ecstatically enraptured (=

A great way to start 2007

Everything seems to be going on great as I start the new year! (: Woke up to a very comfy morning with charming one by my side. (: What more could I ask for? Indeed it was the greatest way to start 2007. Up bright and early and headed off for a wedding reception at The Chapel of The Holy Spirit. I was forced to follow Tim for that wedding ceromony. But oh well, no regrets! Considering the last time I actually attended a wedding reception in church was like when I was 6 years old? So anyway, the whole wedding thing was sweet and pretty enlighting. Felt a little out of place though, hardly knew anyone, not even the bride and groom! See...I told you I was forced to attend the wedding. :p

What enlightened me? The phrase "Love never fails" from one of the chapters in the bible. Opps can't remember. I think it was Corinthians. So anyway, the question is, if love never fails, then why do couples breakup and some children have to end up being parentless? Hmmm...I'm guessing it's because it takes two hands to clap to make a relationship work out? Therefore love never fails?

Oh well..I don't even know if I'm making any sense here. I guess no one will ever have the answer to that question eh? Cause the word love's just too complicating! Haha..alrighty. Time to head off for dinner! (: What a random entry. Geez...

take me away
5:18 PM
|

byebye 2006

It's finally the last day of 2006. Bye-bye 2006 and HELLO 2007! (:

2006's been pretty much a sucky year. Boy am I glad it's almost over! The year started off with me flying off to Perth on the 21st of Jan'06. After that very day, everything just kinda fell apart slowly. The start of college life in Perth, spending my 18th b'day alone without any family members, not even my sis, she was still in s'pore. The struggle to cope with Chemistry, the struggle to cope with homesickness, the struggle with home stay, the struggle with so many damn things! The worst struggle of all, the struggle of experiencing the stages of growing up. This meant to get my heart really broken by someone who made so many promises, but ended up breaking all of them.

Enough about the bad times of 2006. There were good times too. (: It all started in Aug. Someone new and special stepped in to help me cope with the horrible pain and just a month later? That someone became someone really really special to me. Tim. (: He helped me through the tough period of the mock exams as while as the WAUFP exams! 2 major exams! Long hours spent at the library. And at the end of the day? It's allll worth it! I made it to university! (: Feels good, sounds great! (: Something to look forward to!

So I guess 2006 wasn't that bad after all eh? I'm trying to think positive here. Studying in Perth for 10months has changed me. My hot temperness and short temperness's improved hell loads! I've toned down a whole lot! Sounds crazy, but it's hell true! And within 10 months, it's amazing how things change! Friends back in s'pore seemed to have changed in terms of personality. Lost touch with some too. But oh well, I'm cool, it's called part of growing up. You lose some, you gain new ones.

So anw, Let's see if I met those silly new year's resolutions...

new year resolutions 2006

-*study my ass off! haha...and this time I’m not going to go back on my words. (: CHECK! I DID THAT! :)

-~~erm....keep in touch with SOME of my peeps. SOME!~~ CHECK I DID THAT TOO!

-exercise! roar! I shall do that at least 3 times a week. I need to and I MUST! I DIDN'T DO THAT >.<

-~~I shall TRY to use less vulgarities. lol...TRY! and I’ll only use them when I really need to. hehe...will that do?~~ I DID THAT! (:

-~~hmmm....what else...ok this one's for des...haha...I shall stop drooling over other guys with 8 pacs of abs! haha...I shall TRY not to look and drool! ;p~~

~~-oh another one for des...I WILL remain faithful to him. (: AND NOT ONLY WILL BUT MUST! (:~~

~~-ok...last one for him...I will TRY very hard not to hit him and pinch him that often. haha...oh..and I WILL love him more then year 2005! haha... *muacks...baby thats for u! (:~~

-~~and finally I think this is the last one...I WON'T GIVE UP SO EASILY AND NO MATTER WHAT THE OUT COME IS, I MUST THINK POSITIVE AND NOT NEGATIVE! (:~~ I THINK I DID THAT? HMMM...

Hmm...not bad! I manage to get 4 out of all! (: striked out ones with no red words? well..let's just say that's history.

Well well...it has come to the end of a crazy year! What have I learned? I've sure learned how to GROW UP! And all the shit that I've gone through this year? It has sure made me become a stronger person. (: Oh and I've learned the true meaning of promises! Only make them if you can keep them.

Alrighty...I shall make my new year resolutions for next year! 4 will do.(:

1)Stop being a lazy bum when it comes to exercising! Get my ass off my seat and head out for a run at least 3 times a week? sounds good? I hope so! rahh!

2)when I head back to aus...no chicken for a year! I'm serious on that one! I hate chicken! I'm pretty sure I’ll be able to do that! :p

3)get settled into uni, do well and make mummy and daddy proud (:

4)since I’ll be living alone next year, I shall eat proper meals and cook my proper meals! no such thing as I'M TOO LAZY, I'M TOO BUSY WITH SCHOOL WORK OR I'M NOT HUNGRY. a salad sounds good if I'm lazy. hehehe....

To Lucky Boy: I don't happen to know a lucky boy but i happen to know a charming one. :p

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Travelling I always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless

Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

take me away
2:45 PM
|

Hohoho...Hehehe

Merry Christmas! (:

I'm back to my bubbly self! Everything seems to be falling back into place. I'm starting to look forward to year 2007. A new year, a new beginning! (: And...a whole new experience of UNIVERSITY! (: Yes...I made it to uni! UWA may have rejected me, but Murdoch has offered me a place for conservation biology and ECU has offered me biomedical. I'm kinda in a dilemma now. Between the two, I'm sure a little unsure of what I should go for. Biomedical would give me a second chance to get into Vet science, but then again, it's ECU...the chances of getting a transfer's pretty low. It's a high chance that I might end up taking conservation biology.

Oh well, enough bout school and all.

It's Christmas! X'mas Eve dinner with the family was good. 4 hours of monopoly. I felt like a kid all over again! And it sure felt good! I had soo..much to look forward to last night. (: X'mas prezzies and then Tim booking out! (:

I thought I'll never get another great x'mas, but I was sooo wrong! This year's x'mas even better than last! (: Everyone left after dinner and gift opening session. Someone special popped by at night! (: Tim! He booked out at 8.45pm. Silly ~~army~~ eh? Went home to shower and headed to my place! The best x'mas prezzie ever! (: Close to 12midnight and the greateat prezzie arrived at my door! (: Spent the whole night up with him, or rather I was up and he was falling asleep. Can't blame him can I? Army's draining that poor boy.

