Unwavering passion

On a stone atop a hill I sat perched,
Wondering if I'd ever find what I truly wanted,
Slowly I got tired of the lonesome journey but I waited,
I grew stronger and the determination in myself grew unabated.

Little did I know this day would come,
The day I'd stand proud and exclaim to some,
That true love is not hard to come by,
And trust me, I swear I could testify,
It's just that sometimes it takes longer,
And the ones who wait get onto the trees that are stronger.

I hold on to our love, it's my strong tree,
But that's not all, you also gave me wings to be me,
You let me be all that I am and more,
I swear I love you and I know this for sure,
You're more than everything I've ever hoped and wished for.

Might be very intense but I need you to hear,
I'll always be there for you and never against, not here,
Time will pass and wear us out thin and weak,
We might grow out of this phase but our love shall never be meek,
Roaring thunders and storms may pass,
Amidst all that, together we'll be steadfast
And through the test of time we'll last.

Penned with love, for love - 30/6/2015.

Back to Writing

It has been a long time since I wrote. The endless stream of imaginative fluid inside my cranial cavity that was once present sort of just dried up due to the lack of use. Today I decided to sit and analyse life, to note the changes I've undergone. My initial account from where I left off started with memories of smiles which initially changed into frown, from frown into melancholy, melancholy to tears, and then back to smiles and laughter. It's like the ever-changing seasons that we have no control over; there are phases in life that sometimes we exert to control over, phases that must be dealt with. Disputable, yes, but I truly believe that these are the inevitable hormonal/emotional changes people deal with, regardless of whether they explicitly display them. For some women in their early 20s, it is common - at least for me.

It's funny how on a day-to-day basis nothing much changes, but then when we look back at how far we've cruised through life, we've all undergone tremendous metamorphosis, be it physically or in terms of belief systems, values, ethics and viewpoints.

A new job. A new field. A new environment. I've been venturing out of my comfort zone - trying to revamp old friendships and trying out new things, some of which cannot be explicitly stated for it might be deemed taboo by some poeple. However, that's a matter of individual opinion so we shall not dwell there. Life always feels (and tastes and smells) good when you incorporate substantial amount of changes into it. Reality appears more joyous and vivid when life is ever-changing; routine and stagnant lifestyle only causes exasperation (for me, at least). Even a jog in the evening out of the blue brings elation, it makes the flowers and blue skies appear somewhat artistic.

Nature is so bewitching, one can be so lost in thoughts just staring at its exquisiteness. A hut amidst lush greenery situated just by the stream, enveloped by the sounds of birds, bugs and flowing water. The smell of fresh muffins emanating from the kitchen to top it all off. What an amazing life that would be, to be one with nature, away from the hectic lifestyle of the city.


TRRRIINGGGGGGGGGGG!

Phone call from my colleague snaps me back into reality - of revving car engines and constant honking, the smell of pungent exhaust fumes and the awful traffic conditions that fill my mornings and evenings. Working life is not too bad - it's the journey to and fro that I'm still learning not to despise. Hectic working lives of the grown-ups.

The hectic lifestyle that comes coupled with 'competitive pay', 'good medical benefits', 'impressive year-end bonuses' that the city offers us, on what initially appears as a silver platter, that we find hard to refuse.

Wouldn't you trade it for a quiet life in the suburbs, smelling incense sticks instead of car fumes.

Over the weekend I took a flight to Langkawi for 4 days with someone. A short escapade, running away from reality with that one person - so much love, passion, energy, connection. Connecting with someone, especially if it's your significant other, can heal your soul as well as inspire and motivate you.

Reminiscence.

     Life. With each passing second it ticks away. Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi -- Life is changing with each passing second. As I sat boggled by questions and wondering, with doubts clouding my mind, the seconds kept ticking away and gone with it was the time that would never return. As I sat alone, I reminisced upon the good times.

     I kept reminiscing, the memories I kept. I tried to lose the hurt that came with it. Unsuccessful. With the memories came clear droplets out of the corners of my eyes. At some point, the tears refused to come, the rage refused to leave, the pain decided to remain.

     I took it all and stuffed it at the back of my mind. Enough is enough. Started from scratch. It's time to make new memories. Time to have fun with friends for these memories I'd be needing once I graduate. Made new friends. Spoke to people I didn't like. Spoke to people I never even wanted to look at. Got close to selected people, thank God I did. Friends who are nice, who we misjudged due to the people they hang out with. Took up a new hobby -- discovering new places. Ghost-hunting.

     The nightlife is awesome. Safe since it's with a bunch of trusted boys. Good friends, they are, taking us around to scary places and keeping us safe at the same time. Venturing with boys is a good thing since they don't generally limit themselves to 'safe' places. What's life without a little danger, a little risk, a little fright, a little dilemma? Plus hanging out with them helped me take my mind off things. 

     Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose. It's Din's tattoo. There's not a moment I regret the path I have chosen. Although the memories of yesterdays haunt me, I know for sure this is right. This is what I want. Solitude. What's a heart that doesn't like? That doesn't love? That is not in my control but I surely can control what becomes out of it, and here I am.

