stir inside.

Ah ah ah!

Sometimes I just wanna scream and shout. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now actually. Worse still, I don’t know how to react. There seems to be some sort of longing for HCIBS…. No, no, not for the KOI pond (K.im-O.ng’s-I.rene? Heh heh.) , not for the rooms either, oh and heaven forbid; definitely not for Yan Palace tofu or sardine or stupid shit salted eggs and lap chiong! (that sweetened Chinese hot-dog thing)

No.

I do not long for HCIBS. I long for the people I met there. The people I spent 2 years with; laughing and crying, joking and scolding. Man, I sound like a long-winded freak! I think I’ve mentioned this like a billion times already; how much I’ve learnt from the wacky bunch -- our bunch -- of wacked-out-crazy-as-hell-but-smart-as-heaven-good-looking-and-talented batch of Malaysian scholars. I’ve told the entire world how much I’ll miss their company, how much I’d like to live through those stressful times with them again. How much I love them.

Henceforth (drum-roll please), I’ve decided to “celebrate” my departure with the opening of my own blog. Never had the time before (Well, actually the main reason was that I don’t own a laptop, and constantly blogging in NJC’s Bytz might seem a teency-weency bit gay) so since I’ve 7 months plus at my disposal, I just figured why not.

I’ll try my best to keep this site updated; hopefully I’ll have ample visitors to keep the inspiration coming. Especially visits by my ASEAN family whom I absolutely adore.
(Can’t wait to speak of more Taking a Shit @ Kota Raya stories here…hmmm….)

Well then, back to the gloomy feeling of my leave. I’m leaving this place for good! I’m picturing inside my head right now, handing the guards at the gate a humungous stone-carved long leave form.

Name of boarder: Tan Kim Ong
Hall/Room No.: F2/10 (formerly known as KFC)
School/Class: NJC
Reason for leaving: Check with Mr. Wang Dakun
Request to return at (Time) any moment I wish on (Date) didn’t you get me the first time?

This blog is for you guys. And for wasting time. But more for you guys. Can’t really make up my mind now. So if you’re still wondering what I’m feeling right now, just ask Mike.