Breakkie with parents at the table. Mummy practically made breakkie for Tim and not for me!): Oh my...I sure feel loved! >.<>

Alrighty...time to head off! Merry x'mas once again! (: Which reminds me, I'm not done with x'mas shopping cos I'm $-less. I haven't even got tim his gift! shoots! 11days to go before christmas's over! Rahh!

the snow is falling the city is white
ur eyes are shining like diamonds tonight
and were all alone theres no one home
your finally in my arms again
the night is silent, the moment is here
i couldnt ask for more than having you near
cause i love you girl i always will
and now i know the moment is right

cause i've been waiting to give this gift tonight
im down on my knees theres no better time
its something to last for as long as you live
tonight im gonna give you, all my heart can give

i thought i'd give you something shiny and new
i tried to find something worthy of you
but i realized when i looked inside
theres somethings that money cant buy
i feel the magic whenever your near
i feel it even more this time of the year
cause i love you girl, i always will
and now i know the moment is right, the moment is right

cause i've been waiting to give this gift tonight
im down on my knees theres no better time
its something to last for as long as you live
tonight im gonna give you, all my heart can give

you know ill always be true to you
and you know im the one you can turn to
anytime any place anywhere
you'll know that ill always be there
oh baby

cause i've been waiting to give this gift tonight
im down on my knees theres no better time
its something to last for as long as you live
tonight im gonna give you, all my heart can give

take me away
2:18 PM
|

schoolless, jobless

Time flies when we're having fun. It's been one crazy week. Full of ups and downs, full of tears and laughter and full of miss pissy. It's amazing how Tim puts up with my crap. (:

The results are finally out. Didn't do too well. Improved from the mocks, but just not good enough for me to get accepted into the university of my choice. First my Vet dreams were shattered and now my wildlife management dream is down the drain. I'm left with the "GREAT" wait from Murdoch uni, just hoping and wishing that I’ll get accepted into my third interest, conservation biology.

I'm kind of in a dilemma now, if I don't get what I really want, should I still head back to aus and do some uni course which I have no interest in, or should I just remain in s'pore? Worst of all, what if none of the universities accept me? I'm freaking hell all stressed out about it now. I'm currently jobless, what more schoolless. How great can life get for me this year eh?

I wanna head to uni, but it's the stupid fear that's holding me back, I don't wanna take the risk of not doing well again, I don't wanna disappoint my parents any further, and most of all, I don't wanna end up doing a course which I really don't wanna do. Yes, I may end up learning to love the course, but what if half way through; I lose the love for it? What's going to happen? Carry on and get stuck with it for life, or what? There are so many what ifs in mind now. Fears eating me up slowly.

That fear? It fades and kicks in every time someone brings up the topic of university. It's solely thanks to the amount of shit that has happened to me this year. Next year's a brand new year, but I’m still being a stubborn bitch who doesn't want to take the risk. If only I was smarter, if only I had open my eyes a little wider before I left for aus, if only I had never had such a silly dream.

take me away
8:45 PM
|

1 to go

The week's been pretty alright. I've been dead bored ever since I got back from Perth! But oh well, it's expected since pretty much everyone's still having school and all. Well...so far I've caught up with Dern, Carrie, Kirstin and Veneta. That's bout all. So many things have changed and happened in just 10months of being away from this country! Way...too much information and updates to take in! Especially those really hard to absorb shocking news!

Fri night was fun. Dern stayed over! We had a bestie's night out! We were up till 4.30am! Doing what? hmm...watching movies, heading out of my place in the wee hours of the morning to visit her dearie and chit chatting before we headed off to bed. Silly morning pics were taken and unglam shots too! Geez...Dern Dern Dern...morale of the story? Never place a camera in her hand! hahaha...I'm kidding Dern! hehehe...

Anw...the pestie sister's back from Perth. She came back on Sat. She can't stop talking about Perth, and she seems so damn excited to head back to Perth again. Geez...oh yes...I recieved a letter from UWA! (: But...it has nothing to do with my acceptance into their uni. :( I'll only be getting that when I FINALLY get my results! Fingers and toes still crossed! I'm just shit scared that I don't make it to uni that's all! Roar!

Enough bout that. Today was a well spent day with parents and sis. Shopping at suntec and thai food for dinner! My first time in this WHOLE year to touch thai food! How sad is that? I'm such a deprived child eh?

Alrighty...I'm gonna head to bed now! The faster I sleep, the faster the time will pass! (: In less than 24 hours, he'll be back! (: In less than 36 hours, I'll finally get to see him after 10 freaking torturing days! (:

take me away
11:35 PM
|

Missing Perth

I'm finally back from Perth! Got home yesterday night, but somehow, I'M MISSING PERTH! Ahhh...this is bad!

Oh well, my last 2 days in Perth were pretty great. Especially Thursday night. After my bio paper we had an ELACS gathering at freo! Mrs Lee, Miss Hall and quite a number of us turned up. I ate hell loads that night! Sheesh! We had fish and chips, chilli mussels and bread to go along with it. I was sooo freaking full! But I just couldn't stop myself from finishing the bread! The chilli mussel sauce was just tooooo good to resist! Yes...call me a big fat pig! OINK! After which, Mrs Lee decided that we shall ALL head to baskin robbins for ice cream! sheesh! I felt like a big fat pig! I actually ate ice cream although I was like FULL! All Tim's fault! Nah...kidding! Rum and Rasin from there ROCKS! Wanted to try the chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Oh well...another fat time eh? And then, our lil gathering came to an end. I must say that it was kinda sad, cos I was going to leave for home the next day! Which meant I wouldn't be seeing these people anymore. :( So Tim, Cindy and Mrs Lee gave everyone a lift back home. Tim drove Teryn, Td and Fiona back, while the rest went with Mrs Lee and Cindy.

Well...the night was still kinda young, and since it was my last night in Perth with Tim, I chose to spend the WHOLE night with him. (: We just simply drove around looking for a nice place to just chat and to enjoy the stars! As a result, we headed to apple cross, then off to king's park. We climbed the DNA tower! (: The view from up there? Woah..it simply blew me off! It was MAGNIFICENT! Too bad that I left my camera in the car. Dang! Silly me! Then, it was getting super late and he was getting a lil tired and I really didn't want him to be driving anymore since he was getting pretty sleepy. So...hmmm...I decided to be a real rebal! Opps...I sneaked him in to spend the night with me. Opps...Yes opps! I'm not suppose to do that but hey! I'm not gonna make him drive back to my place just to pick me up to catch the sun rise right? So...in a way, I was saving him time and petrol! hehehe...So....we got back to my place, slept and got up at 4.30am. Drove back to apple cross and we caught the sun rise! (: A rainbow appeared too! (: How cool is that? The rainbow started to disappear and while the rainbow was slowing fading away, Tim was sleeping! So...that meant that I was watching the sun rise and rainbow all by myself! hahaha...nah...kidding he did watch it with me, but he fell asleep right after that.

Oh yes..and something GREAT happened! When we were about to leave the place, the car couldn't start! Why? Cos silly us left the headlights on and as a result, the batt was dead!-_- But lucky us, Tim's friend offered to drive all way down with his jump start cable to help Tim to get the batt going again. Lucky us eh? Then...after that he drove me back, got my stuff and we left for his place and then finally off to the airport.

The airport sucks! I had to unpack and repack 2 freaking times! Argh...long story! Don't wanna type it out. Wanna know more, give me a ring! haha...So yups...now I'm finally home. Dern, Sam and Dern Tsi were at the airport! So sweet of them eh? Thanks guys! Love you peeps heaps! (:

Well...climbed out of bed this morn and mum decided to drive me to the driving school to get my registration and all done. Woah! I've got a week to get the theory part done! Kiasu but oh well...I don't have a choice cos I'm flying back to Perth in Feb. Rahh...anw..Dim sum for lunch! And then...mummy and daddy bought me a new phone! (: I'm a lucky girl! (:

Alrighty...I gonna head off now! Rahh...shall leave you peeps with some pics!