     I saw V two nights back. Not quite right, I take it back. It was Friday morning, around 2.30am or so. Brought back a tinge of regret. Had I not been with him, I'd have avoided a lot of things. Sigh. At the same time, the entire period taught me so much. Invaluable lessons of life. Priceless. Inevitably educational to some extent. Made me a whole lot wiser. Priorities reshuffled for maximum efficiency. Though it caused latency with regards to life and the time lost, the experience taught me about life. About family. About virtues, values, morale, dignity. About prioritizing. About importance.

     It made me realise the love and trust my family has on me. The value of parents. The value of the smile on their faces. I forgot for while how to cherish my parents. I threaded through the darkness looking for something that was right there with me. And then the lights came on and I found what I was looking for. Happiness isn't something you should be seeking outside. It's something that lies within, and then I began seeing happiness in everything. The freshly mown grass. The slight drizzle. The chilly breeze. The smile of a starving child.

     My mindset changed. My views changed. The line upon which I used to think changed. I expanded my horizon - I spread my wings and I flew. The change was detected easily by my family. After a long time, I saw smiles on their faces. The trust regained, the image I portrayed revamped. Who I am now is the result of who I was yesterday. It's also the result of who I was with yesterday.

     Reminiscence. If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with a little rain. If you want a rose, you have to put up with the thorns. If you want good times, you need to go through the bad times. You can't be old and wise if you were never young and stupid. =) Good day y'all.

Intense.

     Sometimes, all we would ever want is answers. That's what we don't get. So many things are boggling my mind. So many questions. Sometimes I wish I could read minds. Yes, not always. Just sometimes, just to know what people think, to know how people feel. Sometimes when we're too free, we tend to think too much and that kind of complicates things more (up in your head) than the actual complication itself.

     I keep wondering. Keep asking God questions knowing He's never going to respond instantaneously. I wonder the true motive behind people's mannerism, behind the way the talk. What are they trying to imply? What are they getting at? It would be much easier to figure things out instantly. Like the reason behind people's change. Why have they changed? Hmm. I wonder who could answer that...

     I wonder why good people pass on so quickly, leaving behind tonnes of people to mourn. Leaving behind kids who can't even comprehend the meaning of it. Kids who haven't learnt to grasp it. Kids who need their mom during this growing up phase. Why do things happen to the good ones, the kind-hearted, loving souls? Why do we have to learn to get attached only to learn that detachment is the best way?

     Sometimes, I just want to walk away. Go some place and be all alone. Embrace solitude as my way of life. Live life completely alone. Sometimes I think I'd go berserk but that's because I've become so accustomed to attachment that the mere idea of solitude drives me crazy. Would solitude drive people mad? How do some people live their lives alone?

     Expectations. Desires. It breaks people. We expect things from people. We desire things that are far out of our reach. When you want something so much, you leave a loophole in the wall you've built around you. A loophole through which reality would reach in and rip you up into shreds. This is the fact. The sooner we grasp it, the stronger we become.

Of changes

     So yeah, I'm back here where I reign or rather, where I HAVE reigned for the past 20 years of my life. Then I realised there's politics everywhere; in the university, among classmates, in distinct societies and even at home. Witnessing politics everywhere is leading me to think there's no where on Earth where people don't judge or at the least, judge based on one's character rather than merely the colour (or in layman's terms, what you see on the outside without really knowing someone).

     I also realised that no matter what happens, people always change and they are not obliged to inform you the reason behind their changes. Leave obligation alone, they are completely not bothered. Then again, who bothers to explain their changes to people anyway? Don't we all just change and HOPE people get the reason behind our abrupt changes? Happens everywhere; all around us every single day. It only seems to affect us when the changes happen to be in people we were once close to.

     Some people realise that the changes in them causes a stain in relationships around them, namely friendship and then they opt to do something about it and usually that something is 'revert' back to their old self. Sometimes, people intend to make those changes and they are happy with its outcome, namely detachment from a particular person, group or society. While it may hurt various people/groups, usually the person who does it (note at intend to detach) deems it necessary to change.

     I have witnessed a lot of changes in people around me. I am more of an absorber than a reactor so I take in their changes and try to remain as unaffected as possible although sometimes it rips me apart inside. What happens around us, we have no control over but how we react to it is entirely our own decision. Until today I have managed to keep things within, showing no reaction to those who have changed. I don't know if it's for the better or for the worse =/

     Even I have changed and it's for the better. It's to savage a friendship that would otherwise go to ruins had I remain close instead of going for detachment. Sometimes, people take a long time to reveal who they really are and when they do, some can't agree with their characteristics. I'm one such person who couldn't agree and moved away. Maybe it has hurt that person and I'm sorry for that, but it's better this way. Detachment is always better.

Venting venting venting! *breathe in breathe out*,

     This semester has been full of ups and downs, and emotional moments. The absence of many has inevitably left a void. Hopefully next semester would be rocking with the return of almost all of them. Missing the noisy house atmosphere. Oh Nithyaaaaaaa.

