Reminiscence.

     Life. With each passing second it ticks away. Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi -- Life is changing with each passing second. As I sat boggled by questions and wondering, with doubts clouding my mind, the seconds kept ticking away and gone with it was the time that would never return. As I sat alone, I reminisced upon the good times.

     I kept reminiscing, the memories I kept. I tried to lose the hurt that came with it. Unsuccessful. With the memories came clear droplets out of the corners of my eyes. At some point, the tears refused to come, the rage refused to leave, the pain decided to remain.

     I took it all and stuffed it at the back of my mind. Enough is enough. Started from scratch. It's time to make new memories. Time to have fun with friends for these memories I'd be needing once I graduate. Made new friends. Spoke to people I didn't like. Spoke to people I never even wanted to look at. Got close to selected people, thank God I did. Friends who are nice, who we misjudged due to the people they hang out with. Took up a new hobby -- discovering new places. Ghost-hunting.

     The nightlife is awesome. Safe since it's with a bunch of trusted boys. Good friends, they are, taking us around to scary places and keeping us safe at the same time. Venturing with boys is a good thing since they don't generally limit themselves to 'safe' places. What's life without a little danger, a little risk, a little fright, a little dilemma? Plus hanging out with them helped me take my mind off things. 

     Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose. It's Din's tattoo. There's not a moment I regret the path I have chosen. Although the memories of yesterdays haunt me, I know for sure this is right. This is what I want. Solitude. What's a heart that doesn't like? That doesn't love? That is not in my control but I surely can control what becomes out of it, and here I am.

     I saw V two nights back. Not quite right, I take it back. It was Friday morning, around 2.30am or so. Brought back a tinge of regret. Had I not been with him, I'd have avoided a lot of things. Sigh. At the same time, the entire period taught me so much. Invaluable lessons of life. Priceless. Inevitably educational to some extent. Made me a whole lot wiser. Priorities reshuffled for maximum efficiency. Though it caused latency with regards to life and the time lost, the experience taught me about life. About family. About virtues, values, morale, dignity. About prioritizing. About importance.

     It made me realise the love and trust my family has on me. The value of parents. The value of the smile on their faces. I forgot for while how to cherish my parents. I threaded through the darkness looking for something that was right there with me. And then the lights came on and I found what I was looking for. Happiness isn't something you should be seeking outside. It's something that lies within, and then I began seeing happiness in everything. The freshly mown grass. The slight drizzle. The chilly breeze. The smile of a starving child.

     My mindset changed. My views changed. The line upon which I used to think changed. I expanded my horizon - I spread my wings and I flew. The change was detected easily by my family. After a long time, I saw smiles on their faces. The trust regained, the image I portrayed revamped. Who I am now is the result of who I was yesterday. It's also the result of who I was with yesterday.

     Reminiscence. If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with a little rain. If you want a rose, you have to put up with the thorns. If you want good times, you need to go through the bad times. You can't be old and wise if you were never young and stupid. =) Good day y'all.

Intense.

     Sometimes, all we would ever want is answers. That's what we don't get. So many things are boggling my mind. So many questions. Sometimes I wish I could read minds. Yes, not always. Just sometimes, just to know what people think, to know how people feel. Sometimes when we're too free, we tend to think too much and that kind of complicates things more (up in your head) than the actual complication itself.

     I keep wondering. Keep asking God questions knowing He's never going to respond instantaneously. I wonder the true motive behind people's mannerism, behind the way the talk. What are they trying to imply? What are they getting at? It would be much easier to figure things out instantly. Like the reason behind people's change. Why have they changed? Hmm. I wonder who could answer that...

     I wonder why good people pass on so quickly, leaving behind tonnes of people to mourn. Leaving behind kids who can't even comprehend the meaning of it. Kids who haven't learnt to grasp it. Kids who need their mom during this growing up phase. Why do things happen to the good ones, the kind-hearted, loving souls? Why do we have to learn to get attached only to learn that detachment is the best way?

     Sometimes, I just want to walk away. Go some place and be all alone. Embrace solitude as my way of life. Live life completely alone. Sometimes I think I'd go berserk but that's because I've become so accustomed to attachment that the mere idea of solitude drives me crazy. Would solitude drive people mad? How do some people live their lives alone?

     Expectations. Desires. It breaks people. We expect things from people. We desire things that are far out of our reach. When you want something so much, you leave a loophole in the wall you've built around you. A loophole through which reality would reach in and rip you up into shreds. This is the fact. The sooner we grasp it, the stronger we become.