Td, Fiona, Alisa, Min, Hilary

Alisa and I

take me away
10:10 PM
|

Time of my life(:

It has finally come to an end. The best weekend ever, and the best way to end my last weekend in Perth. Friday night was a bad day, but I'm sure glad that I got it out of my system. I think I deserve to get a proper closure. So anyway...that's not important.

Saturday,
Tim got his driving license! (: He picked me up from my place and we headed off to the library for study time! After which, we headed to Freo! Cause he still owed me that sunset and ya...I was up to something. I was trying to make sure that he didn't head home as I had a surprise b'day party all planned out for him. (: The drive to Freo was great, we had our gelato ice-cream and it was time to head to the jetty! But guess what...the weather had to be stinking cloudy! However, that didn't affect us much; we just sat near the rocky area, just the 2 of us, with the cold wind blowing, the lil raindrops dropping, and the magnificent sun set. What more could I ever ask for? The conversation shared as we watched the sun set was a really moving one. Gave me a lot of time to reflect on future stuff and his reassurance just made me feel all secured yet scared. I guess that fear in me's just going to be there for a while.

Finally, mr sun was gone, and we were off to his place. SUPRISE! Min, Teryn, Nisha, Joyce, Lester, Burhan, Austin, Bryan, Calvin, Sing Ling, Cindy and Weewee were all at his place! They just popped right out of his living room and kinda climbed all over him at the main door. I just felt a sense of achievement! Yes...I did it! The surprise party was a success! Many thanks to Lester for helping me out with the arrangements. The funny thing was, Tim kinda knew that something like this was gonna happen. Sheesh! All thanks to my lousy cover ups! haha...but none the least, I'm sure he enjoyed himself as he didn't expect to see that many people. Well, the cheesecake was cut, baked by Min,Nisha, Joyce and myself! Thank God it was a success! Candles blown out, and it was time for him to open his present which we crazily wrapped over and over again. We put the present in an Acer laptop box! haha...and each wrapping had the names of the people who shared the gift. I'm sure he had fun doing that. Made him feel like a kid all over again. Levi's 504 jeans and a shirt! Sweet! I sure liked his gift! (: After which, games went on, silly street poker games, truth or dare and some funny game which made Austin, Teryn, Bryan and a few of them look really like a kid! I have a video of it but darn...I don't think I'll be able to post the video up.

12midnight, Sunday Morn,
Most of us spent the whole night out at the park. Chilling, taking, playing, laughing and simply just enjoying the company of friends. Star gazing was mainly done that night, and another meaningful conversation went on between Tim and I. One of those moments which I would love to just stop time and just enjoy the company. A few of them got tired and ended up heading home. While...Tim, myself, Joyce, Min, Teryn, Austin and Bryan just continued to spend the rest of the night/morning out. They were hungry so we drove to the McDonalds’ drive thru to feed some hungry people. This was like already 3plus 4 in the morn. We then decided to drive up to king's park to catch the sun rise. Beautiful view indeed! But...the only annoying thing was that the aussie mozzies were simply having a feast out of me as I was in skirt! Argh...the morning tiredness/hyperness was starting to kick in, just look at Min and Bryan, and you'll get what I mean.

5plus,6am Austin and Bryan headed home while the rest of us headed to hungry jacks for some yummy breakfast. Pan cakes, cappuccino and hash browns for me! Yumm..by that time, I was already shit tired, I couldn't stop talking crap and I was like simply high! haha...We stayed in there for a while till about 7.30am and then Tim sent them home. He sent me back to get changed and then we were off to his place for a snooze. Woah...more then 24h of being with him. I simply loved it! (: 10.30am time to wake up and yes...I headed off to church with him. Something new to me. My first time stepping into protestant church. Rather interesting experience. After that, lunch and finally home.

What a long...day! But I simply enjoyed every moment of it. Company of friends, company of Tim. Tell me why am I so lucky? The chance to catch the sun set and the sun rise. I didn't get to take pictures of the sun set though. :( Maybe next time eh? If there's time, maybe this Thurs, I could catch my last sun set in Perth before I fly home on Fri. I'm simply so lucky to have peeps like them. They simply changed my perspective of Perth.

Right now...I don't feel like heading back to S'pore anymore. Last night was simply GREAT! We all felt so free! Especially me! As everything was like put behind. I felt like that part of me has finally left. Thanks to someone like Tim who has been super understanding. The conversations we had last night or this morning just gave me the ability to move one more step forward. To leave the pain and pass behind. To look forward to the future, to put fear behind and to take those risk. I guess Tim's right...he said that I should stop being so strong. But somehow, how can I not be strong if I wanna take those risks? And hmmm..it's kinda the first time I ever heard someone call me strong. I've always thought that I was a weak person. Well...I guess people do change after being put through so much pain. Yes, the pain's going to be a part of me for the rest of my life, but I'm pretty sure as months and years go by, those wounds would eventually be healed with better stuff. This weekend's definitely one of those times which I'll never ever forget. Thanks peeps! (:

5 days to go and I'll be home. Mixed feelings! Roar!

Especially a Bigggg THANK YOU TO TIM! (: THANKS DEARIE FOR THE SUN SET AND SUN RISE! (: YOU'VE MADE ME FEEL LIKE THE LUCKIEST GIRL ARD! I'm sure you enjoyed yourself! Cause I know I did! (:

Min: I owe you hell loads dottie! Thanks for the help with the cake and everything else! (:

austin and bryan

teryn,joyce,min

timmy(: the taxi driver. hahaha...

tim,bryan,austin. PUNK!

they're tired

Hungry Jack's anyone?

take me away
10:10 PM
|

untitled

it's finally out of my system, and it feels good.

take me away
11:40 PM
|

graduation night (:

Last night was great fun. Graduation night at the Grand Hyatt, a night of fun with the graduating batch of '06. Woke up at 8am to prepare stuff and headed off to Sharynna's place to get hair done. My sis came over to help me get make-up done too. The worst thing is, we had to stay in make-up, heels and dress from 2.30pm till 12.30am. That's when the ball ends. First we headed to school for some shit thing and then off to grant hyatt for the ball.

For once in 18years, I finally wore a damn dress,made my way to the dance floor, had a really stunning looking partner in purple (: and wore heels for practially the whole day including when we were at the dance floor. Insane night, but great fun with Min and many others. We boogie-ed our crazy asses at the dance floor, from slow songs, to techno, to hell knows what else. I can't dance for nuts! And insane Tim was boogy-ing his ass off! Hell funny! So...Min, Tim and a few others had to try to make me move. Sheesh! Oh ya...teachers were boogie-ing their ass off too! With their husbands and partners! They were actually joining the students at the dance floor. How cool is that?