In the pouring rain.

     It's raining cats and dogs outside. I'm locking myself up in my room fearing I'd run out and jump about in the rain. Rain brings some kind of unspoken joy into my life. The smell of rain. The sound of thundering droplets. The comfort of sitting comfortably, covered by a warm comforter. The feeling of explicable joy. Such pulchritude, the rain itself. A magic in its purest form. The exhilaration the rain brings when you get soaked completely. The chillness when the wind blows. The feeling of being swept off my feet. You don't need to be in love with someone to feel this. You just need to love yourself. Indulge in that love. Self-love. Joy will come by itself.

     I just finished watching Dil To Pagal Hai. What a lovely language. I want to go to India just to learn this wondrous language. Mad, I know. Pagli ho main. Baarish hoti hain, saawan aata hain. Oh saawan raja, kahaan se aye tum? Awesome song. In the pouring rain a love story begun. Today I watched the movie after many years and SRK is just as appealing now as he was before. Madhuri and Karishma, wow. Madhuri ki hasti =) Simply amazing.

     I'm retreating to bed now. I want to fall asleep while it's still pouring. Loving the sound of rain water thundering against my window <3 These little things I will love forever for it is in these little things that we obtain most of our happiness. Sadly, many do not realise this. Cherish those littlest things for they mean big.

Good night and sweet dreams to all you wonderful people out there.

Of hiccups and of course, change.

I find it so upsetting that a girl and a guy can't be close friends without 10 people saying 10 things. Yes I like him. He's my friend, I wouldn't talk to him if I didn't like him. But that's all there is to it, and some people just can't understand such a simple thing. Is it that wrong to befriend a guy? In what way does that make me a bad person/bad lady ? I didn't do anything bad. If friendship is a bad thing, then yeah everyone on Earth does something bad everyday by befriending someone.

Secondly, it is pretty unsettling that in this era with all the hype about 1Malaysia, people still have problems when a person of their race mixes not with their race but with a group of people who are of another race. Can people be any less shallow? When will people start looking at the content of one's heart (and brains too) rather than the colour of one's skin? If a person of your race hangs out with another race, it just goes to show that she's not as shallow as you people are, that she evaluates a person by their character and not their colour. So be it if she chooses to hang out with another race, in what way does that affect your life?

Barack Obama is the first African-American President the United States of America has ever seen. Had be been judged for the colour of his skin, he wouldn't be where he is today.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

That was quoted from his speech in Chicago. That was change right there when he said we are the ones we've been waiting for, we are the change that we seek.

Quoting Sir Bob Geldof during YES2009 (Youth Engagement Summit 2009, held in Putrajaya International Convention Centre) :

We're all living in world that needs change. Conventional thinking got us here today and we need radical, unconventional thinking to get us out. If you can be unconventional and radical, you can be right.

She's unconventional in her thinking. She mixes with everyone regardless of the colour of their skin. So what? She is the change that she seeks. We, the leaders of tomorrow, have got to be unconventional. We have got to be the change that we seek.

Statistics show that almost half of the world (which accounts to about 3 billion people) live on less than $2.50 a day (source = global issues). Every year, people spend 350 billion on cigarettes, 400 billion on barbie dolls and 600 billion on lipsticks — yet here we sit, worrying about who mixes with who when there are so much more to worry about in this world. Only when one finally realises the fact that every single problem in this world is a global problem will one really be concerned and bothered about change.

Another pretty upsetting thing is this : Can't girls go walking at night? Is walking at night strictly reserved for only men? This is the 21st century yet I can't walk to see a friend at 1am inside my campus accommodation without having people pass rude remarks. What's becoming of this world? Women have ventured into space as early as 1963 (Valentina Tereshkova was the first) and yet we have not opened our minds up? Are you people still living in the era where women were supposed to sit at home doing household chores while men went out to work? We're studying in a UNIVERSITY.

It's upsetting to hear your own friends utter such stuff about you. Have you people heard of this saying?

"Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car." — G.K. Chesterton

Well, here's a refined version that explains my stand :

"Staying at home doesn't make you a good girl any more than standing in your garage makes you a car." — Sasi Rekha Ravi

No one gives you the right to judge another individual based on your perception of how an individual should be. Why should I conform to your ideas of how a lady should be? My parents did a successful job in bringing me up. I know what's right and wrong, I have my own set of limitations and boundaries that I live by. These are of my own, and in no way at all do I have to conform to your ideologies.

I ask of you to not pass crude judgements when you barely know a person, for that would only reflect  on who you are as a person. We are all different in our own ways, none too perfect for the other but we're all perfect in God's image. Learn not to criticise and condemn, but to understand and accept others as individuals who are fully aware of rights and wrong, individuals who are capable of making decisions for themselves.

I hope this post offended none — I hope instead that it opened up the eyes of some. Ignorance, indifference, apathy and racism — get rid of them. Let's all be the change that we seek. Let's all be radical, unconventional and RIGHT!

Loves.