So..the night was over and Tim and I headed to Sharynna's place to stay over. A night well spent. But we all didn't get much sleep. In fact, as I type this entry, I'm kinda half asleep. well..in that case, enjoy some of the pics...(: 18 to go and I'll be home! (:

hair, make-up all done

hair-do

my partner for the night (:

the smart looking boys

the gays

the ex-housemates

the limo!!

in the limo with Cal

min, tim, me

the girls after the ball

back at shar's place. 23 pins removed!

take me away
4:31 PM
|

reality check bites the hell out of me

Back to school once again. Got Bio paper back, and it just destroyed my whole damn day. What a great way to end the school day eh? Bio paper. One of those days again. So much for telling Joachim that I'll stand tall. Right? Reality check! I'm not going to make it to uni am I? If I fail Maths, I'm going to scream my guts out, check and double check reality, and realise that I should have just stayed put in S'pore. I'm just sick and tired of falling and picking myself up over and over again. How many times do I have to do this? I'm just sick of it!

If I didn't have a crazy dream of becoming a Vet, maybe I wouldn't be in such a position. I guess dreams don't come true, and sometimes, we need to reality check those silly dreams. Well...it's way too late for me to check that now, cause I have already made the biggest mistake of heading to Perth, just to get that silly dream of mine and then reality bites back and hits me right smack in the face. How silly can I ever get? Academic wise, I'm so darn sucky at it. Why is it that people who put their heart and soul into studying don't get the results that they deserve? But people who just sit back, and walk right into the exam hall without studying get the results that I STRONGLY feel that they don't deserve? Sighs...life's just so unfair eh? What can we do about it? I WISH I knew.

I've come so far, but I've yet to succeed. Every damn year I have to go through this stage of falling. This stage where friends and family try to psycho me by saying that I can do it and I'm capable of many things, and that I should just hang on and move ahead. Those psycho talks don't seem to work on me anymore. I've become immune to it. No idea why. I guess there's so much I can take. My mind's just full of neg thoughts once again. Yes...I want to get through this, it's just a few more weeks and I'm out of here. I'll hang, but when the results come out in December, I don't wish to look at it, I don't wish to open the letter box in fear that I may do really badly, in fear that no university would send me a letter of acceptance. That's one more time where reality will bite me right back. Where will I head to if I don't get to uni? What will I do? And how do I wipe out the guilt in me that I’ve let my parents down once again? Sighs...so many questions, but no answers. That's just what I hate about growing up. We'll never get answers till we just go through that whole tough period.

I want to be a kid again. I really do...

take me away
4:25 PM
|

when everything just falls into place

The mock's are officially over! GREAT! Just 4 more major papers to go and I'm out of this place. So after my final paper yesterday, I was off to enjoy the freedom! Mua haha...Movie night with Tim(:, Min, Tim's Bro and a few of his church friends. Step up! Great movie with a HOTTTT guy! (: Dinner outside mcdonalds! They were closing! So we ended up picnicing under the stars in the cold! How cool is that? lol..how often do u actually get to do that back home in s'pore? Like never maybe? Lol..Was out till 12midnight. Opps...but who gives! It's after the mocks! Give me a break! Geez!

Another FAB day today! (: Day spent with Tim! What more could I ever ask for? He cooked dinner for me! (: Beef steak! Yummm and I made mash potatoes to go along with the steak! Cheesey Mash! A recipe that just popped out of my head! F&N girl at work! haha...it's been hell long since I last whipped up a simple meal, that's why it makes it a fab day indeed!

Oh yes..I nearly got knocked down by a car not only today, but last night too! Sheesh! But thanks to Min, she saved me last night and today...Tim saved me! Geez...what will I ever do without them?

Okey doks...it's back to school tmr! Rahh...29 to go pple! 29! (:

I could talk to you for days
You make me laugh one thousand ways
Now realise it - like I want it
I am enchanted by your smile
I must admit it took a while for me to see it
More then

I hope to god you feel the way I feel
Cause this good be amazing
something so super real

There is something about you
You don't even know it
I am telling you know that you got me good
There is something about you
And I can't overthrow it
Damn't you got me good
Now that I am alone
With you I am home
I got to let you know
You got me good

Your style your voice your points of view
The good the bad and ugly too
Boy i'll take
I'll be carefull
... close this
... official is
Still I can say it
No I can say this - I am in love
I hope to god you feel the way I feel

I hope to god you feel the way I feel
Cause this good be amazing
something so super real

There is something about you
You don't even know it
I am telling you know that you got me good
There is something about you
And I can't overtrow it
Damn't you got me good
Now that I am alone
With you I am home
I got to let you know
You got me good

I just wanna all alone
I just wanna be who ...
I wanna take you away
I wanna to ...
I want you here with me forever
be your holiday

Ohhh yeah
When you take me away
There is something about you

There is something about you
You don't even know it
I am telling you know that you got me good
There is something about you
And I can't overthrow it
Damn't you got me good
Now that I am alone
With you I am home
I got to let you know
You got me good

take me away
8:22 PM
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Blogger Beta?

Oh my gosh! Finally I'm able to blog! After upgrading to damn blogger beta, it was giving me hell loads of probs! I couldn't even get in to blog!

Anyway...one more paper to go and I'm partially free. Chem paper confirm FAIL! ELACS paper was alright and Human Bio? Well...I better pass that darn paper! I lost so...much sleep because of that dang subject! Had heaps to cover! Everything from the eye, ear, brain, nervous system, endocrine system, homeostasis, human population, ecology, regulation of body fluids, regulation of temperature, regulation of bloodflow, regulation of sugar and the list goes on! Worst than O'levels!

But oh well, to end the horrible exam week, yesterday was superb! Thanks to Min, Nisha and most of all....TIM! (: After my afternoon paper, 4 of us just hanged around at the bball court. Min was super high! She was like high on I have no idea what! She was dancing around the court, jumping around like she owned the bball court! Insane, but cute! Haha...her reason for doing that...TO KEEP WARM! Yes...it's spring and it's suppose to get warmer, but nopes! The weather's gone mad! It's still pretty chilly at night, especially when the wind blows. Brrrr...

Decided to spend the night out, so headed home for dinner and back out again to spend some quality time with him. (: Min decided to ditch us! Her reason? " I don't wanna be a light bulb again." -.- yups...that's Min. Her silly reasons! But oh well, I did have a great time. Didn't expect to be out till1am. Opps! So much for telling homestay that I'll be home by 11pm. =] We basicly just spent the night watching movie on Mark's lappy. No...just incase you peeps are wondering what the hell is a lappy? Don't be silly not Mark's lap. Mark's laptop! Sheesh! Lol...

After which...the nice view from the balcony. The night lights of Perth City, the river, the night skies, the stars, the silence at 12midnight. It was late, I was semi-tired, considering that I had been awake from 5am in the morn, that's like 19 hours of no sleep! But somehow the grouchy side of me didn't kick in! Yeah! I guess it's due to the company! (: Why am I so lucky? (:

33 days and counting! (:

always when we fight
try to make you laugh
'till everything's forgotten
I know you you hate that

pap padadap pap pap pap pa (2x)

Always when we fight
kiss you once or twice
and everything's forgotten
I know you hate that

I love you so listen
the week's not yet begun
and everything is for you
and it's always...

you and me always, and forever
you and me always, and forever
pap papa papap pap, it was always
you and me always..

you tell me I'm unreal
and try to look impress
not very convincing
but you know I love it

then we watch TV
till we fall asleep
not very exiting
but it's you and...

me and we'll always be together
you and me always, and forever
pap papa papap pap, it was always...
you and me always, and forever
you and me always, and forever
pap papa papap pap, it was always...
you and me always, and forever
you and me always, and forever
pap papa papap pap paa

take me away
8:11 PM
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chasing cars

The week was spent in the library studying. The company, the overload of chocolates, mooncake and gum kept us alive as we warmed out seats.

Out of the the whole week, I loved Friday! (: A day away from books! We decided that it was time to give ourselves a day off! Off to Freo to SHOP! The aim was to help Min find her ball dress. We walked and found nothing! So...we decided to head off to the city! And yes...we finally found the perfect dress and perfect price for Min. I got my dress too! (:

Dinner at some chinese place. Fully paid by Chris. Thanks man! And we were off to South Perth to enjoy the view of the city lights. Min was entertaining herself with my cam, Chris was rolling all over the place, Tim and I..well..we were just enjoying the city lights and their company.

A well spent day! (: I liked it! Every week there seems to be something new happening! (:

Well...just a few more days to the mocks! More warming up sessions at the library I guess. And then..after that...the ball! I'm kinda looking forward to it! (:

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

take me away
12:27 AM
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ecstatic (:

It's a great start to the week! (: Out of bed at 9am, off to the lib at ard 1pm and the company of Min, Tim and Cal! (: I know it's so rhyming!

Dinner at Tim's place with Min! Subway...EAT FRESH! Tiramisu to end the nice dinner. (: Fattening, but who gives! haha...and I sure enjoyed every single moment spent with those 2 two! (: Subway and TV goes really well! Sit back, chill, enjoy the subway, enjoy the company and enjoy the lame television shows like family guy.

So now practically the whole world knows, who gives! As long as I'm happy and Tim's happy, it all doesn't matter! Just a few more months and we're out of here! whooot!

Min...if you read this, I sure enjoyed your company! (:

Anyway...I'm getting addicted to Jack Johnson! Sheesh! The result of hanging out with Tim too often...well...that's what happens I guess. haha...

Okey doks...I'm off! (: Nites!

The light was leaving
In the west it was blue
The children's laughter sang
And skipping just like the stones they threw
The voices echoed across the way
Its getting late

It was just another night
With the sun set
And the moon rise not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
Listen to papas translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

The west winds often last too long
The wind may calm down
Nothing ever feels the same

Sheltered under the Kamani tree
Waiting for the passing rain
Clouds keep moving to uncover the scene
Stars above are chasing the day away
To find the stories that we sometimes need
Listen close enough
All else fades
Fades away

It was just another night
With the sun set
And the moon rise not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
Listen to all the translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

take me away
10:05 PM
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up and down

The week started uphill and then it went a lil down hill, then back up again. Oh well...It's been one of those weeks again. Miss moody negative me kept kicking in. No idea why, but I'm just glad that there are people around me who would try to understand me.

I remember at the start of the year, I was whining about how I miss you peeps because you peeps back home seem to be the only peeps who know me inside out. When I'm angry, when I'm down, when I'm feeling shit, you peeps would never fail to know how to react to my insane moodswings and crazy temper. But right now, I'm not going to whine anymore! I've found 2 angels who understand me. (: They've made life in Perth a lil better for me. Minerva and Tim! (:

Don't get me wrong my dearies back home, I'm still missing and loving you peeps! (:

Well, negative me kept kicking in because it's almost time for me to submit that darn uni application form. The thing is, out of the 16 preferences that I've put down, I seem to only have one which I REALLY wanna do. Which kinda sucks! With the results I've been getting lately, would I be able to make it? I sure hope so! I don't care if I end up in some shit course which I don't really wanna do, I just wanna make it to uni. BUT, if I do get into that particular course which I REALLY wanna do, I'll be thankful! Maths results are back, I'm back to below the 50 mark again. Which sucks! Bio's not any better. I may be improving, but I'm still below the 50 mark. I really wanna get my B for those 2 subs, but the thing is, it's pretty impossible, I would have to get like a percentage of 90 over for my mocks. Which is MAD! It sure sucks to see such disappointing results. It's 2 weeks to the mocks. If I don't do well, I'm screwed!

Enough about results eh? I'll just have to cross my fingers and toes now.

Let's talk about the upside of the the week! (: Tues after school was well spent! The sunny weather, the chilly wind, green grass, the playground with no kids and those words. I felt like a small kid all over again! (:

Wed night, I broke the news to mummy. Sheesh! My mummy's sure smart! She's totally cool with it, just that she warned me about some stuff which I knew right from the start that she would say those exact words. Either then that, I think I've got the coolest mum ever! Make that coolest parents ever! (:

As for yesterday, it was Uncle Cedric's b'day. A big b'day party indeed! And a pigging out day for me! Beef rendang, fish fish fish! curry puff, cheesecake, brownies and other yummilious food! Reject those food? No way! HA! such a pig! I know. Food makes me happy! Gosh, I'm starting to sound like a fat greedy pig!

Okey doks...I shall end here! This blog's getting boring! No one reads it anyway! besides the 2 Sams! Sheesh! Maybe I should consider shutting this blog down since I'm so darn lazy to update! Plus...this is kampong Perth! Nothing much happens here! Toodles then...

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come we're so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together

[Chorus:]
MMM its always better when we're together
Look at the stars when we're together
Its always better when we're together
Yeah, its always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find there way into my dreams tonight
But I know that theyll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things

But tomorrow night you see
That theyll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find there way
Into my day to day scene
Ill be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll Sit beneath the mango tree

Its always better when we're together
Somewhere in between together
Its always better when we're together
Yeah, its always better when we're together

MMmmmm MMMmmmm Mmmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is no time,
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together.

take me away
9:12 PM
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what a night!

It's 2 weeks to the mocks, 6 weeks to majors and 54 more days to home! Scary but I'm sure looking forward to heading back home to catch up with peeps like DERN, JIA, SAM, DERN TSI, SHEILA,MEL,FELINE,JOACHIM,BERT,VAL,BON,SIMONE, SAM FERN, GEN AND THE LIST GOES ON! AND MOST OF ALL, I WANNA CATCH UP WITH THE PEEPS OF 5N'05! ROAR! MISSING THOSE PEEPS HEAPS! AND PEBBLES TOO! (=

MISS VANESSA DENISE MICHEALA FOO WEN LI! I KNOW YOU MISS ME! AND I MISS YOU TOO! (= I'LL BE BACK SOOOOON!

So anyway...it was my first late night out last night. Yes you peeps must be thinking...what the hell! After sooo many months in Perth and last night was my first? Oh well...I'm a good girl that's why last night was my first! (=

The whole of yesterday was well spent! Off to the library with Tim to study and then back home to shower and off to Freo! We wanted to catch the sunset but we were too late :( Jap food for dinner and galare ice cream! low fat chocolate thingy! Sushi was pretty good, but everything changed when we were almost done, we saw the way the sushi was prepared, the waitress or whatever you wanna call her, she used her bare hands to pick the sushi up and placed it on the plate! Ahhh....how hygienic eh? -_-

After that, we were off to Calvin's place. How nice I was the only girl there with 5 other guys, I think. Oh my...mum better not find out abt this or I'm screwed! eeek! The night was spent playing black jack and Lester's silly game. Loser drinks. -_- I started with just a lil bit of whiskey and I already turned red. They all thought that I had an allergic reaction. Sheesh! And the games went on, and more drinking went on. I was doing alright until I started playing that silly game with Lester, throw the coin and try to get it into the cup. If I remember correctly, he lost 4 times in a row! And then...it was my turn, I was starting to lose to Lester, and I kinda got used to the drinking. Silly me drank too fast and after that game, oh my...I felt so sick! I was out! I can't really remember what I said last night, but I think I said hell loads of crap something abt Chemistry. What the hell! And then...the most unglam moment! Time to head to the toilet! Tim walked me to the toilet bowl and just a few mins later...PUKE! My dinner! Everything came out! Yucks! But I felt so much better after that. Just that I was still shivering although I wasn't feeling cold.

Soon, the night was over. Time to head home. Austin drove all of us back, and Tim sent me all the way into my room. If he didn't do that, I might have just ended up sleeping like half way along the corridor. Thank goodness my homestay aunty was sleeping! If not I would have been screwed cause I'm not allowed to bring friends over. Oh well, he tucked me in and left.

Yucks I can't believe that I didn't even wash up! I just went straight to sleep with whatever I was wearing. I woke up at 4 plus in the morn, head still a lil heavy but I got out of bed to change throw my laundry into the machine and back to sleep.

That was sure one hell of a night! But oh well...I did have fun! Considering it's the last time I'll be partying till after the exams. And not forgetting the company was good too! (=

By the way...I never did drink that much in my whole 18 years of my life! That's why that probably happened last night! Drunkie me! eeek! So damn unglam! Lesson of the day...If you can't hold your liquor, Don't drink! haha... and If you wanna drink, drink slowly!

Timmy: eeeee...who's the not shy one! Stop drinking alcohol everyday! You don't need alcohol to be brave cause you're already just naturally unshy! (= and hey...I still can't believe I did that! haha...anw..thanks for sending me back and taking real good care of me last night! and thanks for dinner! Stop spoiling the girl! take your mummy's advice! (=

Chrissy: Stop being hard gay! and ya...same to you too good luck for the mocks and waufp exams. U stay happy too you mood swingy boy! see ya ard!

Sodapop: Bro! come online soon! you want updates you better head online!

take me away
10:38 AM
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tickled pink

I've got nothing much to say. I'm just happy! (= Everyday's just getting better! Everyday's a brand new day which I constantly look forward too! Even if I have to drag myself out of bed to head to school, it's all worth it! (=

You're all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
C'mon, tell me what's right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talkin'
And there's something here I'm supposed to realize
'Cause your secret's out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it's a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
'Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let's rewind
C'mon, let's go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin'
Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize

'Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes
You're my beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
'Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we've got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you're looking at me
I'd better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

take me away
9:41 PM
|

I've reached the shore! (=

Although I've been sick for a week,the week's been great! Especially today! (= My dilemma's finally over! I've got my answers and now I'm no longer confused! I've arrived back on shore. Which feels really good! The old me's back and I'm enjoying every moment of it!

So...it's been exactly 2 months since everything crashed. But oh well..who gives? I've managed to swim back ashore thanks to the people around me. (= You know who you guys are! No need to mention names (= I'm proud of myself! I deleted every memory last night and I just deleted every pic. Feels extremely good!

Lunch today was G.R.E.A.T! -BIG BIG BIG BIG SMILE- thanks Dern! you know what I'm thanking you for! (= Well, what can I say? Life's getting back on track! Everything's just falling into the right places. The big man's doing a great job! He's altering my life with wonderful stuff! And I'm sure thankful for that! (=

Fall is here, hear the yell
Back to school, ring the bell
Brand new shoes, walking blues
Climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we are going to be friends
Yes I can tell that we are going to be friends
Walk with me Suzy Lee
Through the park and by the tree
We can rest upon the ground
And look at all the bugs we've found
Safely walk to school without a sound
We safely walk to school without a sound
Well here we are no one else
We walk to school all by ourselves
There's dirt on our uniforms
From chasing all the ants and worms
We clean up and now it's time to learn
We clean up and now it's time to learn
Numbers letters learn to spell

Nouns and books and show and tell
Play time we will throw the ball
Then back to class through the hall
The teacher marks our height against the wall
The teacher marks our height against the wall
And we don't notice any time pass
Because we don't notice anything
And we sit side by side in every class
The teacher thinks that I sound funny
But she likes it when you sing
Tonight I'll dream in my bed
While silly thoughts run through my head
Of the bugs and alphabet
And when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
That you and I will walk together again
Because I can tell that we are going to be friends
I can tell that we are going to be friends

take me away
8:01 PM
|

dilemma

The week's been pretty good. Gave me loads of time to thing about some stuff. And it's getting clearer now. I'm partially out of the haze. It's great that things are finally getting clearer, but I'm still afraid of what's to come. Am I getting it right? Or could this all be just a passing phase? I'll never know till I give it a try? I guess? Or maybe...I'll never know until I give it a little more time? A little more time for me to figure out? A little more for ______ to think about it? To figure thoughts? To figure if this feeling's right or wrong? Maybe I'm getting it all wrong! I shant jump to conclusions.

Well...I don't know. I'm going to leave it as it is now.

Anyway...yesterday was a blasts! For once, I spent a day away from books! I just spent the whole day with 10 wonderful girls and 1 great guy! (: No...Don't get me wrong. I'm not attached again. Sheesh! It was Hendric who came along. He's practically like one of us..the girls! Read between the lines and you'll get it.

We spent 99 bucks at a chinese rest! But it was all worth it! 11 of us! Peking duck, congee, hotplate toufu, spinach with chilli and soup. After that, we headed off to play pool and ktv. Yes you peeps must be laughing now. Claire, Small Jo and I were stuck in between. We're not really into such things. In the end, we ended up ktving with Big Jo, Julia, Joyce and Hendric while the rest went to play pool across the street. So I did sing a lil, but after that, Claire was so bored! So I decided, let's head over to play some pool eh? So we did that. Pooled for a while and came home at around 7pm. I ran home! It was so freaking dark!

Got home and recieved a pleasant call. (: Stayed up will 12plus to wait for my everdearest Dern! (: She sure makes my nights better! Oh well...I hope she's feeling alright. Wanted to stay on a lil longer with her, but I couldn't. Tuition this morn! So I had no choice but to turn in.

And now...I'm down with a sore throat. Roar! Alrighty...gtg! Dinner calls. A very lonely dinner. ): I'm missing out on good food! They went out to celebrate father's day. I was invited to join them but i can't. Oh well, work comes first and my sore throat comes first too! roar!

take me away
6:00 PM
|

weird week

The week's been weird. But at the same time, good. Weird in the sense that my mind's been playing games with me again. I'm just so sick and tired these games. How I wish that I could just take that thought out, put it away and pick it up again someday when I'm more aware of what I'm feeling.

Well, I've got my uni application form. 12 preferences, 4 unis. Where to go? What to do? Biology conservation, Wildlife management? Sighs...mum's been asking to me to think real hard. I've got Biomed in mind too. But then again, I don't know. I've got about a month to think about it.

Oh yes...I played bball on fri. A real match! Yes...go on laugh. I actually played a bball match against another college. And my jersey number? Dern's old jersey number. FOUR! We won the match! 24-11! (: Want a pic of our really small team? Click on my friend's link Minerva. By the way... I played not because I wanted to, but because they didn't have enough players. Plus... I was feeling FAT!

As for today, I learnt something new! I LEARNT TO RIDE A BIKE! (: BICYCLE! 2 WHEELS! (:

My homestay's daughter Claire taught me how to ride. And I'm really impressed! First lesson and I'm already riding! I still need practice though. I fell a few times, got bruised, but I never did give up! I just kept on getting back onto the bike, and just paddled away! I went crashing into the fence and onto the ground. But the funniest accident, I banged into a pole and ended up hugging the pole as the bike fell over. Yes...go on laugh at me again! I'm a dangerous rider, I might just end up hugging any stranger on the road.

But oh well...I must say that I've learnt 2 things today, no matter how many bruises we get, physically or emotionally, we have to always pick ourselves up and just keep on going! (: impressed with what I just said guys? (:

Overall, I must say that the week has been a real good one. I feel motivated now. Term reports came out and I improved for all my subs! Especially Chem! From last term to this term, I improved by abt close to 10% for chem! As for the recent chem test that I took, I improved by 2%! Although I'm still failing, at least I'm improving! (: I just made a deal with Tim and Chris. Next chem test..I want a 40% pass! (: ok...it's not a pass, but at least an improvement! to hit the 40 mark!

Alrighty, I shall go now. You peeps must be real happy that for once, I've got a pretty good happy entry. Oh well...it's just one of those weeks. Maybe it's because of this weird feeling. Oh well, I don't wanna think abt it anymore. I need time. And It's way...too early to come to any conclusions. So peeps, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I just need time to heal my bruises. I'm slowly picking myself up.

I fell asleep on a late night train
I missed my stop and I went round again
Why would I want to see you now?
To fix it up, make it up somehow

Baby I'll try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

What I was isn't what I am
I'd change back but I don't know if I can

Still I'll try, try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

But I was made the way I am
I'm not a stone; I'm just a man
Lay down your arms and I will lay down mine
Rip back the time that we've been wasting

God I wish you could see me now
You'd pick me up and you'd sort me out

Still I'll try, try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

take me away
9:47 PM
|

random

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

take me away
10:08 PM
|

Who Knew

3 years ago everything happened. Now I'm left here to bleed. It's been a horrible day. Woke up feeling like shit knowing that 3 years ago, something unexpected happened. Something that made me change into a better person. Something that thought me to love.

Now...I've lost everything. I've even lost my emotions. I'm just so filled with emotions that I can't describe. Emotions that I myself don't even know what I'm feeling. Not a single smile from me today. Even if I did, it was fake. Just like every other smile that I've been putting on for the pass few months.

To make things worst, I have to get my uni application done soon. And I failed bio again.
Fuck...which uni's going to send me a letter of acceptance? will I even get one?

Everything's just not working out for me. Not right now, not this moment, not this year. Where will I be tmr? Where will I be next year? No one knows.

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong

They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

take me away
8:54 PM
|

Rope's end

Woke up this morning with that strange feeling. It's the 11th once again. First the 9th, now the 11th. Next date? I don't wish to think about it. I was happy this morning, faking that piece of cake smile. The true me appeared at the end of the school day. I'm guessing that Chris and Tim could read me. I don't know.

If only I could take my heart out and change it for a new one.

Would have given up my life for you
Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
~~Girl~~, you lied straight to my face
Looking in my eyes
And I believed you 'cause I loved you more than life
And all you had to do
Was apologize

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the ~~man~~
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me, again

No, no, no, no, no, no

Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it

But you didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the ~~man~~
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me

Wish like hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try
But it's too late, it's over now

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the ~~man~~
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
Again

Again, yeah, yeah
Again, again, again, yeah, yeah, yeah
Never get to love me

you'll get to love me again, cos i know i'll take you back even though i know it's wrong.

take me away
5:45 PM
|

Blind

Seems like it hasn't been a very good year for many. That includes me.

Well...It's been officially one month since things went way down hill for me. It hit me last night that the time that's suppose to help me heal hasn't kicked in. As I hit the covers to keep myself warm, about to open my chemistry book, my nightmare suddenly came crawling into my head. I sat in bed, stoned, as images came flashing into my head. Images of good times, images of the day I left S'pore to come to Perth, that phrase which had full of meaning played in my head. That voice, that promise, those eyes, that smile, those tears. Every single image came flashing back at me.

As I sit here, images still constantly flash in my head. The tears, they're all gone, but I still feel the ache. I wanna breakdown, but I can't. I feel it coming, but it doesn't fall. I guess it's because I've forced myself to think that I'm happy, forced myself to smile, forced myself to think that I've moved on. But in reality, I haven't. I'm such a fool. a fool for holding on and loving you

Like what I told Bert the other day, faking a smile's a piece of cake. And it's true, cause I've become an expert at that. I smile just to make myself feel better, and sometimes, I smile so much so that this thinking goes into my head..."woah...I'm actually happy" but hmm...am I really truely happy? I can never seem to answer that question.

From now till I have no idea when, it's not going to be an easy road ahead. 3 years ago, this was the month that changed my life. Now...it's changing again. Do I look forward to this unpredictable journey? No...I'll just live each day as it is.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go

take me away
6:05 PM
|

Time to chase time

You guys see the pic? That's my new home. I've moved out to live there. Isn't it a nice cosey place?

Haha..caught you guys there. It's part of my new home. That lil tree house like place...it faces my new room. It used to be a play area for their two kids, Glen and Claire. However, they're all grown up now. 11 year old Glen and 14 year old Claire. Their dad can't bare to tear the lil tree house down.

So anyway, I've moved and I'm much happier now. Mentally..Yes! Emotionally NO! So anyway..that's not the point. The point is, the new homestay's been great. Hearty breakfast, lunch and dinner! No more chicken or cha siew! Thank goodness! She's one good cook! In fact, I had rojak today! (: I'm elated! But the thing is, I think I'm going to be putting on weight over here! Good food and my gosh! She told me to help myself to the pantry! Ahhh it has everything from tea, milo, coffee, chocolate, chips, timtams, sweets, cornflakes. Every damn thing! and my gosh....Boosts choco! ahhh...so sinful! I'll never go hungry again! unlike my old homestay.

I've decided...I'm going to head to the gym every once a week to pump weights and to run! I need to get all toned up for grad night. I feel fat! I really do! My tone-ness has all become flap! Especially my lower abs! My gosh! I better lose weight before I break my jeans! I'm already having problems fitting into them! :(

Well...lately, I've been chatting with mainly bert and andrea tan. 2 peeps I haven't got the chance to catch up with for ages. It was sure good catching up with them. Sharing my thoughts and all.

My conclusion...What I'm going through right now....I pray that all my friends wouldn't have to go through it. I don't wish to see anyone especially my friends to be unhappy like me.

Oh well...I can't think of anything else to say. I shattered a lil today.

It's just a 7-8 weeks to my prelims. I should start chasing time now.

take me away
6:53 PM
|

The heart still bleeds

The week's been well...I don't know how to explain it. I've been a big fat slacker. I can't seem to get any work done. This is so...freaking bad. I've got 10 weeks to my darn prelims and erm...13-14weeks more to my majors. What am I doing...still slacking my ass off! &*%^#

So peeps has been asking me how's everything. Well..my answer...I'm currently still alive and kicking as I just let the days pass by. I've lost that thing about aiming ahead and looking forward to the future. It's just too scary. I may die tmr, I may lose someone tmr, I may fall tmr. Well..no one knows what's going to happen to me tmr. I've experienced way too much shit this year. No more looking forward for me. I'm just going to live each day as it is. Leave it to the big man. I don't wanna go through anymore shit. Having to lose someone I love so dearly already kills. I'm just not gonna take anymore risk.

The pass few days has been days of name calling. I've been called a dope, a fool and so on. Yes I know I've been one lately. But I can't help it. It's only right for me to keep the promise right? Oh well...I may be at the losing end, but then again, I'm keeping a promise and not breaking it. I lose one thing, ok fine maybe 2, but at least I gain back one. So...I'm still the loser. But who cares eh? That's life! Life's a Bitch.

Enough about my rubbish. I'm moving out of my current homestay. No more chickens, no more cha siew. Great...life's getting a lil better. Just a lil better. Just 3 months and 25 days left. That's the only thing I look forward to now. What happens within today and then...well that's another story which I would just take in. I've stopped planning for my future.

Feline: Yes...just a few more months and i'll be back to s'pore. i love you too.

Sam Fern: Thanks for the msg. Yes...i know u peeps will always be here for me and i'm thankful for that. i've become a toufu and i'm proud of it. Like what dern told me...Emotional=strong feelings. We can't help it can we? some pple just take us for granted. oh well...take care love. -hugs-

Candice: haha...yes...everyone's counting down for me. cool! see ya less than 4 months

Jia: I'm loving you to bits too. here's a bigggg smile for you (:

Sam Chu: I look forward to s'pore connection. no wait...i'm moving out! so maybe the new connection over at the new homestay would be better. oh well...nothing beats home! love ya to bits too! -hugs-

"i like the way you wanted me
every night for so long baby
i like the way you needed me
every time things got rocky

i was believing in you
was i mistaken
do you say do you say what you mean
i want our love to last forever

but i'd rather you be mean than love and LIE
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow at least then i would know
but baby don't you break my heart slow

i like the way you'd hold me
every night for so long baby
and i like the way you'd say my name
in the middle of the night
while you were sleeping

i was believing in you
was i mistaken
do you mean do you mean what you say
when you say our love could last forever

but i'd rather you be mean than love and LIE
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow at least then i would know
but baby don't you break my heart slow

you would run around and lead me on forever
while i wait at home still thinking that we're together
i wanted our love to last forever
i was believing in you

i'd rather you be mean than love and LIE
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow at least then i would know
but baby don't you break my heart slow"

take me away
6:04 PM
|

Back to Perth

I'm sadly back to Perth. I came back to Perth hoping that I'll put everything behind. Seems like I was wrong. I don't know why, I can't seem to move on. I guess it's due to the fact that I did something stupid yesterday. I shouldn't have done that. Instead of making me feel better, it has made me feel like a fool! It has made me feel worst.

Sometimes I wonder why do I do such silly things. I've been a fool over and over again.

I can only hope and pray that I'll have a undisturbed sleep, a sleep without dreams and before I head to bed, I shall pray that I'll get back on land soon. It's so painful and I can't seem to stop these tears from falling.

Sorry peeps, I know I must be strong, but I've failed. I've changed. Don't you peeps think that I've changed? Dern may have turned emo, as for me...I think I'm growing up too fast. I wanna be a kid again. I want back the old me. The girl with less emotions.

Everyday's the same
I feel them merge
I try to separate
Resist the urge
But they tell me
I'll be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter
But the words won't play
And there's no
Easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

Keep my head on straight
And don't look down
With all I've pushed away
I'm losing ground
But they tell me
I'll be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play
And there's no
Easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

And from the sidelines
Watch me fall down

And I don't understand
The things I do
But I'll probably be fine
As long as I keep moving
I'll try to write it down
So things just keep improving

Still the words won't play
'Cause there's no
Easy way to say
Goodbye, goodbye

take me away
9:02 PM
|

The walls came tumbling down

It's 2.33am but I'm still pretty awake. Yesterday...woke up with kisses from pebbles. What more could I ever ask for? She's the love of my life. Godma called me and asked to to head for lunch time mass at novena with her. So, I did that and she made a comment which was when my day started as the walls slowly tumbled down on me.

The weather was freaking hot, but I wasn't complaining. Sweaty palms kicked in and my Godma held my hand and asked me how did my boyfriend hold my hand. Ouch! Wrong question! So I just kept quiet and didn't answer her. Then, after mass, it was off to jap lunch with my sis and mum. Wall number 2 came crashing down on me. Godma asked me..."how's your boyfriend and you?" ouch! bombshell number 2! I dropped my chopsticks, stared blankly and everything came running into my head again. I just froze. As for my sis and mum, they just sighed. My sis made me tell my godma what happened. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. It was just too painful for me, and I just didn't want anymore comments. I felt the tears build up, but I held it back. I didn't want mum to see me cry. Godma hit the jackpot with the right guess. I froze, everything around me just felt like time had stopped and I was left alone to wonder around aimlessly. Godma was shocked, just like everyone else. She gave me words of comfort, telling me that I was still young and I should move one. The more I heard her words, the more I held back. The more I bit my lips. I just listened and absorbed it all in although hearing words of comfort could be helpful to me, but on the other hand, it sends lightning straight into the heart.

After that bombshell, I was off to meet Jia. Yes..she made my day. She made me smile. She listened to me, she made me feel better. We bought earings and we talked so much crap. She made me laugh and she just simply made me feel better. When it was time to part with her, I sensed bombshall number 3 coming. But I held back.

So I met up with Joachim. He waited for me for like a hour! No choice, bombshall 3's fault. I didn't plan for bomb 3 to arrive. It just happened. I just broke when I saw her. The rest it confidential. But the thing is, I'll never forget this very day. ~~she made me feel like her own daughter~~Dinner with Joachim was great. Like Jia, he made my day too. He hit the jackpot of knowing that all those smiles, they weren't real. They were well..fake? I don't know. But he sure sensed it right. I'm so thankful for a "brother" like him. He bought me a kinder suprise to make my day and he told me this..."life may be painful at times, but with every suprise, well, it can be a good one" He's grown up so much. Those words...woah! Inspirational stuff.

Alright..I shall end here with pics taken with them. Drama night with Sam and Jia later tonight. I'm looking forward to that.

Dern: dearie...it's really ok. At least I managed to catch you and spend time with you just when I arrived. Well..i'll be fine. Don't worry bout me. I know where to look when I need help. Msn you, sms you or call big man! Thanks dearie for everything. I just need time. Love you to bits.

ended this entry at: 4.11am my gosh...i'm still so awake. This is bad....~~it's because of you~~

take me away
2:35 AM
|

CRYSTAL GABRIELLE ALEXIS KOH
4th feb'88
11 years of ij, murdoch college(Perth)